


Lilac Chaser

by berryboys



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Exes, Fluff, Implied Mpreg, M/M, Mates, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-02
Updated: 2020-04-19
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:07:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 98,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22518217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/berryboys/pseuds/berryboys
Summary: Four years after breaking apart, Donghyuck and Renjun meet again at their best friends' wedding. Four years aren’t enough to forgive and forget.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, Na Jaemin/Park Jisung
Comments: 260
Kudos: 1012





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hello hello!  
> first of all, this fic is a sequel to [The Cloud Effect](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21332461) so if you haven't read that, maybe you should read it before reading this one because context is everything in life! and this fic doesn't make sense (at least emotionally) if you don't know what renhyuck have gone through.  
> to everyone else, I hope you enjoy the sequel! I know I put you through a lot of pain in tce but lilac chaser is going to be fluff with a few relationship bumps (like it's natural) so you don't have to fear that I'll suddenly be cruel and break them apart /coughs/ again  
> that said, thank you vivi for editing the fic and helping me every time i need it T.T you're an angel and i don't deserve you
> 
> and thank you to the lovely person that comm*ed this fic, because even though tce wasn't a comm, the sequel is and that's the sole reason it exists ^^
> 
> last but not least, the [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6D9yVASjr1TNf8joXQVBKv?si=nkkihv8uQ1eYdp7FcCubag) !
> 
> p.s. i dont know how long this fic is going to be, let's hope i can keep it under 100k and i won't end up writing about renhyuck raising their kids or something like that

Four years aren’t enough to forgive and forget.

“You’ve already gone through the hardest part,” Yukhei tells him in the car, glancing at him through the rearview mirror. “Seeing Donghyuck can’t be worse than seeing Jeno, right?”

That’s what everyone expects from him, what everyone supposes and the fitting reaction that Renjun should have.

Even after such a long time, no one can understand their past like Renjun does. In theory, only Jeno is his ex-boyfriend, and that’s the way it is for the rest of the world. He spent four wonderful years with him, with their ups and downs, just to abandon him to his luck. Donghyuck was just a spot on the painting. Never official. As fast as he came, Renjun was gone.

It’s unfair that even their friends assume that Renjun’s feelings for Jeno were more significant, that he should feel more regretful towards him. Sometimes Renjun manages to convince himself of that as well. Jeno was in one piece when he met him, a young, cheerful boy that was so open to loving, and it was Renjun who broke him, who left him alone to heal. And even though it was the right decision back then, it wasn’t easy for any of them.

However, Donghyuck was already broken when Renjun met him. And he never intended to change that – because he was no one to force Donghyuck out of his shell – but it was almost impossible not to care for him once Donghyuck slipped between his legs. There wasn’t anything crueler than putting the pieces of a man together just to break him again, and Donghyuck deserved better than that, better than Renjun playing to fix him with expired glue.

If Donghyuck has no forgiveness for him, Renjun can’t blame him. Renjun has hardly forgiven himself.

“I mean, Donghyuck can be much worse than Jeno,” Dejun adds from the passenger seat, turning his head to throw him a significant look. Even though there’s a smile on Dejun’s face, Renjun can tell that his friend is slightly concerned for him. “Donghyuck doesn’t mince his words.”

“He doesn’t,” Renjun agrees in a mutter. He returns to Yukhei, meeting eyes in the mirror, his voice embarrassingly hopeful as he adds, “Maybe he does, now?”

“Nope,” Yukhei answers with a repressed smile, as though he finds Renjun’s anguish funny.

Renjun slumps back on the backseat with a whine.

The whole situation still feels like a dream – in some ways, like a nightmare too. When Jaemin told Renjun that Jisung had proposed to him, Renjun had laughed out loud, believing that it was a joke. He still gets random outbursts of laughter when he pictures Jisung and Jaemin on the altar, but it's an undeniable fact that Jisung has more guts than any of them, and that Jaemin is so whipped for him that he doesn’t have any doubts about marrying so early in life.

Months after the announcement and after partaking in many aspects of the preparations, Renjun still can't quite believe it as Yukhei drives onto the private road of the castle. He looks out of the window first, admiring the castle from afar and praying that unlike today, it won't rain tomorrow, that they’ll have a peaceful wedding in the immense gardens of the palace. He knows how much money Jaemin and his parents spent on this, and both Jaemin and Jisung are going to be in an awful mood if everything isn’t perfect.

Renjun then stares at Dejun's daughter, sleeping next to him on the backseat, comfortable in her baby car seat. She's just four months old, a little pretty thing that Renjun can't help but want to hold in his arms all the time. It wasn't the best idea to bring the baby to the pre-wedding meeting, but Dejun refused to leave her alone with his boyfriend – he had to work, too, so he couldn’t take care of her. Dejun insists that Renjun will understand once he’s in his position, that detaching from his baby isn’t an _option_.

Renjun feels like a damn kid compared to his friends. They're about to step into a castle for one of his best friends’ wedding, accompanied by another friend who has a baby. Even Jeno has moved on, or so Renjun perceived when he met him days ago to help Jaemin with the menu of the wedding. Everyone is growing, building bridges, achieving their goals.

It's just Renjun who is stuck on a boy that he left four years ago.

“Where the hell is the parking lot here?” Yukhei asks as he maneuvers in front of the main door of the castle. He frowns at the dark gardens in front of them, stopping the car, but there's a thin curtain of rain falling that doesn't let them see beyond. “Just get off, I'll find a spot myself.”

Dejun immediately protests, “I'm not going to leave you alone in the rain.”

However, Renjun needs to leave the car now or his thoughts will spiral into the most ridiculous, darkest corners of his mind. He's starting to feel the first signs of overwhelming anxiety, and he doesn't want to end up in misery even before he can even set foot in the castle.

“I’ll take Yuhui, don’t worry,” Renjun interrupts them before they can leap into an argument about if Yukhei can take care of himself or not. He can't, Renjun would like to add. “She should rest as soon as possible.”

Dejun sighs as Renjun leans to the other side of the car to unclasp Yuhui's belt. The baby doesn't even open her eyes when Renjun cradles her in his arms, and Dejun orders Yukhei to at least carry Renjun's suitcases to the door. The process is a whole mess, Renjun running to the castle with Yuhui, covering her with his coat so that she doesn't get wet and trying not to slip over the ground. Luckily, a guard comes out to help Yukhei with the suitcases, so Renjun doesn’t have to worry about that.

Renjun manages to stand dry and safe in the reception, but Yuhui is awake by then, making little noises and reaching upwards to touch his face. Renjun doesn’t stop her, too entertained by her cute clumsiness, and only when the guard strides back into the reception, does Renjun notice in displeasure that he's an alpha.

And he might be a nice man, but Renjun doesn't appreciate how the first question is aimed at discovering if Yuhui is his daughter, if he's single. As an unmated omega and as years pass by, the attention from alphas is getting more unbearable – when he was younger, the pestering was much more casual. A game, a little playful test to see if they could drag Renjun into bed with them.

Now their questions have hidden intentions, since Renjun is old enough to at least consider finding a serious, stable mate for the rest of his life, and the lack of a mark on his neck is incredibly noteworthy. And god, Renjun considers it, but he's not going to let in the first alpha that tries to woo him without even getting to know him first. Yukhei always reminds him that every alpha will remain a stranger unless Renjun makes an effort to get to know them, and he’s right, but deep inside Renjun doesn’t want to make that effort. He never had to.

“What's your name?” the guard asks him, pulling a notebook from behind the counter.

“It’s Huang Renjun.” Renjun forces himself to smile, for Yuhui is getting nervous by the second. Perhaps because the kind of pheromones that the guard is emitting isn’t comforting for a baby, but it's obvious that the guard is oblivious. “I think we’re the last ones to arrive, my friends are still parking outside.”

The guard dedicates him another smile before focusing on the guest list. Renjun takes that moment to turn his head and breathe, hoping to escape from the alpha's pheromones for a second; instead, he gets run over by a new wave of pheromones coming from the back of the reception, right by the stairs.

Renjun's heart beats so fast that, for a moment, the guard glances up at him in surprise.

Donghyuck is there, even if Renjun can't gather enough bravery to look at him. His pheromones and his scent are still painfully recognizable, and Renjun’s body goes haywire, all his senses wrapping around every aspect of Donghyuck’s presence until Renjun can’t feel anyone or anything else.

Four years haven't shaped Donghyuck's scent much, but Renjun can detect the subtle changes. There's patience and maturity in his pheromones, an air of confidence and reliance that young alphas usually lack; and so did Donghyuck when Renjun last saw him. Donghyuck, like everyone else, has grown.

“That's right,” the guard merrily tells Renjun, confirming his name.

Renjun nods, but his mind is elsewhere. He can feel Donghyuck's eyes fixed on him, so intently that Renjun decides that the only way to fight fire is with more fire. He can't handle Donghyuck; in fact, he has never been able to, but he has to pretend that he's fine with him. This is for Jaemin and Jisung, and whether Donghyuck hates him or not, Renjun can't let him know that he's still desperately in love with him.

If it’s possible to be in love with someone that he hasn't seen in four years.

Renjun turns around to face Donghyuck, his heart in his throat. Donghyuck is looking at him with wide, glassy eyes, as though he can't believe Renjun is right there. It takes all of Renjun's self-control not to scoff at his bewilderment. Renjun hasn't related to anyone so much in his entire life – every emotion he makes out on Donghyuck's face is also stabbing Renjun's chest, tiny needles puncturing him. The hope, the longing, the incredulity. The wonder, the awe, the immediate attraction, because Donghyuck has grown into such an attractive alpha, and he's a bit broader than before, shoulders wide and thighs full.

“Donghyuck,” Renjun calls him, feeling like an eternity has gone by. He knows it's just a perception of his, but this is all he can do in front of Donghyuck. Pretend, pretend, pretend. Control his own pheromones not to betray his own thoughts. “Aren’t you going to help me with the suitcases?”

Donghyuck, staring at him like he's the only man that matters in the world, looks like the most beautiful thing Renjun has ever seen. Brown eyes, caramel lips, the underlying innocence of someone who hasn’t hardened after being hurt.

Four years aren’t enough to forget.

The room Jaemin has chosen for Renjun is beyond nice. Though Jaemin had already warned them that he was always going to prioritize his omega friends over everyone else, the face Donghyuck makes upon seeing the room is hilarious. As if Jaemin has betrayed him.

Donghyuck doesn't stay for long, just helps him move the suitcases and holds Yuhui in his arms for a while; it's great that the baby entertains Donghyuck, because Renjun can't afford him noticing how instinctively satisfying is to see Donghyuck with a baby. He's the last person Renjun imagined raising a child, but Donghyuck isn't a young alpha having fun in university anymore. The baby _fits_ him, and that terrifies Renjun.

When Donghyuck leaves, Renjun is so nervous that he can barely breathe. His hands are sweating, so he cleans himself before taking Yuhui again and lies on the bed with her, hoping that his instability won't affect her.

Dejun arrives later than Renjun has expected, but as he strides into the room, Renjun understands why. He's carrying several scents, a very subtle mixture of trails, because he has probably crossed paths with Jaemin's friends or purposely greeted them before going back to Renjun. It doesn't settle well with Renjun, because he can perceive Donghyuck's scent is in Dejun's hands, but it reminds him that he's going to have to deal with this sort of situations for a couple of days.

“What the fuck,” Dejun exclaims, looking for Renjun's gaze like he has run all the way here just to talk to him. He even ignores his own daughter, kicks his shoes off by the door, and climbs on the bed with him in a rush. “He looks so hot, Renjun.”

Despite his anxiety, Renjun laughs out loud at that. Dejun doesn't need to specify for Renjun to understand that he's referring to Donghyuck. Donghyuck used to be difficult to ignore for omegas and betas, but now it's impossible. If even Dejun, who has always looked at him with reticence, thinks Donghyuck has become hot, then Renjun has no chance to escape.

At least, Dejun’s approval means that Renjun isn’t crazy, that the attraction he feels towards Donghyuck isn't just devastating proof that Renjun hasn't gotten over him. He's an alpha, an attractive one, and his omega is wired to appreciate that. He’s an alpha that Renjun has mated with before, on top of that, and that he never wished to break apart from.

Dejun lies on his stomach, curling his arm over Yuhui and in consequence, touching Renjun's hands. Renjun doesn't pull away in time, but it's not like he has an option: Yuhui is sleeping against his chest, so if he did, she would fall to the side.

Dejun staggers and, wary, he points out, “You're trembling.”

It should be shameful that he's shaking because of a man that he hasn't contacted in four years, but Dejun doesn't mock him for it. The jokes about being nervous have been a constant in the last few weeks, becoming more intense as the wedding approached, but when it comes to the vital moment of truth, none of his friends would be mean enough to hurt his feelings.

“I am,” Renjun admits. Being in denial would be more embarrassing. Dejun hums, nuzzles Renjun's neck, his pheromones sending a soothing wave down his body. It isn't as potent as an alpha calming him down, but it helps Renjun regardless. “It was definitely harder than seeing Jeno, and _no_ , he doesn't mince his damn words.”

Dejun sends him a curious look, as though he has a thousand questions on the tip of his tongue. Renjun has a thousand things to tell, too, but the conversation between Donghyuck and him should remain private to some extent. It would be horrible if he shared it and then their attempts turned out to be a failure; Renjun isn't ready to face another heartbreak, or to disappoint his friends again.

Carefully, Dejun asks, “What did he tell you?”

It was a matter of how Donghyuck responded to Renjun's words. When Renjun remarked that Donghyuck wasn't hiding his interest in him – romantically, sexually, Renjun doesn't know – Donghyuck agreed with him. He didn't have any problem with exposing himself, but Renjun does.

“He insinuated that he was relieved Yuhui wasn't mine,” Renjun confesses. The reaction is immediate, and Renjun has to look away from the smirk that Dejun displays; it's hard to be serious if Dejun wants to tease him. “Basically asked for permission to court me. I mean, not courting? Just flirting, I guess.”

Dejun shakes his head, torn between incredulity and amusement, his hair tickling Renjun's face.

“He's still a shameless dog,” Dejun says, a tone that hints that he's disappointed that Donghyuck, apart from becoming incredibly hot, hasn't also become celibate. “He sees you and loses his damn mind, wants to open your legs right away.”

Renjun attempts to hit Dejun as a punishment, but Dejun rolls away from him with a cackle. His eyes are soft as he looks at Renjun again, however, because he understands Renjun's reticence to let all these _Donghyuck thoughts_ infect his head. They've discussed this possibility for almost half a year, since the moment it was obvious that both Renjun and Donghyuck would have to meet at the wedding. Dejun knows that he's afraid of deluding himself into thinking that Donghyuck can love him again; that to begin with, Renjun doesn't think he deserves a second chance.

After a silence, Renjun collects enough courage to whisper, “Am I doing the right thing?” He closes his eyes, adjusting his head over the pillow, and focuses on the warmth of Yuhui’s body against him. It's so comforting that it clears up his mind better than anyone's else pheromones, “I can't believe he still wants to try whatever this is. I-”

“Renjun,” Dejun interrupts him. He draws closer again, and after caressing Yuhui's head, he does the same with Renjun's head. It serves to make Renjun smile, which is Dejun's aim, but Renjun doubts Dejun knows how much it means to him. “Don't be so scared. Donghyuck would never hurt you, and you're not going to hurt him again as long as you're very clear with him.”

The problem is that Renjun isn't sure that this is good for Donghyuck. Both of them might crave for this, because after all the pain they've gone through – a pain that was supposed to make them mature – Renjun doesn't trust himself to lose himself in Donghyuck. And if he loves Donghyuck again, he wants to do it right this time.

That night, as all of them reunite to have dinner together, Renjun feels some sort of thrilling electricity running through him. He can’t tell if it’s just the atmosphere, the happiness that everyone emits. Renjun has never seen a wedding from this position, two people that he loves and cares about deciding that they’re so happy with each other that they want to seal their mating in front of everyone.

Even for an outsider like Renjun, it’s overwhelming. And Renjun doesn’t want to give Jaemin too much credit, but when he mentions that Renjun should cook dinner for them today, he’s sure that Jaemin is just trying to give him an excuse to breathe. Renjun is a good cook, but not the best, and he doubts Jaemin is positively desperate for his food the night before his wedding.

Renjun sees his chance there. He ropes Donghyuck into accompanying him, pretending that he doesn’t see how Donghyuck follows him like a lost, confused puppy. A little bit too eager. Just hours ago, he wouldn’t have had the courage to be alone with Donghyuck, but Dejun had reminded him that it was now or never. Funnily enough, Yukhei said the same, but with harsher, more explicit words and the insinuation that Donghyuck is so crazy about Renjun that he should be confined in a mental hospital.

And they're right. Once the wedding is over, they will part ways, and that's the worst case scenario for Renjun. He can take a rejection, he even prefers to have a bad ending with Donghyuck, that sweet closure neither of them got in the past; but he can't stand the dull possibility of returning to his normal life, well aware that he let this chance pass.

When Renjun puts all the ingredients around the stove, Donghyuck leans over the counter with a laugh.

“This might come as a surprise,” he says, his gaze intently observing Renjun. “But I haven’t learned to cook.”

“I had figured,” Renjun turns around, tilting his head, and rests against the counter. It's terribly easy to confess, “I just wanted to have you around.”

Watching Donghyuck's expression go from astonishment to awe, and lastly to panic, is a delight. Donghyuck isn't supposed to be an innocent boy that can't handle a bit of flirting, but it's satisfying to know that Renjun still can take Donghyuck off guard. That Renjun still has those remainders of power over him.

“Straight to the point,” Donghyuck concludes, voice breathy and weak.

“I can be more direct if you want,” Renjun supplies with a smile. His stomach twists in anticipation, but now is the only private moment he's going to have with Donghyuck. The next hours are going to be chaotic, the castle and the gardens will be full of people, and Renjun’s cowardice will prevent him from asking the questions that are eating him from inside out. His eyes unconsciously travel to Donghyuck's neck, to his bare, perfect skin. Untouched. Lonely. “You don’t have any marks. Are you not dating anyone?”

It's painful to recognize hesitation on Donghyuck's features, but Renjun can't blame him. He hurt Donghyuck so much that it's natural he's afraid of opening up to him again. Or so Renjun hopes, because if his silence implies that he's indeed fooling around with someone, Renjun won't know how to save the situation. When Renjun left, he made a pact with Jaemin not to discuss Donghyuck's life in front of Renjun, at least not his dating life, thus Renjun has no idea if there's another person in his life. He has avoided Donghyuck like the plague, and if it wasn’t for the wedding, he would have continued on the same path.

“Why does that matter to you?” Donghyuck says at last, biting his lower lip. But instead of putting distance between them, Donghyuck slowly approaches him with heavy steps. A deep breath. A pinch of hesitation. “Weren’t you with this guy…? I don’t remember his name.”

Renjun blanks out, too surprised to hide it. Donghyuck is talking about Junhui.

But under his confusion, Renjun can't help but be pleased that Donghyuck has been prying into his life. It's a positive sign that he cares, or he cared at some point. It's also the proof Renjun needs to reassure himself. This conversation is becoming intimate, serious, and if Donghyuck just wants a quick fling with him during a wedding, Renjun is about to find out.

“Junhui?” Renjun asks. Donghyuck immediately eyes his mouth, and Renjun's heart beats so hard that he hears the blood pulsing in his ears. “Do you think I’m still dating Junhui, Donghyuck?”

Donghyuck doesn't answer. Before Renjun can process what's happening, Donghyuck is caging him against the counter, coming so close that Renjun's nostrils are clogged with his pheromones. He smells of raw honesty, of nervousness and, inevitably, of lust. And Renjun knows that the exact moment Donghyuck steps into his personal space, any attempt at controlling his own pheromones is useless. This closeness rips him open, apart, and Donghyuck is allowed to take a peek inside him. It's hard to keep a secret when all Renjun wants to do is to shout it out loud.

Donghyuck stares into his eyes and whispers, “Spend the night with me.”

Just one night? Just tonight?

Renjun's legs tremble, but he presses them against the counter for balance. Donghyuck is so close that he can't think straight.

Lifting his chin, he breathes Donghyuck and makes an effort to say, “Impatient.”

Impatient is an understatement. It's been a while since Renjun has had an alpha so decided, so blunt before him. They're not two young boys anymore, and this should be shameful, asking for sex like it's meaningless. It has never been meaningless between the two of them, and Renjun isn't going to let Donghyuck believe the opposite.

“I don’t mean it that way,” Donghyuck replies, deflating at Renjun's tone. He fidgets, shuts his eyes as if to find the right words, as if he fears Renjun will assume the worst about him. Renjun understands him better than that. Donghyuck timidly muses, “I just want to be with you, and talk, and catch up.”

“And spread my legs afterwards,” Renjun contradicts him, amused. He’s instinctively drawn into Donghyuck’s space, their lips just an inch away, and Renjun’s surroundings explode into fire. Donghyuck tenses up, but Renjun merely tilts his head, wondering if kissing Donghyuck right now would ruin his chances with him. Donghyuck smells so good, reminds Renjun of how happy he could have been, and the temptation of tasting that on his tongue is unbearable. “You know I like leaving the talk for later.”

Even though Donghyuck’s lips curl up, repressing a smile, Renjun doesn’t miss the goosebumps that extend all over his neck.

“Whatever you want,” Donghyuck surrenders, complies.

And Renjun loves that. Just like him, Donghyuck is afraid and unsure, because they’re two strangers that feel like they know each other too well. Renjun doesn’t know if this man is the man he was in love with, and neither does Donghyuck. But Donghyuck is disposed to tear himself open and allow Renjun to pull his guts out again just to prove that he’s not an immature kid trying to redeem his alpha ego after being abandoned.

Renjun would have understood it if that was what Donghyuck wanted from him, though. It’d have destroyed Renjun, but he would have understood it.

It’s almost instinctive for Renjun to lift his hand and, very slowly, caress over Donghyuck’s chest. Neither of them can ignore Renjun’s true intentions, since his hand stays on the left side of Donghyuck’s chest, feeling his heartbeat under his palm. It beats without control, so fast that it alters Renjun’s heart rate as well; and before Renjun can take his hand away, his heart has clung onto Donghyuck’s rhythm, beating at the same time.

“Tomorrow night,” Renjun decides. Donghyuck opens his mouth, either in surprise or in protest, but Renjun strokes down his chest and Donghyuck can’t speak. _It burns me too_ , Renjun wants to tell him, _your touch_. “When no one is paying attention.”

“When no one is paying attention,” Donghyuck agrees. And though he doesn’t dare to tease Renjun, Renjun finds a trace of contentment on his face; because this is important for Donghyuck too, not just for Renjun. Because the relevance of their feelings strikes beyond one night of pleasure, and accepting this proposal is a promise that must be kept, that they owe to each other. “Just you and me.”

Renjun’s chest shrinks at his words. Donghyuck remembers. Donghyuck has found hope in promises that were made years ago, and even though they should be a breach between them, they have become the bow to tie them together for a second chance.

Marveling, Renjun whispers back at Donghyuck, “Just you and me.”

Renjun wakes up in complete chaos, someone tugging him out of bed at six in the morning while blabbering nonstop.

Still with half of his feet in dreamland, it’s hard to remember that today is the wedding day, that if he’s being bothered at this time of the morning, it’s because they must be in trouble. When Renjun recognizes Yukhei, who is forcibly putting a coat on him, he has to control himself not to punch him in the arm.

He could have used that control last night too, when Jeno started serving them alcohol, glass after glass, until none of them were sober enough to care about the consequences. Renjun had supposed that at least Jaemin was responsible enough to stop the madness if they crossed the line.

But he wasn’t, and the last thing Renjun remembers from last night is all his friends laughing and dancing in the freezing cold of the gardens. And, if he didn’t imagine it, Jisung puking under a tree.

Rather than a friendly meeting, last night looked like their stag party.

“Where the fuck are we going now, Yukhei?” Renjun grumbles as Yukhei drags him out of the room by the arm.

Yukhei is surprisingly sober and, to Renjun’s envy, unaffected by how much he drank. Being that big just has advantages, but Renjun thinks that the universe isn’t providing luck equally anyhow.

“Jisung is sick,” Yukhei responds with a hiss, a sad attempt to whisper with his deep voice. Renjun can barely recognize the hallways Yukhei is leading him through, for the castle is a maze in complete darkness. There’s a disturbing silence settled in this place, but Renjun is sure that it’s just because everyone is dying in their respective beds. “Half drunk, half hungover, and he has to get into his damned wedding suit in three hours.”

Even if Renjun isn’t in the right state to reason, he knows that if Jisung isn’t properly ready for the wedding when the time comes, Jaemin is going to murder him. They might break a record by filing the fastest divorce in history.

Renjun groans, “I’d wait until the last moment in case he pukes again.”

With a scoff, Yukhei mocks him, “You’re so smart.”

When Yukhei guides him into Jisung’s room, Renjun is expecting the worst scenario, but he’s not expecting Donghyuck to be there too. Jisung is on the edge of the bed while Donghyuck presses cold packs against his neck and forehead. Renjun wouldn’t be exaggerating if he said that Jisung looks like the personification of death, but that bad impression is balanced by having Donghyuck next to him, who doesn’t look much better than him. Donghyuck’s quite amused despite the hangover, however, Renjun has to give him that.

“Why are you gathering so many people?” Jisung protests, glaring at Yukhei as he trails behind Renjun. “It’s not going to make this faster.”

Unlike him, Renjun understands at last why Yukhei fetched him and not someone else. He’s the only omega in the castle, apart from Dejun – who isn’t that close to Jisung – and the only person that can know about Jisung’s situation without having the urge of killing him. Jisung needs an omega to recover his sanity.

Renjun has the nerve to smirk at Jisung, and though he’s too tired to purposely use his pheromones, he approaches the bed, making both Jisung and Donghyuck back away on instinct.

“You know nothing about life, little one,” Renjun jokes, squatting in front of Jisung. He rubs his knees, studying him from up close, and avoids looking into Donghyuck’s eyes. He doesn’t want to unchain an alpha reaction from Donghyuck, so he hardens his tone towards Jisung. “Omega pheromones will give you adrenaline.”

Jisung’s gaze shows that he has no idea what Renjun is talking about, which is quite adorable for someone his age. Renjun supposes that since Jisung never set his eyes on any other omega besides Jaemin, all his alpha reactions are attributed to the fact that he loves Jaemin, not to his omega status. Renjun knows the nuances of his nature better; omegas pheromones can make any alpha alert, and that’s what Jisung needs right now. Even Yukhei, who isn’t interested in omegas at all, would feel more awake in an omega’s presence, as long as that omega is surrounding him with the right pheromones.

Jisung might ignore that, but Donghyuck doesn’t. He slides sideways on the bed, leaving a space for Renjun between Jisung and him, and invites him, “Come here.”

Even though Renjun has to actively repress the immediate pleasure he gets from receiving an order from Donghyuck, he obeys without any second thoughts. He tightly fits between them, but he can only feel how warm Donghyuck’s thigh is, pressed against him, how Donghyuck’s arm immediately surrounds his waist, almost a ghost touch to care for him.

From the other side of the room, Yukhei crosses his arms over his chest and tries not to laugh at them. It must be quite a scene in his eyes, but Renjun suspects that he might have orchestrated this on purpose. After all, Donghyuck’s presence isn’t necessary, unless his intention is to rile him up with Renjun’s pheromones.

“How are you feeling?” Donghyuck asks him, completely oblivious at what’s going on.

“I’m good, don’t worry,” Renjun says. It’s not entirely true, and as Donghyuck leans forward and casts a look at him, eyebrows raised, Renjun decides to lie better, “I just need a few more hours of sleep.”

Renjun looks away from Donghyuck, trying to distract himself with Jisung instead. Donghyuck’s attention is unbearable, and perhaps it’s because Renjun is tired and sensitive, but it affects him more than last night. It’s easier to pat Jisung’s hair as he buries his head between his legs, completely miserable and unaware of the tension growing between his friends right next to him.

Donghyuck whines, “I didn’t even make it to my bed.”

That must be the reason he looks just as bad as Jisung. Donghyuck’s alcohol tolerance is better than his, and even if Renjun doesn’t remember last night until the last detail, he knows that Donghyuck didn’t drink more than any of them. If he has spent the whole night taking care of Jisung, that explains why he’s exhausted.

“You should go rest,” Renjun advises him. His attention embarrassingly shifts to Donghyuck, as though he’s the only person in the room, worry creasing between his eyebrows. It’s just his omega talking and _reacting_ , Renjun tells himself. He’s made to take care of alphas and betas, and he shouldn’t conceal it just because the alpha is, in this case, Donghyuck. “I can do this alone.”

The idea is reasonable, but when Donghyuck stays silent, Renjun intuits that there’s a problem with it. He glances at Donghyuck just to find him with his lips pressed into a line, tense and jittery, as though he’s having an internal battle; either to accept Renjun’s idea or to reject it, Renjun can’t tell.

But then Donghyuck shakes his head, unable to speak out loud, and Renjun comprehends where his doubts are coming from.

Heat creeps onto Renjun’s face, and he whips his head to the other side, too overwhelmed to let Donghyuck see his face.

Donghyuck doesn’t want to leave because Renjun is using his pheromones on another alpha. It’s irrational, and it’s not behavior proper of a _friend_ – but Donghyuck isn’t his friend. He doesn’t want to be only his friend, and whether he likes it or not, that involves his instinct on certain levels that he can’t control. Exchanging pheromones can be an intimate process, and Donghyuck’s alpha doesn’t allow him to abandon the omega he wants for _himself_ in such situation.

“Donghyuck,” Renjun says, breathless. Even inhaling for oxygen makes Renjun tremble, both ashamed and flattered. It’s been a while since he felt something so honest, since an alpha showed interest in other things that weren’t just physical. “It’s Jisung.”

It’s just Jisung, who Donghyuck doesn’t have to protect him from, who he doesn’t have to be jealous of.

“I know,” Donghyuck replies. And though Renjun isn’t looking at him, his voice reveals his shame: he’s mortified, but that it’s such an irrational urge that Donghyuck can’t brush it off. He sounds determined, too, maybe because he’s already crossed the line and there’s no going back. “But I wouldn’t be able to sleep anyway just thinking about it.”

If he was any other alpha, Renjun would just roll his eyes at this sort of behavior. But it’s Donghyuck. Renjun dares to look at him again, and when he does, Donghyuck seems to be a bit desperate, almost like he fears that Renjun will indeed get mad at him. It makes Renjun wonder if other omegas have treated Donghyuck wrong in these past years, or if it’s just his own fear of overwhelming Renjun. _That’s the problem_ , Renjun wishes he could tell him, _you and me are always going to be overwhelming_.

“Sleep here, then,” Renjun manages to say, getting rid of the bump in his throat. He points at the bed with his head, but then he turns to Yukhei to ask if it’s okay; to his shock, Yukhei isn’t in the room anymore. Renjun doesn’t know when or how he left. He was so focused on Donghyuck that he didn’t notice Yukhei disappearing. “Alright?”

Donghyuck stares at him for a second before nodding his head. He brings his legs onto the bed, and Renjun can’t control the smile that blooms on his lips as Donghyuck stretches on the bed with an exhausted groan.

“Isn’t unfair that he can sleep but I can’t?” Jisung complains then, indignant, not even lifting his head to check if Donghyuck has complied with the idea.

“No,” Renjun retorts. He shoots him a wave of pheromones to remind him that he’s in no position of asking for favors. “Shush or I’m getting your head under the shower.”

Donghyuck is the only one that laughs, but that’s enough for Renjun. Through the window, the first rays of the dawn illuminate the room, an orange light bathing all of them; and when quietness takes over, Renjun feels Donghyuck’s hand looking for his over the covers. The only noise comes from Renjun’s heart when their hands seamlessly fit together, like a small secret shared behind everyone’s back – even Renjun’s back. It’s always been a secret, for better and for worse, but now it has become a secret that doesn’t hurt to keep.

By the time the wedding falls upon them, Renjun swears that he’s fulfilled the quota of exercising for at least ten years. From dawn to midday, that’s all he does: sprint around the castle, along all of his friends, to make sure that Jisung and Jaemin don’t meet each other and, over all, that they’re not forgetting any details.

To everyone’s relief, Jisung isn’t feeling nauseous by the time they force him into his suit, but Jaemin eyes Renjun suspiciously once Renjun returns from visiting Jisung. He doesn’t ask why Renjun is so concerned over helping Jisung too – _he has three alphas with him_ , Jaemin remarks, _he doesn’t need my right hand too_ – but it’s evident that he’s just trying to ignore the hints, hoping for the best.

When Renjun slips into Jaemin’s wedding limousine, he breathes in peace at last. Only Sunwoo, Jaemin’s best man, Donghyuck and Renjun are accompanying him, while the rest is with Jisung. It wasn’t originally planned this way, but Jaemin demanded calmness, and none of them were disposed to risk a breakdown minutes before the wedding.

Sunwoo latches on Jaemin’s side, smiling at him while they talk about random topics, a strategy that does wonders to distract Jaemin during the ride. Renjun softens at the scene – both because they look cute and because Sunwoo has suffered the preparations of this wedding as if he was the one getting married – until he realizes that this is how everything used to be in the past. It used to be Sunwoo and Jaemin, and lingering next to them, Renjun and Donghyuck.

Renjun can’t resist the temptation: he glances at Donghyuck out of the corner of his eyes, and since Donghyuck is already looking at him, he gets caught red-handed. But Donghyuck doesn’t tease him, just grins at him, pleased with himself. Maybe pleased with Renjun, too, for indulging the attention Donghyuck needs.

It’s been a messy night for Donghyuck, but he looks amazing in his tuxedo. He looks older too, but in the _right_ way; he’s not a young boy wearing a man’s clothes. He’s a man in his own skin. It’s a bit unfair for Renjun, who is already having trouble to deal with Donghyuck in general, to bear the pain of not flailing in front of an alpha like Donghyuck.

“Your tie,” Renjun notices, a sad attempt to redirect his own shame towards Donghyuck. Donghyuck is so adorable that he gazes down, alarmed, but he wore the tie so high that he can’t even see it. “God, did you even look yourself on the mirror?”

Renjun reaches out for his tie before Donghyuck can even ask the favor, but he regrets it one second later. Donghyuck lets out a weak pant when Renjun’s hands work over his neck and collarbones, and Renjun’s confidence vanishes, his movements becoming clumsier around the tie. He finishes in time not to make a fool of himself, but Donghyuck doesn’t take his eyes off his face, not even for a single millisecond, and there’s no way he hasn’t detected Renjun’s nervousness.

“Thank you,” he mutters, sincerely grateful, as Renjun draws his hand away. His palms feel a lot warmer now, and though he didn’t have any intention of marking Donghyuck, Renjun realizes that he has left his scent on a couple of spots by accident. Donghyuck isn’t oblivious at that, because he lifts his hand for a second to touch his neck, but drops it in realization. “I actually didn’t check myself on the mirror.”

Judging the smile that tugs at Donghyuck’s mouth, he’s not joking.

Renjun laughs, leaning back on the seat, his whole body vibrating. “Follow my example next time,” he tells Donghyuck.

There’s a pause, only broken by Sunwoo and Jaemin giggling, a conversation in the background about figuring out what happened last night in the gardens.

“I will, but I doubt I can look as pretty as you do,” Donghyuck responds, spinning in his seat to stare at Renjun better. And it might sound like a casual compliment, but it isn’t. It’s full of intentions, full of truth, and a shiver scratches down Renjun’s spine like a whip. Donghyuck leans into his ear, his hand resting on Renjun’s thigh. His touch, his scent, his voice, all of it is pure fire that electrifies any remainders of reason within Renjun. “You’re breathtaking today, Renjun.”

This is Renjun’s fault. He was the one who asked to have a flirting phase with Donghyuck, and Donghyuck isn’t going to back down. Years ago, Renjun would have had no idea how to flirt on purpose, other than using his omega charms. He does now, because he’s had four years of successful and unsuccessful attempts, and overall, because he understands how Donghyuck’s attraction to him works.

“Am I breathtaking?” Renjun repeats, serious. He raises his chin, purposely letting his gaze fall on Donghyuck’s lips. Donghyuck is aware of it, if the way he looks at Renjun’s lips too is anything to go by. “Or do I just take your breath away?”

Donghyuck never gets his chance to decide. The limousine pulls up, the spell breaking as Jaemin grips Renjun’s thigh, suddenly terrified. And reality hits again, because they shouldn’t be flirting in Jaemin’s limousine when he’s minutes away from getting married; they should be supporting Jaemin instead, whose pheromones are so potent that Renjun feels like he’s going to have a heart attack as well.

“Okay, let’s go,” Donghyuck says, softly sliding his hand against Renjun’s. He sends a soothing grin across the limousine, and Jaemin stares back at him with puppy eyes, like he doesn’t want Donghyuck to leave his side. “Good luck, love. Don’t be nervous, smile, and remember that I’m going to make fun of you if you say something stupid during your vows.”

To compensate for Donghyuck’s words, Renjun just plants a sonorous kiss on Jaemin’s cheek. Both Renjun and Donghyuck are supposed to enter the place first, just so that Sunwoo and Jaemin can enter alone and last, but it’s obvious Jaemin is so anxious that it’s hard to let go. And Renjun is weak for him, so weak that he would stay, but Donghyuck hauls him along with a laugh and forces him to exit the limousine.

Both of them run to the church, still holding hands, but the adrenaline doesn’t allow Renjun to realize what it looks like. Just a few heads turn to them when they open the doors, and Donghyuck guides him to the side, rushing with their heads down and a series of giggles that Renjun can’t repress

They have their pews reserved on the second row, since the first row is reserved for Jisung and Jaemin’s families, and their friends are already there. Renjun meets eyes with a smiling Jeno, who seems to be very entertained by Donghyuck’s behavior – by his stress, to be specific – and glides over the bank to make room for them. Renjun sits between Jeno and Donghyuck, tries not to think that this could be terribly awkward, and reminds himself that Mark, Dejun and Yukhei are right there as well. Chenle isn’t, because he’s Jisung’s wingman, but Renjun has enough with three escape boats.

The silence that takes over helps him to calm down. It takes Renjun a few seconds to realize that Donghyuck hasn’t let go of his hand, their fingers intertwined in a silent score of warmth and comfort. And today, Renjun is fine with it.

“Donghyuck,” Renjun whispers, confused. “Are you crying?”

It’s a crime that Renjun’s attention has drifted from Jaemin’s vows to Donghyuck, but Renjun couldn’t ignore the suspicious sniff coming from his right side.

Like in all weddings, there’s nothing interesting until they exchange vows, the most intimate, truthful moment for them. Jisung wraps his vows without a single stutter in his voice, and by the time Jaemin starts his own vows about Jisung, Renjun finds out that Donghyuck is crying like a baby. It’s evident that it was Jisung’s vows that broke him – because he spoke about Jaemin like no one else can, and Donghyuck knows Jaemin just as well as Jisung does. He’s been part of his life for longer, too.

“No,” Donghyuck lies, trying to hide his face. But he sniffs again, an uncontrollable reflex of his chest, and justifies it with a lame, “It’s just the hangover.”

A grin expands on Renjun’s face, and he can’t remember when was the last time something as silly as this made him so happy. He scoffs a dismissive, “Sure.”

It’s a matter of bad luck, because Donghyuck can’t compose himself in time. Jeno slants forward, as perplexed as Renjun at the noises coming from his side, and his eyes immediately widen upon recognizing Donghyuck’s tears.

“Oh my god,” Jeno cackles, not caring about Donghyuck’s pride, about his image, or the fact that he’s speaking in the middle of Jaemin’s vows. He has to cover his own mouth with his hand, and he dips down between his legs to stop himself from laughing out loud. Renjun imitates him, slapping a hand over his mouth, because it really is that funny that only Donghyuck is crying. Apart from Jaemin and Jisung’s parents, no one else is. When Jeno sits up again, he has tears too, but his tears are from laughing. “This is the best day of my life.”

“Jeno, fuck off,” Donghyuck warns him, pointing his index finger at him.

From the other side of the pew, Yukhei sends the three of them a glare and shushes them off. Instead of feeling embarrassed, both Jeno and Donghyuck lift their eyebrows at him. Dejun has the decency to hand them a handkerchief, a subtle way to tell them to control the situation.

“It’s fine,” Renjun whispers, turning to Donghyuck to reassure him. His eyes are red, and so is the tip of his nose, but Renjun does his best not to laugh at him again. He slides a hand under Donghyuck’s jaw, takes the handkerchief with the other hand, and says, “Look at me, fool. _Absolute_ fool.”

Donghyuck does.

His pride is visibly hurt in letting an omega see him cry, but Renjun isn’t just any omega. If Donghyuck cries, whether it’s out of happiness or out of sadness, Renjun is going to take care of him. And that’s what he does: he presses the handkerchief all over his face with light touches, drying his tears but not extending them over his face. Ignoring the way Donghyuck looks at him is a challenge, and Renjun indulges himself by drawing a knowing smile; the power he had over Donghyuck is still there, latent, ready to explode for the second time.

Donghyuck doesn’t say a word, but his outburst of tears dies down under Renjun’s touch. All he sees is Renjun, pupils grazing every inch of Renjun’s face like he’s going to forget him otherwise. Renjun wonders if, just like him, Donghyuck sometimes had trouble to remember the details of his face and body, if he’s trying to memorize him in case Renjun vanishes without a warning again.

When Renjun finishes, Donghyuck doesn’t move away. He holds Renjun’s hand once more, tightening his grip, and tugs Renjun towards him. Renjun doesn’t care, really, about how their friends glance at them when Renjun rests his head on Donghyuck’s shoulder. Donghyuck is always a step ahead of him, because he doesn’t even notice all the eyes on them.

Renjun’s power might still be there, but what Donghyuck doesn’t know if that if someone is powerless before him, that’s Renjun.

The event that comes afterwards is, without a doubt, a party.

The only elegant part of it is the dinner, when Jaemin and Jisung are still adorable and no one has drunk enough to let loose. That changes by the time the dessert arrives, and Renjun watches in amusement how Jisung grabs a microphone just to profess his love for Jaemin again. The embarrassing speech is welcomed with boos and laughter, but Jaemin just observes his husband until he finishes, delighted with the ridiculous places Jisung is going just for him.

Renjun’s table is very close to the newlyweds, but he’s not content with who Jaemin picked to accompany him. He clearly thought that it was safe to separate Donghyuck and Renjun in case they would be uncomfortable – since no one could predict how their reencounter was going to progress – and that has translated into splitting their group of friends at both sides of Jaemin’s and Jisung’s table. Renjun sits with Yukhei, Dejun and Chenle, and a few friends from university that Renjun hasn’t seen in years, but that have remained close to Jaemin and Jisung. Donghyuck sits with Mark, Jeno and Sunwoo, far away from them.

In the middle of the dinner, Renjun decides that it’s stupid. Without a drop of shame, he signals his friends what he’s going to do, and to his relief, the three of them agree with the idea. There’s a bit of surprise on Chenle’s face, but Renjun lets it slide.

It turns out to be much more surprising for the other half, who watches Yukhei, Chenle, Dejun and Renjun invade their table and literally force the other guests to move to the other table. Renjun even catches Jaemin frowning at him, perhaps because he put a lot of thought in the table distribution, and prepares to receive a thousand reprimands as soon as Jaemin is free.

“Well,” Donghyuck begins once all of them have chosen a new seat. Renjun has sat across him, but Donghyuck only gives him a quick glance, almost like he doesn’t want to amplify the situation. “I guess this is how it should have been.”

Jeno pats his back, his rosy cheeks betraying that he might have had a couple of drinks, and teases him, “Don’t get sentimental now.” And as Donghyuck groans, he supplies, “You’ve cried enough today.”

But Donghyuck is right. Just like they were celebrating last night, all of them together, it’s natural for them to stay together today as well. Renjun has much more fun this way, with Yukhei’s jokes and Donghyuck’s comments, narrating the wedding like it’s a basketball match between Jaemin and Jisung’s families.

When the dinner is over and everyone scatters to dance, Renjun clings onto Dejun and Yuhui, though at some point Sunwoo takes a grasp of him and Renjun has no option but to dance with him. Among so many people, Renjun doesn’t have to worry about Donghyuck, yet he does. He fears both his presence and his absence, because their promise cages them, and Renjun doesn’t know if he can handle this.

However, Donghyuck takes his time. Only two hours later, and when the first batch of people have gone home, Donghyuck finds him. Renjun isn’t hiding, not per se, but he has ended up in the gardens, where Chenle and Sunwoo are taking polaroids of them together with the castle as a background.

With no one else around, it’s impossible for Renjun not to detect Donghyuck’s scent. He turns around in case he’s having hallucinations, but there Donghyuck is, crossing the space between the castle and the gardens with his hands in his pockets, a smile on his face upon recognizing Renjun.

Renjun glances at Chenle and Sunwoo again, but they’re so busy with their stupid pictures that they haven’t seen Donghyuck yet. That’s the chance Renjun has been waiting for. Even though he’s not the type to lie, his promise towards Donghyuck doesn’t have to become common knowledge. If they’re not making a mistake, then they’ll have plenty of time to share this with their friends.

That’s the reason Renjun draws away from his friends and shyly moves towards Donghyuck, fast enough to meet him in the middle. The mere view shrinks his heart: Donghyuck in his suit, his brown hair slightly messed up after so many hours, the nonchalance in his movements, the familiarity. That pretty, sincere smile dancing on his lips, void of second intentions, void of malice.

“Do you want to take a walk?” Donghyuck asks him when he’s close enough to touch him. He just brushes against Renjun’s hand, though, like he needs permission to hold his hand, and Renjun shoots him a demure smile. “I’d ask for a dance, but Jeno and Yukhei won’t let me live that up.”

“You care about what Jeno and Yukhei think about you?” Renjun retorts, incredulous. Donghyuck is lying, of course, and Renjun might have not talked to him in four years, but his little lying habits are still crystal clear. Donghyuck would ask him for a dance, that’s true. It’s not true that Yukhei and Jeno’s reactions are preventing him from doing so. Donghyuck is simply sensitive enough to know that Renjun isn’t ready for a public display of affection. Maybe Donghyuck himself isn’t ready either. “Or do you just want an excuse?”

Donghyuck’s pupils shake, but first he makes sure that Chenle and Sunwoo aren’t paying them any attention, and then confesses, “I prefer to have you all for myself.”

Without a word, Renjun tenderly pulls at Donghyuck’s hand, ignoring the adoration Donghyuck looks at him with. It’s a dream for Renjun too, to perch his arm around Donghyuck and walk in silence through the endless garden, the dew of the night surrounding them. There are dew drops in Donghyuck’s hair, but the humidity just accentuates his scent and drives Renjun to press against him without any care in the world.

Donghyuck keeps an arm around his waist, discreetly pushing Renjun against him, but it’s so subtle that Renjun has the urge to make fun of him. What a gentleman has Donghyuck become, that Renjun can’t even recognize him. He looks so afraid of spoiling things with him, he cares so much, just like Renjun himself.

“I know we talked about it last night, but you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to,” Donghyuck tells him, his fingers tapping over Renjun’s hipbone. His gaze, sideways, studies Renjun’s placid expression for a second. “It’s an amazing wedding, you might want to enjoy it for longer.”

Renjun allows himself to laugh at that.

“I’ve had enough, trust me,” he assures Donghyuck. The last few weeks have been so stressful that Renjun has never been happier to see a wedding end. “I need some peace.”

Donghyuck stares ahead, his lips curling into a satisfied smirk. It’s an ephemeral gesture, and Renjun understands the reason when Donghyuck points out, “But you’re with me.”

Peace is the antithesis of Donghyuck. Donghyuck is an earthquake that makes the ground beneath Renjun’s feet tremble and crack.

Renjun tucks his feelings deep within him and observes, “You’re looking quite docile to me, Donghyuck.”

It’s satisfying to hear Donghyuck laugh out loud, but Renjun supposes that it’s pretty funny that he’s calling Donghyuck out for repressing himself. His actions, his words, his wishes. Donghyuck is so careful, and at the same time so honest, that Renjun can’t grasp him.

There’s a tiny barrier of respect between them, a barrier that wasn’t there before, but that’s what is keeping them sane. It’s not the right moment to demolish the wall.

“Your room?” Donghyuck softly asks him, as though he’s expecting Renjun to reject the idea. “It’s cold out here, we should head inside soon.”

Even if the privacy of the freezing gardens is precious to Renjun, they’ll enjoy the same privacy in any room of the castle. Everyone is too busy celebrating, and none of their friends are going to sleep early tonight.

Renjun ponders about sleeping in Donghyuck’s bedroom instead. It’s probably bathed in his scent, and it would be really _nice_ , but Renjun can’t trust that they won’t be interrupted. The only person that could barge into Renjun’s bedroom, or at least to think that he has permission to do so, is Dejun, and he’ll be too tired to bother him.

“My room,” Renjun agrees, trying not to be flustered at the smile that expands on Donghyuck’s face.

Contrary to what Renjun expects, the walk to the castle isn’t awkward. Donghyuck’s arm remains locked around him, and he asks meaningless questions, just a few attempts to relax Renjun. Renjun is comfortable, so it’s harder to part ways in the main hallway of the castle, when Donghyuck tells him that he will go to his room to change clothes first. Renjun can’t offer him his clothes, since they won’t fit Donghyuck, but he wishes Donghyuck would just go with him anyhow. Perhaps because Donghyuck supposes that Renjun has already left too, he doesn’t realize that Renjun can hear him start running as soon as he turns the corner.

In his room, alone, Renjun starts getting nervous. It’s an epiphany to figure out that if he was so calm with Donghyuck around, it was because his alpha pheromones were lulling him. Now that he doesn’t have that privilege, his anxiety hits like a monstrous wave.

They’re going to spend the night together. Renjun doesn’t know if he’s ready. If Donghyuck is ready. But he knows that he craves for it, and that it’s their only chance, their only excuse. There won’t be other excuses to claim each other’s company after this, and Renjun doesn’t want to leave this castle knowing that he didn’t even give it a try. He has to. It might not work out for them, but it could provide the proper closure they didn’t have.

When Renjun opens the door for Donghyuck, it’s impossible to hide that the two of them are nervous. Donghyuck keeps biting his lower lip, though stepping into the room seems to brighten his mood, and Renjun waves at the bed as an invitation.

“I look a lot less elegant now,” Donghyuck jokes while he jumps on the bed. “Sorry I can’t pretend to be a decent man for longer.”

Renjun can’t resist finding Donghyuck’s jokes funny, but the truth is that he likes this Donghyuck more. He’s wearing black casual clothes, comfortable enough to sleep but not quite a pajama, and Renjun finds him more approachable this way. There are always two sides of the coin for an alpha; they either look powerful and intimidating, like Donghyuck has been looking all day, or they’re able to mellow anyone around them, just like Donghyuck is doing now.

“Maybe I don’t like elegant,” Renjun retorts, repressing a smile at Donghyuck’s flicker of surprise.

He climbs on the bed with Donghyuck, itching to touch him, to let Donghyuck hug him. Renjun isn’t sure that he’s allowed to, but Donghyuck detects his vacillation, the way he glances at his embrace before moving to the side, and decides to take the first step.

“Come here,” Donghyuck muses, extending his arm up so that Renjun gets the hint.

It’s not an order, but accepting the invitation has the same effect to obeying him. Renjun’s omega tingles at the satisfaction in Donghyuck’s eyes as he moves closer, and when he presses against Donghyuck in a hug, Renjun’s insides grumble under Donghyuck’s pheromones. Donghyuck is so warm that Renjun can’t help but let out a tiny noise of content, and Donghyuck’s chest shakes with a subtle laugh.

They don’t fall apart. Donghyuck moves on his back and tugs Renjun with him, and with his other hand hooks Renjun’s knee to drape his leg over his. It’s too late to be embarrassed, so Renjun glances up at Donghyuck, his whole body burning from head to toe. Donghyuck is already looking down at him, a sweet tint in his pupils, and he runs his fingers through Renjun’s hair with ease.

“Is this weird?” Renjun whispers, too excited to read Donghyuck’s scent.

“No,” Donghyuck says, not missing a beat. And then, unsure, he blinks down at Renjun. “Is it for you?”

Renjun knows Donghyuck, and at the same time, he doesn’t. His scent has changed, and so has his demeanor. He’s not impatient anymore; he touches Renjun like he isn’t in a rush, like he’s fine with whatever Renjun wants to give him, like he appreciates this moment, even if Renjun isn’t whispering delusional promises to him.

“It is,” Renjun admits. “But in a good way.”

There’s no other way to describe it. Renjun himself is having trouble to wrap his mind around what they’re doing, and yet Renjun hasn’t felt this happy in years. The butterflies in his stomach have been dead for so long that Renjun thought they had turned into ashes.

But Donghyuck nods, whether he understands him or not, and Renjun closes his eyes to bask in the feeling of Donghyuck’s fingers caressing his hair.

“Great,” Donghyuck muses. “I have so many questions, can I-?”

Even if Donghyuck has grown up and Renjun believes him to be more aware of their limits, he’s still an alpha. His questions might be innocent at first, but just like last night, he’s going to end up detouring to Renjun’s sexual and romantic life. Renjun isn’t afraid of telling Donghyuck who he’s been with, but he knows that’s all Donghyuck will focus on once he begins, and Renjun hasn’t heard about Donghyuck’s life since he left.

It was an unspoken rule, especially for Yukhei and Jaemin, that Donghyuck and Jeno were a forbidden topic if Renjun was present. And though Renjun could have removed that rule at any time, at some point it didn’t make any sense to show curiosity about them. It felt wrong, even.

Renjun isn’t completely oblivious to his friends’ lives. Still, there have been some secrets between them. He knows that Yukhei has slept with Donghyuck a few times; Donghyuck’s scent is sticky and hard to remove, and Yukhei wasn’t an expert at hiding scents. The first times Renjun smelt the familiar trace of Donghyuck on Yukhei, he thought he had given into madness at last, but it happened so often afterwards that he couldn’t overlook the evident.

That’s why Renjun interrupts Donghyuck before he can give himself permission, and sputters, “You first.”

Renjun will share all his secrets, but only if Donghyuck does the same for him. Donghyuck opens his mouth, speechless, and Renjun draws a cozy smile, palming over Donghyuck’s abdomen to console him.

“Tell me what you’ve been doing, who you’ve been seeing, how you feel now,” Renjun continues. He allows his pheromones to embrace Donghyuck too, aware that he’s reticent, that it’s difficult to start narrating one’s life to a person that hurt him so much. “And then I’ll answer _any_ of your questions.”

“Any?” Donghyuck repeats; he licks his lips, confidence growing as he understands what Renjun means. “No matter what it’s about?”

It feels like Renjun is giving him a gift, but in a certain sense he is. “Yes, but don’t get too brave, okay?”

Once Donghyuck begins to speak, Renjun wants to do nothing but listen to him. It’s the first time Renjun is conscious of how much he has missed his _voice_ , how velvety it sounds to his ears in the intimacy of a bedroom. Donghyuck isn’t doing it on purpose, and that’s the best part of it.

Donghyuck only skips the first year after graduating, perhaps because he doesn’t want to make Renjun feel guilty for his decision. Renjun will have to skip his when it’s his turn, too, because it’s not a time he’s disposed to remember. Erasing their past is impossible, but they can dismiss it in favor of more important things. Donghyuck doesn’t need to know how many times Renjun cried for him and Jeno, and Renjun doesn’t want to know either.

Donghyuck doesn’t lie to him. He confesses his relationship with Yukhei, gazing at Renjun as though he fears a reprimand, but Renjun just hums into his chest. That’s not important. Donghyuck is a software designer manager now, rapidly climbed positions mainly because, he claims, he had no life when he graduated so he poured all his time into his job. He has more responsibilities now, but the hard work isn’t on his hands.

He also mentions, with a smile on his face, that Doyoung and Johnny are mates now. Renjun isn’t surprised to hear that, but he’s pleased to see that Donghyuck is on good terms with his brother. Just by the way Donghyuck speaks about him, Renjun can tell that he was an important pillar during these years. It’s his brother after all, and Doyoung wasn’t going to turn his back on him just because he deemed that Donghyuck’s decisions were awful mistakes.

“Do you think your brother would mind if I-?” Renjun asks him, not knowing how to phrase it. He can’t suppose that they’ll be together beyond becoming friends, and the last thing he wishes is to pressure Donghyuck. “You know, if we started talking again?”

“He’s probably going to give you a hard time, yes.” Donghyuck’s hand travels to his nape, where he strokes little circles to ease Renjun’s mood. “But-”

Donghyuck catches himself before finishing, yet one glance is enough for Renjun to guess where his mind is heading to. And it shouldn’t be that funny, because Donghyuck must have his own pride, but Renjun feels like teasing Donghyuck. It’s his fault for letting those thoughts transpire, anyhow.

“But?” Renjun insists, showing Donghyuck a slanted smile to let him know that he’s going to lose this fight.

“Don’t make me say it,” Donghyuck groans. For the first time tonight, he tilts his head away from Renjun, either because he doesn’t want Renjun’s scent to lure him or because he’s embarrassed. “You know what I’m talking about.”

Renjun shifts against him, and though they’ve stayed in that position for a couple of hours, Renjun is brave enough to put all his weight on Donghyuck at last. Donghyuck’s breath hitches, but Renjun sinks his knee between his legs and props himself up, straddling one of Donghyuck’s legs. He doesn’t want to lie on Donghyuck without permission, so he supports his weight with his hands at both sides of Donghyuck. When Donghyuck looks at him, he’s visibly surprised, gaze wider than before, and his hands hover over Renjun’s hips like he can’t tell if this is happening or not.

“Say what? That you’re an alpha and won’t let anyone disrespect me?” Renjun finishes for him. It’s milder than the explanation that must have been running through Donghyuck’s head, but Donghyuck, in trance, just nods at him. Renjun knows the truth: Donghyuck was trying to say that if he ever became his alpha, he wouldn’t let his brother criticize him. But just like Renjun ignores what the future holds for them, so does Donghyuck. “I can deal with an angry brother for a second chance, Donghyuck.”

And Doyoung has very valid reasons to hate him.

“You can?” Donghyuck says, confused. He frowns up at Renjun, rests a hand on Renjun’s back, the other softly brushing against Renjun’s cheek. Renjun responds by pressing his cheek against his palm, and Donghyuck’s frown dissolves as he realizes that Renjun isn’t joking. “I’d do anything for you, for a second chance.”

The pain in Renjun’s chest brims. He’s been waiting for two days to have this green light, wondering if Donghyuck just wanted to have a one night stand with him and then cut ties. A second chance is all Renjun needs from him.

Renjun brings his hand up to his cheek, stroking over Donghyuck’s wrist, and then interlaces his pinky with Donghyuck’s.

“Let’s try,” Renjun whispers, a promise that instead of falling on no one’s land, falls right on Donghyuck’s lips.

Donghyuck gives him a subtle nod, and then guides Renjun downwards. Renjun isn’t ready to kiss him, but that’s not what Donghyuck intends. He softly leads Renjun’s head into the crook of his neck, there where his scent is the strongest, and presses Renjun into his embrace.

All Renjun can process is that he doesn’t want to let go. Donghyuck’s touch isn’t sexual, and neither are his pheromones. Being in his arms is like a lucid dream, and Renjun shuts his eyes close, praying not to wake up. He can’t reason, just breathes Donghyuck’s skin, breathes him, and lets the fire of Donghyuck’s body burn him too.

Reality only dwells on him when Renjun finds Donghyuck nosing along his neck, sending goosebumps down his spine. The tension in Donghyuck’s hands alarms Renjun, who immediately rubs Donghyuck’s back to keep him in line.

He doesn’t know why Donghyuck is in pain, but he is.

“Donghyuck?” he calls, careful.

However, Donghyuck doesn’t even seem to hear him. It’s not a matter of an alpha ignoring a lower rank: Donghyuck is just far away from here, from this bed, but his mouth is all over Renjun’s carotid, lips slightly parted and breath hot and humid.

Renjun’s heart races, and before Donghyuck loses his mind, he grabs him by the hair and pulls him back. It’s not violent, just a smooth pull, but it’s enough to kick Donghyuck out of his own head.

The frightened shade on Donghyuck’s face is enough of an explanation. He dryly gasps, jerking away from Renjun, as though inhaling around Renjun will just drown him further into the deepest corner of his instinct.

But it wasn’t only instinct. The fact that Donghyuck was unconsciously looking for a spot to mark him is scary, but not in the sense Donghyuck thinks. As Renjun meets his eyes, he sees the wound there, open and raw, an alpha that doesn’t remember that Renjun doesn’t belong to him. An alpha that can be sucked into their past just with the familiar traces of the omega Renjun was back then.

“I’m sorry, I-” Donghyuck begins, choking on his own words. He scrubs his palm over his face, his lips curled down in repulsion. At himself or at the situation, Renjun can’t tell. “I don’t know why I did that.”

Renjun knows. He croaks out a weak, “It’s fine.”

“It’s not.”

Donghyuck stays silent after that, but Renjun doesn’t insist, afraid that it will break Donghyuck’s composure. He decides to maintain the distance in case his scent is overwhelming him, in case that’s the reason Donghyuck has lost control for a moment. However, he touches Donghyuck’s thigh, stroking him over the pants, and feels the trembling of his body die down.

“I want to take it slow,” Donghyuck says then. He doesn’t dare to gaze into Renjun’s eyes, guilt blurred in his eyes. “If _you_ don’t mind. You didn’t believe me yesterday but I meant it, I just want to talk tonight.”

Renjun has been a fool for believing that this encounter would be hard for him. Compared to Donghyuck, his fears are meaningless. And considering how confident Donghyuck felt yesterday, he probably overestimated his ability to handle his feelings as well. Donghyuck has changed in many senses, but that bad habit of bottling things up until they explode seems to remain there after all. When it comes to Renjun, there are many problems that could explode.

“We’re going to take it slow this time, okay?” Renjun assures him. He brings his knees upwards, becoming smaller next to Donghyuck, and Donghyuck gravitates towards him without even realizing. It's a relief to see that Donghyuck isn't uncomfortable with him, that it's been just the ephemeral fear of scaring Renjun away. “I’m not going to disobey an alpha’s wishes, right?”

Despite how ridiculous the idea is, Donghyuck cracks a smile at his joke. “Don’t be silly.”

“I'm not silly.”

Renjun watches Donghyuck roll on his side to face him again, and he immediately moves his hand away from Donghyuck's thigh. Noticing Renjun's carefulness, Donghyuck intertwines fingers with him instead, an attempt to show that he prefers to have a little contact with him.

And then, with a knowing smile, Renjun shoots, “Didn't you have a lot of questions?”

It's a mistake, because the moment Donghyuck's expression shifts to interest, Renjun knows that this is going to take them all night.

Leaving the castle is, at best, funny. Jisung and Jaemin aren't there by the time they wake up, so there's a general state of confusion among their friends, but Dejun advises them to leave the newlyweds _the fuck alone_ and that's what they do.

No one questions why Renjun and Donghyuck smell like each other, but Renjun supposes that it's because there isn't any sexual indication in their scents. They could have tainted each other while dancing, or just hugging, or with light touches as long as they held the intention of scenting. Donghyuck even offers to drive him home, but since Renjun came with Yukhei and Dejun, he decides to leave with them.

Renjun doesn't miss the sad look Yukhei sends Donghyuck once Renjun gets into the car. He doesn't mention it, though, because he's too tired to argue with Yukhei about not meddling between them. Neither Yukhei nor Dejun question him in the car, and Renjun falls asleep in a matter of minutes, hoping that he won't dream of Donghyuck in front of them.

He's intoxicated, from head to toe, with Donghyuck. With his sparkling brown eyes, with the smoothness of his fingertips, the electricity that travels through Renjun every time they touch.

Inevitably, the questions come days later.

“What did he think about your other affairs?” Dejun pries. “And I don't mean Junhui. I mean the _experiments_.”

It's useless to force Dejun to lower his tone, but at this point of his life Renjun doesn't care about strangers overhearing his sexual life. Dejun tends to be quite indecent when they're alone, and that trait has been intensifying in the last few months – because when he's with Kun and Yuhui, Dejun refuses to speak about anything explicit, as if his daughter is going to understand him. Even Kun laughs at him for it, but Renjun is no one to change Dejun's opinion on how he wants to raise his daughter.

Dejun still has time for him, however, because almost every Saturday he pushes Yuhui into Kun's arms and runs free. They usually meet in the morning for a coffee, but today Dejun has dragged it until lunch, too busy with digging out all the information.

“I don't know, to be honest,” Renjun admits with a sigh. “He mostly asked and listened without giving his opinion.”

Which was positive, because Renjun wouldn't have known how to explain the reason he had dated a fellow omega for four months. That relationship had crumbled down by its own weight, but it was, like Dejun called it, an experiment.

Renjun isn't that innocent anymore. After dating a beta and an omega, his will to try unusual combinations is depleted. With Junhui, who was an alpha, building a substantial and satisfying relationship had been much easier, and there was no doubt afterwards that in Renjun’s case, he was better off with an alpha.

“You could have asked,” Dejun reminds him. He looks at him over the menu, eyebrows raised. “I doubt he's stupid enough to tell you something negative and unwarranted.”

Donghyuck just needs the reassurance that Renjun won't walk away, and then he might show his true emotions.

“I feel like I have no right to comment on his life.” Renjun pushes Dejun's menu down, demanding attention. “So I guessed he'd feel the same way about me.”

“That's fair.”

Dejun lets the silence grow as Renjun roams his eyes over the menu, but when Renjun lifts his head, Dejun is staring at him with so much determination that it's scary.

“What?” Renjun scoffs.

“I think you should tell Yukhei to invite you when he goes out with them,” Dejun tells him, dismissing Renjun's attitude. “Them meaning Donghyuck, Jeno, Mark, Sunwoo-”

“I get it.”

Renjun presses his lips into a line, the sudden rush of tension strangling his muscles. He hasn't lost contact with most of his friends, but it's true that they systematically exclude Renjun if Donghyuck or Jeno are there. This is the decision Renjun took four years ago, and up to this day he’s bearing with the consequences. He still hangs out with Sunwoo, Chenle, Jaemin, Jisung, Mark and Yukhei, as long as it's just them.

Renjun would be lying if he said that sometimes it didn't feel like he belonged.

“Do you realize it's the same circle of friends, except because you're not there?” Dejun insists, leaning over the table. Renjun is that disharmonious note in their song, the one person that can spoil all the work they've done. “And you know I understand why you removed yourself from the group, but if you and Donghyuck really want that second chance, you can't pretend that you'll have a relationship without involving Jeno in any way.”

That stings deep into Renjun's insecurities.

He's really happy that Jeno and Donghyuck have managed to find a path for their friendship. God, that was Renjun's aim when he broke the three of them – he wished that they would be happy on their own and with each other, that they would fight for what really mattered.

Of course, Renjun didn't imagine that after four years he would be in this position, itching to go back to one of them. But he still stands by his words, and if his presence affects Jeno and Donghyuck's friendship, he'll have to kick himself out of the picture again. Jeno's wounds might be cured, but Donghyuck's wounds aren't.

“You're a little bit thorny today, Dejun,” Renjun points out, faking a scowl.

Dejun wholeheartedly laughs at him. “I love you too,” he sing-songs, pleased.

But Renjun can't dismiss Dejun's words. He's right. Even if Renjun doesn't want to prioritize their social life, since he's not certain Donghyuck and he will be on the same wavelength, it wouldn't be right to hide it from Jeno. And most important, if Donghyuck wants him back into his life, it will be with all its consequences.

Renjun has kept Donghyuck a secret for eight years, and he deserves better than that.

Two weeks later, Jaemin decides to exist again.

Renjun doesn’t have any reproach for him, because he was aware that Jaemin would be off and unreachable during his honeymoon, but he has missed him. Needless to say, he has other friends to rely on, but after the wedding Renjun’s feelings are boiling in the pores of his skin, and there’s no one who can guide him like Jaemin does.

At least, when it comes to Donghyuck.

Jaemin’s return is a relief, and Renjun doesn’t even have to ask for his time. The same afternoon Jisung and Jaemin arrive at home, Jaemin shows up at his door without previous announcement. He doesn’t need to warn Renjun, anyway, because Renjun works at home, and he only has to spend time at the office once his architecture projects are at the final stage.

Jaemin has tanned to the point that Renjun mistakes him for a stranger for a moment, and the most surprising thing is that during the honeymoon, he dyed his hair pink. Renjun gawks at him, and perhaps because he’s gotten similar reactions, Jaemin just deadpans at Renjun’s expression.

“It was Jisung’s idea,” Jaemin defends himself, standing by the door like he can’t understand why it’s such a big deal. “He dyed his blue, he looks so _funny_.”

Renjun bursts into laughter at last, pulling Jaemin into a hug. Jaemin laughs with him, holding Renjun so hard that he even lifts him before Renjun can protest. If Jaemin thinks his husband looks funny, it’s because he can’t see himself with other people’s eyes; Jaemin looks nineteen again, and Renjun knows for a fact that he’s never going to let Jisung convince him of such absurd ideas again.

“Did you have fun?” Renjun mumbles, asphyxiated against his chest.

Jaemin releases him, a huge grin on his lips. “Fun.” He strokes his own stomach, and adds, “And food.”

Renjun observes Jaemin’s figure just to find out that he’s indeed gained weight, but it’s probably the same amount he lost because of the stress of the wedding. Jaemin pats his butt, inviting himself into Renjun’s apartment, and Renjun closes the door.

“God,” Renjun begins, sniffing the air. “I can’t even smell your scent.”

Jaemin shrugs. He and Jisung have probably spent the two weeks wrapped around each other, not touching anyone else, and it’s a natural consequence. “Don’t be jealous.”

He doesn’t miss how Jaemin scans the whole living room, from the state of his couch to the amount of blueprints scattered in his working corner. Jaemin is too astute to be deluded, and it wouldn’t be the first time Jaemin discovers a secret just by inspecting the state of Renjun’s apartment. Renjun doesn’t understand what could be so revealing about his living room right now, other than he’s swamped with work.

But Jaemin spins around and holds his hand, drags him away from his blueprints and to the couch, a sigh escaping his lips. Renjun awkwardly sits with him, reticent, unable to predict what Jaemin is going to come up with.

“Baby,” he calls Renjun, almost cooing. He curls his finger around a strand of hair and carefully tucks it behind Renjun’s ear; Renjun is so receptive to his touch that Jaemin’s gaze softens. “You good?”

Renjun is fine, but he could be better. The wedding has taken a toll on him, and he isn’t ingenuous enough to pretend that Donghyuck isn’t the main reason. Dejun had a point too, but it still hurt to think that he might have crossed him off for his friends. That he has conditioned their lives in a sense, too.

“I’m confused,” Renjun confesses. Jaemin squeezes his hand, and that tiny gesture of support is what drives Renjun to sputter it all. “Donghyuck and I haven’t talked again and I’m starting to think that he regrets it.”

It’s a plausible possibility, and Renjun wouldn’t be surprised or offended. He’d be upset. Sometimes being around strong pheromones can convince them that they want someone that, with a cool head, they wouldn’t want.

Jaemin crosses his legs, the ghost of a smirk tugging at his lips.

“He doesn’t,” he retorts, looking straight into Renjun’s eyes. Renjun bites his lower lip, unsure of how to doubt Jaemin’s words; unless Donghyuck has directly told him, they can’t be one hundred percent of his thoughts. “Unlike you, he annoyed the fuck out of me during the honeymoon.”

“What?” Renjun unconsciously moves forward, as though he’s heard Jaemin wrong. “Because of me?”

The thought of Donghyuck bothering Jaemin is both amusing and heart fluttering. Alarming, even, because Donghyuck couldn’t wait for Jaemin to come back. Alphas are always more impatient, and Renjun wishes Donghyuck would have just talked to him instead. Perhaps it would have saved Renjun from his own worries as well.

Jaemin clears his throat, soaking in every one of Renjun’s reactions as if he’s watching a play.

“You still overwhelm him, he’s intimidated,” he confirms, so nonchalant that Renjun suspects that Donghyuck might have not given him permission to share that. If Jaemin is breaking his trust just to throw Renjun into his arms, Renjun can’t get mad at him. “So he needs a little push.”

It used to be Donghyuck who gave the little pushes, Renjun thinks.

“What is a _little push_?”

Jaemin deliberately ignores his question, grinning at the nothingness, aware that he’s given too much away. He sighs, “Ah, young love.”

“Jaemin,” Renjun warns him, annoyed.

“I’m not the expert with alphas.”

Renjun eyes his wedding ring in incredulity. “You have to be kidding me.”

It’s obvious that Donghyuck made him swear that he wouldn’t snitch on him, but Jaemin has never been gifted with discretion. Renjun knows that Jaemin would never tell a secret if he thought it would hurt his friends, and yet sometimes Jaemin deems that keeping the secret is the worst option of them all. To Renjun’s dismay, he’s usually right. Donghyuck might be afraid of exposing his feelings, but that’s what Renjun needs from him at the moment: that reassurance that he’s not forcing Donghyuck into an unwanted deal.

“I can pass you classified information, yeah, but you can’t just repeat my words like a parrot,” Jaemin retorts. “That would be like, I don’t know, seducing Donghyuck myself.”

He has a point, and those are the exact words to manipulate Renjun. No omega would ever like the idea of using another omega’s tricks to lure an alpha that they care about.

“Disgusting,” Renjun concludes, dragging a laugh out of Jaemin.

Despite his mischievousness, Jaemin glances at him with a hint of seriousness and reminds him, “You got to work less.” He brushes over Renjun’s thigh, consoling. “And go on dates more often.”

It’s the same story every month. Renjun works too much, doesn’t have many chances to meet new people. Since he broke up with Junhui – the second time, because they broke up and got together again after the first time – he hasn’t dated anyone else. He hasn’t even tried, but it was hard to try without an initial interest. Besides, Renjun had had too much luck in his relationships. Jeno, Donghyuck and Junhui are rarities, especially in a world of alphas, and Renjun isn’t disposed to settle down with someone that doesn’t respect him. Renjun knows that many alphas respect their mates, but they don’t respect other betas and omegas, and that’s enough to discard them from his life.

“I don’t want to _go on dates_ , as a concept,” Renjun responds. They’re tiring, and pretty often just a waste of time. Connecting with a stranger who might not have anything in common with him is an odyssey. “I just want to-”

Renjun catches himself in time. To see Donghyuck. To have Donghyuck. That’s what he wants, but it feels obscene on an emotional level to admit it out loud.

“Renjun,” Jaemin whines, squeezing his face with so much strength that Renjun gasps. He doesn’t understand his reaction until he recognizes the weak pout on Jaemin’s mouth, the emotions in his gaze. Perhaps because Jaemin loves them both, Renjun’s words hold huge meaning for him too. “You’re so cute, I swear to god. Tell that to Donghyuck and he’ll be on his knees in a second.”

Renjun scrunches his nose at Jaemin, amused, but his voice is muffled by Jaemin’s palms. “I don’t want him on his knees.”

“Sure you don’t.”

Jaemin smirks at him, and though a part of Renjun wants to hit him for being indecent, Jaemin’s happiness is contagious.

Gathering his courage until it becomes significant isn’t an easy process, but it helps Renjun to find out that his courage is in the bottom of a glass of tequila.

He should be ashamed that alcohol is the final, vital detail that makes him think up a terribly demanding question and press send, but Renjun doesn’t have time to pity himself. He’s with Dejun and Chenle, so he types the message into his phone, hands under the table, and before he can question his own actions twice, his thumb has already decided for him.

He can’t check the phone until he’s home, since Dejun clings onto his arm with so much enthusiasm that Renjun can’t even hold his own glass. He makes out some complaints about Kun, about Kun being too vanilla since they had a kid, about how Renjun and Chenle should never get married and form a family because it’s a scam. Chenle even takes a video of Dejun and sends it to one of their group chats, much to Kun’s dismay, but Renjun can’t stop laughing for the rest of the night.

Only when he hits his bed, does he remember the stupidity he did at the beginning of the night. He rolls over the bed, unlocks his phone, and blinks several times at the new messages from Donghyuck.

 _When are you taking me on a date?_ was what Renjun sent, or at least that was what he intended to send. There are a few embarrassing mistakes, and an exclamation point instead of a question mark. And under that, Donghyuck hasn’t asked any questions, hasn’t given any signal of finding Renjun’s bravery odd.

Instead, his answer is a clear _tomorrow night_.

Renjun drops the phone on his bed, laughing in the loneliness of his bedroom. Donghyuck isn’t giving him any options, and even through a message, it gives the impression of being an order. Renjun just has to extend his hand towards him for Donghyuck to grab all of him, and that’s how it should be between them, like it has always been. Impulse after impulse.

That night, Renjun drifts to sleep with an exhausted smile on his face and an exhilarating tingling thrumming through his body. He hasn’t felt so alive in years. In four years.

“You have _what_?”

Renjun doesn’t understand what is so unbelievable about it, but Jisung looks at him with his mouth open in shock. Technically, Jisung doesn’t have permission to participate in this conversation – he walked into Jaemin and Renjun talking in the kitchen, and like the good alpha he is, he deemed that his presence was appropriate without asking first.

It’s a given that Jaemin and Jisung share everything, so Renjun doesn’t mind that Jisung is there, listening to his supposedly private concerns. He minds, however, that scoring a date with Donghyuck seems to be a miracle for Renjun, at least in Jisung’s perspective.

“A date with Donghyuck,” Jaemin repeats, glowering at him for interrupting. “Are you already losing your hearing? It must be true that marriage makes you age faster.”

Instead of being offended, Jisung taps Jaemin’s temple and shoots back, “I swear the dye is getting into your brain.”

Their bantering doesn’t alarm Renjun, since he’s used to it. Once they survived their first year of relationship, full of sweet and vomit-inducing memories that Renjun prefers to forget, teasing each other became the norm. It’s their little game, Renjun realizes, and they’ve been together for so long that the limits don’t even have to be discussed.

“Hey, I’m the one in need,” Renjun reminds them in an attempt to snap them out of their world. “You can flirt later.”

Jisung cackles at the evidence, but Jaemin sends Renjun his most mortally soft look.

“You’re right. Sorry, babe,” he says, rubbing Renjun’s arm in consolation. Jisung is busy taking a bag of chips out of a drawer, so Jaemin takes advantage of that moment to fling the worst question at Renjun. “Are you going to sleep with him?”

Before Renjun can feel the weight of his words, Jisung is already turning on his heels and protesting, “On the first date?”

“What’s wrong with that? It’s not like they haven’t-”

Renjun coughs on purpose, both uncomfortable and flabbergasted at how his friends are about to argue about his sexual life in front of him. It’s even more shocking because Renjun hasn’t requested advice about _that_. He doesn’t need advice, if his experience isn’t enough proof of it, and less coming from Jaemin and Jisung, who married the first person they dated. Renjun has already gone through two relationships that failed, three if he counts Donghyuck as _something_.

“I hadn’t even thought about that,” Renjun claims, putting a finger over Jaemin’s lips so that he doesn’t call him a liar. Of course he has fantasized about sleeping with Donghyuck again, but it’s not his priority. That’s what matters. “We’re just going to have dinner.”

“Well, think about it, because it might happen,” Jaemin insists. He ignores Jisung’s scowl, which is pretty hilarious to Renjun because he never thought Jisung and he would ever be on the same page and against Jaemin. “And you have to be ready to say yes or no.”

“They’re not going to have sex,” Jisung repeats. When Renjun lifts his eyebrows at him, curious of what makes Jisung so sure of himself, Jisung avoids his gaze. “God, they’ll be lucky if they kiss.”

There’s a short silence among them. Jaemin studies Jisung’s expression, squinting his eyes, and Renjun pretends that their refrigerator is the most interesting object he has ever seen.

It’s Jaemin who breaks the silence with a disappointed, “Why are you so pessimistic?”

The fact that Jaemin doesn’t have the heart to fight is pretty revealing. Jisung, as an alpha, can understand Donghyuck and his instinct better than they do. In fact, if Donghyuck’s doubts are about himself and not about Renjun only, there is a high chance that he actually asked advice from Jisung or Sunwoo. Jisung might know or might intuit more than he lets on.

“I’m not being pessimistic,” Jisung sighs. He tears his eyes away from Jaemin, and with his eyebrows knitted in confusion, he stares at Renjun. “Listen, Renjun, Jaemin here is being too optimistic. Donghyuck hasn’t dated anyone in four years, which in reality means he has never dated anyone _seriously_ in his entire life.”

Renjun exchanges a scared look with Jaemin, realization slapping him on the face.

He has never considered Donghyuck’s relationships that way. Donghyuck has shared his bed with many people, especially during their university years, but he hasn’t had an official boyfriend. Ever. He went from his university affairs to Renjun, to a broken heart, and then to sporadic sex with Yukhei once he was ready. Donghyuck has no idea what having a boyfriend is like, and Renjun would bet his right arm that Donghyuck is having a hard time thinking that maybe, he won’t be able to make Renjun happy. That maybe Renjun will have to teach him to love, and that he shouldn’t have that responsibility.

Swallowing the itching pain in his throat, Renjun points at Jisung and jokes, “He’s going to take away your best friend position, Jaemin.”

That’s the cue for Jaemin to put an end to the conversation, but Jisung isn’t a young alpha anymore, and he reads the room as well. Transparency can be an advantage, but Renjun isn’t in a position where he wants to be obvious to everyone except himself.

That day it’s Jisung who accompanies him to the door, even though Renjun declines the offer of being driven home. Jaemin reminds him, in a scream across their apartment, that Renjun has two legs and that Jisung already has an omega to tend to. Renjun makes sure to plant a sonorous goodbye kiss on Jisung’s cheek just to annoy Jaemin, but he doesn’t take any risks beyond that.

Before Renjun can step outside, Jisung tugs at his pinky and says, “Donghyuck only cares about what you want.” His voice is just a mutter, like he doesn’t want Jaemin to hear them. And it makes sense all of a sudden that Jisung insisted in being alone with him, in bidding him goodbye. “So someone should care about what he wants.”

Renjun is speechless as Jisung moves away, and when the door closes, Renjun is left alone with his thoughts.

He never had the chance to take care of Donghyuck like he deserved; Renjun had always been split in two, one half of his mind on not hurting Jeno, and though omegas can care for more than one person at the same time, Donghyuck had been ready to give up everything and everyone in his life for him. It had been a terrible disposition, but it was still proof that Donghyuck had and still has eyes only for him.

Renjun knows that when an alpha finds the right mate, they can’t pursue anyone else. For Donghyuck, it’s Renjun or no one; and Renjun isn’t an alpha, but this time he’s willing to sacrifice anything to make Donghyuck happy. He only has eyes for Donghyuck, and if Donghyuck only cares about Renjun’s needs, that’s fine, because Renjun can take care of the rest for the both of them.

As the hours pass by and his date with Donghyuck approaches, Renjun grasps Jisung’s advice with all his strength.

It’s cold and dry, but when Donghyuck sends him a message and Renjun runs down the stairs of his apartment, all he feels is heat. Donghyuck is waiting for him at the entrance, outside his car, with his hands shoved in his pockets, but as soon as he recognizes Renjun, his lips expand into a smile. Renjun responds with a coy smile, his gaze stopping in Donghyuck’s rosy cheeks, on the tip of his nose, red from the cold. Renjun can’t believe that Donghyuck got out of the car just to greet him, even though he’s freezing, but it’s evident that Donghyuck doesn’t care.

Feeling guilty, Renjun walks up to him for a hug. Donghyuck doesn’t understand his body language. Instead of hugging him, Donghyuck holds his head and presses a soft his on his forehead; a kiss that creates a bubble of pheromones around them, Renjun warming up from head to toe. Donghyuck laughs when he jerks away and sees Renjun’s pitiful gaze, but he doesn’t make fun of him for being so responsive. Renjun and he are equally lost, anyhow.

“Hey,” Donghyuck says, voice hoarse. He fondly strokes Renjun’s cheeks, a mischievous spark in his eyes, and whispers, “You look so pretty.”

Overwhelmed by the sincerity in his voice, Renjun can’t answer. There isn’t anything more comforting than seeing pure admiration in an alpha’s eyes. Renjun breaks into a smile, a blush creeping onto his face to accompany it, but Donghyuck just shakes his head and points at the car with his chin.

The ride is much more peaceful for Renjun’s heart, but he still feels his blood pulse in his veins at Donghyuck’s proximity. Donghyuck refuses to tell him where they’re having dinner tonight, either because he enjoys Renjun’s insistence or just because he wants it to be a surprise. That just fuels Renjun’s curiosity, but it’s enthralling that Donghyuck is so excited over a simple dinner.

They joke about Jaemin and Jisung’s new hair colors, laugh about the videos from last night, which Donghyuck saw too because apparently they spread into other group chats. It makes Renjun wonder if during these four years other private videos have reached Donghyuck too, but then Donghyuck is talking about Jeno and Renjun doesn’t have the chance to ask. The way Donghyuck speaks about Jeno is endearing, and Renjun is glad that Donghyuck has his eyes set on the road, because that way Renjun is allowed to ogle at Donghyuck while he smiles and speaks like an energetic kid.

By the time Donghyuck parks, it has been a while since Renjun stopped listening to him, too hypnotized by Donghyuck’s face and gestures. Donghyuck doesn’t notice, much to Renjun’s pride, and interprets Renjun’s nervousness wrong.

There is a reason for that, Renjun discovers one second later.

“Close your eyes,” Donghyuck orders, an air of security around him.

Renjun blinks at him for a few seconds, trying not to laugh at the seriousness in Donghyuck’s face. “You’re going to make me walk with my eyes closed?”

Like it’s the most important detail in the world, Donghyuck sends him a firm nod.

“That’s right,” he confirms.

It’s impossible for Renjun not to snicker, but he shuts his eyes close to indulge Donghyuck. He can hear him take his car keys in a rush, get out of the car and run around it to open Renjun’s door. As Donghyuck takes both of his hands so that Renjun doesn’t trip over himself, Renjun keeps bursting into random attacks of laughter.

“Why are you laughing?” Donghyuck asks him, though he sounds pretty amused himself.

First of all, Renjun is glad he’s the one who can’t see anything, because two adult men playing this game in public must be bizarre to any bystander. Since it has been Donghyuck’s idea, it’s just fair that he deals with the embarrassment; not like Donghyuck is showing any shame, however.

“I was wrong when I said you changed,” Renjun explains. Donghyuck doesn’t let go of him, softly pulling him by his hands so that he doesn’t fall. He can sense Donghyuck’s gaze on him, his eagerness to scold him if Renjun dares to open his eyes. “I think you actually regressed in time and became fifteen years old again.”

“Oh, believe me.” Donghyuck sets a hand on his hip to help him climb a step, and Renjun holds onto his shoulders, fearing that he’ll fall. “You’d have loved my fifteen-year-old self.”

Before Renjun can imagine what a terror of an alpha Donghyuck was when he was a teen, Donghyuck tells him he can open his eyes. Donghyuck is all Renjun sees at first, but then his attention progresses beyond Donghyuck.

They’re in an elegant restaurant, one that Renjun isn’t familiar with, and he can’t understand why Donghyuck kept it a secret. The reason becomes evident minutes later, after Donghyuck has discussed his reservation with the receptionist and they’re led to the second floor, where the restaurant is divided into private rooms.

Step by step, Renjun catches his breath, intuiting what Donghyuck has prepared for him. Donghyuck has taken him from the center of the city to the beach, to one of the restaurants that sit on a cliff. They’re expensive restaurants both because of the views, the quality of the food, and the fame of being very discreet for couples.

But that’s not the important factor that Donghyuck has considered, and Renjun is certain of that. Renjun’s apartment is far away from the beach, so it’s very rare for him to have time to hang around this zone, but during their university years, they used to spend a lot of time at the beach. Parties, simple meetings, or long walks to forget about their problems. It was at that beach where Renjun feared, for the first time, that he was going to fall in love with Donghyuck.

Renjun looks around, at the small table with everything set and ready, at the dim lights that create a hypnotizing sense of romance, so intimate that Renjun feels shy all of a sudden. The room has window wall with ocean views, and though it’s warm and cozy inside, Renjun feels a shiver run down his spine.

“Donghyuck,” Renjun says, voice dropping low.

Renjun has no idea how Donghyuck predicts his thoughts, but he cuts him off with a clear, “No, you’re not going to pay for it.”

Renjun looks at him, taken aback, and Donghyuck laughs at how troubled Renjun seems to be. It feels wrong that Donghyuck is paying for it when it was Renjun’s proposal to go on a date, no matter both of them wanted to, but Donghyuck insists, “I can afford it. Maybe not every night, but it’s not a problem right now”

Renjun sends him a last warning look, the hint of a pout adorning his lips, but Donghyuck laughs it off. He strides to the window, to a tiny seating area connected to the window, and Renjun follows him, unable to take his eyes off Donghyuck.

Donghyuck hugs Renjun by wrapping an arm around his waist, and Renjun responds by latching on his side, finally looking at the dark sea in front of them. It’s a calm night, but the waves still crash against the rocks of the cliff with an intimidating force, and Renjun unconsciously leans into Donghyuck’s protection.

“I haven’t seen the sea in so long,” Renjun mutters.

“Really?” Donghyuck perks up, glancing at him. “I live five minutes away from here.”

Renjun pinches Donghyuck’s side and accuses him, “Show-off.”

“I’m trying to impress you,” Donghyuck jokes, but his voice softens as Renjun molds against him again. There’s hope in his eyes when he says, “Is it working?”

There wouldn’t be a universe where Donghyuck couldn’t impress Renjun. His mere scent is addicting, and the more Renjun touches his body through his clothes, the more he craves to press against him without clothes. Donghyuck is enough of an alpha to embrace him instead of just using this attention for his ego, and Renjun feels so safe in his arms that he’d prefer to skip the dinner just to stay like this.

“That’s a secret,” Renjun answers at last, pleased as he senses that playful smell in Donghyuck’s pheromones.

Donghyuck parts his lips to retort, but they’re interrupted by one of the waiters, who looks taken aback when he realizes he might have interrupted an important moment. He apologizes, but Donghyuck assures him that he’s not bothering them, and both of them end up behaving like normal people and sit on opposite sides of the table.

Risking the possibility of making the staff uncomfortable, Donghyuck keeps intertwining their hands over the table as they have dinner. Renjun is a bit embarrassed at first, until he notices that Donghyuck isn’t doing it on purpose; that he’s so absorbed by Renjun that he doesn’t even glance at the waiters when they enter their room. Donghyuck is dedicated exclusively to him, and Renjun hasn’t felt this valuable, loved in a long time. He didn’t even remember this was how Donghyuck made him feel, but now that he’s alone with him, he understands why it was so hard to let go of Donghyuck, or why he fell in love with Donghyuck in the first place.

The dinner lasts a breath, or so it seems to Renjun. Perhaps because he doesn’t want the night to end, because he doesn’t want to go back home without knowing when he’ll meet up with Donghyuck again. Donghyuck might ignore why Renjun becomes more nervous as the dinner goes by, but he can still perceive his emotions, so before the dessert he stands up and drags Renjun back to the small viewpoint of the ocean.

However, Donghyuck doesn’t face the window. He sits with his back against the wall, softly grips Renjun’s hips to tug him closer, and before Renjun is aware of how indecent this might look, he’s invading Donghyuck’s lap. Donghyuck hugs him until Renjun’s chin rests on his shoulders, and only then Renjun comprehends Donghyuck’s intentions. Donghyuck wants him to observe the sea, since it’s his first opportunity in a long time, as he caresses Renjun’s head and back.

Renjun isn’t sure for how long they remain in the same position, his torso resting against Donghyuck’s chest while Donghyuck draws circles all over his back. He’s drowning in Donghyuck’s scent, in the smoothness of his skin every time he rubs his cheek in the crook of Donghyuck’s neck. Donghyuck hums from time to time, but he never tenses up at Renjun’s proximity, as if he can feel that strange peace Renjun is experiencing too. At some point Renjun even hears the door open, yet the staff leave them alone instead of asking them if they need anything else, and Donghyuck’s chest vibrates with laughter.

“He looked traumatized,” Donghyuck whispers with a chuckle.

Renjun can imagine that he’d be pretty traumatized in his situation too, so he’s glad he’s facing the window.

“I’m sure he’s seen worse than us,” Renjun says, accommodating on Donghyuck’s lap. Now that the staff knows better than to walk in on them, Renjun can afford loosening his pheromones around Donghyuck. He does it progressively, however, because he fears that Donghyuck will have an impulsive reaction. “I don’t want to leave.”

Renjun is sure that Donghyuck isn’t conscious of it, but Donghyuck tightens his grip on him.

“We can stay,” he assures. “Don’t rush.”

Torn between joking about the restaurant kicking them out or enjoying Donghyuck’s sweetness, Renjun realizes that it’s not a matter of this dinner ending. He just wishes he could spend more time with Donghyuck. He wishes he didn’t have to return home alone, aware that after being with Donghyuck, the contrast will punch a hole into his chest.

That’s the reason his lips move on its own, the reason Renjun asks a question that he would never ask if he was in his right mind.

“Can I sleep at your place tonight?” Donghyuck doesn’t seem nervous at the proposal, but his silence lasts the right amount of time to let Renjun know that he doesn’t understand why Renjun is doing this. Renjun explains, “Just sleep.”

Jisung is right. Donghyuck doesn’t want to have sex with him, and it’s probably because he can sense that Renjun isn’t ready either. It’s a good thing that Renjun can share a bed with him without giving into the temptation, that they can trust each other to respect their limits.

“Of course,” Donghyuck answers. Renjun deflates, relieved, and feels Donghyuck’s face contort into a smile. “Did you think I’d say no?”

Renjun always fears that Donghyuck might regret giving him another chance. That’s not a feeling that is disappearing anytime soon, but telling Donghyuck is even scarier than experiencing it alone, so Renjun keeps that to himself.

“I couldn’t be sure.”

To Renjun’s surprise, Donghyuck holds him by the waist and breaks the hug, detaching to look at his face. It catches Renjun off guard, in the middle of dealing with his own insecurities, and he can’t build a façade in time. There isn’t pity in Donghyuck’s eyes, just understanding, and he cradles Renjun’s face between his hands with a hopeless side smile.

“You really have no idea, do you?” Donghyuck tells him, reading Renjun like he’s an open book. “I never said no to you, Renjun, and I won’t ever do it.”

Guilt whipping through him, Renjun mutters, “That’s not fair.”

It’s not fair for Donghyuck. It has never been.

“I don’t give a fuck about fairness,” Donghyuck retorts, but his bluntness comes from the sincerity in his voice, not from his cursing. Renjun bites the inside of his cheek, worried, and Donghyuck pleads, “Look at me, baby.”

Renjun does.

Donghyuck might dread that Renjun is going to hurt him again, but there he is, laying all his cards on the table without hesitation. He’s not smiling anymore, and the glint in his eyes betrays the desperation that he feels as well, the frustration that eats him up. Renjun doesn’t intend to frustrate him, but he has to make sure that Donghyuck isn’t just jumping into decisions to please Renjun, not thinking about himself first.

Donghyuck caresses Renjun’s cheek with his thumb, a raw gaze penetrating his, and confesses, “Sometimes I feel like you never left.”

Like Renjun didn’t _abandon_ him. Because that’s what he did: he abandoned both Jeno and Donghyuck, hoping that they could heal themselves, fearing that they wouldn’t. It was torture for Renjun too, but that doesn’t mean that he made it any better for the rest.

But Donghyuck doesn’t care about that, at least not now, and not when he first saw Renjun at the wedding. It was like he had erased all the painful memories, only keeping the ones that reminded him of a life they never had together.

“Like I love you all the same, because I never stopped loving you,” Donghyuck adds in a breath.

Renjun closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, but his whole world trembles around him without control.

“And the rest of the time?” Renjun whispers.

Donghyuck doesn’t answer right away. He waits for Renjun to open his eyes, no words needed to comprehend that Donghyuck can’t help him if he refuses to stare into his eyes. Renjun doesn’t find courage within himself, but he finds it in Donghyuck. In his pheromones, in his scent, in the tenderness of his fingers on his cheek. Renjun learns that even if Donghyuck doesn’t like his intentions, he won’t judge him for them, and less will he give up on Renjun just because of it.

If Donghyuck hasn’t renounced to this, to _them_ in four years, is because there isn’t anyone else that could fill the emptiness that Renjun left. Renjun is familiar with that sensation, too.

When Renjun gazes at him, Donghyuck gifts him a lip-locked smile.

“The rest of the time,” he replies then; his fingertips hesitate over Renjun’s skin, but Donghyuck doesn’t back out. “I feel like I could love you again.”

There are many truths that, when said in certain moments, bring both pain and joy. This is the confirmation Renjun needs, but it also reveals that his fears weren’t unfounded. Just like him, Donghyuck has to learn to love from the beginning. Renjun has forgotten too, because Donghyuck and Jeno were the last persons he loved, and he loved them bad.

He isn’t going to love Donghyuck like that again. He can do better for Donghyuck.

“I want you to love me again,” Renjun says, lifting his chin a little bit higher. If it wasn't because of Donghyuck's hold on his jaw, all of Renjun would tremble with fear. A wish isn't reality. Renjun's will to have Donghyuck back doesn't imply Donghyuck can love him the way he did. And in his guts, Renjun has a hunch that he could be crazier about Donghyuck, crazier than he has ever been, if Donghyuck just let him. “And I want you to let me love you.”

Donghyuck's emotions disintegrate upon his words, but Renjun smells his excitement, an emotion so strong that it could destroy them both. There's nothing like pure, naive hope to fall into the deepest well of misery, and still Renjun is disposed to feed that hope regardless of the consequences.

“Renjun,” Donghyuck whispers, voice shaking.

Renjun doesn't realize he's staring at Donghyuck's lips until he says his name. He flickers his eyes up in embarrassment, but Donghyuck isn't looking into his eyes either. His attention is on Renjun's mouth as well, hypnotized, as he rubs Renjun's cheek with his thumb.

It takes all of Renjun's breath, and his chest shrivels with expectation, with impatience. Donghyuck closes the distance so slowly that Renjun nearly leans forward, but just like Donghyuck is giving him time to draw away, to reject him, Renjun can't deprive him from that decision either.

Renjun doesn't hear the sea anymore when Donghyuck's lips press on his mouth. The power of a wave crashing on the rocks is nothing compared to Donghyuck's mouth, and Renjun's world closes around Donghyuck with a sigh. Around his hand on Renjun's jaw as he guides him into his mouth, around all the memories that have lived in Renjun's mind, and around the unstoppable beating of his heart.

Renjun remembers how Donghyuck's lips tasted, and though some of his pheromones are the same, that addicting pleasure Renjun used to feel is now free of guilt, free of agony. Donghyuck parts his lips and Renjun finds paradise, but it’s a paradise for two. Donghyuck's grip tightens as Renjun licks into his mouth, and before he can feel any sort of amusement at Donghyuck's reaction, their tongues meet with equal eagerness. Warmth whips through Renjun, and he surrounds Donghyuck's frame, brushing against him without any shame. It's all familiar, and at the same time, new.

And it's even more familiar when heat rises, when Donghyuck isn't so timid and he turns demanding, one of his hands travelling down Renjun's back and stopping on his ass. But they can't be closer than they already are, and Renjun is overwhelmed for a second, unable to believe that Donghyuck really wants him so much that he has lost his sense of space and decency.

Perhaps because Donghyuck is aware of his own behavior, his lips slant into a smile, and Renjun has to detach from the kiss, caressing Donghyuck's nape to calm him down. When Renjun manages to glance at his face, Donghyuck even looks a bit embarrassed of his own inability to stop smiling, and he lowers his head, trying to hide it from Renjun.

Renjun can't help but smile too, so he immediately taps under Donghyuck's jaw so that he raises his head.

He strokes Donghyuck's hair, smitten with his happiness, and accuses him, “Are you laughing at my kisses?”

Donghyuck makes a whining noise in protest, but he doesn't have the words to deny it.

“Rude,” Renjun teases him. But Donghyuck looks so pretty like this, smiling just because he's happy that they kissed, that Renjun just wants to reward him. He has been so good, so patient despite how much he wanted to jump onto Renjun, and Renjun is both grateful and enchanted. That's the reason he presses his cheek against Donghyuck's and playfully whispers, “You should pay for this super expensive dinner and kiss me in your car.”

Donghyuck's eyes widen, and when it comes to instinct and an indecent proposal, he's like any other alpha. A promise of having an omega all for himself, in his private space, is a sweet gift no one would reject. Renjun pleads guilty too, but it's all worth it just to see how fast Donghyuck breaks their moment just to get a better version of it. A longer, chainless version, so that Renjun can slip a hand under Donghyuck's clothes if he wants to.

And really, Donghyuck might be ridiculous, but Renjun doesn't have any intention to complain.

Kisses don’t stop in the car, but they don’t stop at Donghyuck’s home either.

Renjun expects Donghyuck to be impatient and demanding, but once Donghyuck places his arms around his hips and pushes him onto the bed, time seems to drop second by second, breath by breath. Donghyuck’s touches are slow, calm, and so are his kisses. There isn’t any reason to rush anymore, because Renjun isn’t going to evaporate from his bed, and Renjun doesn’t have to worry about leaving Donghyuck behind.

When they entangle with each other in bed, Renjun doesn’t set any limit. Donghyuck knows when and where to stop, and though their caresses are more intense every time they brush against each other, the fire that burns between them keeps them sane.

Renjun lets Donghyuck kiss over his neck, lets Donghyuck slip his hand under his pants and stroke his thighs, but that’s all they do. Kiss, touch, take deep breaths. And it’s enough for Renjun, because even sinking his nose in Donghyuck’s scent overwhelms him sometimes. Because he needs to remind himself that this isn’t one of his dreams; that the Donghyuck turning him into ashes is real, and that when they wake up tomorrow, his lips will still be raw and red from kissing.

Renjun doesn’t know when he falls asleep. He can’t tell the exact moment Donghyuck’s arms cuddle him instead of feeling him up, when the tremble of Donghyuck’s soul becomes his home. And if the lights of Donghyuck’s room were never on to begin with, Renjun will never know, because as soon as Donghyuck closes his eyes, Renjun’s universe tucks into itself too. In that modest, solitary room that must have been void of love for four years, Renjun finds a tiny place to fill.

Perhaps because of the emotions from last night, Renjun can barely move at the sound of Donghyuck’s voice. It’s funny that regardless of Donghyuck’s attempts, of his hand carefully placed on Renjun’s arm, it’s the lack of contact what drags Renjun out of his dreams.

The scene that welcomes him is confusing, especially because his body expects to still be latched onto a half-naked Donghyuck, but he’s alone in bed, Donghyuck leaning over the edge of the bed to wake him up. Even though Renjun swears that he should have noticed Donghyuck’s absence, Donghyuck must have left the bed long ago, because he’s already dressed in a casual suit, all the marks Renjun planted on his skin covered by his white shirt.

“I’m sorry,” is what Donghyuck whispers first. If he’s sorry for bothering Renjun or because he’s about to leave him, Renjun isn’t sure. Not that it matters, since Renjun just placidly wraps a hand behind Donghyuck’s neck to relax him, and Donghyuck seems to get the hint without words. “I have to go to work.”

Renjun unconsciously tries to sit up, but Donghyuck draws a small scowl for him, leading him on his back again.

“No, stay and sleep,” Donghyuck says, as if Renjun was still half-asleep and he feared ruining his sleep. He strokes Renjun’s cheek with the back of his hand and assures, “You can stay for as long as you want.”

It’s a logical invitation, and also an irresistible offer. Renjun doesn’t have the right to stay at Donghyuck’s home while he’s away, or at least that’s how he feels. Intruding Donghyuck’s intimacy has a bigger meaning now that Renjun has experienced his own loneliness; his apartment is a reflection of his own feelings and personality, and if that’s the case for Donghyuck too, then this is an enormous gift Donghyuck is handing him.

His gaze is serious as he looks into Donghyuck’s eyes, but to test the waters, Renjun jokes, “Until tomorrow?”

The shock that invades Donghyuck’s semblance isn’t a bad omen. On the contrary, that shock transforms into pleasant surprise, and the smile that follows whips through Renjun until he’s sharing every piece of happiness with Donghyuck. Donghyuck doesn’t understand that it’s a joke, and feigning becomes Renjun’s only aim.

“That would make me really happy, actually,” Donghyuck admits out loud, unashamed.

It’s hard for Renjun not to laugh. But he doesn’t intend to laugh at Donghyuck. It’s just crazy, uncontrollable laughter born from incredulity; because Renjun never thought he would have Donghyuck back, and less did he think that he could help Donghyuck to be happy.

Renjun bites his lower lip to contain his smile, but his silence seems to intimidate Donghyuck, and he has to grab at his shirt so that he doesn’t walk away.

“Don’t leave yet,” Renjun pleads, tugging him closer, his attention shifting to Donghyuck’s mouth.

Those few words change everything, and the way Donghyuck’s lips mold against his is different now. It hides a promise that Renjun doesn’t need to be told, a promise that is too big for the both of them, but that they’re ready to tackle down. If Donghyuck wants, Renjun can.

When Renjun detaches from the kiss, Donghyuck keeps his eyes closed, another shy smile blooming on his face. He looks too adorable not to press a last peck on his mouth, but afterwards Renjun pushes him away, aware that Donghyuck is too easy to distract for his own good.

Neither Donghyuck nor Renjun have realized that Donghyuck has sunk a knee into the mattress, almost as if he’s disposed to ditch his job for him, and Renjun can’t stop laughing as he shoves Donghyuck’s knee off the bed as well. Donghyuck is flustered at his evident weakness, and he straightens up with the shade of begging in his features. Renjun doesn’t want him to leave, of course, but he can’t let Donghyuck be irresponsible.

They can compensate for their lost chances later, every night after this one, if Donghyuck wants to.

“You know how much torture this is?” Donghyuck complains, staring at Renjun with a frown. It’s obvious that there’s nothing like cuddling in a cozy bed with an omega and an alarming scarcity of clothes, and so Renjun teasingly pulls the covers down to remind Donghyuck that he’s half naked. There’s a flash in Donghyuck’s eyes as he groans, “Don’t tempt me.”

It’s only a game, but it’s much more than that at the same time.

“Priorities, Donghyuck,” Renjun shoots at him, making a point to drag the covers up again. Donghyuck seems to focus, to remember that he can’t just take his suit off and fuse against Renjun’s body for the rest of the day. Renjun sends him a shy smile. “If I’m not here when you come back, will you look for me?”

Donghyuck steps back, but he dedicates Renjun a leveled look.

“You want to play?” he asks, unsure, trying to understand Renjun’s words.

Renjun sits up, serious all of a sudden, and inspects Donghyuck’s expression. He’s always had a gift to read Donghyuck’s emotions, maybe because he’s an alpha and Renjun’s omega is meant to be the other half of his feelings, his thoughts and his wishes.

Donghyuck has matured a lot, but it’s a relief to find out that he’s not expert at relationships. He can’t distinguish if Renjun is still pulling a joke on him, if they’re messing around, and Renjun doesn’t want him to discover that through his pheromones. Even though communicating through their bodies is important, words have a unique power on their own, and he needs to build that bridge with Donghyuck.

“I don’t want to play,” Renjun answers. His chest hurts from his own sincerity, but just like Donghyuck, he’s risking his well-being for the both of them. If Donghyuck ends up hurting him, Renjun isn’t going to regret wanting him. He’s doing this for a reason, and that reason makes all the sense in the world as he drowns in Donghyuck’s brown eyes. “If I can’t spend the day with you, I want to spend every night with you.”

Renjun wants all of Donghyuck, even if it’s impulsive, even if it sounds crazy to the rest of the world; and he knows Donghyuck wants the same. Parting ways is painful, and they don’t have to sleep alone every night if they can be together. Their lives have been separated for a long time, and now that they have the chance to thread a link between them, Renjun isn’t going to waste his time.

Donghyuck is frozen for a few seconds, blinking down at Renjun as if to decipher if he’s dreaming or not. Renjun can’t blame him. If he bluntly discovered that he’s been asleep for the past twenty-four hours, he would believe it without a doubt. Donghyuck is too good to be real. Having Donghyuck is a chimera.

But then Donghyuck swallows the lump in his throat and promises, “I’ll look for you.”

Falling in love with Donghyuck again, somehow, is embarrassing.

If Renjun had to explain the situation to one of his co-workers, to a new friend or to an acquaintance, it would just be another story about getting back together with an ex-boyfriend. Renjun isn’t ashamed of that. People come and go, and sometimes mistakes can be fixed, and no one has the right to tell them that they shouldn’t try. The embarrassing pinch of opening up about this relationship is, however, their friends.

Renjun’s friends, who have witnessed how hard and deep the fall was, for how long Renjun stayed in that hole, have the competency to judge Renjun’s decisions. They wouldn’t oppose to them, and Renjun is sure that no one believes that a second chance is hopeless and delusional; yet it’s undeniable that their circle of friends has an eye on them, as though they fear there might be a misstep and the whole building might collapse with them inside.

That’s exactly the emotion that paints Yukhei’s face the morning he smells Donghyuck’s scent on Renjun. Renjun supposes that it would be easier for Yukhei to disguise his shock if it was just a few traces of alpha scent, but Renjun is marked from head to toe, and Yukhei stares at him with wide, incredulous eyes. Renjun gets it. The manner in which Donghyuck has always scented him is very specific, very intentional. Neither Jeno nor Junhui’s marking was so characteristic, and Donghyuck knows how to send messages with his scenting alone.

If the situation kicks Yukhei to the past, to the times Renjun shouldn’t have been scented by Donghyuck, Renjun can’t blame him. Renjun sees himself being sucked into those memories sometimes too.

“Oh my god,” are Yukhei’s first words for him. He’s waiting for Renjun at their table, but he even stands up to receive him, as if he has to put a barrier between them now that Renjun _has_ an alpha. “This is happening, isn’t it?”

Renjun rolls his eyes at Yukhei’s flabbergasted expression, but it’s difficult not to find it funny. Yukhei isn’t like other alphas, mostly because his orientation differs and that frees him from a spectrum of behaviors that other alphas are tied to, but he can be just as ridiculous. It’s true that scenting can be a bigger deal for alphas than for omegas and betas, but their excitement never fails to amuse Renjun.

“I don’t know why you’re acting so surprised,” Renjun retorts at him, pointing down with his index finger. Yukhei sits down like a kicked puppy, a blush on his face when he notices what he was doing. Renjun slips onto the seat in front of him and complains, “You said you supported me.”

“And I support you,” Yukhei hurries up to assure him. He inhales deeply, as if to accommodate to the new mixture of scents in Renjun, and mutters, “But you’re killing my only booty call.”

Even though it’s just a joke, Renjun glares at Yukhei in warning. He’s never worried about Yukhei and Donghyuck using each other for sex, because it wasn’t any of his business after he stepped out of Donghyuck’s life so abruptly. Besides, Yukhei has always known how to avoid the topic. The taboo. Renjun would never shame him for it – it was Donghyuck’s choice too, not only Yukhei’s – but the reality is that Renjun has had to stay home more than once just because he couldn’t stand the trail of Donghyuck’s scent on Yukhei.

Even when he was dating Junhui, jealousy ruffled his feathers.

“Don’t you dare,” Renjun threatens him.

Yukhei draws a wolfish smile for him, teasing. “Possessive, this early?”

Renjun doesn’t want to bite the bait, so he just shakes his head. It’s unavoidable to be possessive over his alpha, over an alpha that is indulging his feelings and, most important, returning them. Yukhei is scratching where his instinct itches the most, because he does understand the feeling of owning and being owned regardless of his preferences.

“It will do you good to try to connect with other alphas that aren’t Donghyuck,” Renjun says instead. It isn’t necessary to explain that he’s talking about something else beyond sex. Yukhei is friends with Jisung and Sunwoo, but Yukhei needs alphas in a different way from how he needs his friends or even how he needs Donghyuck. “He was the easy option for you, so you never bothered with anyone else.”

Yukhei dodges his stare at first, pensive, but then he shrugs his shoulders. “It’s not like I was looking for a serious relationship.”

Donghyuck was there, and it had happened before, so it was easy to fall into it again. If Yukhei had believed that could have affected their friendship, he would have never lured Donghyuck back into his bed – or vice versa, Renjun never knew the details.

“This should be weird,” Renjun sighs. Maybe because it’s an odd situation, and they’re not that normal themselves, Renjun can discuss this with Yukhei. “You’ve been sleeping with the alpha I want to spend the rest of my life with.”

They’ve always been embroiled with each other in a mess, and Yukhei is his close friend, so Renjun doesn’t feel any rancor towards him. If Jeno and Donghyuck managed to connect again, then nothing should pull Yukhei and Renjun apart just because they have Donghyuck in common – in ways they shouldn’t have had him in common.

“Life changes,” Yukhei nonchalantly says. And there are decisions that aren’t all that important. Renjun has had his fair share of opening his legs for boys that he already suspected he couldn’t keep for long; knowing that it wouldn’t work out in the end. Yukhei makes a vague gesture with his hand and adds, “Look at Mark and Yuta, did you think they would ever be happy with someone else?”

“That’s not a good comparison.” Renjun puckers his lips, containing the urge to protest. “Daniel was a complete miracle, and Mark loved Yuta, but he’s definitely more in love with Daniel than he has ever been with anyone else.”

Yukhei’s mouth slants into a lopsided smile, and before Renjun can realize his mistake, Yukhei reminds him, “And you loved Jeno.”

Renjun immediately tenses up, but Yukhei reaches out over the table and takes his hand, smothering his nerves. Renjun’s main doubt is if he can get back into Donghyuck’s life peacefully. Jeno is a different step, a very advanced step that Renjun can’t worry about now.

“It’s been such a long time that Donghyuck and you, this whole thing, can be considered a miracle too,” Yukhei adds.

Renjun lowers his head, aware that Yukhei is right. Any other person would have moved on. Jeno did. Sometimes Renjun wonders if Donghyuck and he didn’t learn to love someone else because their wounds didn’t close, if that’s the only link that is keeping them together. Perhaps once Donghyuck heals, he won’t need Renjun anymore.

Scrunching his nose at Yukhei, Renjun groans, “I don’t like it when you get this serious.”

“I’m not being serious. I’m being honest.”

“You sound like you _want_ this to be a miracle,” Renjun retorts. It comes off as an accusation, but Yukhei just lifts his eyebrows at him, challenging him to continue. “Sometimes I feel like you – and not only you, but the others as well – are too invested in what happens with Donghyuck and me.”

Renjun doesn’t mention that he fears that will make Donghyuck uncomfortable, that it will make him change his mind. If Renjun can sense that aura, that pressure on them to fulfill their friends’ hopes, it won’t go unnoticed for Donghyuck either.

“Why would you think otherwise? Why would I want otherwise?” Yukhei snaps, mildly offended. His disbelief doesn’t soothe Renjun. He’s already aware that his friends are hoping for the best. That’s the issue, and Yukhei is smart enough to catch on, to detect why Renjun is so reticent to share his experiences with Donghyuck. “Do I want Donghyuck and you to get together and get married and have babies-? Don’t look at me like that, it’s an example!”

“Lower the intensity of your fucking examples, Wong,” Renjun warns him, alarmed by Yukhei’s passion.

He doubts Donghyuck has thought that far beyond, not when both of them are more concerned over building this new home brick by brick. One doesn’t put the cart before the horse.

“My point is, yes, I want all that for you two,” Yukhei goes on, dismissing Renjun’s protests as though he can’t hear him. “But will I judge you if it doesn’t happen, if you decide that you prefer to part ways and be with another person? No, I won’t.”

Renjun observes Yukhei, soaks in his words and in his voice, and for the first time today, in his pheromones too. Yukhei is between Donghyuck and him. God, he’s always been there, on the sideline, watching them fall into misery and fall in love, break apart, and compose themselves alone. He’s watching them now, expectant, without any real power over them, with all the uncertainty that brings to him.

Even though Jaemin is Donghyuck’s best friend, Renjun is sure that part of Donghyuck’s load has been on Yukhei’s shoulders. Renjun agrees that some problems are better discussed with the same rank, and that might have pushed Donghyuck to resort to Yukhei instead of Jaemin many times.

Renjun mutters, “But you’ll be disappointed.”

Those are the final words that confirm Yukhei’s suspicions. He twirls Renjun’s hand in his hold, intertwines their fingers, and whispers, “Neither Donghyuck or you owe us anything, Renjun.”

Looking at the table, Renjun responds, “I know.”

But if it wasn’t for Yukhei’s pheromones, for the warmth of his hand, Renjun wouldn’t know. When Renjun stares into Yukhei’s eyes again, his friend smiles at him with a shade of mockery. Understanding, but amused at how insignificant Renjun’s worries are.

“Except this lunch,” Yukhei says then, tapping on the table with his free hand. “Because you definitely stole my booty call forever, so the least you could do is feed me.”

Renjun thinks it’s worth the trade.

Brushing off his pride and his fears, Renjun decides to invite Donghyuck to his apartment.

It’s clear that neither of them want to spend the night alone, and even though it was Renjun who confessed that little wish of his, Donghyuck is willing to sacrifice his alone time for him too. Renjun isn’t ashamed of how humble his apartment is compared to Donghyuck’s, but he is ashamed of the mess that is his living room. He tries to organize his blueprints and make his home look decent, but he’s too nervous to focus on anything for too long.

Donghyuck arrives past eleven, so late that Renjun can’t help but be worried that he’s working too much. He’s no one to scold him, and anyhow scolding him is the last thing he wants to do once he’s in Donghyuck’s embrace, stumbling into his apartment as they hug each other.

“Hi,” Donghyuck greets him, pulling away to look at his face. His smile lights up the whole place, and Renjun can’t help but preen at the way Donghyuck stares at him. Feeling shy, Renjun sinks his head against Donghyuck’s shoulder, fishing for a longer hug, and Donghyuck welcomes him with a chuckle. “Nice pajamas.”

Renjun groans at the teasing. His pajamas with little ducks on it isn’t something to laugh at, and if Donghyuck supposes Renjun should have moved onto wearing pajamas more proper for his age, then he’s wrong.

“Nice ass,” Renjun shoots back, laughing when Donghyuck startles at the comment.

The determination Donghyuck’s hands travel down his back with almost gives Renjun a heart attack. Donghyuck doesn’t let go, shameless enough to touch his butt. Not that Renjun can protest after prompting this battle on his own field. Still, he steps back and slaps Donghyuck’s hands away, sending him a severe look.

“Really?” Donghyuck asks, deflating, the beginning of a pout on his face.

Aware that they’re going to touch each other just like they did last night, Renjun can’t bring himself to pity him. Donghyuck’s alpha will barrel into him if Renjun doesn’t draw any lines, and Donghyuck looks adorable now, but no alpha is adorable when entitlement hits.

“Really,” Renjun sing-songs. He closes the door and playfully latches onto Donghyuck’s back, too happy to pretend that he’s mad at him. “Did you have dinner?”

“Yeah, don’t worry,” Donghyuck says, caressing over Renjun’s arms around his neck. He tries to face Renjun, but Renjun just presses closer against his back to irk him. The effect is immediate, and Renjun can’t help but revel in how predictable Donghyuck is. Donghyuck grunts, “God, don’t torture me, I’ve been thinking about you all day.”

Hooking his head on Donghyuck’s shoulder, Renjun gives him a curious look, “About what exactly?”

Donghyuck is awful at pretending, thus the little smirk that blossoms on his lips is far from surprising.

“How much I wanted to be with you,” he answers, voice dropping low on purpose. And Renjun is torn between hating or loving Donghyuck’s power, because the shiver that runs down his spine is completely involuntary. “I wanted to be in your bed, too. Can’t always be you who gets all the good things.”

This time, as Donghyuck spins, Renjun doesn’t have enough will to stop him. Donghyuck pointedly stares at him, rests his palms on his back, avoiding pressuring Renjun into an uncomfortable position. Renjun appreciates the consideration, but he doesn’t need all this space, all this courtesy, so he leans forward and passes his arms over his shoulders.

Donghyuck’s smirk grows bigger right before Renjun’s lips meet his, just a sweet, short kiss that heats Renjun’s whole body. A kiss so comfortable that Renjun wonders if they’ve ever kissed this way, without nervousness and without any worry, dancing at the same rhythm. When Renjun breaks away, Donghyuck slants forward for another peck, and both of them smile afterwards.

“Don’t you want a house tour first?” Renjun jokes, noticing how Donghyuck’s hold tightens, his instinct already driven to focus on Renjun’s body rather than on his words.

“Nope,” Donghyuck denies. He presses another peck on the corner of Renjun’s mouth, and then another on his jaw, slowly, until he’s tracing a path of kisses over Renjun’s jaw. Renjun sighs in pleasure, and Donghyuck whispers over his skin, “I’d like a different sort of tour.”

Renjun closes his eyes, enjoying the sweet prints Donghyuck is leaving on him. Once Donghyuck begins, he’s not curious about anything else but Renjun, and Renjun himself forgets that Donghyuck has never stepped into his house, that he doesn’t know the way to his bedroom, and that he’s definitely too tired for Renjun to use him for affection and comfort.

But Renjun isn’t perfect. He needs Donghyuck, and those alpha pheromones that stick to his mind, body and soul don’t give him any room for thinking. He just registers that Donghyuck is still in his suit, that both laugh as they stumble towards the bed, embroiled in each other, and that Donghyuck presses a hundred kisses on his mouth before letting go.

As Renjun accommodates in bed, Donghyuck drags his bag to the bathroom to take a shower, murmuring that he can’t get out of the bathroom completely naked. Renjun jokes that he wouldn’t mind, and to his shock, Donghyuck’s face acquires a new color, his eyes nervously shifting between Renjun and the bathroom. It’s cruel to tease an alpha so explicitly, so Renjun just giggles and waves him off.

Renjun makes an effort not to fall asleep, but he’s exhausted both physically and emotionally. The emotions he has gone through in the last two days have tired them out, and now that he’s back in his bed, with Donghyuck’s scent spreading across his apartment, it’s impossible not to surrender to his slumber.

The next thing he feels is Donghyuck hugging him from behind, warm and clean, and Renjun unconsciously moans at Donghyuck’s touch. Donghyuck hums in response, kisses his nape, and by the time Renjun is forcing himself to turn around, Donghyuck has a smile on his face. Renjun can sense that Donghyuck didn’t intend him to wake him up, but Renjun doesn’t want to waste their time, this short moment of intimacy and happiness, by falling asleep.

“You’re such a baby,” Donghyuck mutters, shifting under the covers to secure his hold on Renjun’s hips. Renjun flusters at the comment, but the lights are off and he’s sure Donghyuck can’t make out the blush on his face. “Are you tired?”

Clinging onto Donghyuck, Renjun is stubborn enough to say, “No.”

“Liar,” Donghyuck accuses him. But the reason Renjun is lying is so transparent that Donghyuck doesn’t chide him, just rubs the tip of their noses together to make him smile. “How can you shamelessly lie to an alpha?”

Renjun directs his stare to Donghyuck’s eyes and, playful, reminds him, “Because this alpha believes my lies.”

Donghyuck raises his eyebrows, impressed at his comeback, and then pecks his nose.

“You’re lucky you’re pretty,” he whispers, and Renjun closes his eyes to feel Donghyuck better. The small kisses around his mouth, the soft rubbing from his hands, always keeping Renjun safe and comfortable, the sound of his voice surrounded by the silence of Renjun’s apartment. Donghyuck insufflates life into his home, and Renjun is complete at last. “I can’t get mad at you for lying.”

Embarrassed by the sincerity in Donghyuck’s tone, Renjun hides his face into Donghyuck’s neck, nuzzling there.

“You’re so easy,” he protests, but that doesn’t bother Donghyuck. In fact, his throat slightly vibrates with a laugh, perhaps because he knows that he’s easy when it comes to Renjun, or just because he likes when Renjun is shy. “Will you do anything for a pretty omega?”

“Depends on how pretty he is,” Donghyuck answers right away.

Even though Renjun isn’t fishing for compliments, that doesn’t settle well with his omega’s instinct. Donghyuck isn’t a kid, and he knows the nuances of omega’s instinct; he also knows that his wording is perfect for Renjun’s instinct to pry, to get reassurance that Donghyuck isn’t talking about just _any_ omega. There are just a few things that can get under an omega’s skin so badly apart from having your mate coddle and baby other omegas, and that’s why Donghyuck doesn’t add any explanation.

Renjun detaches just to scrunch his nose at him, and Donghyuck’s lips tremble into a tight line. It’s not funny to Renjun that he’s playing with the strings of jealousy, but judging Donghyuck’s expression, it’s pretty funny to him.

And when Renjun moves forward to kiss him, Donghyuck draws back, serious. Renjun is about to be hit with a cascade of insecurities, but then Donghyuck cups his face and angles his head over him, and Renjun understands that Donghyuck just wanted to set some dominance over him.

This time, they don’t test the waters. It’s an open mouthed kiss, tongue against tongue, Donghyuck licking over his lips and into his mouth. Renjun finds all his answers in Donghyuck’s eagerness, in that display of dominance that he’s been hiding all this time; but it feels so natural for the both of them, to submit and to dominate, that Renjun ends up moaning into Donghyuck’s kisses.

The temperature rises faster tonight, as Renjun wraps his legs around Donghyuck’s hips and brings him closer. Donghyuck is braver as well, looks for the right spots on Renjun’s neck to mark him. He can’t bite him, but he sucks tiny bruises all over his neck until Renjun is a mess under him, until he feels naked and pliable in Donghyuck’s hands. Even though Renjun is complacent, that doesn’t stop him from tugging at Donghyuck’s shirt so that he takes it off. It doesn’t stop him from planting mischievous bites on Donghyuck’s neck as well, basking in how he shivers every time Renjun sinks his teeth in more than he should.

But it’s always a game, and Renjun controls his instinct before Donghyuck can scold him for teasing him. It’s easy to silence Donghyuck with kisses, and Renjun himself is speechless as Donghyuck’s hands roam over his body. His palms are more insistent, dig further into his flesh, and it’s impossible not to arch against Donghyuck’s body, searching for more contact, for rougher kisses and touches.

Renjun doesn’t know what triggers his most instinctive part at last; he only processes Donghyuck’s tongue in his mouth, the uncontrollable urge of pleasing Donghyuck, and the way his omega seeks reassurance. He isn’t aware of what he’s doing until Donghyuck startles, and only then Renjun realizes that he has shoved a hand inside Donghyuck’s pants, that he’s palming Donghyuck’s dick through his underwear. Renjun makes a dying noise in the back of his throat, sends Donghyuck a sorrowful look, because he hasn’t asked for permission, because Donghyuck has all the right to reject him.

Donghyuck is taken aback, but he doesn’t force Renjun to remove his hand. Renjun does it by himself, overwhelmed by shame and regret, and Donghyuck rolls off him in silence. His gaze remains fixed on Renjun’s face, as though he’s trying to comprehend what has just happened, what has made Renjun act so impulsively.

“Slow down,” Donghyuck shushes him, caressing his tummy. The worst is that, despite being Renjun who crossed the line, Donghyuck is worried for him. It should be the other way around, but Donghyuck just licks his lips and insists, “Are you okay?”

Renjun is burning. Because of the embarrassment, because of the strange need to plead with Donghyuck to touch him again, and because he has lost any reason within. He closes his eyes, hoping that not seeing Donghyuck will help him to concentrate, and takes a deep breath.

To his disgrace, it’s a deep breath impregnated with Donghyuck’s pheromones.

“Sorry,” Renjun mumbles. “I don’t know why-”

Donghyuck cuts him off, “Don’t apologize, do I look annoyed?”

Renjun dates to glance at Donghyuck again. He’s not lying: he doesn’t look annoyed, just a tiny frown between his eyebrows. He’s confused, tender even, and Renjun doesn’t deserve all this patience and affection.

“It’s just-” Renjun tries once again. It shouldn’t be a taboo, but given their situation, Renjun is reticent to tell Donghyuck the truth. Still, that isn’t more powerful than the fear of allowing Donghyuck to suppose that Renjun doesn’t respect his boundaries, so Renjun mutters, “My heat is next week, so I’m already unstable.”

He hasn’t even reached his pre-heat, but it’s a mixture of stimulus that is complicating his hormones. Having an alpha around can always be a positive factor, but god, having Donghyuck next to him is torment for his celibacy. If Donghyuck was any other alpha, with the same amount of power he has on Renjun, Renjun would have already spread his legs for him without hesitation.

But Donghyuck is special. He isn’t a hook-up. Donghyuck isn’t a tissue to use and throw away, and this is the same man that Renjun destroyed before, so he isn’t going to pressure him and give him the responsibility of fulfilling Renjun’s needs just because he’s an alpha. Just like Donghyuck respects him and hasn’t shown a single sign of seeing him like an omega to obey and please him, Renjun can do the same for him.

“Your heat,” Donghyuck grunts, thrown off by the revelation. His chest inflates with air, with courage, and he continues, “Renjun, if you want me to help-”

This is what Renjun feared: Donghyuck feeling that it’s his duty to take care of him during his heat. And Renjun might want that in the future, but not as long as Donghyuck’s feelings are in danger.

Renjun shakes his head, shutting Donghyuck up, and claims, “We agreed we’d take it slow.”

It was Donghyuck’s request, in fact. Renjun is too sensible to dismiss Donghyuck’s safety, and not even the blurry hesitation in Donghyuck’s semblance can convince him of the contrary.

“I know, but we could still take it slow afterwards,” Donghyuck insists, expectant. He can’t hide that deep inside the idea isn’t upsetting – that much Renjun knows, because Donghyuck’s pheromones expose his wishes too – but he’s not sure that it will be the best for them. “And if you need to spend your heat with another alpha-”

Renjun gasps, “Don’t you dare to finish that.”

Donghyuck closes his mouth, blinking at Renjun’s excessive reaction. It’s true that they don’t owe each other fidelity, not yet, but Renjun can’t even stand the thought of being knotted by a different alpha while Donghyuck sits at home and waits for his wounds to heal. Renjun isn’t an animal. He can go through his heat alone for once.

“I’m serious,” Donghyuck sighs. His insistence is fainter now that Renjun has rejected his idea, but he’s still pensive, concerned. “This is new for the both of us, and I understand if you have someone else to spend your heat with and don’t want to jump into it with me so soon.”

Pity isn’t a nice feeling towards an alpha, and Renjun makes an effort to swallow that before Donghyuck can sense it in his pheromones. Donghyuck deserves love, but not pity; he’s kind and lavish, and he’s disposed to step onto his own pride and instinct just for Renjun.

“I’m not going to spend my heat with anyone else,” Renjun tells him, not leaving any room for discussion. Wary, Donghyuck caresses Renjun’s side, as if to encourage him to speak. “It’s not the right time for us either, but I don’t want to do that to you.”

Speechless, Donghyuck just stares at him. He might not follow Renjun’s reason to renounce both to him and to any other alpha, but he manages to find some calmness after Renjun’s decisions.

“What?” Renjun continues, smiling at him. Donghyuck shakes his head, trying to brush it off, but Renjun grinds against him for warmth, to soothe him. “You can be as generous as you want, but your alpha won’t like the idea of me sleeping with another alpha. Especially in heat.”

The subtle smile that Donghyuck draws betrays him. He can’t demand that from Renjun, but if Renjun decides it by himself, he doesn’t have to pretend that he’s not pleased with it. Whether he likes it or not, possessiveness is in his nature. It’s in Renjun’s nature too, and that’s a trait all of them have in common when it comes to mating.

“I can’t confirm nor deny that,” Donghyuck responds. However, he leans into Renjun’s embrace, sinks his face in the crook of Renjun’s neck, and whispers there, “Thank you.”

That gratitude is a relief for Renjun, a confirmation that he’s doing the right thing. Life isn’t always perfect, but piece by piece, with patience, Donghyuck and Renjun are going to build their perfect world.

“When were you planning to tell me you’ve been sleeping with Donghyuck every single night?”

Secrets are always bound to be discovered, but Renjun doesn’t expect it to happen so soon. Moreover, he needs his time to process what he’s living; it’s difficult to explain what Donghyuck and he are doing when Renjun himself doesn’t have the words to describe it.

But Renjun should have known better, should have predicted that an alpha can’t keep his mouth shut for too long, not if it’s about an omega, about dominance, or about life plans. This is so new to Donghyuck that Renjun isn’t surprised he snitched on him, and in some ways it can be quite adorable too. Donghyuck’s inexperience with serious relationships, combined with Jaemin’s detective skills and a whole life of analyzing alphas and their weaknesses, is the perfect situation for Jaemin to lure Donghyuck into his traps.

Therefore, Renjun can’t blame Donghyuck for revealing that they’ve been all over each other during the last week. That they’ve been practically living together, switching between two apartments.

“I wasn’t going to,” Renjun admits, unashamed, shooting Jaemin a skeptical look.

It’s ironic that Jaemin has chosen this moment to bring up this topic. It’s Saturday, and they’re in a bar with Sunwoo, Jisung and Chenle, but both Jaemin and Renjun stood up to take their orders, since they’re the ones with best coordination and, in general, the ones who have had less accidents in bars.

Jaemin thought that using this hardly private moment to question him about Donghyuck would drag more answers out of him, but he miscalculated. Renjun would only have to walk away to their table to get rid of Jaemin’s interrogation, and he’s considering to do exactly now, just to spite Jaemin.

“Renjun, what the fuck,” Jaemin protests, tugging at his sleeve.

Sighing in resignation, Renjun explains, “We just _slept_.” Cuddled, kissed, but Donghyuck must have already given him all the details, so Renjun saves his energy. “So I figured you wouldn’t be interested.”

Jaemin scowls at him, but he doesn’t recriminate the obvious problem that is bugging him: that he’d never dismiss Renjun’s decisions just because they’re not what Jaemin is waiting for. Jaemin steps closer, a silky shade taking over his eyes. It doesn’t matter that they’re in a bar, at least not to Jaemin, because the next thing Renjun knows is that Jaemin is asphyxiating him in a hug.

Renjun can’t resist the urge of laughing, even if Jaemin’s arms are squeezing him without consideration. Jaemin is so predictable that Renjun can’t even be upset at his curiosity, at the fact that he’s convinced Donghyuck to tell him everything.

“See, I knew this would happen,” Renjun mumbles. “You don’t have to be this dramatic.”

Jaemin deliberately ignores his accusations, perhaps because he doesn’t deem his reaction dramatic, or just because he’s too emotional to care. When he ends the hug, his hands linger on Renjun’s face, and he scrutinizes him with an amount of love that overwhelms Renjun.

“Is he being good?” Jaemin asks in a whisper, as though Donghyuck could hear them. Renjun hurries up to nod, but that just pushes Jaemin to add, “Are you?”

He’s doing his best to connect with Donghyuck, to respect him, so Renjun is quite flustered as he answers, “Of course. I’m an angel.”

Jaemin seems to trust him, his smile sweetening at Renjun’s coyness.

“He sounds so happy when he talks about you,” Jaemin says, tilting his head to see the effect that has on Renjun’s expression. Renjun hates to admit it, but the simple fact that Donghyuck is happy because of him leaves him dumbstruck. Jaemin’s eyes become two half moons, and when he opens his mouth next, it’s to ruin all his sweetness and love. “So, since everything is going well, I hope you don’t mind that I invited both Donghyuck and Jeno.”

Those words crash over Renjun like pure ice. He draws back, all the oxygen evaporating from his lungs, and watches the world move around him like he’s in a nightmare. His fear drives him to stare first at Jaemin, and immediately after at the entrance of the bar.

“What?” he mutters, lost.

He swears it must be a joke, because Jeno and Donghyuck are entering the bar in that exact moment, excitedly chatting and smiling. It’s a scene that Renjun hasn’t witnessed in years, but rather than relieving him, it scares him.

“Coward,” Jaemin spits, following the direction of his stare. Despite how ruthless his words are, he wraps an arm around Renjun to console him, but that doesn’t soothe Renjun’s nerves or the pressure in his chest. “Jeno is part of Donghyuck’s life, and you can’t just go around hiding in your flats and away from the real world.”

That’s the only reality. The fantasy of living entangled in bed, safe from people’s judgment, isn’t sustainable. Renjun doesn’t want to have a short affair with Donghyuck, and anything more serious than that implies branching to all areas of Donghyuck’s life. Jeno, Doyoung, his parents. Renjun has done so much harm that he can’t stand it, that he’s ashamed of it, but renouncing to that for his own commodity would just hurt Donghyuck again.

Jaemin gives him a soft push so that he approaches their table, but Renjun staggers. Escaping isn’t an option, and even now, observing how Jeno and Donghyuck greet their friends, Renjun remembers that he used to be a part of this too.

Patting his butt, Jaemin whispers, “Come on, go back there.”

Renjun hardens his jaw, but every step he takes toward the table is a whole eternity. It’s Donghyuck who detects his presence first, discreetly sniffing and whipping his head around to look for him – the confusion on his semblance is amusing, but also very relatable to Renjun. Until he manages to locate Renjun, Donghyuck looks like he suspects he’s imagining his presence, that he has spent so much time with Renjun that his nose is playing tricks on him.

But then his stare fixes on Renjun, and Renjun swears that he feels the same excitement and perplexity through Donghyuck’s pheromones. That’s what keeps him stable, what dissipates his doubts and reminds him that if Donghyuck is there, then he doesn’t have any reason to be nervous.

Jeno has been respectful and nice to him so far, but Renjun feels shy as he greets him with a smile. All of them know that Jeno has moved on, and when they met up before the wedding, Jeno didn’t have any problem talking about his life or going beyond polite small talk. It’s Renjun’s own insecurities that shield him from the rest, and so he makes an effort to not let that transpire.

Donghyuck tugs him by his hand so that Renjun sits next to him, ignoring the low whistle that Jisung releases just to make fun of him. Donghyuck doesn’t seem to mind, however, because he immediately guides Renjun’s face towards him and presses a sweet, greeting peck on Renjun’s mouth. Renjun is taken aback for a second, but Donghyuck’s gesture results so natural to their friends that Renjun realizes that he’s the only one overthinking everything.

“Hey,” Donghyuck says, a wolfish smile taking over when he notices Renjun’s inhibition. “I didn’t know you were coming.”

Renjun can suppose that much, for Donghyuck would have never coerced him into this situation. Besides, his pheromones exude protection, tenderness, and Renjun knows that it isn’t just because Jeno is there. It’s because it’s the first time since the wedding that Renjun and he are together among their friends, and even though they’re not official, even though they don’t know what they are – only what they want to be – their little secret is common knowledge by now.

“I didn’t know about you either,” Renjun says, slipping a hand under the table to brush Donghyuck’s thigh.

“Really?” Donghyuck’s attention shifts to Jaemin, who is walking up to them with a blinding grin. Donghyuck doesn’t need any explanations, because he has enough experience with Jaemin to know it has been one of his schemes. “I’m going to murder that jerk.”

“You’re not going to murder anyone. I won’t visit you in jail,” Renjun teases him, a joke that makes Donghyuck scowl, as though ending up in jail is feasible. He slants towards Donghyuck, not missing how Chenle wiggles his eyebrows at them, and grumbles, “Just get me drunk fast.”

“At your service,” Donghyuck replies, planting another kiss on Renjun’s cheek for emphasis.

It’s indeed easier than Renjun thinks. It’s easy as Donghyuck encircles him, as Renjun accommodates on his seat and becomes aware, at last, that this isn’t scary. Being back into Donghyuck’s arms is a privilege, and the strange atmosphere of unity, the way Jeno touches and talks to them, reminds him that Jeno would never oppose to this. Renjun is the only barrier here, not Jeno and his deep, innocent eyes.

Jeno must be an angel sent from heaven, because as Donghyuck drags Renjun to his car among laughter, Jeno is the only one that remembers that Donghyuck drove all the way here.

Renjun is too drunk to walk by himself, let alone worry about how he’s going to get back home, and Donghyuck is just slightly better than him. Good enough to have the physical strength and ability to carry out his bad ideas, which in the end is the worst state he could ever be.

Renjun just flings himself in the backseat, and it’s right then, as Donghyuck fumbles with his feet because otherwise he can’t close the door, that Jeno screams across the parking lot. It’s impossible to make out his words at first, but Jeno strides to Donghyuck and tugs him away from the car, and everything looks much clearer in Renjun’s eyes.

“You two!” Jeno grunts, pointing first at Renjun and then at Donghyuck. Donghyuck frowns back at him, trying to shake him off, but Jeno doesn’t relent despite his rank, despite the force of Donghyuck’s pheromones. He extends his hand and demands, “Your keys. Now.”

“Jeno,” Donghyuck whines, unreasonable. It doesn’t help that Renjun giggles at the scene, at the fact that Donghyuck has no remedy but to obey a beta because if Jeno wants to, he’s much bigger and stronger than Donghyuck, and will tackle him down. “I can drive. I’m not drunk.”

Incredulous, Jeno lets out an indignant noise.

“You’re wasted, fucker, and you have company,” he grunts, lifting his chin to signal to Renjun. Renjun dumbly grins up at him from the inside of the car, and Donghyuck laughs after catching his expression. That’s the definitive proof for Jeno to steal Donghyuck’s car keys, because Donghyuck shouldn’t be laughing at Renjun’s drunk antics. “Take a taxi.”

Instead of arguing with him, Donghyuck gives up and rests his back against the car. He watches Jeno walk away with his keys, but to Renjun’s relief, Jeno seems to be calling a taxi for them. It’s a nice gesture, since Renjun is sure that he won’t even be able to distinguish any words on his phone screen.

Donghyuck glances at him with a pout on his lips, looking for approval, as though he needs Renjun to confirm that he isn’t a loser for surrendering to Jeno’s accusations. Renjun knows that Donghyuck becomes sensitive when he’s tipsy, so he waves at him to join him on the backseat, sitting up to grab him by his jacket.

“Do you want to lie down for a bit?” Renjun invites him, aware that it’s not a matter of will, but a matter of need.

Nearly crashing into him, Donghyuck crouches and slips into the car with him. Their contact is far from loving and careful, and Renjun cackles as Donghyuck shamelessly hovers over him and pins him on the seat. They’re lucky it’s so late that the parking lot is empty, because anyone could misinterpret their intentions.

“This is your fault,” Donghyuck blames him, resting his head on his chest. Renjun has to push him upwards, clutching his butt so that Donghyuck fits against his body, and then he rubs his nose against Donghyuck’s cheek with a satisfied sigh. “You say, Donghyuck, get me drunk! And I do. You say, Donghyuck, drink with me! And what am I supposed to do?”

Renjun is meaner when he’s drunk, but that’s also a test for Donghyuck. Unrelenting, he bites out, “Be assertive like the alpha you are.”

Donghyuck gasps at his response, dramatically blinks at him like he can’t believe Renjun is insinuating that Donghyuck isn’t being alpha enough, but he winds up nuzzling Renjun’s neck without a protest. Renjun pets his hair, laughing at his reaction, and gives Donghyuck his time to think.

“Don’t be an asshole,” is what Donghyuck grumbles against his neck, his voice shaking over Renjun’s skin. It’s a reflex to hold Donghyuck tighter, and Renjun releases a weak moan under the effect of Donghyuck’s presence, his body and his pheromones. “I’m so gone for you, you shouldn’t use that against me.”

Since the first moment Renjun ever saw Donghyuck, he had known that he would become Donghyuck’s vulnerability, that thorn that some alphas can’t pull out without bleeding. Back then, when both of them were only nineteen and Renjun hadn’t had enough experiences with alphas, he couldn’t tell that Donghyuck’s treatment towards him surged from something deeper than sexual attraction. But that ulterior feeling remained there, in Donghyuck’s gestures, in the way he looked at Renjun sometimes, even in his constant complaints towards him.

Those tiny details make much more sense now, once Renjun has learned how the mechanism of an alpha’s instinct works, and overall, how Donghyuck works.

Donghyuck’s sexual attraction wasn’t just that. It was Donghyuck fighting against his own instinct for three years, even if his inner alpha had already fixated and imprinted on Renjun and no one could ever change that. It was Donghyuck admiring Renjun from afar, wishing in secret and never admitting it to himself, until he could have Renjun and he realized, in horror, that it was going to destroy his life.

It was Donghyuck being unable to mend his heart for four years afterwards, just because Renjun wasn’t there to lay the bandages on his cuts.

And the most ironic part of Donghyuck’s story is that Renjun, just like him, can’t go on without him. If Donghyuck is gone for him, it’s because Renjun needed him to be.

“Do you think I’m not gone for you, Donghyuck?” Renjun whispers. The car tumbles under him, but even with the alcohol running through his veins, Renjun is capable of finding the right words to explain what he feels. He twirls Donghyuck’s hair in his fingers, inhaling that mixture of books and chocolate, and confesses, “In a few days you’ve made me happier than I’ve ever been in my life. You could tell me to do anything for you, and I would.”

Donghyuck tilts his head to look at him, so calm that it makes a blush creep onto Renjun’s face. He doubts Donghyuck is sober enough to feel the weight of his words, but sometimes Donghyuck can understand Renjun’s messages without understanding his words. That, apart from the absolute adoration in Donghyuck’s gaze, is how Renjun knows that he has crossed the last line. The finish line.

“That’s so dangerous,” Donghyuck observes. But his voice is gentle, considerate, and Donghyuck’s fingers caress his cheek with complete trust, complete devotion. “You can’t even imagine all the things I want from you.”

Renjun wants them, too. Donghyuck isn’t referring to kisses, to touches, to physical pleasure. He isn’t speaking about boundaries that they’ve already crossed before, primal needs and requests born from their instinct.

There are reasons to fear, to believe that they could fail, but for the first time Renjun doesn’t care about that. He cares about making Donghyuck feel as happy and complete as he makes Renjun feel, about ceding all the parts of him that are only for Renjun himself. It’s the last step for the both of them, because Donghyuck is already committed to Renjun, and he has accepted that he might get hurt again for baring himself; unlike him, Renjun is sure that Donghyuck will never hurt him. So from now on, he wants to take steps, small steps, giant steps, anything that drives them to move forward.

Renjun looks into Donghyuck’s gaze, drinking from his calmness, and leans in for a kiss.

When he pulls away, he laughs at Donghyuck’s dreamy expression and says, “Start asking for them, then.”

When Renjun wakes up, heart in a fist and cold sweat on his forehead, he doesn’t need to open his eyes to know that he’s alone in Donghyuck’s bed.

It’s already morning, and all the way from the bedroom, Renjun can perceive the smell of coffee and toast, but it takes him a whole minute to process what his body is warning him of. He shouldn’t be able to distinguish those smells so clearly with the door closed, and Renjun inhales a second time to confirm that he’s not crazy. Donghyuck must have left just minutes ago, but the lack of touch, of his pheromones, is crawling on Renjun’s skin like a venomous ant ready to bite.

Renjun doesn’t intend to deceive himself. His heat is nearing, and these small details are the first signals; signals that shouldn’t have so much intensity yet, and that without Donghyuck’s pheromones to control them, Renjun has to simmer down himself. It’s understandable that Renjun is breaking out in Donghyuck’s apartment, days before his heat, because he’s not having the relief he needs. He doesn’t remember the last time he had sex – perhaps since his last heat – and the amount of kisses and affection with Donghyuck, never reaching its natural peak, has worsened his symptoms.

Renjun rolls over the bed, bathing in Donghyuck’s side of the bed, and sinks his head into the pillow. The remainders of Donghyuck’s scent soothe him for a while, so he stays there, racking his brain to decide how to tell Donghyuck that he can’t spend their only free day with him. That if he stays, both of them will make the mistake they’re avoiding. Renjun’s patience is already pulverized, and Donghyuck doesn’t deserve to fight that battle alone.

Before leaving the bedroom, Renjun washes his face to clear his mind, and tries to wipe the sweat charged with pheromones that is dripping down his chest. The cold water helps him to find some stability, and only when he’s certain that he’s not going to latch onto Donghyuck like a desperate, hopeless young omega, does he dare to step outside.

Donghyuck is indeed preparing breakfast in the kitchen, but it’s obvious that he doesn’t expect Renjun to wake up so early, since disappointment paints his features upon seeing Renjun. If it wasn’t because his pre-heat shapes how Renjun perceives his surroundings, he would make fun of Donghyuck for trying to surprise him with a breakfast. It’s a cute gesture, even romantic, and Renjun guesses that if Donghyuck has never been romantic with anyone, it’s because he never wanted to.

The fact that Donghyuck is trying to be considerate for Renjun, who isn’t an expert at romance either, destroys any will to mock him.

“Don’t look so sad,” Renjun says, grinning at Donghyuck, no remorse for spoiling the surprise. “You were making me hungry and I couldn’t wait.”

Donghyuck releases a deep sigh, but it’s inevitable for him to respond to Renjun’s smile. His disappointment doesn’t last long, however, because when his gaze roams over Renjun’s body, his negativity transforms into interest.

Renjun isn’t aware of his aspect until Donghyuck devours him with his eyes alone. In an attempt to keep his instinct in line, he has stolen one of Donghyuck’s sweaters, and he’s not wearing anything else besides his underwear. His whole body is burning, so he doesn’t need to cover himself, and Donghyuck appreciates the view of his legs as though it’s the first time he’s seeing Renjun half-naked.

Renjun reckons that it might be too much torture so early in the morning, but Donghyuck looks very pleased with how his morning is turning out.

“I love Sundays,” he unabashedly admits, his eyes travelling from Renjun’s thighs to his face. That spark of mischievousness doesn’t die down as Renjun approaches him, as they find each other in a greeting, slow kiss. Donghyuck breaks away first, a shade of surprise in his eyes, and angles his head to discreetly sniff him. “ _God_ , your scent.”

The rush of shame that whips through Renjun isn’t Donghyuck’s fault. It’s his heat amplifying all his emotions, and though Donghyuck isn’t shaming him – he’s complimenting him, in fact – Renjun blushes.

Donghyuck’s instinct is sharpened by Renjun’s state, and it’s not a shock that he catches the change in Renjun’s emotions as soon as it happens. His movements soften, his hand brushes over Renjun’s back in an attempt to reassure him, and Renjun slants towards him without thinking twice.

“I’m sorry, I’m a mess,” Renjun mumbles. Donghyuck is aware of that, because Renjun is completely exposed to him. It’s out of Renjun’s control, but that doesn’t mean that he’s uncomfortable with Donghyuck; he’s not sure about if Donghyuck can stand it, however, so he adds, “I’ll leave quickly.”

Confused, Donghyuck vacillates before replying, as though he’s misinterpreting Renjun’s intentions.

“Don’t rush, Renjun.” He tilts his head, gives him a small smile, not disposed to treat Renjun’s heat like a big deal. They already decided what they’re going to do, so Donghyuck doesn’t expect any unrealistic fantasy from him. “It’s just your pre-heat, and you’re safe here. You don’t have to run out of my house.”

Renjun has to swallow the knot growing in his throat. The last of his wishes is to make Donghyuck believe that he doesn’t trust him; Donghyuck doesn’t need to tell him that he’s safe with him. Renjun doesn’t doubt that Donghyuck would never put his hands on him without permission, no matter how much instinct is involved.

“I’m not a prisoner?” Renjun croaks out, a chance at joking that Donghyuck gladly accepts.

Donghyuck presses a chaste kiss on Renjun’s cheek, playing along. “Not yet,” he says, lifting his eyebrows. And then, on a lower note, he claims, “You can bet that when you let me, you’re not going to leave that bedroom.”

The reason why Renjun flushes now is very different, but he deserves to be toyed with for mistrusting Donghyuck. When he tries to hold tighter onto Donghyuck with a moan, Donghyuck just laughs at his reaction and softly pushes him away, protecting not only Renjun from his own instinct, but also himself from his lack of control.

Renjun would lie if he said that having breakfast with Donghyuck is easy. His temperature rises with every minute that passes by, even if Donghyuck tries to influence him, and Renjun starts regretting that he can’t spend his heat with Donghyuck. That’s a thought born from his own frustration, not from his reason and his will, and Renjun dismisses that faint voice in his head again and again.

However, Donghyuck is sensitive to the tension that is growing in the atmosphere, and when Renjun takes the last bite of his breakfast, he offers to give him a ride. Among the hazing mixture of pheromones and his own thoughts, Renjun still has the heart to laugh at Donghyuck’s idiocy.

“We took a taxi last night,” Renjun reminds him. Donghyuck’s expression falls, strings of red across his cheeks. Renjun has to cover his mouth not to snicker at him, but he’s not surprised that Donghyuck, now sober, has erased the events from last night from his memory. “You should worry about getting your car back.”

Donghyuck sinks his elbows on the counter, letting his head fall against it, and groans, “Stupid Jeno.” Renjun reaches out to pat his hair, because he understands that on a Sunday morning, Donghyuck prefers to rest rather than crossing half of the city back and forth just because he got shit-faced last night. Donghyuck whines, “He could have driven us instead of making his boyfriend pick him up.”

Renjun tries to conceal his interest as he pries, “Jeno’s boyfriend picked him up?”

Even though it could be Donghyuck making assumptions, Renjun can’t affirm that Jeno left alone. At some point in the night, Renjun’s attention was on Donghyuck, exclusively on him, and therefore he might have missed Jeno mentioning that his boyfriend would drive him back home. Renjun is sure that he didn’t meet anyone new, though, and that the concept of Jeno’s boyfriend didn’t even cross his mind.

“He usually does,” Donghyuck answers, nonchalant. There’s a silence that betrays Renjun’s aim, and Donghyuck turns his head to look at him with a lopsided smirk. “Wait, you don’t know Jeno’s boyfriend?”

Renjun doesn’t, which according to Donghyuck’s expression, seems to be a laughing matter. He hasn’t had contact with Jeno in four years, and yes, Jaemin told him that Jeno had a boyfriend before meeting up again, but he didn’t give any details. Renjun doesn’t have the right to ask such personal questions, at least not yet.

“Am I supposed to?” Renjun shoots back, both offended and wary. “He wasn’t at the wedding.”

Donghyuck straightens on his seat, his eyes sparkling with an emotion that Renjun can’t recognize. It’s positive, however, and Renjun doesn’t feel so intimidated by the fact that after all, he has a lot to learn about Donghyuck’s circles.

Squeezing his hand, Donghyuck sounds sweet as he says, “Have you ever heard that everything happens for a reason?” Donghyuck bites his bottom lip, reveling in Renjun’s innocence, in how lost he is at this outburst of seriousness. “And that sometimes we have what we need in front of our noses, but we don’t realize?”

Renjun has to blink his eyes a few times to hide the turmoil of feelings that run in his stomach.

“Is this about you or about Jeno?” he whispers.

It could be for the three of them. Donghyuck spent three years ignoring his instinct, those strings that pulled him towards Renjun. And so did Renjun, as though escaping from his own instinct was possible.

Renjun agrees that sometimes, people just need to open their eyes. Everything happens for a reason, and that reason is what has brought him so far, to Donghyuck’s apartment, to his arms, to his kisses. It doesn’t matter that they ignored each other’s feelings for years. Donghyuck isn’t the only one that believes in destiny; Renjun believes too, just because of him.

“I know him, don’t I?” Renjun sighs, aware that Donghyuck is enjoying his ignorance.

Donghyuck kisses the back of his hand, a gesture that comes so naturally that Renjun doesn’t have time to appreciate it.

“Kind of,” Donghyuck teases him. Renjun has no idea who he’s talking about, because he swears that if he already knows Jeno’s boyfriend, then it shouldn’t be that difficult to guess him. Upon noticing Renjun’s disorientation, Donghyuck simply grins. “I’ll call you a taxi. Don’t miss me too much this week, yeah?”

It’s unfair that Renjun forgets their conversation as soon as Donghyuck tilts forward for a kiss, but it’s unavoidable. With his heat so close, Donghyuck’s soft lips burn on his, and the mere taste of his tongue makes Renjun moan into his mouth. Perhaps that’s why Donghyuck draws back before Renjun can get used to kissing him, placing a hand on Renjun’s chest to prevent him from chasing his mouth.

“Don’t _you_ miss me too much,” Renjun retorts, though his statement loses strength as he tries to nuzzle Donghyuck’s neck.

Donghyuck embraces him with a deep breath, indulging Renjun’s silent begging, conscious that they’re not going to see each other in a few days. And they should be able to spend some time apart, but Renjun has been sleeping night after night cuddled in Donghyuck’s arms, waking up entangled in his limbs, falling asleep under his lips, and Renjun doesn’t remember how his life was like before that. He doesn’t have any wish to remember it either.

Caressing the back of his hair with airy fingertips, Donghyuck hums, “No can do.”

And that’s fine, because that’s how it’s supposed to be.

All Renjun thinks about is Donghyuck.

He thinks about him all the way home, feverish and sweating in the taxi, clutching his own thighs to stop the trembling of his legs. He thinks about him at home, as he plays a movie on his laptop and tries to distract himself from how fast his symptoms are progressing. Donghyuck is addicting, sugar in his veins, and after all the highs Donghyuck has given him, withdrawals kick in too fast for Renjun to handle them.

At the end of the day, Renjun manages to fall asleep, but he refuses to take suppressants to diminish the bad consequences of his pre-heat. Suppressants can’t stop his heat, and when they wear off during a heat, his body takes revenge on him by adding pain to the fire inside him. Renjun prefers a fever to suffering through an experience that shouldn’t be a torture, and thus he coils onto his bed and does his best to calm down.

He even manages to go out the next morning, a false sensation of security that dissipates when he perceives the looks that some alphas and betas throw his way. At the supermarket, a male alpha helps him to buy his groceries, even offers to pay for them – the alpha doesn’t try anything weird, and it takes Renjun a while to realize that despite how polite the alpha is, he’s doing this because Renjun’s heat pheromones are unconsciously affecting him. Other alphas aren’t so discreet, but Renjun is used to it. Only by the way people stare at him, Renjun knows that his estimations are wrong; his pre-heat isn’t starting – it’s ending. And, after all, Renjun hasn’t prepared emotionally for his heat yet.

Renjun hasn’t spent a heat alone in a very long time.

Since he broke up with Junhui, Renjun has never had any trouble to find an alpha that was disposed to aid him. Sometimes it’s someone from the office, a co-worker that needs help with his rut too and accepts the proposal right away. Sometimes he just has to chat up an alpha in a bar a couple of weeks before his heat, talk to him for a few days, and ask him if he’s up for lending him a hand. To Renjun’s amusement, no one has ever rejected him, and on a couple of occasions Renjun discovered later that some alphas already had a partner, but that wasn’t his fault. Alphas are always too eager, disposed to sacrifice anything just to push their knot inside Renjun. Renjun can’t complain. It makes his life easier, and it makes their lives better for a few days.

An alpha’s ego is a curious thing. Some omegas despite it but other omegas, like Renjun, love to bask in the power of governing over someone’s ego. A little smile can make an alpha lose their mind, and Renjun knows that if he plays hard enough, he can convince anyone to follow his rules, his whims, his preferences. There’s power in making an alpha feel that good during sex, in watching them melt between his legs even if Renjun isn’t even trying to. It’s a reciprocal exchange: feeding an alpha’s ego fuels Renjun’s ego too, an addictive treat that no one can escape.

However, as Renjun’s heat clutches him and he crawls on his bed alone for the first time in forever, the last thing in his mind is his ego. The emotions he bleeds are different: regret for not letting Donghyuck join him, but also that latent fear that it was too soon, too risky. With Donghyuck, sex can never be impersonal, can never be just pleasure.

Renjun can’t call another alpha. It’s a betrayal to Donghyuck, both emotionally and physically, because Renjun doesn’t want any other man to explore his body. And because once Donghyuck’s rut strikes, Renjun doesn’t want anyone to even brush against him. The mere thought of Donghyuck fucking another omega maddens him so much that it’s more painful than the heat itself, and Renjun spreads over the bed with heavy breaths.

He has his toys to go through this heat, but he’s never done this alone. He remembers how painful it was not to have a knot, and he doubts any of his toys, regardless of how thick they are, will please him. Renjun only bought his toys to masturbate outside his heat, and that’s his only resource now.

Resigned, he opens the drawers of his bedside table and pulls out a couple of dildos, nearly dropping them on the floor by accident. His whole body is trembling when he lies down on his back again, and he swears that besides the heat, his fever must be increasing, because he’s never burned this hot.

With barely any strength to move, Renjun strips off his pajamas, trying not to touch himself. His pants pool at his feet, and as Renjun looks down at himself, he realizes that he’s hard even if he hasn’t even _thought_ about it. With Donghyuck flaming in the back of his mind every second of the day, his dick is already hard against his stomach, and his slick is all over his butt and thighs; it’s all humid and uncomfortable, but he’s so ready for a knot that it’s torture to think that he’s deprived himself of it.

“Shit,” Renjun mutters, moving onto his side to pass a hand over his own ass.

He hisses at the sensation of his own fingers stroking over his ass, bringing up a knee up to his chest to make space for himself. He has to take a deep breath, but he doesn’t dare to finger himself; last time he fingered himself during his heat, he got so frustrated with the size of his fingers that he ended up hurting himself. God, it would be so easy to come with Donghyuck’s fingers inside him, though. His hands are slightly bigger, and Donghyuck has the skills to finger him to completion just with one hand. Renjun is sure that Donghyuck has gotten even better throughout these four years.

That’s a dangerous thought, and Renjun jerks his hand away with a groan. Instead he fists his cock, gives it a few strokes to test the waters, remembering that it will be easier to control his omega instinct if he starts slowly on his dick. That it will be easier not to think about Donghyuck if he ignores the sort of relief he’s supposed to receive from him.

But jerking himself off doesn’t work to distract himself from his heat, not even for a second, and before Renjun can be ashamed of his own impulses, he has thrown his hand over the phone on his bedside table.

There are terrible ideas, and then there are worse than terrible ideas; this is definitely one of them. It’s almost afternoon, and given how little Donghyuck works, there isn’t any doubt that he must be either at home or having fun with his friends. If Renjun calls him, he won’t have any reasonable excuse to reject him. The desperation in his voice should be enough to bait an alpha to fuck him. Renjun knows that it can physically hurt Donghyuck to pass on the chance of knotting him, and that’s where his chances lie on.

There are two tones on the other side, three, and by the fourth, the line clicks and Renjun hears Donghyuck’s voice. His heart is beating so hard that he can’t understand Donghyuck’s greeting, but his voice alone lashes through Renjun’s body. Renjun has to muffle a moan on his own forearm not to alarm Donghyuck.

Once he recovers his breath, Renjun responds with a weak, “Donghyuck.”

“Renjun?” Donghyuck says, with such solid concern that Renjun feels remorse for worrying him. The anxiety in Donghyuck’s voice spikes as he remembers that Renjun is alone and by now, he must be in heat. They agreed not to contact each other until the heat was over, apart from a few texts to make sure Renjun is safe, so it’s normal that Renjun breaking the deal frightens Donghyuck. It’s natural for him to assume that Renjun is in danger, especially because Donghyuck’s first instinct is to protect omegas. “Is everything fine?”

Now that Donghyuck is talking to him, Renjun feels a bit better. He’s wetter than before, and as he rubs his thighs together, his fingers around his dick, Renjun thinks he could go crazy during this heat. Donghyuck’s voice sends a wave of pleasure between his legs, and Renjun has the decency to feel ashamed of what he’s doing.

“Please, help me,” Renjun utters, hoarse and clumsy. He hates how pitiful he sounds, but he supposes that he’s indeed that pitiful: he’s drenched in slick, calling an alpha just for release, fearing that not even his knot toys will be big enough. He _is_ pathetic, but that’s not surprising. “ _Please_.”

The silence coming from Donghyuck is awfully endless and revealing.

Renjun predicts the answer just one second before Donghyuck whispers, “Renjun, you know I can’t.”

There are some voices in the background, but Renjun hears shuffling and then a door closing. Absolute silence replaces the noise, only Donghyuck’s breathing remaining on the other side. Donghyuck must have some guests at home, but that only riles Renjun up further. Donghyuck should be with him, deep inside him, and Renjun’s omega wants to throw a tantrum because Donghyuck is dedicating his time and attention to someone else. Those hints of possessiveness can’t be incinerated with his heat in full force, but Renjun sinks his teeth into his lip to stop himself from protesting out loud.

“I know I said we should wait,” Renjun manages to croak out. And Donghyuck wanted to wait too, but Renjun can’t be sure Donghyuck would have agreed if they had talked about his rut instead. It’s not the same. It’s not Donghyuck who has to spend his rut alone. “But I-”

“I won’t go to your house, Renjun,” Donghyuck cuts him off. He’s not harsh, but he uses his alpha tone, a trick to prevent Renjun’s demands from developing into dangerous territory. The phone slips from Renjun’s hand for a moment, and he grips it back in desperation, as though he could change Donghyuck’s decision just by pleading. “You’re already in your heat, this kind of permission doesn’t have any value.”

Renjun’s mind runs, runs fast and wild to find an excuse that stops Donghyuck from hanging up on him. Hearing Renjun agonize over his heat must be terrible for Donghyuck, and Renjun wouldn’t blame him for abandoning him like this – he deserves it, because he has brought this decision upon himself. He has no right to be calling Donghyuck and asking for an immoral favor that won’t let Donghyuck sleep at night. Donghyuck is made of flesh and bones too, and his patience, his instinct, have a limit that Renjun shouldn’t toy with.

And Renjun might not be proud of how manipulative his omega becomes when he needs a knot, but he’s a bit proud of how innocent he sounds when he mutters, “Can you stay with me?”

Donghyuck can’t deny him that.

“Okay,” he breathes out, clearly affected by the request. Renjun hears a click, probably from a lock, and a few seconds later Donghyuck is grumbling, “Tell me what you’re doing, Renjun.”

The rush of adrenaline that sweeps through Renjun is so intense that he blacks out, muffling his sounds against the mattress so that Donghyuck doesn’t hear his uncontrolled breathing. He has to blink a few times to distinguish his surroundings again, his instinct crawling on him like a predator. But Donghyuck is patient, understanding, and Renjun has enough time to turn on the hands free as he processes that Donghyuck is going to listen to him, that he’s going to stay until Renjun comes for him.

“I’m on my side, touching myself,” Renjun confesses, his words just a breeze. The room seems to shrink around him, so Renjun closes his eyes, surrendering to the pleasure of focusing on his own body and Donghyuck’s voice. “I have my toys but I- haven’t used them yet and I’m so wet, Donghyuck. I need-”

Donghyuck shushes him, cutting off his upcoming nonsensical rant. Renjun is too sensitive not to obey like a good omega, so he stays silent, lips parted, waiting for Donghyuck’s permission.

“I want you to turn around and lie on your back,” Donghyuck orders him, so firmly that Renjun wonders if he has ever done this before. If Renjun can call him every time he needs it, and Donghyuck will treat him like Renjun wants to be treated. “I like you the best when I can see your pretty face and your cute cock.”

Renjun obeys with a moan, thrilled both by the order and the compliments. He wishes Donghyuck could see him now. It’s been so long since Donghyuck last saw him naked that Renjun just wants to please him, wants to let him see and touch and enjoy. Listening isn’t enough, and Donghyuck is going to learn that lesson with him.

“I’m so wet,” Renjun distractedly murmurs.

“You’re wet?” Donghyuck repeats, breathless. Renjun isn’t stupid, and with his senses sharpened by the heat, he can predict that Donghyuck is going to do more than just talking to him. “Have you been thinking about me?”

Renjun has to make an effort not to touch his dick again; Donghyuck hasn’t commanded him to do so, and even though obeying is just an option for him, he’s willing to follow Donghyuck’s words to the last detail. His instinct makes him choose to be a good omega for Donghyuck rather than just getting himself off and finishing fast. There’s no pleasure if he isn’t pleasing Donghyuck as well, and it has been an eternity since he last wanted that for an alpha.

“Y-yes,” Renjun stutters. With his eyes closed, he can imagine Donghyuck as if he has him on the bed with him. But beyond his imagination, Renjun has spent most of his time, even before the pre-heat, craving for Donghyuck’s touch, and he has a lot of practice picturing Donghyuck. Four years, to be exact, of trying not to forget what touching Donghyuck is like. “I can’t stop thinking about you.”

From the other side, Donghyuck releases a faint pant, but he doesn’t give any other sign of weakness. It’s obvious that Renjun’s confession has a strong influence on him, and Renjun’s body pulses with compliance, wishing that Donghyuck’s hands could be inside his pants, that Donghyuck wouldn’t be renouncing his own wishes over his morals.

“Be good and listen to your alpha, yeah?” Donghyuck tells him then. His voice drops low, like he’s losing control too, and Renjun has to cover his mouth not to groan out loud. “Baby, rub your slick up to your dick.”

That’s all Renjun has been waiting for: green light to please himself. He bends his knees and spreads his thighs apart, the cold sticking to his soaked inner thighs, and runs his hand down his crotch. His fingers get drenched right away, and he reminds himself that he has to move up once more, just once more for Donghyuck. Renjun’s hips stutter when he lubes his own dick with his slick, warmth expanding all along his length, and an involuntary noise escapes between his lips.

Donghyuck catches him, a chuckle in response, and asks, “Feels good?”

The only thing Renjun can do is hum at Donghyuck’s question, but that’s enough of an answer. Renjun isn’t the only one who is kneeling before his instinct. Donghyuck’s groan through the phone betrays him, and Renjun just knows that he’s touching himself too, hard just by listening to Renjun’s moans.

“God, I bet you’re still so tight,” Donghyuck hisses. Renjun’s whole body tenses up at the mention of pleasing Donghyuck, as if Donghyuck is there with him, and he thrusts into his own fist with a cry. “I’d love to fuck into you right now.”

Renjun sees white, thrumming all over, and moans, “ _Donghyuck._ ”

He revels in the fact that Donghyuck still remembers the sensation of being inside him. Renjun remembers it too, so strongly that Renjun feels like it happened days ago. His dreams about Donghyuck are so detailed and vivid that Renjun has wondered a thousand times if he was ever going to be fucked like that again. It seemed impossible. Something about Donghyuck’s body, about his tongue, about his movements, fit against and inside Renjun so perfectly that there’s no competition for him.

“Use your fingers,” Donghyuck orders him, gasping for air. Renjun hears more shifting, but he can’t make out what Donghyuck is doing. “No toys yet, okay?”

Renjun nods even if Donghyuck can’t see him. It doesn’t matter, because Donghyuck trusts that he’s obeying and doesn’t ask for a confirmation. It’s a game for the two of them, that security that Donghyuck owns, that certainty that Renjun will follow anything he says.

Heavily breathing, Renjun lifts his hips and presses two of his fingers against his entrance. He’s so wet that he doesn’t need to prepare himself, and it’s only his own tension that makes him clench as he pushes his two fingers inside.

He focuses on the soft noises Donghyuck is making, on imagining that it’s Donghyuck’s fingers working their way inside him. It feels so much better like this, so good that Renjun unconsciously parts his legs farther away and sinks his fingers up to his knuckles. His fingers are too small to stretch him, and the lack of response from his body is frustrating. It wouldn’t be this way if it was Donghyuck’s fingers.

Impatient, Renjun goes further. His breath catches in his mouth, but he lets out a broken sigh as he prods with a third finger.

“Baby,” Donghyuck calls him, noticing his failed attempts at being quiet. “Open yourself well for me, slowly, don’t hurt yourself.”

Renjun doesn’t want to disappoint Donghyuck by being impatient, so he tries to take a moment, to relax. It’s true that he’s going too fast, but it’s hard to control his sense of time when all he chases after is relief. He sees red, fire, all over himself and within, and he doesn’t know how to asphyxiate it with his fingers.

“ _Yes,_ ” Renjun hisses, turning his head towards the pillow to sink his teeth. It doesn’t work to subvert his impatience, because his heat cripples on his skin, submerging in his pores until it rips at him from inside. Clutching onto his memories of Donghyuck isn’t enough. His imagination and his fingers can’t equal to Donghyuck’s knot. “Fuck, I need you.”

Donghyuck is just as broken as him, but he still mocks Renjun in a cute voice, “You’re going to say _bad_ words, baby?”

Renjun throws his head back, biting his lower lip not to plead out loud. His wrist trembles at Donghyuck’s mockery anyhow, and he loses his rhythm as he moves his fingers, too overwhelmed to finger himself in a constant pace.

“Mean,” he breathes out, softening at Donghyuck’s laugh on the other side.

“I’m too good to you, Jun,” Donghyuck retorts. And god, he’s right. Donghyuck is an angel to him, and Renjun deserves a bit of cruelty sometimes, because he’s not equally nice to Donghyuck. “But you keep teasing me, making me want to fuck you and mark you all over, and that’s not right.”

“Oh my god,” Renjun whines.

Renjun’s dick pulses, and he clenches around his own fingers, Donghyuck’s voice going straight to his dick. He knows what Donghyuck is talking about now; since the wedding, both of them have been tiptoeing around each other, pretending that Renjun didn’t want to go on his knees and suck Donghyuck off, or that Donghyuck didn’t want to grab Renjun from behind and slam into him without any tenderness.

“Are you ready?” Donghyuck pries, the first tones of eagerness peeking. It’s a relief for Renjun to know that his desperation is justified, that he’s not the only one that can’t handle this conversation well. “How big are your toys?”

That question would humor Renjun if he couldn’t tell why Donghyuck is asking. Even though he’s trying to help Renjun, he wants to have a detailed image of how Renjun looks, of how he would look for him right now; perhaps he’s also curious about how Renjun masturbates when he’s alone, and though having knot toys isn’t the most indecent thing in the world, Renjun is sure that the idea hasn’t even crossed Donghyuck’s mind before.

That’s the reason Renjun doesn’t give too many explanations, just a faint, “They’re really big.”

Donghyuck makes a pause, and then moans, “Take the biggest one.”

Lazily rolling over the bed, Renjun reaches for one of them; he doesn’t intend to ignore Donghyuck’s request, but his hands unconsciously grab the thickest one, the one that resembles Donghyuck’s dick the most. Renjun can’t always push it all the way inside him, but he’s not obliged to. Donghyuck wants to make him feel good, not to break him at his will. Renjun doesn’t mind being broken by him, but breaking alone doesn’t make any sense.

“Talk to me, baby,” Donghyuck whispers, noticing the silence.

“Yes,” Renjun complies. But it’s hard to find something to say when all he’s thinking about is drowning the toy deep inside him, gripping onto his memories of Donghyuck and the hope of what he could have one day. “I’m ready. I- wish you were here, even if it was just to look at me.”

Donghyuck’s response is so immediate that it’s evident that he doesn’t intend to hide how much Renjun is riling him up.

“I’d _kill_ to see you fuck yourself,” he replies with a choked pant. And Renjun believes him, because Donghyuck means it. He’d do anything to have him, just like Renjun would go to extreme lengths just to have a simple kiss right now. “Do it for your alpha, okay?”

Renjun eagerly nods, not remembering that Donghyuck can’t see him. His hands tremble as he leads the toy to his ass, and despite how thoroughly he has fingered himself, Renjun can’t just swallow the toy, can’t even push past his entrance. He sighs, aware that he’s too tense, that he doesn’t have alpha pheromones around to relax him, and that this won’t work if he doesn’t focus.

He’s lucky that Donghyuck has spent so many nights at his apartment, because his sheets are impregnated with his scent, and Renjun just has to turn his head to let his delusion grow and swallow him whole. By now he has memorized Donghyuck’s caresses, the tenderness of his hands, the little bites Donghyuck likes to print on his lips when they kiss. He’s familiar with the feeling of Donghyuck’s teeth dipping into his skin, with the burning feeling of Donghyuck sucking hickeys on his neck.

Thanks to those memories, his thighs relax and his abdomen expands, and the toy stretches him open. It’s just a small push, but the pressure is enough to make Renjun yelp, an embarrassing noise that he can’t feel self-conscious of now. He forces his hand to hold the toy harder, afraid that all his effort will be in vain if he fucks it up now.

“Slow,” Donghyuck grunts, like he can tell that Renjun is hurting himself.

But the pain, right now, is a relief. The sensation that whips through him as he thrusts the toy deeper is much better than his frustration, much better than the tension of his heat. It still burns, but it burns different. It burns good.

“Shit,” Renjun murmurs. In the silence of his room, it’s almost a scream, a blasphemy, and Donghyuck makes an approving noise. Renjun arches his back, so full, so overwhelmed by everything that he can just moan, “Donghyuck.”

He pulls his toy out, maybe too fast, his ass clenching around it. He stops in time to leave the tip of the toy inside him, knowing that he won’t be able to start from scratch again. The intensity of his heat, alone, is making the experience harder, and Renjun won’t be ever be stretched enough to use his toys like he usually does.

“I’m here,” Donghyuck assures him, though he sounds so out of it that Renjun worries for a second. And then, lower, he adds, “I’m going crazy.”

Renjun believes him. That was his aim when he called him, anyhow. To tempt Donghyuck so badly that his only options were surrendering to Renjun’s pleading or to go crazy. He’s just chosen the latter, and Renjun is dying to go crazy with him.

The next thing Renjun knows is that Donghyuck is guiding him to build a pace, and Renjun focuses on his words instead of his own needs. The muscles of his legs hurt from the effort, but obeying Donghyuck’s orders shoots the first waves of pleasure in him, and once it starts, Renjun can’t stop.

The difference is that without Donghyuck, it’s less explosive. It’s progressive, pleasure building in the pit of his stomach and along his dick, the rhythm of his wrist unwavering. He bottoms out with the toy every time, just because Donghyuck tells him to do so, just because Donghyuck repeats that he deserves it that good and deep. He isn’t conscious of his own words, but he hears Donghyuck talking to him, words rushed and broken, and he knows that he’s responding with moans.

He thinks about Donghyuck on top of him. About Donghyuck under him. His fingers inside his ass up to his knuckles, and his dick filling him up afterwards. He thinks about a thousand things with every thrust, until all his body is thrumming with pleasure, until he’s on edge and his instinct clears Donghyuck’s voice again.

“Please,” Renjun groans. But he doesn’t know why he’s pleading, what he’s asking from Donghyuck, but his imagination is too powerful, and Donghyuck’s scent is all over his body, his bed, his walls. “I need you so much.”

Donghyuck moans at that, just as affected as Renjun, and grumbles, “You’d be so tight around my knot, babe.”

Renjun short-circuits, mind blank, his perceptiveness growing until all he feels is pleasure; the toy inside him, the tension expanding all over his body. Donghyuck doesn’t know the power of his words, but Renjun can’t feel the bed under him anymore, and for a moment he believes that it’s Donghyuck’s knot inside him, not his toy.

“You’d look so pretty on my cock,” Donghyuck whispers, losing strength, more strained than before.

It’s magical that Donghyuck knows what Renjun wants to hear. He wants to make Donghyuck lose control, to be pretty for him, to feel that Donghyuck can’t stand the teasing; he wants that, even through the phone, Donghyuck’s knot reacts to him as if they were physically together. Donghyuck needs to learn what he’s missing, that Renjun isn’t always right – that they could have spent his heat together, if Donghyuck had been a little bit more assertive.

But Renjun is too overwhelmed to torture Donghyuck. It’s not his instinct intending to please anymore, just the need of release and his most primal thoughts taking over.

When the toy brushes against his most sensitive spot once more, Renjun knows that he can’t take it anymore. He bites on his bottom lip until it hurts, an attempt at shutting up that doesn’t work. His omega is stronger than this, than reason, than shame, and Renjun parts his lips without remedy, words ready on the tip of his tongue.

Before he can stop himself, he’s breathing a broken, “I want you to breed me.”

He doesn’t need a response. Donghyuck moans and that, combined with his Renjun’s own words, is enough to make him explode. It's an explosion that reverberates through Renjun until he becomes ashes, shuddering and choking and reveling in a wonderful sort of pain. He's not aware of what he says, of how he sounds like, because his ears are blocked and he can just feel pleasure shrinking every one of his muscles.

And then, as fast as it left, comes calmness.

“Fuck,” Donghyuck cries out, voice hoarse, and Renjun hums to accompany him. He can't tell if Donghyuck came before or after him, but just by his incapacity to communicate, Renjun can tell that it was too intense for him too. Softer this time, Donghyuck repeats. “Fuck.”

Renjun can't move for a few minutes, can't even open his eyes and answer Donghyuck, but Donghyuck doesn't pressure him. He doesn't hang up on him either, though Renjun would have understood it. He's patient as Renjun recovers his breath, gripping onto stability after riding a rollercoaster; that's how all his heats are, and before the next period of burning lust hits, Renjun tries to enjoy this absolute calmness.

When his body responds his orders again, the first thing Renjun does is carefully pulling his toy out. It's not a nice sensation after all his tension is gone; slick ruins his sheets, but Renjun doubts he could have salvaged the sheets anyhow. The toy is indeed too big for him, so the feeling of emptiness hurts at first, driving Renjun to brush his legs together to feel less exposed.

Only then, once Renjun feels safe in the mess he has made and the trembling of his body isn't so overpowering, he dares to say, “Donghyuck?”

“Hey, babe,” Donghyuck replies right away. Contrary to what Renjun expects, he doesn’t sound nervous. He's placid, affectionate, and Renjun rests on his side to listen to his voice clearly. “Feeling better?”

Better is an understatement, but Renjun's relief can't be compared to the happiness he would feel if Donghyuck was there with him. Donghyuck is already aware of that, though, because he might be thinking the same.

“Yeah,” Renjun complies. He closes his eyes, a smile on his lips, and sincerely apologizes, “I'm sorry I called you.”

Renjun has no idea where Donghyuck gets his strength from, but he manages to laugh at him like that's the funniest joke Renjun has ever told him.

“Thank you for calling me,” Donghyuck mischievously taunts him. It wasn't a problem for him beyond having to isolate himself first; it's evident that he has enjoyed Renjun's display of neediness. “But make sure you turn off your phone when we finish talking, okay?”

Even with the temperature of the orgasm warming him up from head to toe, Renjun can sense a blush creeping on his face.

Donghyuck doesn't intend to shame him, since it's just a remainder of their little deal, and Donghyuck has learned that he can't lend Renjun a hand or he won't let go afterwards. Renjun needs to drop all the temptations not to resort to Donghyuck, and the fastest solution is to turn off his phone. Besides, Donghyuck won't be able to take care of him during days through the phone. It's ridiculous, and Renjun brought this torture upon himself, so he shouldn't torment Donghyuck too.

“I will,” Renjun accepts at last, sighing. Donghyuck chuckles at his tone, and though Renjun is ready to face his loneliness, he decides to leave on a mean note. “Be ready for when this is over.”

It's the sweetest threat Donghyuck is ever going to hear, and before Donghyuck can understand the promise Renjun has just made, Renjun is already pressing on his phone screen to end the call. The silence that swallows him isn't so dramatic, at least not now knowing that Donghyuck is going to hold onto that unspoken promise, and Renjun smiles to himself in satisfaction.

This is the last heat he’s going to spend alone.

The universe is on Renjun's side this time, and to his surprise, his heat ends in two days.

He takes the measure of spending the third day alone as well, afraid that it's just a false alarm, but on that third day his fever disappears and the waves of suffocation die out. He's brave enough to turn on his phone and exchange a few messages with Donghyuck, but he refuses to let Donghyuck call him so soon. The heat has exhausted him, perhaps because he couldn't get a proper knot and all his orgasms were equally painful and intense, and he's too embarrassed to allow Donghyuck to hear his voice. It's an irrational sensation, that crippling shame that prevents him from using Donghyuck’s soothing, but it happens often after heats and ruts, so Renjun accepts it without added guilt.

After the third day and a night of great sleep, Renjun sees the light at the end of the tunnel. He sends Donghyuck a message almost at seven in the morning, but since he receives no response in the next hour, he decides to call Jaemin instead. Jaemin must have been waiting for that signal, or so it seems, because he shows up at his apartment in less than fifteen minutes with three bags full of groceries and a delicious breakfast from the expensive cafeteria down Renjun's street.

“I love you,” Renjun says as soon as he recognizes the bag, pulling Jaemin into a mushy hug.

Jaemin is very happy to walk into his apartment, even though it's still brimming with heat pheromones and it isn't the ideal place to hang out with a friend. That's one of the reasons he's here, anyway: to help Renjun through the routine after a heat. It's usually the omega's mate who does all that, hence why Renjun unconsciously reached out to Donghyuck first, but life isn't perfect, and Renjun’s life surely isn’t.

“I'm your new boyfriend now,” Jaemin chirps, leaving the bags on the kitchen counter. He sends Renjun a meaningful look and adds, “Since the real one is missing.”

“Don't be mean, he must be busy,” Renjun defends him. The ridiculousness of that excuse sinks a few seconds later under Jaemin's scrutiny, so Renjun hurries up to change the topic and protests, “Also, boyfriend? Who has given you permission to use that cursed word?”

Against all odds, Jaemin seems surprised at that question. That's proof that he wasn't picking on Renjun just for fun, that his choice of words doesn't hide a secret intention, and Renjun closes his mouth before he can spoil the situation further.

But it's too late. Jaemin is too intelligent not to put all the pieces together, and he starts laughing at Renjun without any empathy for him and his evident embarrassment.

“Oh, sweet child,” he coos, rubbing Renjun's arm in consolation. Renjun scowls at him, because that indeed makes him feel like Jaemin is mocking him; it's not because Renjun is inexperienced in relationships, but because he's utterly inexperienced when it comes to Donghyuck. Jaemin draws a smirk and confesses, “I'm afraid I picked it up from Donghyuck calling you _his_ boyfriend.”

That's more than Renjun can process after his heat. So many overwhelming things, one after another, and Renjun doesn't have time to inhale and prepare for the next challenge.

His sweet, tender Donghyuck goes around talking about him like he's his boyfriend; Donghyuck, who has never had a boyfriend before. That alone turns it into such a big deal that Renjun can't help but be touched.

Upon Renjun's silence and the inevitable pink on his cheeks, Jaemin observes, “You didn't have the talk yet, I presume.”

“Of course we didn't,” Renjun retorts, defensive at Jaemin's assumption. Since he's been meeting up with Donghyuck, dating him, that worry has never been on his mind. Donghyuck and he simply _are_ , and that doesn't need any explanations in their little world. “I guess he's my boyfriend? It's just weird to call him my boyfriend, it's a small word for...” Renjun gestures with his hand, not knowing how to explain it, “This.”

Jaemin must have imagined a different answer, maybe a complaint, and he falls silent at Renjun's words. His gaze tells everything his mouth doesn't, though, and Renjun reckons that he has to get used to his feelings being so exposed to everyone.

He has been in love before, so he's familiar with it. Once the first fears evaporate and are replaced with security, showing his feelings to the rest of the universe won’t such a big personal intrusion.

“You can call Donghyuck whatever you want,” Jaemin says with a playful smile. “And he'll like it no matter what. If I can give my opinion on this, he's too much of a fool to care about the specifics of your relationship.”

“It's because he's an alpha.” Renjun shifts his weight from one foot to another, pensive, and then concludes, “He cares about my feelings being truthful, about having me in _any_ way, and that's it.”

For Donghyuck, it's much simpler. He loves and wants to be loved, so tags and words don't matter. And Renjun agrees with him; for once, he just wants to worry about being happy with him, not about the etiquette that society forces on them. Donghyuck is free to refer to him as his boyfriend if that's what he likes. Truth to be told, Renjun secretly likes it too.

Noticing Renjun's loss of focus, Jaemin starts rambling about what he bought for him. Renjun tries to stop him from doing all the work himself, but Jaemin insists in filling his fridge and his cabinets even if Renjun can do it himself. They also open all the windows and doors of the apartment, change Renjun’s sheets and, despite Renjun’s protests, Jaemin ends up washing his clothes as well. It's very effective to activate Renjun's mind and body after spending days on his bed, so he's grateful for it.

Peace doesn’t last long, however. Jaemin is in the middle of complaining about an argument he had with Jisung the other day when the bell rings, and though Renjun hasn’t checked his phone in the last hour, his heart speeds up with the certainty of who is behind the door.

Both Jaemin and Renjun look at each other, alarmed, a shade of suspicion on Jaemin’s face. It’s not Renjun’s fault, not entirely. Jaemin can blame him for not messaging Donghyuck to warn him that Jaemin had already run to his arms, but to be honest Renjun completely forgot about it. He supposed that if Donghyuck was busy, he would be unreachable for the rest of the morning.

“Go,” Jaemin encourages him, trying not to laugh at Renjun’s obvious impatience.

And Renjun does.

It’s difficult not to run across his apartment, but Renjun manages to save some of his decency in front of Jaemin. That’s short-lived, too, because as Renjun pulls the door open and recognizes Donghyuck, he forgets about all the emotions he’s experienced in the last days.

There’s no shame, no pride, and definitely no decency. Just Donghyuck with flushed cheeks and desperation in his gaze, a tornado of pheromones that crashes on Renjun without mercy. The way Renjun’s instinct chokes him is stronger than anything he has felt during his heat; Donghyuck is more powerful than his own nature, and that’s both scary and a blessing.

But Renjun isn’t alone in this. Donghyuck is just as weak as him, and he’s the first one to take the first step, to place a hand behind Renjun’s back and another on his jaw, tilting his head to kiss him. When their lips meet, they liberate all the frustration that has built up between them. They’ve had enough time to do sweet, to do tender, and they’ve run out of those ingredients. Donghyuck doesn’t hold him with patience anymore; it’s demanding and agonizing, like Donghyuck can’t spend another simple second without touching him.

Renjun can’t understand him better than he already does. The moment he licks into Donghyuck’s mouth, Donghyuck becomes the most important person in the world, a tiny spot that grows bigger and bigger until it has eclipsed Renjun’s whole map. Touching him, kissing him, the taste of Donghyuck’s tongue over his lips, is what matters. Renjun isn’t conscious of what they’re doing, of Donghyuck lifting him up in his arms as they kiss, of Donghyuck’s hands on his ass or how Donghyuck gasps when Renjun rides his shirt up to touch there.

It’s then, when Renjun has erased all the memories from the past week, that someone clears his throat, so loudly that it sounds like thunder inside the apartment.

“Good morning, Donghyuck,” Jaemin chirps from behind.

The fire extinguishes as if Jaemin has poured ice on them, and Renjun senses Donghyuck travel through a sea of emotions as he breaks away from the kiss with a gasp. Renjun is too captivated to process that his mind has convinced him that they were alone in the apartment, and he turns to Jaemin with a sorrowful semblance, hoping that he will understand that Renjun isn’t doing this on purpose.

Donghyuck, on the contrary, isn’t so kind. He glowers at Jaemin with sincere, indignant shock, probably because Renjun’s scent enveloped him and he couldn’t detect Jaemin’s presence; and because, after all, for Donghyuck this counts as an interruption. Technically it has been Donghyuck who has interrupted them, but entitlement works in mysterious ways with alphas.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Donghyuck says, words rough, but arms careful as he drops Renjun onto his feet.

Jaemin doesn’t shrink before Donghyuck’s attitude.

“I don't know. Maybe visiting my friend, feeding him after his heat, making sure he's okay?” Jaemin sounds severe, but Renjun perceives that it’s just his special way of pointing out how inconsiderate Donghyuck is being towards him. It’s normal that Donghyuck’s alpha isn’t pleased that someone arrived earlier than him, to do all the tasks that should belong to him, but that isn’t Jaemin’s responsibility. “You can't keep your dick in your pants for a few more hours?”

Donghyuck’s face falls at that comment, and he grumbles, “Na Jaemin.”

“Na Jaemin has listened to your bitching for days,” Jaemin retorts, not disposed to back out. Renjun stares between them, confused, but neither of them are paying him any attention. “Don't be rude.”

Donghyuck closes his eyes, as if to gather his patience and not snap at his friend, and Renjun rubs his chest to help him relax. He understands that, after spending the heat apart, the last of Donghyuck’s worries is to be polite to his best friend. Even more so when Jaemin is the only barrier keeping him from tearing Renjun’s clothes apart.

“Alright,” Donghyuck breathes out. He stares at Renjun for a moment, evaluating his wishes too to decide if he’s acting crazy or Renjun just doesn’t have the guts to kick Jaemin out. The truth is carved on Renjun’s semblance, so Donghyuck directs his attention to Jaemin with fake politeness and says, “Could you give us some privacy and postpone this visit for another day? _Actually_ , another week?”

Renjun has to stop himself from cooing at Donghyuck. Beyond his evident anger and frustration, he looks like a puppy that isn’t going to receive his treat after doing all the tricks. Renjun is wired to surrender, but Jaemin, who already has a mate, is immune to Donghyuck’s manipulation.

Jaemin glances at Renjun, completely serious, and asks, “Do you know what happens when you keep a tiger in a cage?” It’s not a rhetorical question, so Renjun nods, curious of where this conversation is going. Jaemin seems satisfied as he points his index finger at Donghyuck and tells Renjun, “That's been Donghyuck all week. Except you put the tiger in the cage and I had to look after him.”

Renjun lifts his eyebrows at Jaemin, impressed. “Very poetic.”

Even though Donghyuck blushes, Renjun doesn’t consider it that embarrassing. He already supposed that Donghyuck must have been pulling his hair out just because he was on heat. It’s not like Donghyuck has made a great effort to hide it, but there’s a difference between being natural and being talked about like he’s an animal.

“Enough?” Donghyuck insists, biting the inside of his cheek. His gaze is fixed on Jaemin, but the rest of his senses are on Renjun. He relaxes when Renjun hugs him, sinking his face in the crook of his neck to laugh. “Please, Jaemin.”

Jaemin doesn’t stay there forever, just long enough to annoy Donghyuck. He manages to rope Donghyuck into promising that he will pay for their next meal, and that’s Jaemin’s cue to leave. He turns on his heels to go back to the kitchen, and to Donghyuck’s relief, he shows up with his car keys and his wallet, a shit-eating smile on his face.

“It's the first time I’ve seen you two kiss,” Jaemin comments, skidding by them towards the door. The first time in four years, he means. “You guys are just as disgusting as you used to be.”

Donghyuck’s lips curl down in displeasure, but his pheromones betray his real thoughts. It’s the first time Jaemin has seen them kiss while Renjun belongs to him at last. Renjun drinks from his intensity, his expectation, and as soon as the door closes, Donghyuck stares at him with a pout.

“Renjun,” he whines, interlacing his hands behind his back firmly, free of worry.

Renjun caresses his cheeks, smiling at the frustration on Donghyuck’s face, “I know.”

“God, he’s an asshole,” Donghyuck protests. But there’s no strength in is voice, not to insult his friend at least. He’s already nosing down Renjun’s neck to smell him, to leave his scent there as well, and Renjun lets out a satisfied sigh. That makes Donghyuck’s confidence grow, because he mutters, “If he had stayed I would have fucked you anyway.”

There’s no doubt that their little fight could have become a bigger issue, but Renjun doubts Donghyuck would have ignored Jaemin’s presence just to kiss Renjun from head to toe.

Amused, Renjun runs his fingers through Donghyuck’s hair and whispers, “Have you lost your mind?”

Donghyuck nods, but his lips travel down to Renjun’s collarbones as he presses small kisses, covering every inch of exposed skin that he can find. It’s a contrast to how impatient he was when he entered the apartment, but Renjun would have taken Donghyuck in any state.

“Everyday a bit more, yes,” he mutters in the end, mouth contorting into a smile, detaching to look into Renjun’s eyes.

Renjun can resist many of Donghyuck’s enchants, but when their eyes meet, their wishes reflected on each other’s pupils, self-restraint becomes a foreign concept for Renjun. They can take it slow in their relationship, but a time-out is necessary.

And if Donghyuck doesn’t want a time-out, then Renjun is disposed to go fast, even faster than Donghyuck can imagine. If this is beginning of the race, Renjun is ready to sprint.

Against all odds, getting rid of their clothes takes them an eternity.

Renjun is as responsible of that as Donghyuck. Every time Donghyuck kisses him, he forgets about the rest of his body, about everything except Donghyuck’s mouth, and both of them spiral into an endless maze of kisses that doesn’t let them go on. But piece by piece, kiss by kiss, Donghyuck undresses him. He has to breathe deeply sometimes, even if Renjun tugs at him to continue, to bite harder, to kiss harder.

There’s an underlying sense of fear in Donghyuck, interlaced with his lust, that makes his hands tremble when he touches Renjun. Renjun doesn’t notice it at first, but once Donghyuck is on his back, his fingers hooked on the waistband of Renjun’s pajama pants, the shaking of his hands is impossible to ignore.

Renjun racks his gaze over Donghyuck, studying his expression, his feelings. His pheromones are a rollercoaster of a thousand emotions wrapped in a gift box, and every time Renjun pulls at the bow, the cascade of pheromones clutches its wings around Renjun too. Even though Renjun has pushed him on his back, Donghyuck’s chest inflates and deflates too fast, and his attention is on Renjun’s waist, expectant. His nervousness is so palpable that Renjun can’t afford giving him more time. Time won’t fix this.

Donghyuck only has his underwear on, and Renjun decides to lean over him, lips looking for Donghyuck’s mouth and a hand roaming over Donghyuck’s underwear. Donghyuck immediately lifts his hips to brush against his hand with a small gasp. Renjun moans at the mere feeling of his dick, half-hard through the fabric, but he keeps his hand there. They’ve just kissed and caressed each other, but Donghyuck is hard just from that little bit of affection, perhaps because he has waited for too long, because he’s gone longer periods without sex than Renjun. And Renjun knows, matter-of-factly, that one doesn’t get used to them. It’s normal that Donghyuck is so oversensitive and responsive.

“Calm down,” Renjun mutters, tender. Their next kiss is wet, slow, and Donghyuck’s jaw shakes when he lets go. “It’s just me, Donghyuck.”

Donghyuck’s eyes flutter shut as Renjun moves down to his jaw, licking the underside, marking Donghyuck with his scent. Renjun feels Donghyuck’s hands pull his pants down, immediately checking his inner thighs from behind to see if he’s wet, and Renjun rubs his thighs together with a chuckle. Of course he’s wet, but the faint pant that Donghyuck lets out, like he doesn’t expect to have such an immediate effect on Renjun, is a delight.

But it’s that confirmation that Donghyuck is walking on the right path that encourages him to be braver.

“It’s because it’s you that I’m nervous,” Donghyuck admits in a whisper.

Because just like Renjun, he cares about this. It’s just not about pleasure, but about their chemistry. About if their instinct isn’t playing tricks on them just so that they have sex, making them believe that there’s something deeper behind it. But god, Renjun is so certain of his feelings that he can’t dread the results. Donghyuck isn’t just any alpha that has barged into his life without warning. He’s the alpha Renjun has thought about for four years, fantasizing he would come back, and at the same time fearing that he would return and realize that Renjun was the only one still hooked on him.

He understands that Donghyuck is on a tightrope when it comes to him, however, because Renjun already left him once. His doubts and his agitation are comprehensible. Renjun doesn’t want to lose him either.

“You’re sweet,” Renjun hums. And he tastes sweet, too, pheromones brimming on every pore of his skin. Donghyuck is so irresistible to his omega that Renjun can hardly be aware of his own reactions and decisions, but there’s nothing sweet about Donghyuck’s dick responding to the subtle massaging of his fingers. That’s raw, sincere and Renjun feeds on that trace of power too. “And hard.”

Donghyuck is aware of that, if the insistence of his touch is enough to prove it. He grabs Renjun’s thighs so hard that he leaves a trace of red over them, once and again, and Renjun lies on him to indulge him for a while. It’s skin against skin, kisses that are freezing fire on Renjun’s mouth, and he doesn’t want this to ever end.

“How do you want me?” Renjun asks him, tilting his head to look at Donghyuck from his chest.

The answer isn’t a mystery. Renjun can see it in Donghyuck’s eyes, in the ephemeral moment his attention drifts to where their abdomens unite, but the intensity of his gaze sends goosebumps down Renjun’s spine.

“Down,” Donghyuck rumbles, almost as an order.

Renjun wants it too. As an alpha, Donghyuck should prefer to fuck into him without any previous games, but Renjun knows that Donghyuck has always had a fixation with his mouth. And Renjun is going to reward him, because Donghyuck doesn’t intent to simply get off and finish inside him to satiate his instinct; Donghyuck wants to enjoy this for longer; this moment belongs to the both of them, Donghyuck cares about Renjun’s experience too, maybe more than about his own, and there’s much more to it than pure lust.

Not wasting his time, Renjun lies between Donghyuck’s legs and tugs his underwear down, just enough to free his dick. He leaves the underwear around Donghyuck’s thighs, and though he doesn’t tell Donghyuck, it’s his peculiar way to keep Donghyuck in line, to restrain his movements. It’s safer, since he can’t predict how Donghyuck is going to react, if he’s going to lose control in the middle of it. To his luck Donghyuck is too distracted, staring at his lips, to notice what Renjun is doing; Renjun suspects that if he noticed, he wouldn’t mind either way.

Renjun travels down Donghyuck’s torso, slowly kisses Donghyuck’s hipbone, and flickers his gaze up to stare into his eyes. This time Donghyuck responds to the look, and Renjun takes advantage of that distraction to wrap his fingers around the base of his dick. Donghyuck stiffens all over, his thighs hard as a rock under Renjun, but Renjun carefully caresses him with his free hand, insisting until Donghyuck’s muscles deflate under his touch.

Instead of shushing himself, Donghyuck moans as soon as Renjun jerks him off with loose fingers. Renjun nearly laughs at him, but then he watches him with his eyes shut close, his lips parted, and realizes that Donghyuck is actually trying not to make too much noise.

From the beginning, it’s a lost battle for Donghyuck. Renjun doesn’t even have to use his mouth to make him groan, for his thumb alone drags all kind of noises past Donghyuck’s lips. It’s pleasing for Renjun too, because Donghyuck’s dick responds to his touch just like him, twitching and hardening, and it doesn’t take much for Renjun to start feeling uncomfortable waist down, his body asking for some release too.

He ignores it, though, discreetly rubbing himself on the sheets. Donghyuck seems to capture the change in his pheromones, but he only observes him, alert, ready to move on if Renjun gives him permission.

With Donghyuck’s attention on him, Renjun gathers his bravery and shyly licks over the head of his cock, waiting for approval. Renjun is the one who closes his eyes this time, overwhelmed by Donghyuck’s taste, a tingling sensation in his chest. When he looks at Donghyuck again, not only is he panting, but he has also sit up on his elbows to have a better view of Renjun. That’s all Renjun needs to engulf his dick bit by bit, feeling Donghyuck’s hardness spasm against his tongue, and drive Donghyuck to renounce to the last pieces of his sanity.

Donghyuck’s hands entangle in his hair, muscles tense but touch gentle, as if he’s making an effort not to grab Renjun’s hair and pull and push. Renjun bobs his head slowly, getting used to the size of Donghyuck’s dick, and only speeds up when he’s sure that he’s not going to hurt himself. Donghyuck’s stretches his throat when Renjun goes all the way down, but the uncontrollable groan Donghyuck releases is worth the effort, music to his ears. He caresses over Donghyuck’s knot, but despite how riled up Donghyuck is, his knot is still soft enough for Renjun not to worry about it.

“You’re so fucking pretty,” Donghyuck observes, entranced. Renjun glances up at him, just to find Donghyuck completely hypnotized by him, and the power that insufflates in him pushes him to press his tongue over the slit of Donghyuck’s cock. Donghyuck immediately grumbles, “Oh my god.”

Renjun knows that if he continues at this rhythm, Donghyuck will just come in his mouth without meaning to, and Renjun will have to get him hard again. That’s the reason he slows down, why he’s more delicate with his tongue, trying not to put much strain on Donghyuck. If Donghyuck notices the change, he doesn’t protest, maybe because he knows that he won’t be able to take it.

But his hands stroke Renjun’s hair, his shoulders, his neck, and every movement of Renjun’s head makes Donghyuck sink his fingertips with more insistence, a tiny display of dominance that he’s trying to repress. Donghyuck might not tell him, but that’s how Renjun finds the right moment to stop, for the desperation in his pheromones unfurls until it’s all Renjun can detect.

When Renjun draws his mouth away, Donghyuck lets out a sigh. His hands wrap around Renjun’s hips before Renjun can even find the right position to sit, and he laughs as Donghyuck pulls him into his lap without any patience. To his surprise, Donghyuck kisses him with a composure that seems impossible, his alpha instinct taking over, and Renjun knows when it’s the right time to cede.

Donghyuck cradles his face between his hands, molding against his lips a dozen times before letting go. Renjun nuzzles all over Donghyuck’s face and neck, too comfortable to hide that he wants to scent Donghyuck too, but Donghyuck ends up controlling him so that it doesn’t get out of hand. The smile that Donghyuck shoots him makes Renjun melt, and he’s definitely not ready for the affection that blossoms in Donghyuck’s eyes and voice.

“My pretty baby,” Donghyuck tells him in a whisper, thumb brushing under Renjun’s cheekbone.

Renjun is overpowered by a mixture of amusement and fluster, but Donghyuck doesn’t allow him to bathe in those feelings. He ups him on his lap, his gaze becoming more intense as Renjun dissolves into his own embarrassment.

“Stop looking at me like that,” Renjun giggles. The heat that is expanding on his cheeks is unmistakable, and it surely doesn’t come from how Donghyuck’s hands are pushing him closer and closer.

“Like what?” Donghyuck retorts, serious. “Like I love you?”

Speechless, Renjun’s breath catches in his throat. A quick glance at Donghyuck's pupils is enough for Renjun to know that he's not joking around. The warmness that lashes through Renjun this time is very peculiar, a feeling that he hasn't experienced in many years. It’s been a long time since someone told him he loved him, and even a longer time since someone _meant_ it.

But it's hard to focus on that when his dick is trapped between Donghyuck and him, and even harder with Donghyuck's fingers groping his ass, unconsciously tugging him down and back to feel him on his dick. Donghyuck doesn't mind that Renjun is a mess of slippery slick; it makes everything much easier, because Donghyuck doesn't have to finger him, especially after Renjun has spent his heat stuffing his toys inside him. He's ready for Donghyuck, in all the senses someone can be ready, and Donghyuck's perception follows him to the last detail.

“Donghyuck,” Renjun utters, lifting his chin to invite Donghyuck to scent him better.

Donghyuck kisses under his jaw, and then on his Adam's apple, his grip on Renjun's hips. “Are you sure-?”

“Yes,” Renjun cuts him off. Given their record, it's reasonable that Donghyuck thinks he has to ask, just in case, but they're over that phase. Donghyuck can inhale his pheromones just as well as Renjun can inhale his, and there's no room for doubt. “Don't make me wait.”

Renjun is on the edge of breaking down and plead, but to his luck Donghyuck believes him. He still has to shift on Donghyuck's lap to align with his dick, and Donghyuck moves one of his hands down to guide his dick inside him. They fit together, so seamlessly, that Renjun startles a bit at the sensation of Donghyuck's cock stretching him open.

No matter how rough Renjun has been during his heat, Donghyuck's dick doesn't pale in comparison. Renjun can't stand how powerful it is at first, all his emotions crashing over him, Donghyuck’s dick filling him; the way Donghyuck stares at him, the fire that explodes inside Renjun, the pheromones that rock him through it, are all cold and hot, overwhelming and relieving all at once.

But then Donghyuck bottoms out, a firm yet slow stroke, and the slight pain of the stretching disappears. Renjun lets out a noise that comes directly from his insides, not from his mouth, because it feels so, so good that he doesn’t remember anything about his decency. He rests his arms on Donghyuck's shoulders, mouth open, and glances at Donghyuck's expression just to find out that he's not the only one overwhelmed by the sensations.

Donghyuck is far away from here, and at the same time, intimately connected to him. Renjun can't register anything except how much he loves seeing Donghyuck like this: surrendered to pleasure from the very beginning, and unashamed of it. Renjun feels the same way, because none of his worries matter anymore now that they’ve broken the last barrier, the barrier that scared them the most.

Feeling a bit braver, Renjun slants his hips forward, looking for a response. Donghyuck throws his head back, his teeth hooked on his bottom lip to control his own mouth.

“Good?” Renjun whispers, hoping to get some approval. He already knows that Donghyuck is completely fine, much more than fine, but he wants to revel in Donghyuck’s inability to answer. “I want _more_.”

The ghost of a smile flashes across Donghyuck's semblance, but it's gone as fast as it has appeared.

“God,” he whispers back. His pupils are completely blown out as he gazes into Renjun's eyes. “I had forgotten what it felt like.”

Renjun couldn't forget the feeling of being full of Donghyuck, inside and outside. But it makes sense that Donghyuck did. It was easier for the sake of his sanity to forget how Renjun made him feel, how he wasn't going to bond with anyone like he had done with Renjun.

It almost seems like a dream, those nerve-wracking shoots of pleasure that come one after another when they start moving against each other. Renjun builds the rhythm first, but Donghyuck's hold is on his ass, both to feel him up and to lead him. It’s his special way to impose his preferences, and Renjun has to mold to his wishes, to the pace that Donghyuck’s hands set for him. Donghyuck hasn't fucked an omega in such a long time that if Renjun goes too hard on him, he will come in a matter of minutes. If he moves his hips too fast, Donghyuck slows him down; if he goes too slow, Donghyuck lands a soft slap on his ass so that he doesn’t get lazy.

Renjun doesn't want to finish soon either. There, taking Donghyuck's thrusts until they learn to meet each other in the middle, is how Renjun wants to spend the rest of his life. Exploring Donghyuck's body all over again, letting Donghyuck slam into him and moan with his teeth sunk in Renjun's shoulder. It all falls into place when they find the right pace, when Donghyuck's dick pushes inside him in the right angle and instead of simple pleasure, Renjun sees stars.

It's a moment of honesty that neither of them can deny. This has never been only sex for them, but for the first time, they don't have to hide that from each other. Donghyuck moans into his mouth, pheromones stuck on Renjun's tongue, and Renjun drinks from it without remorse.

He laps his tongue over Donghyuck's lips, over his neck, dares to suck a dozen of hickeys until Donghyuck decides that it's enough and, pinning Renjun on the mattress, returns every one of the hickeys accompanied by a snap of his hips. The switch of positions is too fast, too harsh, and Renjun gasps out loud when he hits the bed.

“Donghyuck,” Renjun groans, clasping his hands behind Donghyuck's back to hold him down. Donghyuck hears him, but once an alpha is on top, it's impossible to get the power back. “Softer.”

Donghyuck loves to bask in that control over him, but he's not aware of how hard he's fucking into him; Renjun's words appease him, however, and Donghyuck glances at him with a hint of concern, obscured by need and desperation.

“Like that,” Renjun murmurs, throwing his head back on the bed. Donghyuck doesn't decrease the intensity of his thrusts, because that's not what Renjun is asking for, but he's indeed more careful. Renjun wraps his legs around Donghyuck's hips and moans, “So good.”

That falls short to describe it, but Renjun can't articulate any more words. Donghyuck's scent shifts with every second that passes by, his moans becoming louder, and Renjun just lies back and allows Donghyuck to mark the rhythm. It's not an easy rhythm, not at all, and Renjun has to tighten all his body not come around Donghyuck's dick right away – it's tension that adds up, and Renjun dances on the edge of passing out just from pleasure.

“How can you be real?” Donghyuck groans. He noses down Renjun's ear, covering the few inches of skin that he hasn't scented yet, and then he confesses, “I want to bite you.”

That's a signal that Donghyuck can't take it anymore either. It shows in his thrusts too, more inconsistent every time Renjun clenches around him, searching for release instead of friction. Renjun boils at the idea of coming with Donghyuck's teeth into his skin, and that's the reason he needs a few heartbeats to answer Donghyuck.

But before Donghyuck can process what's going on, Renjun bares his neck for him, turning his head in a way that won't let him move once Donghyuck begins.

“Bite me,” he says, unwavering, so that Donghyuck doesn’t hesitate.

The cascade of pleasure that drowns Renjun is unconceivable. Donghyuck bites where his mating mark used to be, and it seems that Renjun's body remembers, that it recognizes Donghyuck, because all of Renjun lights up around Donghyuck’s existence.

Donghyuck comes with him, so deeply attached inside him that Renjun feels his dick pulse; he hasn't pushed his knot, but it doesn't matter, since Renjun's legs keep him in place. Donghyuck doesn’t pull out as he comes, either because he doesn't remember or because he didn't intend to do so in the first place. Renjun revels in the noises Donghyuck makes while he comes inside, hips stuttering, and though Donghyuck didn't tell him, didn't ask for permission, Renjun knows that he wanted to breed him. And he knows that, if he just says the word, Donghyuck is going to put him on all fours and fuck him again.

Renjun doubts he can take another round, so he embraces the calmness that pours on them afterwards. The only noises for a few minutes are Donghyuck's pants and Renjun's small noises, but they don't fall apart, they keep their bodies entangled in each other. Donghyuck rolls on his side, bringing Renjun with him, and doesn't pull out until Renjun closes his eyes.

“Are you okay?” Donghyuck whispers, peppering lazy kisses all over Renjun's face. He's wary, conscious that after an orgasm Renjun might be too sensitive, that a kiss could be a burden. But that's far from the truth today. Renjun just wishes he could feel Donghyuck closer, and every peck of his is a small gift on his skin. Slightly alarmed at the lack of response, Donghyuck strokes his cheek and insists, “Baby.”

“Yeah,” Renjun manages to utter. He can't help the tired, satisfied smile that blooms on his face, and that gesture seems to relax Donghyuck right away. “Don't worry, Hyuck.”

Renjun hears Donghyuck sigh, but he's content, giddy even. He roams his hands over Renjun's side, like he wants to feel him again, and Renjun laughs at how transparent his instinct is.

“I'm going to clean you,” Donghyuck assures him. Renjun doesn't mind being dirty, but he's wired to think so; it's Donghyuck's responsibility to clean him, so Renjun doesn't disagree with him. Donghyuck plants a kiss on his forehead and says, “Rest.”

Renjun doesn't have either the strength or the reflexes to hold Donghyuck back. The bed shifts under Donghyuck's weight, his absence painfully present around Renjun, and his steps resonate on the floor.

Renjun isn't sure Donghyuck can hear him anymore, but he fists the sheets and mutters, “Come back fast, please.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I love when you're a bit desperate,” Renjun whispers, rubbing their noses together.  
> “That’s so funny,” Donghyuck replies, though there’s no amusement in his face. The intensity of his gaze could pierce anyone, but Renjun is slowly adjusting to it; to the way Donghyuck looks at him, never holding back, never afraid of how deep he’s into this. “I’m always desperate for you, Jun, it’s just that my rut doesn’t let me hide it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> helloooo. here we go with chapter 2, it's considerably shorter than chapter 1 because i struggled with it, but i hope i can write chapter 3 faster ^^  
> hope you guys enjoy
> 
> [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6D9yVASjr1TNf8joXQVBKv?si=nkkihv8uQ1eYdp7FcCubag)

There are many emotions that omegas stop feeling after gaining some experience, those little – or huge – barriers they have to jump over to be in contact with their instinct.

Renjun lost the self-consciousness over suffering his heats when he was sixteen, much earlier than most of his friends. For him, it was a path of learning that most of them went through the same hormonal rebellion, either in the form of heats or ruts, and that only betas were free from it. Renjun has always supposed that his teen self believed that, if alphas stopped functioning during a rut, then Renjun twisting in pain during his heat didn't make him any more brittle than anyone else.

When he was eighteen, he learned to steal that apparent power from alphas. His effect on them was marveling: the attention, the curious looks, the embarrassing extents some alphas went to just to receive a pinch of recognition from an omega. Those were little handicaps of their alpha nature, and though some omegas and betas found them annoying – especially people that weren't interested in alphas at all – Renjun had seen an opportunity there.

He wasn't sure if it had been Jeno's influence, or just how satisfying was to see alphas look at Jeno and him and clearly think that Jeno shouldn't have _him_. That freedom to choose a beta over an alpha had made Renjun seize alphas in a different way.

Every alpha, except Donghyuck.

After a couple of relationships, Renjun is also sure that he has mastered his intimacy issues. It isn't embarrassing to discuss sex with his friends, to explore his own sexuality, or to even admit that he's had casual sex before. Renjun considers it a successful progress, since many of his friends still find hard to discuss those details with other ranks. It happens to alphas and betas too, since they tend to trust their same-ranked friends with their sexual life, and only in the last instance, other ranks.

But Renjun, a twenty-six year old that has shared a bed with a handful of alphas, that has surpassed those petty barriers, feels that same old outburst of shame exploding within him on a peaceful Saturday afternoon.

He has just finished having lunch with Jaemin, Donghyuck and Jisung, and when Renjun decides it's too hot to wear his jacket inside, he takes it off without remembering that Donghyuck has sucked more than hickeys onto his neck.

Regardless of the state of his skin, he's not expecting Jaemin to gasp – a loud, horrified gasp that doesn't betray any intention of teasing Renjun about it. Renjun turns his head to look at Jaemin, confused, and his friend stares back at him with a level of panic that is incomprehensible. Jaemin’s gaze repeatedly scans the deep bite in Renjun's neck, as though he can’t believe what he’s seeing.

“Lee Donghyuck!” Jaemin roars, his eyes travelling from Renjun to Donghyuck. Donghyuck, who is behind Renjun, startles at the scream. “Have you lost your mind?”

Renjun spins to witness Donghyuck's reaction, but to his relief he's not the only one who doesn't understand Jaemin's behavior. Donghyuck blinks at Jaemin, and when Jaemin points his index finger at Renjun's neck, Donghyuck merely juts his eyebrows together.

“What?” he asks dryly, tone stressing his annoyance.

Renjun doesn't like his marks being the center of attention either, but he's surprised that Donghyuck isn't boasting yet. It should be a knee-jerk response.

Altered, Jaemin accuses him, “You bit him more than once, didn’t you?”

Of course he did. It's not like Donghyuck dips for his neck every time they sleep together, but it has happened a few times, never hard enough to mate. They agreed that it was too soon, and that they preferred that decision to come from a different place – from reason and will rather than pure, raw instinct leading them.

Maybe it's an excessively romantic expectation.

Aware that Donghyuck isn't in tune with Jaemin's thoughts, Renjun asks, “What’s wrong?”

Jaemin glances at Jisung first, befuddled, but he only gets a shrug in response. It's obvious that all of them are equally lost for different reasons, and Jaemin is the one who takes the next step.

“Renjun,” he calls him again, more delicately. Renjun lifts his eyebrows in defense, not missing how Jaemin is sweetening his tone. And there it is: his carefulness, his soft gaze, like he pities Renjun. “You don’t know?”

“Know what?” Renjun bites out in response.

He has no idea where his aggressiveness comes from, and both of his friends tilt their heads, wary. Donghyuck just tenses up, ready to interrupt or to defend Renjun, even though they would never hurt him in any way. Renjun would laugh at how irrational Donghyuck's instinct is, since there's no danger, but he's alert just because Renjun is uncomfortable. And he’s reacting this way because Renjun’s pheromones aren’t transmitting any rationality either.

“God, you really-” Jaemin breathes in, swallowing whatever words he's about to spill. Then he makes a rude gesture towards Jisung and Donghyuck to dismiss them, and announces, “Okay, private time.”

Even before Renjun can comprehend what Jaemin is ordering, Donghyuck grunts, “Hey, no! Why can't you tell him in front of me?”

Observing Donghyuck out of the corner of his eyes, Renjun wonders the same. Jaemin didn't have any problem with pointing out Renjun's mark in Donghyuck's presence, and it's suspicious that he's kicking both alphas out all of a sudden.

“Get your nasty alpha instinct away from me, Hyuck,” Jaemin warns him. Donghyuck doesn't back away, and Jaemin insists. “You'll survive without Renjun for two minutes.”

Renjun hopes so, because as he studies his boyfriend's expression, his frustration is crystal clear. It's probably a consequence of his ignorance and receiving orders from an omega, but Renjun sends him a nod so that he doesn’t insist in being childish about this entitlement.

Risking that it might hurt Donghyuck’s pride, Renjun is curious of what Jaemin wants to tell him.

As an excuse, Jisung ushers Donghyuck to clear the table with him. Donghyuck doesn't take his eyes off Jaemin until Jisung drags him into the kitchen, and Renjun can't help but sigh in relief that Donghyuck hasn't made a scene over a stupid conversation.

As soon as they're alone, Jaemin strides to him and holds his arm, eyes wide.

“Your bite is infected, haven't you realized?” Jaemin hisses in a bad attempt at whispering.

That's when shame hits Renjun right in his chest, spilling all over. If Jaemin has reached that conclusion at first sight, then his bite must be infected, but that possibility didn't even cross Renjun's mind before. Two days ago, when Donghyuck sank his teeth in for another tentative taste, Renjun almost screamed in pain – that had terrified Donghyuck too, and they had decided to let Renjun's neck rest, his red mark uncomfortably throbbing.

“Oh,” Renjun mutters. He feels like a kid, scolded by his parents because he didn't disinfect his wounds and kept playing. But Renjun has never deemed it necessary, and until now his bites have never turned this ugly. “I realized it hurt but I didn't give it much importance.”

Renjun doesn’t need to feel the judgment of Jaemin’s stare to realize how nonsensical that argument is. No matter the meaning it carries, a bite is still a wound, and in this case it hasn’t healed itself.

“Renjun,” Jaemin sighs, torn between incredulity and exasperation. “I know you've only mated with Jeno and Donghyuck, but didn't anyone tell you that you shouldn’t get bitten if there's no mating involved?”

A million questions puncture through Renjun’s mind, but they’re so sharp that the only thing he can ask is, “Sorry, what?”

It’s true that he has never mated with any other alpha besides Donghyuck. With Junhui, Renjun’s omega never wanted to submit that far, and he wasn’t disposed to force himself into it. He had tried that before, and he knew that it was pointless: the mark wouldn’t have remained, and that would have been more awkward for them than a simple _I’m not ready yet_.

So Renjun doesn’t know anything about regular biting. Every time he has bitten or has been bit it was because of mating, at least until now. And considering Donghyuck didn’t even bat an eyelash at what they’ve been doing, he might be as ignorant as him.

Careful, almost as though Renjun could snap at him, Jaemin explains, “If an alpha bites you but not hard enough to mate, the risk of infection is very high.” Jaemin presses his lips, evaluating whether to continue or shut up, and then finishes with a, “In fact, you shouldn’t do it all.”

It’s a risk, of course, but Jaemin’s seriousness betrays that there’s another reason behind his advice. Otherwise Renjun only would have to disinfect the wound and hold back next time he wants Donghyuck to bite him for _fun_ , nothing else; the solution is pretty easy.

Before Renjun can even ask why it bothers Jaemin so much, he blurts out, “It looks like someone tried to force a mark on you.” He redirects his gaze to the floor, coy at last for the implication of his own words. “I hope no one else saw that.”

Renjun wishes the ground would swallow him. It’s been a few weeks since Donghyuck bit him for the first time. Other people have indeed seen the wound; for starters, some of his colleagues. Renjun assumed that their glances were curious, since Renjun hadn’t told them about Donghyuck yet, but now all that attention makes much more sense.

And it sickens Renjun to his stomach. Not only because he’s far from a victim, but because the bad end of this problem falls on Donghyuck instead. Donghyuck would never hurt him. He doesn’t even know that he’s hurting Renjun – and Renjun wants to hide this from him, because Donghyuck will fuss over it until the wound is completely gone.

“I’m just- blank,” Renjun croaks out. His shame isn’t so potent anymore, even though his lack of knowledge about his own nature is plenty shameful – but the shock is still there. “It’s my first time hearing this.”

Jaemin nods. “You’ve always looked so mature, so sure of yourself. I guess people didn’t even consider that you might have not gotten proper sexual education.”

Despite how in touch Renjun is with his omega, it’s odd to get a confirmation that he looks like he feels inside. Maybe it’s his prejudice influencing him, but he’s always had the sensation that most alphas saw him like a delicate, pretty thing.

“Proper?” Renjun scoffs. “I didn’t get any. I learned through Jeno and Donghyuck.”

Which, in retrospection, wasn’t the best formula. Many years have passed by, but it’s true that he relied on Jeno and Donghyuck to discover things that didn’t belong to them. Things about himself. That explains why Donghyuck has always thought he was a bit innocent. Renjun remembers that the first time they discussed their deal, it was Donghyuck who insisted on having sex outside Renjun’s heat to make sure that they were fine with it. Renjun himself hadn’t contemplated the possibility of being uncomfortable, and that had revealed how little he knew about his own nature, or about sex in general.

“Yeah, bad take,” Jaemin agrees. He seems relieved that Renjun hasn’t lost his temper at such a sensitive topic, and Renjun sends him a pliant smile. “Donghyuck acts all knowing but he doesn’t know shit.”

Renjun glances at the kitchen door before warning Jaemin, “Don’t let him hear you.”

Even though Jaemin catches his joking tone, he just lets out a half-hearted laugh. He's not good at pretending that he hasn't finished lecturing Renjun, so Renjun decides to indulge him and lifts his head to prompt him.

“What else, Jaemin?”

Doubt doesn't last. Jaemin jumps on that opportunity.

“Did you notice Donghyuck's reaction when I kicked him out?” he asks, not expecting an answer. Donghyuck is that immature sometimes, that possessive, but not towards their friends. “You have to restrict that.”

This is the last outcome Renjun imagined, and though he agrees that Donghyuck might have exaggerated, Jaemin's seriousness is out of place.

“His jealousy?” Renjun tries, confused. “He's just nearing the cycle of his next rut, that's why he's sensitive.”

To Renjun's surprise, Jaemin shakes his head. Renjun isn't familiar with the emotion that runs in circles in his stomach, a strange hit of annoyance because Jaemin claims to know Donghyuck better than him. Even worse, because Jaemin is contradicting his words, insinuating that Renjun can't read his alpha well. It's irksome that such a small detail affects Renjun, but it does.

“It's not just jealousy,” Jaemin assures him. He doesn't perceive the wariness in Renjun's pheromones, and if he does, he must think that this conversation is more important than pride and omega instinct. “He's never dated anyone before, right? Which means that he has never had the right to ask for exclusivity, attention, and go all alpha on someone else.”

Perhaps because Renjun has dealt with these questions inside his head before, it's not that difficult to understand what Jaemin sees in Donghyuck's behavior. However, Donghyuck's alpha doesn't bother Renjun, as long as he's not being unreasonable. He's pretty soft most of the time, a bit rough when he's excited, and Donghyuck works like a charm to keep other alphas away. Renjun hasn't had to turn down anyone's advances since they've gotten together – a simple look from Donghyuck is enough for alphas to know that Renjun is out of reach.

But it worries Jaemin, and that's a sign of a deeper problem.

“You think he can't control it,” Renjun concludes, his voice losing power out of fear.

“I'm _sure_ he can't,” Jaemin confirms. He lifts his hand to caress Renjun's hair, using his omega pheromones to remind him that he's here to help him, that he's not a _threat_. Territoriality is a strong trait in Renjun's nature, and Jaemin knows he's stepping into a field that belongs to Renjun. That's why Jaemin picks his words with intention, trying to sound caring rather than imposing, “You should draw the line before his alpha gets entitled to that control. It's not that hard, it's just like poking a dog to distract them before they decide to munch on your new shoes.”

Not even the funny comparison can lighten Renjun's mood right now. He just stares straight into Jaemin's eyes, demanding.

“Or?”

“You'll fight,” is Jaemin's response, so quick and firm that Renjun has the urge to ask if he has gone through a similar experience. But Jaemin doesn't relent, he just takes a deep breath and continues, “One day his alpha could decide that he doesn't like, for example, letting Sunwoo be around you. And Donghyuck won't _want_ to give into that, but his alpha will convince him that he has the right to tell Sunwoo off, or even to insinuate that you should stop talking to him.”

That conjecture seems so far-fetched that Renjun can't answer at first. Possessiveness is ingrained in the instinctive side of all of them, so jealousy isn't foreign for them, but this is different. Looking at other people over their shoulders because they don't want them to flirt with their mates is common, and it doesn't have to be toxic as long as they acknowledge where it's coming from. Neither Donghyuck nor Renjun have ever allowed those sentiments to take over their actions – god, even when Donghyuck mated with him, he still accepted that he would go back to Jeno, that he would kiss, fuck and love another person despite that.

However, directing that possessiveness towards their loved ones should be out of the question. No one in their circle would disrespect them that way, so there's no logical reason to back it up.

“You know?” Renjun mutters after all. His gaze flickers down for a second, since it's intimidating to confess, “I understand it.”

Jaemin can't control his skepticism, which reflects on his features before he can wipe it away. “How so?”

Renjun doesn't have the right to relate to that, or at least he's the last one that should relate. He always had everyone at his feet – Donghyuck, Jeno, Junhui – and there was no competition for him to worry about.

“Because when you and Donghyuck were living together-” Renjun begins, not organizing his thoughts beforehand. But this is too personal, a secret that only Donghyuck knows because Renjun blurted it out during that first heat together, and Renjun needs to tone his nervousness down. “God, I knew you were in love with Jisung and sleeping with Sunwoo, and not even that could make me stop thinking about how much I wanted you away from Donghyuck.”

It's relieving to reveal something that Renjun never intended to share, but also overwhelming. Jaemin doesn't conceal his surprise, just gawks at him. It's justified; Jaemin must be thinking the same Renjun did back then: Renjun was and is a privileged omega that invented issues out of thin air.

“You were jealous of me?” Jaemin repeats, unable to modulate a certain touch of arrogance. Renjun would laugh at him, but he's too busy scowling at his friend for putting so much emphasis on that fact. It's not the point, and Jaemin recovers pretty fast. “And you felt like shit, didn't you?”

“Yes,” Renjun answers. Such a small emotion was the end of the world for his omega, even when he was in Donghyuck's arms and Donghyuck only ever looked at him. “I don't want Donghyuck to feel that way.”

Jaemin’s expression shifts to tenderness so fast that Renjun wants to warn him not to dramatize. But Jaemin is already stepping closer to drown him in a hug when Donghyuck walks into the living room again, throwing them a resigned look.

“Feel how?” he questions them on purpose, just so that they’re aware that he has heard the last part of their conversation.

Instead of answering, Renjun accepts Jaemin’s hug, watches how Donghyuck rolls his eyes at his friend’s affection. Renjun dedicates him a playful glance, conscious that it’s going to take Donghyuck just a few seconds to interrupt them.

Donghyuck falls into the trap, either because he doesn’t care or because he doesn’t realize Renjun is toying with him. He hugs Renjun from behind, at first trying to tuck his hands between Jaemin and Renjun’s abdomens, but Jaemin presses so close against him that Donghyuck has no option but to set his hands on Jaemin’s back.

The situation is quite ridiculous, or so Renjun thinks, crushed while Donghyuck and Jaemin play their ego games.

“Rude,” Renjun mutters, though Donghyuck’s scent lulls him like a charm. To Jaemin’s displeasure, Renjun unconsciously tilts his head back to fit against Donghyuck’s shoulder, but he protests, “You can't just walk in on us without permission.”

“Then give me permission, baby,” Donghyuck coos, unashamed in front of Jaemin. When Jaemin grunts at Donghyuck’s sweetness, he confronts him with a, “What, having fun with my boyfriend?”

Jaemin pulls away just enough to draw a shit-eating grin at Donghyuck. “Yes, you have the cutest boyfriend in the world.”

Against all odds, Donghyuck doesn’t catch the bait. His pheromones stay plain and tender and he nuzzles Renjun’s nape, calm.

“Right?” he agrees, so pleased that Jaemin might have praised him as well.

“I’m going to vomit,” Renjun jokes. He shakes Donghyuck and Jaemin off him, a mess of arms and hands batting each other away, until he’s free and can breathe without a cascade of pheromones clogging his nose. He pats Donghyuck’s butt and orders, “Get our jackets, we’re leaving.”

Donghyuck nods, but as soon as he paces through the living room, Jisung appears with a sad gesture painting his features.

“So soon?” he protests, as though they haven’t spent the last four hours eating and talking nonstop.

Renjun’s response is almost automatic, natural.

“Donghyuck has been working all week, he has to rest,” he excuses him, _them_. It takes Renjun a second to become conscious of how he’s speaking: like he’s one entity with Donghyuck. Like it’s his obligation to care for him. “Blame him.”

His attempt at pretending doesn’t go unnoticed. Even though Donghyuck is busy putting on his jacket, Jaemin and Jisung have caught that small detail, and Jaemin is already snickering behind his hand.

Renjun bites his lower lip, retaining the urge to silence Jaemin. This is how mated omegas behave. He’s deciding for Donghyuck just because he needs it; Donghyuck, who is an alpha, doesn’t have any obligation to leave. But there’s no power play here, just Renjun doing the best for Donghyuck and Donghyuck complying without a word, perhaps because he enjoys that Renjun worries for him. Or perhaps he’s just oblivious, falling into a routine that they’ve created almost by accident.

“Blame me,” Donghyuck agrees, holding Renjun’s jacket out for him. Despite his embarrassment, Renjun lets Donghyuck help him put on the jacket and purposely avoids Jaemin's stare. Donghyuck doesn't seem to catch the exchange, because he nonchalantly winks at Jisung and adds, “I barely had any time to be with Renjun, it’s nothing personal.”

All in all, Donghyuck is right. They don't want to become that pair of fools that forget about their friends, but there's a streak of selfishness in Renjun as well: he wants to have Donghyuck for himself, all day, until his omega is satiated. He doesn't need anyone else, and judging how Donghyuck's hands sink into his waist as he leads him outside, it's a mutual agreement.

“You're asphyxiating me,” Renjun groans, crushed under Donghyuck's weight once again.

According to the digital clock by his door, it has been five minutes since Donghyuck rolled off him. Five minutes for him to regain his breath and decide that fucking into Renjun for the last half hour wasn't enough.

At first, Renjun laughs, supposing that Donghyuck is just looking for some cuddles and kisses, but then Donghyuck ends up on top of him, and Renjun recognizes that familiar mischievous glint in his eyes. He doesn't know where Donghyuck is yanking his energy from, his eyes full of vitality and a grumble resonating in his throat when Renjun makes a faint sound of comfort. Renjun is tired, but the feeling of skin against skin, Donghyuck's lips spreading warm kisses all over his face and neck, is impossible to resist.

“You should be thankful,” Donghyuck assures him in a whisper.

Renjun purrs in an attempt not to laugh, since Donghyuck seems to be serious. It's evident that it's his alpha speaking, because even though both of them enjoy this, Donghyuck wouldn’t be all over him if it wasn’t because of his rut. He’s warmer too, the first sign of his rut starting, and drags his words and speaks nonsense if Renjun gives him affection. And then there is what is happening now: Donghyuck sticking to him like it’s never enough, looking for relief, power and pleasure in him.

“Oh, you think so?” Renjun teases him, angling his head to let Donghyuck sink his face in his neck. He has forced him to kiss only the side free of marks, and despite how gone Donghyuck is right now, he still remembers that touching an infected mark will hurt Renjun. “Feeling better?”

“Yes,” Donghyuck mumbles. Perceiving the slight tone of protest, Renjun threads his fingers in Donghyuck’s hair to soothe him. Only then Donghyuck realizes that this is a conversation, that Renjun expects more from him. “My rut is going to hit hard. Am I overwhelming you?”

The concern is sweet, but not very useful given Donghyuck’s need to cling onto him.

“I can handle you,” Renjun retorts, looking for a certain response.

Donghyuck’s hands immediately move down to his sides, and Renjun is squirming before Donghyuck can even tickle him. Donghyuck has mercy on him and opts for pressing a kiss on Renjun’s lips, which welcome him with a sigh. Donghyuck doesn’t go slow, tasting all the parts that he’s been licking and biting for the past hour, and Renjun has to pull away first, since otherwise Donghyuck won’t stop.

Donghyuck pouts down at him, but his persuading tricks don’t work.

“I love when you're a bit desperate,” Renjun whispers, rubbing their noses together.

“That’s so funny,” Donghyuck replies, though there’s no amusement in his face. The intensity of his gaze could pierce anyone, but Renjun is slowly adjusting to it; to the way Donghyuck looks at him, never holding back, never afraid of how deep he’s into this. “I’m always desperate for you, Jun, it’s just that my rut doesn’t let me hide it.”

That revelation makes Renjun’s insides twist, and he brings Donghyuck’s face against his neck again just so that Donghyuck can’t read his expression. Intimacy between Donghyuck and him has always been there, and it comes naturally for them, but talking about it is a different game. Renjun is comfortable, but he’s still a bit coy over the emotions he feels when Donghyuck is so transparent with him.

“How much time do you think you have?” Renjun asks.

He caresses Donghyuck’s shoulders, his back, as a subtle way of checking his temperature. Donghyuck is brimming with heat, a stark difference compared to how warm he was just minutes ago.

“Around three days probably,” Donghyuck distractedly murmurs. He nibbles on Renjun’s neck, but he shows no intention of going further, so Renjun lets him. “We should stay at your place, so you can work when I’m sleeping.”

Even now, Donghyuck is thinking about him. It’s convenient though, because Renjun can’t ditch work unless it’s his heat or his mate’s rut, and Donghyuck isn’t officially his mate. His boss might not be that understanding, and Donghyuck knows that Renjun can’t drive from Donghyuck’s place to his home all the time – to begin with, because Donghyuck would need him as soon as he reached the other side of the city.

“Sure, you can stay at my place,” Renjun accepts. He manages to push Donghyuck enough to leave him perched on his side, not on top of him, and Donghyuck drapes his right leg and his arm over him, either to be stubborn or out of need. “But tell everyone, your parents and Doyoung too, because if they visit you and you’re gone and out of reach-”

Donghyuck’s scoff interrupts him.

“Always so worried,” he points out, lifting his chin to kiss Renjun’s jaw. Always so carefree, Renjun wants to shoot back, but it’s not true. Donghyuck worries excessively pretty often, but only about him. “It’s not the best time to tell Doyoung.”

Renjun feels his mouth go dry, but he controls his pheromones, his sudden nervousness, because this is his problem. Donghyuck doesn’t want to share their relationship with Doyoung yet because he’s protecting Renjun, not because he’s ashamed of going back to the boy that tore him apart.

Renjun doesn’t intend to pressure him, so he chooses his words carefully, his tone plain and neutral. “Why not? There’s no point in delaying this.”

Regret slips into him the next second. Donghyuck is too smart to overlook his words, and thus his pheromones shift as he ups himself to look at Renjun better. This time he adapts to the seriousness of the conversation, though Renjun suspects that he won’t last long; maybe if they were clothed and Renjun wasn’t under him, Donghyuck would be up to discuss important matters.

“If I tell him, the next step will be you two meeting again,” Donghyuck reminds him, resigned. It’s an inevitable step, of course, but Donghyuck has no rush. That carefulness isn’t usual in an alpha so, to some extent Renjun appreciates it. “And I can hope for him to be nice, but I can’t be sure that he will be.”

“I’m not a baby, Hyuck.” Renjun hooks a hand on Donghyuck’s cheek, which makes him smile at last. Donghyuck treats him like a baby just when he deems it practical or when it’s in his favor, and just like Jaemin warned him, he can’t allow Donghyuck to set all the rules to his liking. “You don’t have to bubble wrap me because you think your brother is going to be harsh on me.”

Donghyuck accepts that accusation with all the pride he’s capable of, but it’s obvious to Renjun that he doesn’t like this situation. He lets Renjun take care of him, and he wants to do the same – even if it gets ridiculous.

He gives in with a sigh, propping himself on his elbow and smiling down at Renjun. “You have a point but you look so pretty right now that I can’t argue, and that’s an abuse of your power.”

Renjun isn’t expecting that. It’s an impossible mission not to burst into laughter, which is exactly Donghyuck’s intention. Renjun understands that Donghyuck wants him to calm down, to enjoy whatever comes at them step by step, but talking about these issues with Donghyuck actually helps him to shed off some anxiety.

“God, you’re so annoying,” Renjun protests, torn between frustration and joy.

He shoves Donghyuck’s face away from him, and his boyfriend just responds by kissing his palm instead. Every act has a consequence, and in this case Renjun finds himself trapped under Donghyuck again in a matter of seconds. There’s nothing that can make Donghyuck miss how Renjun laughs at his stupid jokes, and Renjun doesn’t have any intention of wiping that smile off his face.

Donghyuck is his mirror, and if Renjun smiles for him, so does Donghyuck.

Renjun wipes his palms on his pants, agitation flashing as soon as he spots that familiar face across the street.

It’s too late to regret this decision. It’s too late for many things, and in reality, this is a decision Renjun couldn’t escape from. Since the beginning, since he saw Donghyuck by the stairs of the castle, he knew that this was an unavoidable obstacle that he would have to face.

Donghyuck wasn’t the only one with a broken heart. He wasn’t the only one that texted Renjun a thousand times, pleading him to come back; he wasn’t the only one that called Renjun at night, sometimes drunk, sometimes completely sober and alone – with the clear mind of a man that couldn’t live without his other half.

Renjun had abandoned the both of them, and even if his reencounter with Jeno was friendly, there were goodbyes that weren’t so easy to forgive. Just like Donghyuck, Jeno deserved better. Better than Renjun pretending that they didn’t have to talk just because they had moved on from each other, but after all, their feelings vanishing was the reason Renjun had gathered the courage to do this.

If Jeno was still in love with him, Renjun wouldn’t be able to look him in the eye.

But the glint in Jeno’s gaze that used to blind Renjun isn’t there anymore. When they meet eyes, Jeno in the middle of the crossroad, Renjun’s heart doesn’t flip at the sight. Jeno’s smile is kind, but he doesn’t look at Renjun like he holds the whole world in his hands. There’s an abysm there, a breach between them that Renjun will never be able to seal again.

Before Renjun is ready to face him, Jeno is already catching up to him. He doesn’t seem to notice the turmoil inside Renjun’s head, since he merely leans forward for a friendly hug. It’s a surprise to find out that Renjun doesn’t find Jeno’s scent that alluring now – perhaps because it has changed, or just because Renjun’s attraction towards him has changed. It’s gone. Jeno’s scent is sweet and comforting, but Renjun’s omega isn’t interested in it at all.

“Hey,” Jeno softly greets him, way calmer than Renjun. He studies Renjun’s face for a moment, as though he can sense his hesitation, and proposes, “Want to head in?”

Renjun gives him a nod, his lips tightening into a smile. Trailing after Jeno gives him time to breathe, though he doesn’t know what to say to Jeno. He didn’t plan this. The only purpose in his mind was that sooner or later, he would need to approach Jeno as a friend, not as the stranger he has become.

Even though eating together might lead to awkwardness, Renjun doesn’t fear silence. Both of them have so many things to talk about, piled up for years, that Renjun doubts they will have enough time to finish the conversation today. Still, Renjun is nervous as they sit in the restaurant, as Jeno calls the waiter and orders for the both of them, completely oblivious at the chaos unfurling in Renjun.

When Jeno looks at him, his first words are, “Donghyuck doesn’t know you’re here, does he?”

It should be a warning, but Jeno accepted meeting up even if he suspected that Donghyuck wasn’t aware of it.

“He was going to ask too many questions,” Renjun confesses.

Besides, it would be weird to ask for permission. It would put Donghyuck in a complicated situation as well, since he would have to reassure Renjun that he trusts them – and if he doesn’t, he would have to lie. All in all, Renjun is just trying to avoid troubling Donghyuck for no reason.

“He _will_ ,” Jeno says, enchanted with the prospect of Donghyuck being confused. “Because I presume you don’t plan to lie about where you were today.”

Renjun shakes his head. “No.” Then he glances at Jeno, his chest inflating with false bravery, and starts, “Jeno, I-”

To his shock, Jeno cuts him off.

“I want to speak first,” he sentences, a decision that seems an impulse rather than a rational thought. That’s the first difference Renjun notices: Jeno has never been impulsive, at least not on his own, always cautious and mature. Four years without Renjun might have taught him to speak out before thinking. “I know why you’re doing this, and I’m glad you are.”

“Not even I know why.”

That makes Jeno smile, makes him close his eyes for a few seconds.

“Well, I’ve spent many years with you, I can still guess why you think like you do,” he explains. That sensation is strange; because they know each other, they’ve shared the most innocent years of their adulthood, have had many first times with each other. That can’t be erased, and Renjun doesn’t want it to be. The thread that unites them is always going to be there, but there’s some distance in how Jeno treats him. “Listen, there are many things that the others don’t know. Things that only you and I understand, and I’m sure there are things that only Donghyuck and you understand.”

Bringing his attention to the table, Renjun nods. Those are the little involuntary secrets that Renjun carries, because no matter how much he tries to explain why he fell in love with Donghyuck, why there was a time when he was in love with the two of them, no one will comprehend the situation. Except Jeno and Donghyuck.

“You never lied to me, Renjun,” Jeno continues with a sigh. Not because Renjun didn’t mean to – he would have lied if that had protected Jeno – but because they were so intimately connected that there were no secrets or doubts between them. Jeno lowers his head, licking his lips, and mutters, “The argument we had when you made the decision to leave… yes, it destroyed me. There’s nothing worse than having to let go of someone when they still love you.”

Renjun agrees with that. Breaking up and leaving when there’s no reason to continue is much easier. He knew what he was giving up, was conscious that there was a possibility none of them would be happy again. That little chance that Jeno and Donghyuck would manage to be happy, however, was the factor that pushed Renjun forward.

“I made mistakes too,” Renjun admits. His healing process wasn’t exemplary either – there were many times he wanted to run back to Donghyuck and be egoistical, disregarding the pain that would inflict. “I never met up with Donghyuck after that, but-”

There’s no need to remind him. Judging the pitiful glance Jeno dedicates him, it’s not a memory that has vanished from his mind. The desperation, the tears, the panic when they realized what they were doing – it’s all engraved in Renjun’s body as well. It’s a secret because they aren’t proud of it.

“Yeah, that was a mistake, but it was also mine,” Jeno agrees. After all, Renjun would have never contacted him if Jeno hadn’t given any signal of wanting him back. But message after message, night after night, it only took a moment of debility for Renjun to soar into disaster. “Whether you like it or not, you missed me as much as I missed you. When I saw you again, I swear that I’d have given up everything to have you.”

The flutter of his eyelashes barely prevents Renjun’s eyes from filling with tears. He blinks a few times under Jeno’s watch, reaffirming that Jeno won’t judge him if he ends up crying – there’s no reason to, but it’s defeating to hear those words directly from Jeno’s mouth.

“I was selfish,” Renjun croaks out. “I didn’t want to see Donghyuck because I knew I was still in love with him, but you- I cared about my feelings first, before yours.”

Not even for a second Renjun thought, back then, that meeting up with Donghyuck was an option. It scared him how much power Donghyuck had over him. Unlike Donghyuck, Jeno was familiar, was safe to some extent. Donghyuck was a whirlwind of feelings and sex and desperation that Renjun couldn’t control, and dipping his toes in that lake was enough to drag him down to the bottom.

“Do you think I didn’t?” Jeno retorts, furrowing his eyebrows. He doesn’t deny Renjun’s selfishness. It’s a fact, and just like neither of them can deny what Jeno did wrong while they were still together – his possessiveness, punching Donghyuck, negating every problem Renjun tried to materialize – it’s useless to pretend that Renjun made a decision and never looked back. He looked back too many times. “You called me and just by your voice I could tell that you were having a crisis. A moment of weakness that didn’t mean anything. I was selfish too, because I went for you even if I knew you didn’t really want me.”

Renjun lets out a shaky sigh. That alleviates his guilt, because it implies he wasn’t the only one in the equation that felt so lost that couldn’t be trusted. After Donghyuck told him how his first year went by, Renjun knows that out of the three of them, it was Renjun himself who needed a stronger circle of friends to support him. Donghyuck and Jeno always had their friends looking after them, even if the latter had enough space to set his own traps.

“Still, I’m sorry for that.” Renjun swallows, not believing that the apology slipped past his lips so easily. It’s then he’s aware that there’s no weight on his shoulders, that he doesn’t need to apologize; it’s just a matter of wanting to. “For everything.”

Silence spreads afterwards. The waiter returns with their food and a smile, and though Renjun is trembling all over, Jeno’s composure is unbreakable. Renjun wonders if this is the gap between their ranks, a gap that didn’t exist before, or just that Jeno has reconnected with the part of himself that Renjun never let him develop.

Only once the waiter leaves, does Jeno adapt to Renjun’s insecurities. He reaches out for his hand over the table, a subtle touch to stabilize him, and allows Renjun to soak in his pheromones.

“You apologized too many times, Renjun,” Jeno whispers, as though he intuits where that need is surging from. Jeno could forgive him a thousand times, but as long as Renjun doesn’t forgive himself, he won’t find peace. Jeno squeezes his hand and assures him, “And I didn’t need them from you. I didn’t feel sane until I got them from Donghyuck.”

“How was it?” Renjun immediately asks him. Jeno arches his eyebrows at him, taken aback at how quick he was, but Renjun doesn’t bother to hide his curiosity. In a lower tone, Renjun clarifies, “Your reconciliation.”

He has heard Donghyuck’s version, but he’s sure that Jeno’s side is different. Donghyuck tends to embellish any story for him, a spice of optimism so that Renjun doesn’t worry.

“Slow,” Jeno replies. He glances at their hands, united over the table, and lets go of Renjun at last. “Hard. It takes time to trust someone that hurt you so much.”

There’s no rancor in his voice, but his unspoken words reveal a story that is much bigger than this. It’s a story Renjun isn’t entitled to, however, and Jeno’s privacy is more important than his curiosity.

“And for Donghyuck?” Renjun breathes out, an attempt at prying that could easily fall on deaf ears.

Jeno ponders for a while, leans back on his chair. His hesitation is palpable, but Renjun doesn’t try to pull the strings in his favor. Jeno ignores if Donghyuck has shared that part with him or not, and telling Renjun has to be based on his own perspective. It’s free will, and Renjun isn’t going to push him.

Donghyuck is happy now. He’s happy with Renjun, with Jeno, with Jaemin, but it’s evident that while Renjun was out of the picture, Donghyuck’s life wasn’t always a fairytale. Renjun can’t imagine how difficult salvaging his friendship with Jeno must have been; staring at Jeno across the table, Renjun trembles just at the mere thought of learning to be Jeno’s friend again.

“Renjun,” Jeno calls him once more.

He has to tear his gaze away, as though he can’t stand looking into Renjun’s eyes – perhaps because they’re the reflection of how much he cares about Donghyuck’s story. More than Jeno’s story, despite how much Renjun once loved him, and definitely more than his own.

With an exhalation, Jeno begins, “This sounds sad and unhealthy, but Donghyuck did his best. He healed the best he could, but everyone around him knew that when it came to love, it was going to be you or no one.” Jeno shrugs, aware that this short explanation won’t be enough, and after a pause he continues, “I mean, you never know what’s going to happen, but at some point I felt that I could fall in love again. Donghyuck didn’t even try because he couldn’t connect with anyone like he did with you.”

And Renjun couldn’t either. He tried with Junhui, where he put all his effort, just to discover that his omega would refuse anyone that wasn’t Donghyuck.

“That scares me sometimes,” Renjun admits, before realizing that this is a personal confession, that he hasn’t told this to Dejun or Jaemin. But here he is, in front of his ex-mate, who glances at him with curiosity, not understanding why Renjun is making such a confession to him. With his cheeks in flames, Renjun croaks out, “Because if one day he stops loving me, I don’t want him to think that he can’t be happy with anyone else.”

Jeno’s expression is undecipherable, his eyebrows knitted together and his gaze studying Renjun.

“Could you be happy with someone else?” he asks at last, so softly that Renjun barely hears him.

Renjun has no doubts.

“No.”

As to approve his answer, Jeno nods. Deep within Renjun knows that he would respond the same way if Renjun said yes, since it’s not his place to judge. Jeno gets it, however, and that’s what matters.

“He kind of imprinted of you,” he whispers, a conclusion that is directed at himself rather than at Renjun. Renjun observes him, anticipating Jeno’s words. “That can’t be helped. You’re worrying over something that might never happen.”

Imprinting is an _old_ term. A sort of connection that surges before mating and that links two people, no matter their rank, in a peculiar way. Sometimes it’s romantic, sometimes it’s platonic. But no one describes it as imprinting anymore – it feels too heavy, too relevant, and in a society that doesn’t want responsibilities and commitment, there isn’t a single rank that would openly admit that they’ve imprinted. It’s easier to pretend they’re nursing a broken heart for years, or force themselves to move into different relationships, just like Renjun did.

But now that word pulsates inside Renjun, a word with its own beating heart, and the insanity Donghyuck and he share makes sense.

Jeno isn’t aware of the impact he’s had on Renjun, since he just stares at him, waiting for him to agree that there’s no point in fearing that Donghyuck won’t be happy without him.

Even though Renjun doesn’t have a confirmation for him, his semblance seems to be enough of an answer for Jeno. That’s not where Renjun wants to end this exchange, though. He never pictured himself discussing these topics with Jeno, mostly because he assumed that there would be no chance, but now that they’ve taken the first steps, Renjun opts for surfing on that wave of bravery.

“I’m ready to have you in my life again, if you are,” Renjun says, raising his voice to battle the pull that urges him to shut up.

The shock that flashes across Jeno’s face makes Renjun recoil a bit, but he doesn’t know what Jeno expected from him. This is the reason they’re at this restaurant, alone, and without their friends. Renjun isn’t here for Donghyuck, in an attempt to slip back into his life as a proper boyfriend and not as an ornament in the wall, but for Jeno and for himself.

Swallowing the knot in his throat, Renjun continues, “You’ve been really important to me. Beyond love, sex, what we had, I loved you as a friend as well.”

It’s either a misstep or a fatal fit of emotions, but Jeno doesn’t show any reticence. He bites his lips a few times – a habit that he hasn’t fixed, Renjun notices – as he processes Renjun’s proposal. It’s obvious that he’s not pondering to reject him, but Renjun’s sincerity has taken him off guard.

Taking a deep breath, Jeno whispers, “I’m ready to try too.”

Relief crashes over Renjun, and only when he relaxes, is he aware of how tense he’s been the whole time.

Trying to be _friends_. It’s a new challenge for the both of them, and probably for Donghyuck as well. Renjun is certain that Donghyuck wouldn’t get jealous of Jeno, but they have many obstacles ahead, and Donghyuck’s alpha is as unpredictable as Renjun himself. Their instinctive reactions aren’t rational.

At his silence, Jeno’s lips expand into a smile, and then he points at the food with his chin. Renjun completely forgot about their food, so he ushers Jeno to eat too, laughing at how nervous both of them are.

“Can I ask you a question?” Renjun chirps up a few minutes later, when they have progressed to lighter topics. As soon as Jeno mentions his apartment, Renjun remembers that he doesn’t live alone, but Jeno casually avoids getting too personal in case that makes Renjun uncomfortable. Far from that, Renjun shoots, “It’s just that Donghyuck refuses to tell me and he’s acting like it’s the biggest mystery in the universe.”

Jeno blinks at him, wary. “What is it?”

Even if Renjun will never accept it in front of Donghyuck, he has been dying to know. And here he has Jeno, the key to his curiosity, to be interrogated.

“Who are you dating?” Renjun asks at last, pushing his shame away. “Do I even know him?”

It’s a special experience to witness how Jeno’s mood changes. His confusion becomes mirth, and he laughs for the first time today, loud and honest – and he laughs at Renjun, at the fact that his ex-mate is asking about his current boyfriend just to pry. No secrets and odd questions to tiptoe around the topic.

But Jeno’s happiness is beyond those tiny details. Even the atmosphere around them brightens up, sweet pheromones interlacing just because Jeno is about to speak about his boyfriend. His mate, maybe, Renjun isn’t sure.

“A little bit,” Jeno answers, his eyes glinting with satisfaction. “It’s Yangyang.”

“Jeno,” is the first word that leaves Donghyuck’s mouth as soon as Renjun crosses the door of his own apartment.

The whole scene is a novelty for Renjun. Donghyuck is staying at his house, waiting for his rut to crash and drag him along, living in Renjun’s space like it belongs to him too. Renjun could never forget about Donghyuck, but it’s still shocking to step into his home and spot Donghyuck in the living room, his chin perched on the back of the couch to look at him.

It’s even more overwhelming that Donghyuck isn’t reacting to the sound of the keys or the door, but to his scent. His scent, mixed with Jeno’s just because they hugged twice today, is the sign that activates Donghyuck’s interest. The timid smile that he sends Renjun shows that he wants to pry; that he wants to know why he was with Jeno, if it worked, if he should be content and proud of them. He’s not angry, probably doesn’t even realize that Renjun hid this on purpose.

Renjun unties his shoes by the door, unable to repress his smile, and mutters, “God, your senses are scary.”

Donghyuck’s stare doesn’t leave him, however. It’s not a way to pressure him into confessing every detail of his encounter with Jeno, or so he thinks. But once Renjun takes off his jacket and pads towards the couch, he meets eyes with Donghyuck and a strange hunch tickles down his spine. He halts midway, reticent, scowling at Donghyuck like it’s his fault that his omega is warning him. It even takes a great effort not to back away from Donghyuck, and Renjun can’t understand why his instinct is malfunctioning towards his alpha.

But Donghyuck’s semblance has changed, tinted with a sea of emotions, and safety is the last thing Renjun finds there. There’s a tiny pinch of rage, embroiled with confusion, indignation and plain displeasure.

Donghyuck has never looked at him that way, with repulsion, and Renjun’s heart skips a heartbeat as he opens his mouth to ask what’s wrong.

He doesn’t need to, since Donghyuck grumbles a dry, “You smell like alpha too.” One sentence that is final, that sounds like a tense cord about to break in two. Donghyuck straightens up, lifting his head, and demands, “Who is it?”

That gesture is enough for Renjun to understand Donghyuck’s behavior. The firmness of his shoulders, the arrogance in his movements, his chin up as he observes Renjun from head to toe. That repulse isn’t directed at Renjun, but at whoever has scented him.

Renjun unconsciously sniffs his hands and his forearms, but he can only find Jeno there. Maybe it’s because his apartment is plagued by Donghyuck’s pheromones and his instinct doesn’t allow him to detect any other alpha – Renjun can’t, but Donghyuck wouldn’t explode this way for a mere suspicion. He’s sure of it.

“I smell like-?” Renjun begins, as if to confirm that he hasn’t misheard Donghyuck’s words.

Donghyuck shakes his head. “An alpha scented you,” he insists, not disposed to argue if that’s a fact or not. Renjun tilts his head, impressed, but he trusts Donghyuck’s skills to make out different scents. Donghyuck didn’t even have to analyze Renjun’s scent from up close to detect an unfamiliar trace, and therefore he doesn’t need to check it twice. “ _Who_.”

That’s the worrying signal that Renjun fears to see. Donghyuck speaks in a grunt, more to himself than to Renjun – it’s not a question for his boyfriend, it’s just a question wrapped in venom towards his own alpha.

Renjun closes the distance between them, circling around the couch as Donghyuck’s gaze follows him through the living room. Donghyuck isn’t receptive, so Renjun approaches him with all the confidence he’s capable of gathering; imposing over an alpha that isn’t disposed to be responsive can be quite intimidating, but this is _his_ Donghyuck.

Seizing Donghyuck’s state first, Renjun straddles him, barely touching him until Donghyuck takes a deep breath and holds his hips. He can sense the contradicting thoughts swirling in Donghyuck’s head: Renjun’s pheromones soothe him, but the patch of scent from another alpha has the contrary effect.

“Hey,” Renjun whispers. He runs a hand through Donghyuck’s hair, caressing him so that Donghyuck realizes that Renjun isn’t mad at him for reacting like it’s the end of the world. Renjun feels compassion for him; he’s familiar with the feeling of losing control over your head just because of instinct – just because his inner omega says so. Donghyuck is doing his best at holding back, and the worst Renjun could do is judge him for it. “Calm down. I went to the office to discuss a project, someone must have left their scent on me by accident.”

“It wasn’t an accident,” Donghyuck retorts; his thighs stiffen under Renjun, and his grip on his hips becomes tighter. To Renjun’s surprise, he doesn’t perceive plain possessiveness, but honest concern. “Who did you meet?”

It’s Renjun’s turn to keep his silence. That’s the _right_ question, even if Donghyuck isn’t aware of it yet. All the pieces fit, one after another, as Donghyuck dares to lean forward and sniff his neck. He dips straight for a certain spot, too nervous to pretend that he doesn’t know where Renjun has been scented, that he’s not obsessing over it.

Renjun lets him just to confirm his suspicions. He would usually not remember a slight, casual touch, but the memory of one of his colleagues caressing his neck plays inside his head; it seemed friendly hours ago, a gesture to cheer Renjun up, but now it’s painted with a whole new meaning.

“Minghao,” Renjun answers at last, just a whisper.

He discussed his project with Minghao. Minghao didn’t touch him until the end, to say goodbye, with a smile on his face and strong pheromones that Renjun didn’t question back then. He questions them now, swallowing Donghyuck’s silence as he detaches to look at him.

Jaw clenched, Donghyuck asks him, “Isn’t that the alpha that helped you through your heats a couple of times?”

It is. Renjun curses Donghyuck’s unbeatable memory, though it’s probably just a consequence of his instinct. He shouldn’t have mentioned names, because of course Donghyuck wasn’t going to forget the name of an alpha he had slept with – Renjun wouldn’t forget either, so he’s lucky that Donghyuck never made a big deal out of his university hook-ups, or his mind would be filled with useless names.

Renjun cups Donghyuck’s face, feeling the first consequences of his own desperation. He’s sure that Donghyuck doesn’t doubt him, but he’s horrified that the idea of Renjun flirting with other alphas could cross Donghyuck’s mind for a millisecond.

“Listen to me,” Renjun begs, tightening his hold so that Donghyuck focuses on him instead of on the trail of scent. The effect isn’t immediate, since the scowl in Donghyuck’s face doesn’t vanish, but it softens bit by bit. “Minghao isn’t courting me, he’s just a friend and he’s definitely not trying to pick up a fight with you.”

It’s fascinating how fast Donghyuck relaxes. The contrast isn’t stark, but it’s there, Renjun’s nature pulling the strings, even if Donghyuck still seems uncomfortable – either with his own reaction, the scent, or Renjun having to console him this way.

“That’s not what it looks like,” Donghyuck mutters then, rubbing a hand over Renjun’s back. His energy is unrestrained, and though Renjun sees him try to bite his tongue, his impulses run over those attempts. “You didn’t even realize, did you? He scented you without your consent. That sounds like picking a fight with me.”

For once, Renjun is speechless.

Until now he hasn’t considered that detail: Donghyuck isn’t angry at his colleague because he left his scent on him, but because he’s known, since the very first moment Renjun crossed the door, that Renjun didn’t partake in that decision.

Realization dwells on him, and with it, anger arrives. But Renjun shushes his own omega, his own complaints, because if he agrees that Minghao’s intention is to challenge him, Donghyuck is going to spiral into a protective mode that won’t bring anything positive.

Renjun should have imagined this could happen. Back then, as he suffered through his heats, opening his legs for Minghao seemed like a wonderful idea. No one thinks about the consequences in the spark of the moment, and less did Renjun.

“I don’t think it’s that serious, Donghyuck,” he dares to lie, hoping that it will appease Donghyuck.

“Yeah?” Incredulity tints Donghyuck's voice, and that's when Renjun regrets lying. They know each other too well, and if he intends to convince Donghyuck of something that Renjun himself doesn't believe, he's going to need a bigger strategy. Donghyuck bites his bottom lip, deep eyes studying Renjun's expression, and asks, “Did he ever scent you this way before?”

Not this way, never out of bed. Renjun is an ace at keeping safe distances at work, thus he doesn't expect anyone of his team to try such a daring move. Alphas and their damn imposing alpha language are unpredictable, however.

Donghyuck reads the truth in his eyes and spits, “I thought so. You call him a friend, but the moment another alpha scented you he just went and defied it.”

“Donghyuck,” Renjun sighs. This is a lost cause, but Donghyuck is right, and Renjun doesn't want to invalidate his feelings. He strokes his jaw in circles until Donghyuck unclenches under his touch, almost like he's not conscious of his own tension. Renjun smiles at him. “Think for a moment. Is it logical jealousy or instinct?”

“It’s my instinct,” Donghyuck replies right away. “But-”

There's no need for justification, and Renjun gives him a pointed look so that Donghyuck doesn't excuse himself. Maybe Renjun is biased, but Donghyuck is pretty cute right now, so concerned over the idea of another alpha bothering Renjun. Renjun doesn't remember the last time someone cared for him this deeply – a different alpha could have brushed this off, but not Donghyuck.

“I’ll talk to Minghao, okay?” Renjun assures him, nervously waiting for Donghyuck's approval. “I don’t want him to scent me, and even less if it’s going to make you upset.”

Donghyuck's lips contort into straight line, but it's ephemeral, a small battle against his alpha. He presses his hands against Renjun's back, which seems to soothe him, and Renjun's smile widens at his evident attempts.

“It’s not because he’s an alpha, or because you’re _mine,”_ Donghyuck explains _._ It's inevitable: Renjun's whole body shivers at the word _mine_ , and Donghyuck glances at him in confusion. That just weakens Renjun further: Donghyuck is so lost in his worries that he's forgotten how much power his words and actions harbor, but Renjun supposes that's good news for his pride. Shaking his head, Donghyuck continues, “I don’t care if Yukhei, Jisung or Sunwoo scent you, because they’re your friends and don’t have bad intentions, but your colleague-”

Renjun grins at his boyfriend, predicting the path he’s taking.

“You want to protect me, right?” he whispers, enjoying the hesitation in Donghyuck’s face. Renjun supposes that it’s hard for Donghyuck to say it out loud; it’s such a basic, intrinsic trait in alphas that it can’t be controlled, and Donghyuck knows that it’s not always welcomed. But Renjun welcomes it, despite how funny it is that Donghyuck’s alpha thinks Renjun can’t stand up for himself. “I know how to draw lines for alphas. Including you, by the way.”

The joke seems to disperse some of Donghyuck’s indignation, and Renjun leans forward to leave an ephemeral peck on his lips. It’s the first time in a long while that Donghyuck doesn’t trail after him for more, and Renjun pets his hair, watching how he melts against his touch instead. Sometimes, Renjun realizes, it’s not about pheromones and ranks. Sometimes a kiss isn’t enough, because they’re not completely wired by their nature alone.

Sometimes Donghyuck needs to listen to him, not to touch him, not to press him into bed and fix their problems with sex. Sometimes he just needs to hear that Renjun is safe, with or without him, and that he doesn’t judge him for being the way he is.

Even though it only takes a couple of days for Renjun’s infected bite to heal, Renjun can’t stop thinking about it.

A small wound in his neck is the least of his problems, but ironically, that’s what his head gravitates around all the time. Donghyuck is staying at his house, his rut symptoms increasing as hours pass by; he’s clingier, less rational and pretty _cute_ , but Renjun should have brought up the topic earlier.

There, as Donghyuck soundly sleeps on the couch, Renjun takes a break from work and watches himself in the hall’s mirror. The infection is gone, but so is the bite. It has become a tiny pink spot that will soon cicatrize and disappear, ready to be marked again. Losing a mark, even an invalid one, is always a strange, embarrassing experience. Renjun doesn’t understand why it embarrasses him; perhaps it’s just that his body interprets it as a sign of being unloved, of not being enough for Donghyuck to claim him.

Renjun swallows hard and strokes his neck to feel the remainders of the bite. They agreed to not rush through their relationship, and it feels out of place for Renjun to even _ask_ about mating. That’s the reason Renjun ended up with an infected bite, after all, because Donghyuck is meticulously respecting the boundaries they set for themselves.

But now, as realization settles in, Renjun is sure that he wants to mate. He doesn’t care if Donghyuck bites him first again; he has an unstoppable need to be marked that he hasn’t experienced before, so unstoppable that it’s ridiculous. He’s bared his neck for Donghyuck a few times today while they were talking, unaware of his own movements, but Donghyuck has just assumed that it was a purposeful invitation for him to scent Renjun there. Renjun doesn’t know whether he should be glad or frustrated because Donghyuck hasn’t noticed, but he knows that even if Donghyuck picked it up, they need to have a long conversation first.

With a loud sigh, Renjun strides to the kitchen for some water, wondering if he should give the conversation a try. He doubts Donghyuck will reject his idea, because no one, especially an alpha, would reject the prospect of marking someone they love, but that doesn’t automatically make it a considerate move.

When he returns to the living room, his eyes stray to Donghyuck’s figure instead of focusing on his blueprints. Renjun stands in the middle of the room for a few seconds before deciding that it’s too late to let Donghyuck sleep. Unless his rut is breaking him, he doesn’t want Donghyuck waking up past midnight because he’s bored – either or on purpose or by accident, since Donghyuck has already done both in the last few days.

“Donghyuck?” Renjun whispers, trying not to scare him. Donghyuck is sprawled over the couch, wearing Renjun’s pants and the blanket pushed down to his ankles.

Donghyuck doesn’t seem to be in deep slumber: he reacts to Renjun’s voice right away, extending an arm towards him before opening his eyes. Renjun laughs at that, intertwines their fingers and dunks his knees on the couch. Donghyuck squints at him, a smile blooming on his face, and in a matter of seconds he’s bringing Renjun closer, purring at the proximity.

“Babe,” Donghyuck breathes out, pleased. His palms sneak under Renjun’s top, so hot that a shiver runs down his spine at the contrast of temperature; even if Renjun shudders, Donghyuck hums an enchanted, “You’re warm.”

It’s quite surprising that Donghyuck can’t sense his own temperature. Compared to him, Renjun is pure ice, but if Donghyuck thinks he’s warm, that means his alpha is already adapting to the rut.

Renjun presses into Donghyuck’s touch with a humming noise. “So are you,” he murmurs. And Renjun can’t lie to himself: it’s been a long time since he enjoyed this sensation so much. Donghyuck might be the weak one, but Renjun isn’t immune. “Do you think you can go out tonight?”

Donghyuck tilts his head, eyes glinting with interest. “Why?”

“Dejun says it’s a personal offense that we haven’t had dinner with them yet,” Renjun answers. It’s hard to focus while Donghyuck rubs his nose all over his neck and jaw, little kisses to accompany, but Renjun makes an effort to remember that some fresh air would do Donghyuck good. “He says Kun doesn’t have many alpha friends and he wants you two to meet.”

It’s been a constant bother to find the right moment to invite Donghyuck, but Renjun has to integrate Donghyuck into his circle of friends. And Dejun, who doesn’t hang out with all of them, only with Jaemin and Renjun, is the perfect route to start sweet and slow. Donghyuck doesn’t look overly worried about meeting Renjun’s friends, however, since he just chuckles at the proposal.

“That makes me feel so _old_ ,” he complains, though he’s grinning from ear to ear. Renjun scoffs, shifting over him to find a more comfortable position, and Donghyuck helps him with clearly hidden intentions. He feels every inch of Donghyuck’s body burning, but he keeps his opinion to himself; it’s better not to influence Donghyuck over how he’s experiencing this first rut together, and less when he’s so relaxed. “Becoming friends with other couples because our mates think we’re lonely.”

Renjun hasn’t looked at it from that perspective, so he bursts into laughter, pleased as Donghyuck’s eyes light up. Knowing that Donghyuck likes making him laugh is a good sort of pressure, and Renjun feels a bit shy over it for a moment.

“I didn’t say that about _you_ ,” Renjun retorts with a pout.

In fact, Renjun is certain that neither Kun nor Donghyuck need more alpha friends. This is just Dejun’s excuse to have another chance at evaluating how Donghyuck is treating him, though Donghyuck would never suspect of him. Dejun is always tender and enchanting around other people, but the perception of his surroundings is sharp. He was the first one to tell Renjun that his relationship with Junhui wouldn’t work, and even if Renjun hadn’t believed him at the time, Dejun had guessed every incompatibility they would have to fight against.

Deep inside, Renjun is terrified that Dejun will be able to find a thousand faults in their relationship. For him, this is perfect. Even Donghyuck’s annoying traits fit Renjun’s personality, and he loves thinking that Donghyuck agrees with him.

“I know, I know,” Donghyuck assures him. He’s too happy to pretend that he doesn’t want to go out with him – or just because Renjun says so, for that matter. “Just tell Dejun it’s fine to have Yuhui around, it doesn’t have to be an _adult exclusive_ dinner.”

Renjun is shocked that Donghyuck remembers that, since he just mentioned it in passing. In a way, it’s proof that Donghyuck pays attention to him, that he might have perceived Renjun’s doubts.

Unable to hide his excitement, Renjun adds, “If your rut is too close, we can just postpone it.”

He doesn’t want Donghyuck to break down or to lie about his rut just to play along with Renjun’s wishes. It’s impossible to delay a rut or a heat anyhow, and when it comes, the best scenario is to be already tucked in bed.

“I’m serious,” Donghyuck sing-songs, and to reaffirm himself, he tugs at Renjun’s butt to prove that it doesn’t push him to lose control.

Renjun flicks his forehead as a punishment, and that’s how they finally pull apart, Donghyuck groaning and Renjun snickering. Renjun wriggles out from his embrace, almost losing his balance, and Donghyuck smirks up at him without shame.

“But once we’re back-” Donghyuck begins, dedicating him a significant glance.

Amused at Donghyuck’s attempts, Renjun lifts his chin and spits, “Once we’re back, what?”

Instead of embarrassing Donghyuck, the question just entertains him further. Renjun has bitten the bait, and there’s no way Donghyuck wouldn’t enjoy this rare occasion. He observes Renjun like he hasn’t seen him in months, drinking through his eyes until a wave of goosebumps invades Renjun. It’s not Donghyuck’s pheromones, just his intent, his ability to undress Renjun with a single look.

“Whether I’m in a rut or not isn’t going to be important,” Donghyuck finishes in a low whisper, his words silk and his gaze honey.

And Renjun doesn’t have any reason not to believe him.

Life is pretty ironical sometimes, because even if Renjun is far from his heat and he’s supposedly the one in charge tonight, he can’t stop looking at Donghyuck.

There’s no justification for it either. Donghyuck is wearing simple jeans and a jumper under his coat, no attempts at being formal just because he’s meeting Renjun’s friends – and yet he eclipses his surroundings. Rather than painting him as an intimidating alpha, it insufflates in Renjun the urge to sink his face in his chest and go back home, but Renjun convinces himself that Donghyuck’s rut pheromones are already gripping him by the neck and that’s why he wants to go back.

To his relief, Donghyuck notices but pretends not to, just smiling cheekily at him when Renjun stares for too long. The car ride is excruciating for Renjun, whose temperature increases without control, and by the time Donghyuck parks in front of Dejun’s house, Renjun is on fire.

He rushes out of the car for some fresh air, puzzled at his own behavior, and Donghyuck scoffs at him without questioning his actions. The problem is that he spends so much time with Donghyuck that this outburst of attraction is unexplainable, especially because they had sex hours ago. The universe must be toying with Renjun, since it makes no sense that Donghyuck is this calm while Renjun is completely riled up, no context to back his state up.

“Are you okay, babe?” Donghyuck asks him, closing the door. His concern floats in the air as he approaches Renjun, tapping on the hood of the car, and grows once he’s close enough to inhale Renjun’s pheromones. “We can take a couple of minutes here.”

Renjun feels just as lost as Donghyuck looks right now, thus he can’t explain the emotions that he’s emitting. Donghyuck isn’t afraid of touching him, however, since he slings an arm around his waist and helps Renjun to button up his coat with his free hand. It’s not that cold outside, but Renjun’s hands are trembling and he still needs Donghyuck’s presence to stabilize him, no matter how disconcerting this situation is.

“Am I red in the face?” Renjun asks, barely daring to glance at Donghyuck.

He can’t meet Dejun and Kun in this state, and less if he has evident signs of lust at first sight. Besides, he reeks: his pheromones are so thick right now, even in an open space, that Renjun is uncomfortable with the level of humidity and impregnation around them. He doesn’t understand how Donghyuck isn’t surrendering to his scent, but it might be his alpha keeping him in line because Renjun needs him.

“Yeah,” Donghyuck confirms. He lowers his head, scrutinizing eyes that can pierce through Renjun’s thoughts, and mutters, “What’s wrong? Did I do something that bothered you?”

Renjun’s first impulse is to deny that possibility, to reassure Donghyuck that this isn’t his fault. Donghyuck has spent most of the day either sleeping or cooking for them when he was awake. They haven’t had any arguments, and the worst Donghyuck has done is asking for too many kisses, but if Renjun is having such an extreme reaction, then there’s a missing piece in the puzzle. And it has to do with Donghyuck.

“I don’t know,” Renjun concludes. He hates how fast Donghyuck’s face falls at his words, his worry transforming into disappointment and regret. It’s instinctive for Renjun to feel remorse, but in this case that remorse just turns the wheels inside his head, and he ends up looking at Donghyuck with big, shocked eyes. “Oh.”

Donghyuck lets out a nervous laugh, repeatedly stroking over Renjun’s coat. “When you make that face, I get a little bit scared.”

If realization hadn’t clutched Renjun out of nowhere, that would have made him laugh as well. Donghyuck’s reticence is comprehensible, moreover if he suspects that Renjun is feeling bad because of him, and Renjun is moved by how pure he can be in certain situations. Donghyuck would never imagine that, deep inside, Renjun is just burning because his omega needs to hold onto something as metaphorical as a mating mark.

It’s such an ingrained thought that Renjun can’t halt the torrent of shame that shakes him. He has never reached a point of dependence that provoked physical consequences, and this feels quite exposing: he’s trying to delay a conversation with Donghyuck, but his body refuses to let him make that choice.

He lifts his gaze to look into Donghyuck’s eyes, which exude both expectation and fear, and decides that there’s no point in making his boyfriend suffer. Renjun has enough trouble running through his mind, so he shouldn’t add another personal battle, neither should he let Donghyuck assume the worst instead of talking.

“I was just thinking earlier, you know,” Renjun tries to say, feeling all the pressure crashing on him. Donghyuck’s attention is centered on him, and Renjun thought this would be easier to share, but the sudden pain in his chest proves him otherwise. It’s that small doubt that he might be rejected, that he might be deluding himself into thinking that Donghyuck is on the same page with him, but Renjun swallows it whole and croaks out, “That I want to mate?”

The silence is immense, just the noise of other cars softly rumbling around them. Donghyuck parts his lips, but there’s no intention to answer. Renjun fears that he has jumped into it too soon, that Donghyuck is trying to find a considerate way to turn him down.

Donghyuck is torn between surprise and confusion when he asks, “Is that a question?”

Renjun nearly passes out in relief, his whole body relaxing at Donghyuck’s elucidation. He’s not wary because Renjun wants to mate with him, but because Renjun isn’t transmitting any certainty. All intensifies right then: his courage, the comfort that Donghyuck’s touch provides him, and the transparent anticipation in his eyes.

“No. It’s an affirmation,” Renjun repeats, picking at his own confidence. His gaze still shifts between Donghyuck’s eyes and his mouth, however, because he’s incapable of bearing all the emotions Donghyuck harbors. “Maybe this is just my body reminding me that we haven’t mated yet.”

Reminding him that Donghyuck is, irremediably, his future mate, because Renjun doesn’t want anyone else but him.

The process is slow, but Donghyuck soaks in his explanation second by second, his lips twitching into a smile. It’s void of mockery or amusement. Donghyuck doesn’t intend to tease him, not in such an important moment for the both of them. It’s a sincere, soul-crushing smile that would make anyone fall in love with Donghyuck, a smile that brings Renjun back to that twenty-year-old that hadn’t experienced heartbreak yet.

“Were you scared of telling me?” Donghyuck shoots then, tucking Renjun’s hair behind his ear.

He rubs his fingertips on Renjun’s cheekbones, shaping his scent to reassure Renjun, as though he’s aware that Renjun is too nervous to ask for what he needs.

And just like that, Donghyuck doesn’t need Renjun to respond to him. That fear has been instilled in him for a few hours, and if Donghyuck has ignored it, it was because he didn’t intend to force Renjun into an awkward conversation.

“Renjun, we talked about not rushing, but we’re not going to be stuck in the same place forever, right? If both of us feel ready for the next step, then it’s not a bad step.”

Renjun blinks at Donghyuck, covered in pheromones that don’t prevent him from feeling how sweet that is. Donghyuck is right, and worst of all, he’s waiting for Renjun. They’re just waiting for each other, two fools tiptoeing not to make too much noise and awaken the nonexistent monster in their relationship.

But just because they’re ready doesn’t imply Donghyuck wants to, and thus Renjun whispers, “Do you want to mate?”

This time Donghyuck laughs _at_ him, eyes crinkling up in happiness. Renjun’s tone is too innocent to be proposing such a big, intimate thing, and Donghyuck’s euphoric pheromones boil around him.

“Yes, I do,” Donghyuck says in a sweet whisper, like it’s a secret between them. Renjun feels his own lips drawing an irremediable smile, and that trespasses Donghyuck as well. “Do you even have to ask? You’ve had an infected bite for weeks just because I was waiting for you to give me permission.”

They’ve been playing to mate instead of mating, Renjun realizes, little bites to emulate what they really needed. His attention flickers down to Donghyuck’s neck by instinct, there where his skin is clear and unspotted.

Renjun has never had such a strong urge to mark someone, an urge that is growing bigger than receiving a mark himself.

“That’s fair,” Renjun manages to utter at last. He molds against Donghyuck, grinning as he welcomes him in a tight hug. The heat simmers down at that, perhaps because he’s too overwhelmed by their decision to focus on his needs, but his mouth moves on its own, “I love you.”

Since they’re pressed against each other, Renjun feels Donghyuck’s heart speed up. He doesn’t remember if he has ever told Donghyuck this in such a direct way, and it’s liberating, exciting.

Donghyuck’s voice is firm when he responds, “I love you too.” And then he slowly detaches, like he doesn’t want to let go, a smile still plastered on his face. “Ready to go inside?”

Dejun shouldn’t have worried about Yuhui crashing their dinner, because the moment they step into the apartment, Renjun realizes his boyfriend could count as a kid as well.

When Dejun leads them inside with a smile, Donghyuck goes first, and Renjun barely has time to follow him before he’s exclaiming, “She’s _crawling_!”

Renjun peeks over Donghyuck’s shoulder to discover that, indeed, Yuhui is crawling towards them, the noise of her knees and hands suffocated on the moquette. It’s logical that Donghyuck is surprised, since it has been three months since he last saw and held Yuhui in his arms, but Renjun knows that she has been crawling for a few weeks.

And yes, she looks incredibly cute, but Donghyuck is so marveled at the simple fact that a baby has learned to crawl that Renjun can’t help but find him cuter. Dejun scoffs at his reaction as Donghyuck squats down to welcome Yuhui into his embrace, and then he sends Renjun an amused glance, which Renjun returns. There’s nothing like watching an alpha lose all his composure over a baby, and both Dejun and Renjun can rejoice in this display as long as Donghyuck doesn’t notice.

Yuhui makes a long, contented noise when she reaches Donghyuck, and Donghyuck coos at her and brings her up into his arms. Compared to the first time, Donghyuck seems to inexplicably have mastered the art of holding a baby; Renjun is flabbergasted for a moment, because Donghyuck has forgotten how afraid he was of hurting Yuhui by accident the first time.

“Hi, girl,” Donghyuck chirps, laughing when Yuhui slaps his face with her small hands, a bad attempt at giving affection. His tone soars high, a baby voice that Renjun hasn’t heard before, and he adds, “You’ve grown so much.”

Dejun rolls his eyes at his own daughter. “She’s so biased towards alphas,” he protests, though he doesn’t sound upset at all. Donghyuck dedicates him a grin full of teeth, too happy to notice that Dejun doesn’t consider it a positive thing. “She’s the same with Kun.”

Even though Renjun can’t stop smiling, he squeezes Dejun’s shoulder as consolation.

“Look at the bright side, you can use Donghyuck as a babysitter from now on.”

“Please, do,” Donghyuck agrees right away, spinning on his heels to look at them. He approaches Renjun, lifting Yuhui so that he can plant a kiss on her cheek. “Say hi to Jun!”

Yuhui doesn’t react to that, since she’s too entertained palming Donghyuck’s face, but Renjun still leans for a kiss. For some reason, Donghyuck’s eyes glint when they look at each other, and a strange, tingling sensation runs through Renjun.

“Cute,” Donghyuck whispers, just loud enough for Renjun to hear.

Renjun draws away, pretends that Donghyuck’s compliment doesn’t fluster him, but his pheromones are more revealing than he would like them to be. Dejun fakes a cough to let him know, and Renjun recoils from Donghyuck’s attention not to disturb his friend.

“Where’s Kun?” Renjun asks him, leaving Donghyuck and Yuhui to their own matters. “I haven’t-”

Renjun doesn’t have the chance to finish. The wave of pheromones that slips into his nose is so intense that he whips his head to glance at Donghyuck, both alarmed and scandalized. There’s nothing sexual about Donghyuck’s pheromones, but it’s still not polite to leave a strong scent in a house where another alpha lives.

However, that detail is easy to ignore when Renjun analyzes Donghyuck’s expression and, following the direction of his gaze, he spots Kun frozen by the hall.

The tension that invades the atmosphere is disconcerting. Renjun’s gaze travels from Kun to Donghyuck and back, but they’re just staring at each other in equal shock, and Renjun doesn’t understand this, can’t even imagine why they know each other, but they clearly do. For a flickering second, Renjun hopes that it’s not because Donghyuck slept with him at some point – there’s always a relatively high percentage, so it’s not a crazy possibility. Not that it would matter anymore, but he doesn’t want to have that picture in his head.

And then, like a bad omen, Donghyuck merely mutters, “Oh my god.”

“Well,” Kun replies to no one in particular. He observes Yuhui for a few seconds, and maybe because he doesn’t seem to mind that Donghyuck is holding his daughter, Renjun isn’t so unsettled. If Donghyuck and he were on bad terms, his instinct would drive him to protect Yuhui first. But Kun just inhales and concludes, “This is quite the surprise.”

“Care to explain what’s going on?” Dejun interrupts them, eyebrows raised.

Renjun would love an explanation too, especially because Donghyuck isn’t paying him any attention, just looking at Kun like he’s seen a ghost.

Unlike him, Kun throws Dejun a smirk and assures him, “You’re going to love this.”

“It makes so much sense that it was about Renjun,” Kun says two hours later, after they’ve told the story four times until Dejun accepted that they weren’t making it up on the spot. “I don’t know Jeno, so I thought you two were just another pair of fools fighting over an omega.”

This dinner is, without a doubt, perfect. The spotlight isn’t on them as a couple, and though it’s still on Donghyuck, this is his expertise. The fact that he already knew Kun from a couple of occasions – bad occasions, but they still count – breaks the ice between them. Donghyuck doesn’t have to pretend to be perfect. Kun is familiar with a part of their story that not even Renjun dived into, and that honesty serves as a foundation.

“It’s embarrassing,” Donghyuck agrees, fumbling with Yuhui on his lap. They haven’t parted ways in the whole evening, and Donghyuck is eating with one hand only, his other arm securing Yuhui so that she doesn’t fall. “There’s nothing more humiliating than being knocked out by a single punch.”

Renjun snickers at that. For once he assumed that Donghyuck would be ashamed of the mess they had been embroiled in, but he’s not coy over how immature is to fight for an omega, just over being taken down by a beta. It’s so ridiculous and at the same time so typical of Donghyuck, now that the pain is gone and he doesn’t have to worry about old grudges, that Renjun can’t even bring himself to chide him.

“I’ve seen you at worse,” Renjun points out, slightly pointing at Donghyuck with his spoon.

Donghyuck scowls at him, offended, and whines, “Don’t be cruel.”

Dejun seems to find their small row hilarious, and before leaning over the table to stare at Donghyuck, Renjun already can tell that he’s been waiting for this moment. Renjun doesn’t have any intention to stop him. Donghyuck is radiant tonight in all aspects, and it would do him good to remember that he should be working harder for approval. He doesn’t seem to realize that Dejun invited him to evaluate him, but Renjun supposes it’s better that way.

“It’s destiny that we all are in the same net,” Dejun gently tells him. His expression isn’t gentle, a glint of evil mirth in his gaze, but Donghyuck isn’t used to Dejun’s antics, so he innocently listens to him. It’s right then that Dejun decides to attack with a, “That way you can’t escape from your mistakes.”

The speed at which Donghyuck’s face turns red defies physiology. Renjun has to cover his mouth not to laugh out and destroy this moment, but the glance Dejun sends him shuts him up anyway.

Donghyuck clears his throat, visibly taken aback at Dejun’s words. Dejun knows what he’s doing, however. The best test to check if Donghyuck has moved on and learned is to joke about their horribly sad times. One thing is Donghyuck and Renjun being careful not to hurt each other, and a different thing is acting like they never did anything reproachable.

It doesn’t matter that both of them would replicate every single move if they had the chance to live the same story again, that they don’t regret loving each other despite the chaos it brought upon them.

Once the initial embarrassment is over, Donghyuck hurls an apologetic look at Renjun, like it’s his fault that this topic is being mentioned. Renjun shakes his head to let him know that it’s fine, but his message doesn’t come across since his pheromones are impregnated with affection. It’s an unstoppable response because instead of worrying about his image, Donghyuck worries about making Renjun uncomfortable.

Donghyuck can’t come up with a witty response in time. Yuhui’s head squashes against his upper arm, and within an instant Donghyuck forgets about the conversation and looks down at the baby, surprised. She has his mouth open, her eyes half closed as she pitifully tries not to fall asleep – perhaps because Donghyuck and Renjun are around, and they’re a spectacle she’s not used to.

“She’s falling asleep,” Donghyuck whispers, dropping his chopsticks to hold her head. He flickers his eyes up to Kun and Dejun, and asks, “Should I-?”

Donghyuck has never put a baby to sleep, and he could end up with a crying baby in the middle of the dinner, but Renjun would kill just to witness it. He’s sure he’s not suffering from baby fever just because Donghyuck is whipped for Yuhui, and that conviction is the reason that he’s disposed to take the risk.

Dejun stands up so fast that he nearly kicks the chair down, but that’s the only clear sign of disagreement he shows. Both his pheromones and his gestures are kind and linear, and he walks up to Yuhui and Donghyuck without hesitation.

“I’ll do it,” he placidly says. Even though Yuhui has been at ease with Donghyuck the whole evening, she lets out a noise of complete peace when Dejun cradles her into his arms. It’s pretty funny that Donghyuck looks quite sad, and even sadder when Dejun looks at Renjun and says, “Come with me and help.”

It’s just an excuse to have a private moment with him, either that or Dejun wants to leave Donghyuck and Kun alone for some twisted, unknown strategy. Dejun doesn’t need any help with his daughter, and less Renjun’s help.

But resignation is all Renjun can grip onto, and he follows Dejun as though it’s a normal invitation. Donghyuck just stares at him one last time, biting his bottom lip in nervousness – almost intuiting that this might be a bad sign. Renjun understands his insecurity, because if Dejun just wanted to compliment Donghyuck, he would do it in front of him.

Renjun’s suspicions are confirmed as soon as Dejun tucks Yuhui in her crib, so tired that she immediately closes her eyes and shuts herself from all external stimulus. That’s why Dejun’s excitement doesn’t brighten her up, or why Dejun doesn’t worry about bothering her anymore.

“That wasn’t very discreet,” Renjun remarks with a laugh, patting down Dejun’s arm.

To his surprise, Dejun sounds sweet when he retorts, “Wasn’t trying to be.” He lets out a long sigh, and lowers his voice to say, “He’s so in love with you.”

Among all the scenarios Renjun conceived, this is the only one he didn’t expect. Perhaps it’s due to overthinking, but he was prepared to defend Donghyuck from any supposed flaw Dejun could impose on him.

And against all odds, this is what he gets. Butterflies spreading to every inch of his body, dancing on his fingertips, and a sort of pain in his heart that isn’t discouraging. A pain that surges from harboring so many emotions that they don’t fit inside him. It’s all because of Donghyuck. Thinking about Donghyuck, realizing this is real, that they belong to each other even if they haven’t sealed it yet, that other people can perceive it too.

“That’s what he says,” Renjun manages to joke, though it doesn’t come off very credible. That just softens Dejun’s gesture further, and Renjun blurts out, “So? Is that all?”

It’s supposed to halt Dejun’s analysis, but he’s unstoppable. He rests his hands on Renjun’s shoulders so that Renjun can’t avoid his gaze, and claims, “I can also say you’re just as in love with him. Which I already knew, but it’s different to see it with my own two eyes.”

Renjun lets out a dry laugh. “No one goes back to an ex after four years unless they’re still in love with them. Or desperate.”

“That was the matter, I didn’t know if you were in love with him,” Dejun begins with a nod, and continues with the other options, “remorseful, or desperate because you couldn’t connect with anyone else.”

It shouldn’t matter anymore, but it does. Perhaps because Renjun has tried so hard during all those years that it’s insulting that their friends were, behind his back, considering if his fixation on Donghyuck was just another form of giving up. He understands their logic, but it isn’t fair: the hard option was to be hooked on Donghyuck, not to move on. Renjun has always given his everything, and if there was a point when he was desperate, it was when he was forcing himself to push his relationship with Junhui.

It wasn’t his fault that he was still in love with Donghyuck, that no matter how hard Renjun tried with other men, it wasn’t going to work out.

“Enough proof?” Renjun replies, unable to contain his annoyance. He doesn’t intend to snap at Dejun, since his friend means no harm, but it’s inevitable. Just like he was ready to defend Donghyuck, he doesn’t have any of that attitude for himself. “I thought you believed me.”

“Hey.” Dejun shakes his head, pheromones swirling around Renjun to soothe him. That’s not the message he’s sending, is what Renjun interprets. He believed Renjun’s words, but he wasn’t sure of his feelings. Renjun himself didn’t know if meeting Donghyuck again was going to destroy him or recompense him. “I just don’t want you to look at the past. You’ve done enough of that, and it’s useless now.”

But there are so many reasons to look at the past from time to time. Renjun wishes they wouldn’t, albeit they’re surrounded by their past. Jeno, Jaemin, Doyoung, all of them suffered so much for them that they act like anchors to the pain.

“We’re not stuck in the past,” Renjun lies. “It’s just-”

“The rest of us are?” Dejun finishes for him, predicting his excuse. Renjun clasps his lips together, defeated, since there’s no point in arguing with Dejun. He has been one of the main pillars for Renjun, and thus no explanations will fool Dejun into thinking the opposite. “Renjun, you’re not like this. You’re sensitive, but not careful. You’re impulsive and sincere and even a bit dumb when it comes to boys. And if we’re talking about Donghyuck, being cautious isn’t your style.”

Renjun takes a deep breath, his legs trembling under all the tension of his mind. In a whisper, he confesses, “I have the pressure not to break his heart again.”

It must be the most idiotic confession he has ever made, because Dejun’s face surfs through a dozen of expressions as he processes what he has just heard.

After a long effort to find his words, Dejun radiates indignation. “Why the hell would that happen?”

“I don’t know.” Renjun swallows hard. He hasn’t even dared to materialize these thoughts before, but now, in front of Dejun, they poke at him until he breaks in two. That’s how it spills out, his lips wobbling and his heart hammering in his chest. “Maybe he’ll realize I’m not what he expected.”

And Renjun fears that, over all, the thrill of their relationship stood on how Donghyuck’s alpha wanted the only boy that he couldn’t have. That one day Donghyuck will get tired of him, because there’s nothing special about Renjun – nothing to justify the way Donghyuck’s eyes shine when they’re together. Donghyuck is just a normal boy too, pretty, intelligent and stubborn, but he’s Renjun’s boy after all. He has always been Renjun’s. He’s not a caprice, a piece of a game of pull and push; Renjun had him, and still loved him.

Dejun doesn’t laugh at his absurdity. He sighs in exasperation, however, like he’s reconsidering his role as a friend.

“Donghyuck knows you from head to toe, from inside out,” he scoffs, since the joke tells itself. He watches Renjun’s expression for any fissure that hints at his disagreement, but Renjun is just a cover of himself, small and regretful for doubting his boyfriend out loud. And that’s the emotion Dejun perceives. “Even now, it comes instinctively to him. Whatever you need, something as small as handing you the damn salt, he’s giving it to you before you can ask for it.”

Renjun is somewhat pleased that Dejun has noticed it too. Perhaps it’s easier for him, since he’s living with his mate and they have a baby, and therefore they’ve learned to take care of everyone around them. Renjun wouldn’t demand such attention from Donghyuck, it just surges without effort. The more distracted Donghyuck is, the more he cares for Renjun like it’s a reflex for him.

When they were in university, Donghyuck adopted that habit after spending Renjun’s heat with him. Renjun had pretended not to notice, but it wasn’t realistic for an omega to overlook gestures that went straight to the core of his nature. He doesn’t have to pretend now, just to adjust and enjoy, and stop worrying that he won’t be able to return Donghyuck’s unconscious effort. Their attachment should be an extension of their intimacy, and not the other way around.

“Am I interrupting your gossip?” a voice barges from behind, startling Renjun. He spins his head just to recognize Donghyuck smiling by the bedroom’s door, an air of arrogance around him that Renjun knows too well. Renjun has the decency to indulge him: Donghyuck intuited that they disappeared for a different reason, but he let Renjun go in peace anyway. “I guess I am.”

He sounds unapologetic, and that’s a trait of disarray that Renjun doesn’t miss. He just has to open his senses to read his mood, and the response flies into his arms: Donghyuck’s scent is much stronger than minutes ago, sticky and luring. It fills Renjun up in an intimate way that, he’s sure, Dejun can’t perceive. For him, Donghyuck must smell like any other alpha on the verge of a rut, but Renjun smells _paradise_.

“Want to go home?” Renjun immediately asks him, absorbing Donghyuck’s discomfort as his.

All he gets is a curt nod, as though Donghyuck can’t express himself with words anymore. His gaze is wet with desperation, his muscles are tense as he fixes his hand on the door’s frame, and Renjun feels his legs wobble.

Donghyuck doesn’t want to go home, he _needs_ to.

Renjun has to face two challenges that night.

Though he has enough experience with ruts to handle an alpha, he isn’t used to the power Donghyuck has on him. Driving back home is a rollercoaster, full of nerves and impatience. Since Donghyuck is already feverish, Renjun has to drive, grasping at the straws of his sanity while Donghyuck’s pheromones close around him with an unimaginable force. If it depended on Renjun, he would park in a desolate lot and jump on Donghyuck, but it’d be a disaster for his boyfriend. He wouldn’t complain in the moment, but dragging an alpha in the middle of a rut back home is never an easy task.

As cruel as it is, Renjun ignores Donghyuck until they’re home, aware that he won’t be able to fight against his own instinct. Donghyuck doesn’t touch him, but his inquisitive gaze follows him everywhere, drinking from every one of his movements. He hasn’t lost his rationality yet, and therefore behaves well even if his scent betrays him. He’s like a little puppy learning to stay still for once, and Renjun appreciates the effort. Many alphas wouldn’t have even tried to hold back, and given Renjun’s state, he’s sure he wouldn’t reject any of Donghyuck’s attempts.

Only once they reach their bedroom does Renjun dare to touch him, lights still off, and presses the back of his palm against Donghyuck’s forehead.

Renjun represses a gasp not to alarm Donghyuck: his temperature is so high that Renjun can’t understand how he’s still functioning. At this point he should be wrapped around Renjun, either pleading or enticing him, or tumbling into bed to suffer through the pain.

“Lie down, okay?” Renjun orders him, his throat tightening with nervousness. Donghyuck looks at him with hazy eyes, and he doesn’t move until Renjun turns him around himself. He focuses on moving him with tenderness, no harsh movements that could make Donghyuck feel unsafe. “I’ll be back in a second, baby, don’t move.”

Renjun forces himself not to glance back at Donghyuck, whose pheromones reveal that he doesn’t want to be away from Renjun for a single second. Renjun doesn’t want to either, so he speeds to the living room. He takes one of his old shirts, which is resting on the couch – he left it there days ago when they were making out, but both he and Donghyuck forgot to pick it up – and soaks it with cold water, hoping it will help Donghyuck to battle the first minutes of his rut.

Renjun stumbles a couple of times as he pads back to the bedroom, too nervous to be self-conscious of his own clumsiness. Under Donghyuck’s pheromones he’s prone to surrender, but he’s willing to do so; it’s part of tending to Donghyuck while he’s in a rut too. He’s not afraid of showing that side of the coin to Donghyuck. Both of them are equally nervous, eager and weak for each other. Even if they don’t bite each other tonight, it’s a _second_ first time that feels like the only one; a first time because they’re free to love each other at last.

Donghyuck is breathing in rushed puffs of air, lying on his back, his head turned to the side. He has stripped down to his underwear, probably overwhelmed by the heat of his own body. Renjun can’t blame him for it. It’s better to get undressed before his rut takes over, when he will be too clumsy and distracted to care about anything besides pleasure.

Renjun sits on the edge of the bed with an understanding smile, and presses his rolled, wet t-shirt to Donghyuck’s forehead. Donghyuck grunts in relief, closing and opening his eyes as though he’s deciding if he prefers looking at Renjun or he prefers drowning into the cold relief of the t-shirt.

Renjun muses a few words to soothe him, but his boyfriend is already too overwhelmed to listen and follow his advice. Since Donghyuck is burning up, Renjun has to tuck his worry away and use his pheromones to embrace him, and only then Donghyuck’s breathing stabilizes. Renjun doesn’t even notice how Donghyuck reaches out to touch him until he feels his boyfriend’s hand perched on his thigh.

After a long minute of silence, Donghyuck glances at him with a piece of sanity and asks, “What were you talking about with Dejun?”

That’s the second challenge that night. It’s a question without malice, but Donghyuck must have been dying to pry. He’s not as oblivious as Renjun thought, and he would never dare to lie to him in fear that he could reach weird conclusions.

With a calm smile, Renjun confesses, “About us.”

Donghyuck already knows that. His gaze soaks in Renjun’s expression with full consciousness, one that won’t last long tonight.

“You looked sad,” he remarks, despite himself. Stroking Renjun’s thigh, he mutters, “I don’t like seeing you that way.”

A needle tears through Renjun’s chest, makes it hard for him to speak. He would have been upset too if he had been in Donghyuck’s shoes, having to watch his boyfriend vent to a friend instead of his other half. Given that Donghyuck is in a rut now, Renjun admires him for not exploding, not even now when they’re alone.

“I’m not sad,” Renjun assures him, plunging to press a kiss on Donghyuck’s cheek. Donghyuck rumbles at that, and Renjun caresses his hair, his neck, allows him to sense his words directly from his touch. “I’m sorry for worrying you.”

Donghyuck sighs. He rests both of his hands on Renjun’s back, but he doesn’t pull him closer, just secures his hold there. It’s a conscious effort to talk instead of pouncing into a physical solution. Renjun has to catch his breath for a few seconds too not to melt into Donghyuck’s mouth and forget about everything else.

“You know you can talk to me, even if you think we could end up arguing, right?” Donghyuck reminds him, cautious, with an enviable composure. Renjun for sure wouldn’t be able to speak with so much confidence during his heat. “I prefer that to bottling everything up. Like the mating thing.”

“No, _no_ ,” Renjun rushes to say. He twirls his fingers in Donghyuck’s hair, looks into his eyes so that he has no choice but to drown in his sincerity. “Babe, you’re not doing anything wrong. You’re perfect.”

It takes Donghyuck a while to process his words, to understand that he’s spinning in circles around a problem that doesn’t exist. It’s true that Renjun has doubts, but they don’t involve him in any way. He’s not the one to blame, and Renjun should have had better communication with him. He hates to face the consequence of his discretion, of this overprotection: Donghyuck concluding that he’s not being a good boyfriend.

To Renjun’s joy, Donghyuck not only believes him, but also is delighted with his choice of words.

“Really? Perfect?” he repeats, a soft laugh bubbling up his throat. It’s almost a groan, but it vibrates through Renjun’s insides like a melody, a tense cord that makes them vibrate together. “Trust me, Renjun.”

Renjun shifts his attention from Donghyuck’s mouth to his eyes, his heart pounding at the speed of light. Donghyuck is satisfied with his answer, but he doesn’t seem disposed to abandon Renjun into the well of his own head.

But it’s easy, really. It’s easy to say he loves Donghyuck, and it’s even easier to stare into his eyes and with all the certainty of the universe, promise, “I trust you.”

Even though Donghyuck has been wary all night, this time it’s him who initiates the kiss, just a sweet peck on Renjun’s lips. Once their lips are connected, Renjun’s mind welds to his instinct. All he feels is how good Donghyuck tastes, how a kiss isn’t and will never be enough, his mouth bursting into flames.

Renjun doesn’t remember the last time a kiss turned his world upside down, but it’s so overpowering that for a second he feels like he’s floating in the middle of nowhere, just attached to Donghyuck’s body, to his warmth, to his breathing. Donghyuck’s kisses are fire that burn down his throat and twirl in the pit of his stomach. Donghyuck doesn’t have to restrain his pheromones anymore, but when he finally loosens his scent like a beast out of its cage, it eats Renjun alive.

This is how alpha power feels on Renjun. Devouring, a promise of pleasure in exchange for pride. Donghyuck licks into his mouth for the first time, and Renjun grumbles in response, closing his eyes. He softly slumps on Donghyuck, throws the wet t-shirt away, aware that it’s too late to try to lower Donghyuck’s fever. Donghyuck isn’t focused on himself, so he barely notices the difference. He’s focused on touching Renjun, on running his hands up and down Renjun’s back, and when Renjun molds into the new position, on cupping his ass like it’s the end of the world.

It’s a subtle movement, but desperation transpires through every pore of Donghyuck’s skin. The tension in his fingers, the way his arms arch to cage Renjun, the mixture of pheromones wildly dancing between his lips. Renjun is crushed under every rock that Donghyuck throws at him, and he finds himself pressing against Donghyuck’s abdomen even before he can demand it from him.

Against all logic, feeling Donghyuck’s hard-on is relieving. The tingling that stings down Renjun’s spine, however, is nerve-wracking, exciting, and Renjun lets Donghyuck bath in his emotions without shame.

“Need to feel you,” Donghyuck breathes out, bumping his nose against Renjun’s jaw.

Renjun gets the hint: he’s still completely clothed, a barrier that is frustrating Donghyuck more by the second. It frustrates Renjun too, though he represses those negative thoughts in favor of Donghyuck. They can hurt each other if the both of them just follow their instinct, and he doesn’t want to ruin Donghyuck’s rut with impatience.

Donghyuck helps him to strip, his eyes frenetically fixing on every inch of bare skin. Even his gaze alone burns Renjun from head to toe. He takes his pants off first, laughs as Donghyuck pulls at his underwear right away, at the evident fear that Renjun might tease him otherwise. He complies with Donghyuck’s wishes without a second thought, and the whole atmosphere transforms once they’re completely naked, Donghyuck’s tongue peeking out to lick over his lips.

Donghyuck touches him everywhere. His neck, his shoulders, his chest, breathing rushed as Donghyuck lowers to his waist and his thighs. Renjun feels pretty just by the hunger that reflects on Donghyuck’s face.

“I could never get tired of this,” Donghyuck appreciates, stroking down Renjun’s hips to feel every curve. There’s electricity on his palms, electricity that thunders in Donghyuck’s eyes, electricity that makes Renjun whine with docility. Hearing that noise come out from his own mouth drives him to bat Donghyuck’s hands away, a playful gesture that takes Donghyuck by surprise. Still, he grins up at Renjun and spits, “You get on my nerves.”

“Sure I do,” Renjun retorts, just as mischievous. “I love seeing you angry.”

Donghyuck doesn’t look too pained yet. In fact, if he’s calm enough to pick on him, then he’s not a lost cause. Renjun prefers to go slow, against Donghyuck’s pace, and make him come once his rut is in full force; otherwise he will just come and will need to fuck Renjun again in a matter of minutes. Dealing with an alpha in a rut is far from easy, and last time he was with Donghyuck, he spent days with aching muscles and an exhaustion that trespassed the physical plane.

Now that they’re together, that Renjun doesn’t have to leave his side, Donghyuck is going to use him until he’s satiated. That’s what his stare screams, charged with want but free of roughness, as he roams his hands all over him.

“Be patient,” Renjun whispers, sliding over Donghyuck to kiss him once more. It’s a sloppy attempt that ends up with them laughing, and Renjun makes a point to shove his tongue into Donghyuck’s mouth one last time before pulling away. “Do you want me to decide for us, or do you want to do it?”

Renjun isn’t expecting hesitation, but that’s what Donghyuck emits. Vacillation, as though he needs time to think. As though this isn’t as easy as ordering Renjun to ride him until he comes a dozen times, or to press him face down and slam into him as many times as he needs.

Obviating the moment of silence, Renjun moves down to Donghyuck’s jaw, giving him time to think. Donghyuck tangles his fingers in his hair, and Renjun sucks on his neck just to feel how Donghyuck’s body tenses and relaxes with every lick of his tongue. It’s been a while since Donghyuck has been this responsive, and it feels good to regain the power of destroying Donghyuck with simple, wet bites.

“God, Renjun,” he moans, torn between amazement and desperation. “I want to- I don’t know if you’ll want to.”

That catches Renjun’s attention, but he doesn’t detach from Donghyuck. His instinct warns him that if he looks into Donghyuck’s eyes, he will be persuaded away from whatever idea he has come up with. Renjun can’t imagine what Donghyuck is thinking about. They’ve done so many things in bed that he shouldn’t be embarrassed anymore, so this must be different – extraordinary – and Renjun can’t help but be curious.

“What do you want?” Renjun prompts him, realizing Donghyuck needs a push.

Not even a question forces Donghyuck to answer right away. He takes a couple of deep breaths, the hand that is clasped in Renjun’s hair trembling, and then mutters something that Renjun doesn’t manage to make out. Donghyuck is aware that he hasn’t spoken loud enough for Renjun to hear him, and thus Renjun waits and waits, peppering careful kisses down Donghyuck’s collarbones.

And then, at last, Donghyuck manages to whisper, “I want you to fuck me.”

Those words thrum through Renjun’s body like thunder. Suddenly his senses sharpen, and instead of being overrun by Donghyuck’s request, he feels every inch of his body too clearly. Donghyuck’s hardness, strained in his underwear, becomes the center of Renjun’s attention, and only after that other details begin to outstand. The speed at which Donghyuck’s heart beats. His faltering breathing. The shame in his pheromones.

“W-” Renjun starts, too shocked to form a proper sentence in his head. “What?”

Not knowing what he’s going to find there, he dares to peek at Donghyuck’s expression. Donghyuck isn’t staring at him, but at the ceiling, like he can’t stand his own question. A scarlet tone has expanded all over his cheeks, and though Renjun would usually find it cute, right now it just extends to Renjun’s face as well.

Donghyuck doesn’t have to explain what he means with _fucking him_. There’s only one situation in which he would have to ask first. Despite Renjun’s extensive imagination, it’s a possibility that he has never contemplated, and he would have never expected Donghyuck to even think about it.

Donghyuck must have chewed on that idea a thousand times before sharing it with him. And that is embarrassing for Renjun too: Donghyuck might have gotten off to the thought of them switching places, of doing something that Renjun has never had the need to do. Even when he fooled around with an omega, he was always the one who willingly opened his legs. Donghyuck knows that, knows that if Renjun accepts, then it will exclusively for him.

“Please?” Donghyuck mumbles, rapidly blinking at the nothingness. “Only if you want to.”

Renjun doesn’t know if he wants to. Want is a very specific, strong way of describing his feelings. It’s the first time he’s even considering switching with someone, an idea thrown at him without previous warning. All the weight of this decision is on his shoulders, and though Donghyuck wouldn’t hold it against him if he rejected it, Renjun doesn’t want to disappoint him.

Donghyuck doesn’t pressure him. In fact, he seems to be more embarrassed than impatient, perhaps because he had to brush his pride aside to ask an omega to fuck him. And Renjun understands him: just the concept of fucking his alpha is flustering. Strangely important for Renjun, too, as if Donghyuck is showing him a part of him that shouldn’t be spoken about.

It’s complete trust. Complete subjugation to his omega, and Renjun has no idea how to handle it. All his experience with alphas is useless now that he has Donghyuck lying on his back, asking him to be fucked like he would fuck Renjun.

Nearly choking on his own saliva, Renjun asks, “Have you let any other omega-?”

Donghyuck’s gaze sets on him again with so much force that Renjun shuts his mouth, words stuck and thoughts fading away.

“No,” Donghyuck answers, tone fierce and pointy, like Renjun is trying to offend him.

It _is_ an offense, Renjun reckons. Spreading his legs for an omega isn’t easy for any alpha, and Donghyuck might have had a lot of sporadic hook ups, but he wouldn’t cede all his power to a stranger. It’s more intimate than sex itself, than knotting, and just as intimate as mating – it means renouncing to his nature for a while.

That’s the point. Donghyuck has only ever mated with him. And only with him would he dare to do this. This request surges from a place that is tucked under layers and layers of alpha, that belongs to Renjun. Donghyuck belongs to him.

For the first time in his life, Renjun wonders what it would feel like. Not just fucking into another man, but into an alpha. Into _Donghyuck_.

Donghyuck, under him, bronze skin brimming with damp pheromones, is a gift that Renjun can’t ignore.

“What if you don’t like it?” Renjun breathes out, voice shaking. Donghyuck stares at him, with an apparent mental calmness that contrasts with his scent, and Renjun confesses, “I don’t know how to-”

That seems to amuse Donghyuck, who grins up at him, almost bursting into laughter.

“It’s pretty simple,” he assures, happily scrunching his nose at Renjun when he whines in protest. Donghyuck doesn’t have the right to tease him for such an offer, but Renjun supposes that both of them are equally embarrassed. “But if you’re not sure-”

This goes against their instinct. But that doesn’t explain the tingling that walks over Renjun’s skin, the accelerated rhythm of his heart, or the sudden curiosity when he stares at Donghyuck. It doesn’t explain the bundle of heat in the pit of his stomach, or the rush of power running through his veins.

Before Renjun can be conscious of his own thoughts, he hears himself say, “I want to try.”

Donghyuck must have deemed it a lost cause, because surprise paints his features for a few seconds. This whole game might be disappointing for the both of them, but Renjun can give it a try; he can always stop midway, because he’s with Donghyuck and he won’t push his buttons to the point of upsetting him.

“Okay,” Donghyuck whispers, his attention promptly travelling to Renjun’s lips.

Then it’s all over.

When they fuse into another kiss, every sensation hits different. Donghyuck’s mouth is tender, but his eagerness is brutal, and Renjun has to compose himself not to lose his mind right then and there.

Having Donghyuck at his mercy isn’t new for Renjun. Donghyuck has always been pliant during his rut, but his submission comes from an unknown place now. When Donghyuck holds him by the waist, he seems to be asking for permission. When Renjun bites his lower lip, making him smile, Donghyuck’s torso vibrates with nervousness. They kiss a hundred times, and yet none of them contributes to lessening the intensity of their feelings.

Despite the unfamiliarity of what they’re going to do, the rest stays the same. Donghyuck likes exploring his body as though he doesn’t know every inch of him, and Renjun gladly lets him, pressing kisses onto his neck. Sliding down Donghyuck’s body is complicated, since he insists in sharing kisses every ten seconds, but in the end Renjun softly shoves his face away, barks a laugh, and tells him to behave.

Renjun has to make an effort to swallow his own nervousness, but it’s worth it just to see how Donghyuck’s eyes glint when he finally fists his dick with one hand. Donghyuck is hard as a rock, and his dick responds to Renjun’s touch so fast that it’s a silent compliment. Donghyuck notices it too, but he has the decency to throw his head back on the mattress with a coy smile; Renjun doesn’t have strength to laugh at that, not as he feels every vein of Donghyuck’s dick under his fingers, twitching in his hold. Even Donghyuck’s knot is bigger than it should be now, but it’s evident that the mere idea of being fucked has awakened an amazing amount of responses in Donghyuck’s body.

It’s impossible not to feel like a young boy about to have his first time. It’s a first time for Renjun, after all, and even if Donghyuck has done this for other alphas before, giving this position to an omega is much more significant. It wouldn’t make sense for Renjun to be calm. It would mean they don’t care about this, about each other, but they do.

“Tell me when to stop,” Renjun reminds Donghyuck, not daring to glance at his face. He can spot his mouth, however, his lower lip trapped under his teeth in an attempt to contain his noises.

Donghyuck grunts in response, but Renjun doubts he will warn Renjun if he’s about to come. The rut is becoming a cloud around his head that doesn’t let Donghyuck think, and Renjun doesn’t want him to come with just a handjob. He’s riled enough to fall into that trap, so Renjun limits himself to use his hands instead of his mouth, for a little bit of tongue will just drive Donghyuck crazy.

That gives him time to breathe deep, his fist going up and down Donghyuck’s dick. But he’s not made of stone, and every stroke provokes a cascade of pheromones between them. Watching Donghyuck pant and make soft noises, tighten his whole body if Renjun presses on a sensitive spot, takes a toll on him as well.

When he shifts his position between Donghyuck’s legs for comfort, he realizes that he’s dripping with slick. He juts his thighs closer as a reflex. Donghyuck has groped him, but he hasn’t done anything extraordinary to either get him this hard or this wet. It might be Donghyuck’s pheromones influencing him, but that’s not the case – Renjun is sure. Part of him is itching to discover if he can make Donghyuck feel good, as good as Renjun himself feels when Donghyuck is inside him, and the slick dripping down his thighs is proof of it.

He stares up at Donghyuck, timid, and croaks out, “Do you have lube?”

Donghyuck shakes his head. Of course he doesn’t. This is Renjun’s apartment, and Renjun doesn’t need lube. Maybe if they were at Donghyuck’s place, he would still have lube from fucking betas and alphas, but otherwise neither of them should own any. It wouldn’t come in handy right now, though.

Donghyuck opens and closes his mouth a few times, and with an evident wave of self-consciousness, ends up whispering, “Use your own slick, babe.”

Renjun almost bites his tongue out of surprise, but a mere glance at Donghyuck tells him that his boyfriend isn’t joking. He wants this so much that he is disposed to be stretched just with Renjun’s slick, and really, it doesn’t sound like a bad idea, but Renjun’s legs fail him right away. He has to lie down on his stomach to stop the fragility that takes over him, making Donghyuck gasp at the tug of his dick with the movement.

Donghyuck’s pheromones are screaming at him, demanding, and Renjun is better than this, better than a confused omega that can’t please a man just because he’s not the one opening his legs tonight. He props himself up under Donghyuck’s attentive watching. His boyfriend is waiting to see what he does next, eyes dark and leniency dry, and Renjun feels a shiver go down his spine.

“Can you spread your legs?” Renjun shyly asks him, not able to hold Donghyuck’s gaze for long.

The smile that blooms in Donghyuck’s face is wolfish. Dangerous. Mocking.

“That’s not how you do it, Renjun,” Donghyuck warns him. Lost, Renjun lifts his eyebrows at him, but that just feeds Donghyuck’s ego. When he speaks again, he has shaped his tone into his alpha voice, a voice that goes straight to Renjun’s insides. “Tell me to open my legs.”

It’s an order running in circles. Renjun doesn’t want to disobey, but Donghyuck is commanding him to _command_. Renjun stops breathing, takes in the view of Donghyuck disposed to follow his instructions. He wonders if Donghyuck will truly obey him. If he’s just toying with him and if, at any moment he will sit up and grab Renjun just to laugh at him. But there Donghyuck is, a sin in human form, asking to be manhandled for once.

“Open your legs now,” Renjun spits at last, a bit more excited than he intends to sound.

Donghyuck evaluates the request for a second, as though he’s deciding if Renjun was good enough, and then slowly spreads his legs apart.

Renjun swears that the world begins to twirl around them at a dizzying pace. He leans down to support himself on the bed, forcing his mind to settle in the moment, even if the moment is what is tearing him apart. The impression of seeing Donghyuck like this could destroy any man in the world, and Renjun is scarily sensitive to him under any circumstance.

He’s not even aware of what he’s doing. His instinct invades every fiber of reason within, and the next thing he knows is that he’s soaking his hands with his slick and using it to jerk Donghyuck off. Donghyuck arches on the bed, thighs tense, and only moans when Renjun moves his hands down to his knot.

Renjun stops there, however, and slicks Donghyuck up again, not daring to go further down. All of Donghyuck is burning under his touch, and he doesn’t notice the way Donghyuck is looking at him until he props himself up on his elbows, his stare fixed on Renjun’s face.

Renjun might be a newbie at this, but he knows every one of Donghyuck’s gestures. He doesn’t have time to ask before Donghyuck reaches out for him, lifting him by the hips and onto his lap, a groan leaving his mouth. And he doesn’t have time to process what Donghyuck is doing until he’s slamming upwards inside him, no tenderness as his dick completely fills Renjun.

“Donghyuck,” is all Renjun can cry out, holding onto his shoulders for support.

To his shock, Donghyuck pulls out the next second with a high-pitched noise, and lies back on the bed. Renjun has barely recovered from the unannounced hit when Donghyuck mutters, “The fastest way.”

After fucking into him, Donghyuck is covered in slick as well, dropping down his dick and between his legs. It’s so fucking filthy to see his slick on another person like this that Renjun has trouble processing the sight, but he loves it. He loves that Donghyuck is covered by him, that his nature allows him to make this of his alpha too.

He sets his hands on Donghyuck’s inner thighs, a firm hold to keep his legs apart. Donghyuck makes a grateful noise in the back of his throat, but Renjun doesn’t know if it’s because he’s soaked in his slick and thus in his scent, because Renjun is touching him, or because he’s anticipating what comes next. He hopes it’s a mixture of the three.

“God, how are you so wet?” Donghyuck marvels, accidentally closing his legs to feel Renjun’s slick. This time Renjun forces his legs apart without thinking twice, frustrated by how Donghyuck’s moves keep cutting him off every time he gathers enough courage. Donghyuck misinterprets his intentions, tone low as he teases, “Are you so eager to try me?”

The thing is, Renjun _is_. He would have taken Donghyuck in any way tonight, would have done whatever he asked for, but his body is already at the limit, stuck on one offer. He _needs_ Donghyuck, and Renjun swears that if his dick stays untouched for another minute, he won’t be able to repress his instinct anymore.

“You’re going to like it,” Donghyuck whispers, void of mischievousness now. Renjun finds some fondness in his semblance, perhaps because he’s afraid he’s pressuring Renjun, or that he’s too embarrassed by his teasing to function. “I promise.”

That’s the most terrifying part: Renjun likes this. He loves the feeling of tapping his fingers between Donghyuck’s legs, of touching his entrance and witnessing how Donghyuck’s world freezes. He loves the absolute silence that surrounds them, anticipation and tension floating in the room.

He loves the sensation of power. He loves how Donghyuck clenches around the first finger when he pushes in, the small moan that escapes his mouth – so visceral, so honest it becomes a commotion inside Renjun. He loves that it’s the first time for the both of them, that they still have a million experiences to offer to each other, and that after all it’s not as scary as he thought.

Donghyuck is so tight that at first Renjun is afraid of hurting him. He’s fingered himself a thousand times, so he’s familiar with how far he should go to make it enjoyable. Donghyuck is tighter than Renjun, however, but he supposes that it’s normal. And it’s normal that Donghyuck is much more vocal than him too, that a couple of fingers inside him reduce him to the most basic part of his alpha, that he starts mouthing Renjun’s name like he doesn’t mean to.

Renjun places his hand on Donghyuck’s inner thigh, fighting against Donghyuck’s reflex of sticking his legs together, and to his surprise, Donghyuck follows his silent request with a moan. He has closed his eyes by then, turned his head to the side as though he intends to muffle his noises on the sheets, but he ends up biting his forearm instead. It doesn’t discourage Renjun. Seeing Donghyuck dissolve into pleasure in front of him is hard to resist, and Renjun isn’t afraid of burying his fingers up to his knuckles, attentively waiting for a reaction.

“What the fuck,” Donghyuck grunts right away, his whole body flexing at the sensation. That’s how Renjun learns that Donghyuck’s weak spot is right when Renjun’s spot is too. And judging Donghyuck’s voice, the effect is just as strong. “ _Again_.”

It’s a clear plea. Repressing the sweet urge of laughing, Renjun avoids massaging there for a few seconds, just tries to stretch Donghyuck open without pushing him to the edge. Renjun is used to this, but he doesn’t trust Donghyuck to put up with a good fingering and not come on his fingers.

By the time Renjun decides Donghyuck is stretched enough, the atmosphere is charged with so many new pheromones that Renjun feels dizzy. Donghyuck looks intoxicated as well, staring at him through half lidded eyes, but he can’t speak at all. His frustration is mild, perhaps because he doesn’t want to intimidate Renjun with his demands, or just because Renjun’s pheromones are too strong to let him build any negativity.

Renjun makes sure to remove his fingers slowly, but Donghyuck gasps at every movement, and makes an embarrassing noise once Renjun caresses his ass, spreading the remainders of slick over his entrance. The desperation that reflects on his face when he clenches around nothing is so relatable that Renjun can’t help but pity him.

Even though Renjun rushes to wrap his fingers around his dick again, Donghyuck is so gone that it doesn’t soothe him. His rosy cheeks are turning to a shade of red that he only acquires when he has already come, and he looks incredibly cute and sinful at the same time. Renjun wonders if this is how Donghyuck feels when Renjun is in his place, staring down at a pretty thing all ready for him.

“Please,” Donghyuck says, completely broken. Renjun feels a pull of shock inside him, but the evidence is there: Donghyuck is begging for him, and Renjun might not know what he’s done to provoke this, but it has worked like a miracle to pulverize Donghyuck’s pride. “ _Please_ , be fast, we can just do it again later.”

It takes Renjun a second to understand what Donghyuck is saying. The situation isn’t that hard to read: Donghyuck is in his full rut now. That’s why he’s begging. That’s why he’s so desperate to be fucked by an omega. And Renjun isn’t sure if this will truly alleviate his alpha, but he’s dying to provide some relief; or on the contrary, to watch Donghyuck beg for something that won’t ever be enough.

“I’m here,” Renjun assures him, bending over to leave a sweet kiss on his lips. The pheromones on Donghyuck’s lips almost drag him into insanity, which means that Donghyuck is about to explode, to start blabbering, or to run out of patience to try new things. “Spin around for me, ass up.”

It’s almost funny how Donghyuck scrambles to obey, how he struggles to sit up. He’s too weak and agitated to move by himself, so Renjun lends him a hand, afraid that he will hurt himself. Usually he just climbs on Donghyuck and allows him to be lazy during his rut, but this is a chance he can’t pass up. If Donghyuck needs a bit of help for it, he can give it to him.

Renjun doesn’t regret that tiny bit of selfishness. Donghyuck stays on four for a mere second, and then falls onto his elbows with a lamenting sound, as though he doesn’t stand his own attitude. Renjun can’t bother to focus on that. Once Donghyuck is in display, he doesn’t remember anything but how hot he looks. And he would be lying if he said that he’s not mad, because he hates with his whole soul that Donghyuck did this before, that another man has had the privilege of seeing Donghyuck exposing himself for a good fucking.

That’s a foreign sentiment in Renjun, and it’s the last straw for him. His dick is painfully swollen, and when he guides it against Donghyuck’s entrance, he feels like a fool for doubting if this would fit him. Donghyuck’s ass looks amazing around his dick, a hundred times better than how Renjun thinks he looks in this position, and it’s impossible not to be a bit overwhelmed by the sight.

Renjun caresses Donghyuck’s back, accelerating his breathing just by touching him. He presses against Donghyuck’s ass first, against his thighs, and uses the slick over his ass to lube up his own dick too. The mere contact with Donghyuck’s skin sends a shiver down his spine, and he has to shut his eyes to remember that he can’t just rub against Donghyuck and come.

It’s sort of surrealist for Renjun. When he leads his hips forward, his hands grabbing Donghyuck’s hips to keep him in place, it feels like a dream. The first wave of pleasure that hits him is strange: he feels every nerve of his body, a thousand connections between his dick and his body that make the universe explode in colors, all of them constricted inside Donghyuck.

“Jun,” Donghyuck gasps, pushing back without any care in the world. Renjun almost passes out as Donghyuck manages to bury half of his dick inside himself, and he barely has time to stop Donghyuck. “Oh my god.”

Renjun _agrees_. Donghyuck feels so, so good around his dick that he can’t form a single thought, just look down and enjoy what’s being offered to him. He doesn’t understand how an alpha can feel so amazing, how he’s so warm and welcoming, and less does he understand why he never thought about this before. There’s no way omegas are the only ones that are meant to be fucked if alphas can give so much pleasure.

Bit by bit, Renjun pushes all the way in, Donghyuck trembling either out of patience or out of pleasure. His first thought when he bottoms out is that he can imagine now why some alphas only like sleeping with other alphas. Donghyuck is extremely tight around him, and he’s panting against the bed, all his alpha power gone after the first stroke.

It’s a new, thrilling situation Renjun has never lived.

Soaked in that taste of domination, Renjun makes an effort to ask, “Are you okay?”

Donghyuck lets out a strained laugh, as though he can’t believe Renjun’s question.

“I’m so fucking okay,” he answers, sliding backwards again to prove his point.

Renjun doesn’t need more proof. He doesn’t laugh at Donghyuck’s words, at his tone, at his weakness, because he’s too immersed in his own pleasure to find it funny.

When he begins to move, he realizes that Donghyuck’s rut is going to end him too. He’s slow at first, even clumsy, but Donghyuck helps him by dancing at his rhythm. Unlike him, Donghyuck knows what he’s doing: he arches his back just enough to move slowly on his dick, but with a precision that tears a small gasp out of him every time.

Renjun is flustered at first, from head to toe, more overwhelmed by Donghyuck’s noises than by pleasure. Donghyuck looks, sounds and behaves like a wet dream in real life, and every buckle of Renjun’s hips becomes harsher as he takes in that Donghyuck is moaning for him, _because of him_. He emits an urgent scent that drives Renjun to move faster, a timid request that at the same time, it’s sweetly aggressive.

“More,” Donghyuck insists with a groan. “ _Harder_.”

That’s involuntary, however, because he drowns his face against the sheets to muffle his own words, like he’s embarrassed of his own pleas. Renjun, who doesn’t want to lose the chance of hearing him, reaches out to tug him up, a loud moan immediately ripping through the bedroom.

Maybe because Donghyuck can feel the shift in the air, he clenches around Renjun, thighs tense and knees shaking. That’s Renjun’s cue to stop, aware that Donghyuck is still an alpha, and that he’ll want to take the lead at some point, even under him.

He slams into Donghyuck a couple more times, and then pulls out with a grunt. Donghyuck reacts fast, tries to get his dick back inside him without thinking twice, but Renjun shushes him and slants forward to plant a kiss on his spine.

“Get on me,” Renjun whispers on his skin, marveling as goosebumps spread over Donghyuck’s back. “Do you want to?”

Donghyuck fervently nods, so Renjun holds him by his waist and helps him to turn around. It’s not that simple, because Donghyuck collapses on his back a couple of times and Renjun has to yank him up again, both of them smiling at the situation. Manhandling Donghyuck is satisfying, and he’s pliable and grateful, climbing on Renjun’s lap with an eagerness that goes beyond his usual behavior.

Renjun doesn’t have time to breathe when Donghyuck straddles him, pressing his palms against Renjun’s abdomen. Donghyuck takes his whole length with a sigh of relief, thighs shaking at his sides, and Renjun can barely process the way Donghyuck looks at him. There’s a clear intent in his gaze as Donghyuck pushes him on his back and claims the rhythm, but Renjun can’t pay attention to his eyes.

He focuses on the way Donghyuck rolls his hips, sweet but solid, using Renjun’s dick to please himself. He throws his head back when Renjun angles his hips upwards, when he fucks into him deeper than Donghyuck intends to, but Renjun loves the unavoidable moans that fall off his mouth.

He doesn’t realize he’s moaning too until Donghyuck draws a smile for him, pure thrill because Renjun is losing himself inside him. Renjun is sure that, just like he’s getting off on discovering that he can please Donghyuck this way, Donghyuck is happy that he can satisfy Renjun as well. It’s ingrained in his alpha, in his value as a mate, to make sure that Renjun is hooked on him, on his body and on his dominance.

“You’re so big,” Donghyuck mumbles, like he’s talking to himself. His brown hair falls over his eyes, and he pulls his head back with a sudden, small moan, shuddering all over. “Should have done this sooner.”

The heat that invades Renjun’s face has nothing to do with the tightness around his dick. He can’t resist the urge of sitting up for a kiss, and this time Donghyuck doesn’t shove him down, just gladly accepts his kisses, wraps his hands in the back of Renjun’s head, elbows resting on his shoulders. For better and for worse, he doesn’t stop riding him, movements that become shorter and more impatient. Renjun takes that chance to land his hands on Donghyuck’s ass, shamelessly groping his curves, but he lets Donghyuck set the pace.

He hasn’t seen anything sexier in his entire life than Donghyuck riding him, moaning into his mouth and sinking his nails in his back as he comes closer to his edge. Renjun isn’t conscious of his own noises, or of his own desperation, since their pheromones are fusing into one emotion; he doesn’t know if he’s hurting Donghyuck, but he knows that Donghyuck presses against him to rub his dick against his abdomen, knot swelling by the second. He knows that he’s buckling his hips to fuck into Donghyuck deeper, that he gets the rewards he’s looking for every time.

When Renjun thrusts harder, when he detaches just to watch Donghyuck’s reaction, he’s overrun by the intensity of Donghyuck’s gaze on him.

“Tell me I’m good,” Donghyuck demands, though it sounds terribly like a whine.

But he’s indeed good, better than Renjun could have ever imagined, and he deserves this little childish gift.

“You’re amazing, babe,” Renjun whispers. Donghyuck smiles for a fleeting second, licking over Renjun’s lower lip to taste if he’s saying the truth. Of course he is, so he holds Donghyuck’s ass down on his dick, all the way to his balls, and insists, “You’re pretty and good and _so_ tight.”

Donghyuck melts at that, closing his eyes, and stays down to have some friction on his knot. The blush on his face is all Renjun needs to know that he’s about to come, high-pitched, yet timid moans slipping between his lips like a cascade.

Renjun barely has space to fist Donghyuck’s cock, but he manages to slide his hand between their abdomens and give Donghyuck a few strokes. Maybe it’s his omega instinct, because as soon as Donghyuck falters, hips stuttering, Renjun receives an electrifying strike of pleasure and warmth through his dick.

Nothing can affect him like feeling his alpha about to come, and though Donghyuck clenches around his dick, he keeps rubbing on his dick with graceless, clumsier movements. Renjun just has to cup his ass with one hand and jerk him off with the other, and before he can revel in how pretty Donghyuck looks right now, he’s parting his lips in a mute, final moan.

The last thing Renjun thinks is that he has never come _inside_ someone, and then his universe becomes dark, a million white spots exploding behind his eyelids. Spots that turn into hypnotizing colors, a wave of heat expanding from his dick to the rest of his body, limbs going haywire as they wrap Donghyuck – all at the same time, and Renjun feels and feels, but it’s all about Donghyuck on top of him, like the world has disappeared around them.

If this is how Donghyuck feels every time Renjun lets him come in him, there’s no doubt why Donghyuck trails after him without pride and shame. Renjun would kill men just to have Donghyuck like this again.

Renjun regains his conscience just to feel Donghyuck squeezing around his dick, a painful moan crippling through his throat. He doesn’t understand why at first, but he blinks awake and realizes that he has sunk his teeth in Donghyuck’s neck, in the softest inch of skin that he could find. The bite is deep, hard, and breaks the last barrier of mating; that explains the rush of adrenaline travelling through his veins, Donghyuck’s sugary pheromones asphyxiating him, and his orgasm lasting as long as he keeps his teeth perched on Donghyuck’s skin.

Blood pulses on his tongue and in his ears, and though he can’t hear anything but his heart beating, Donghyuck’s alpha voice pierces through every layer of his emotions.

“Lie down,” Donghyuck tells him, such a direct command that Renjun’s omega can’t ignore it.

Renjun crumbles down on the bed, either because Donghyuck shoves him or because he obeys – he can’t tell the difference in this moment. His back hits the mattress with a dry sound, and he wants to lick over the mating mark so badly, even against Donghyuck’s orders, but Donghyuck collapses on him like an avalanche. Instead of finishing with a kiss, Donghyuck nuzzles his neck, asking him to open up for him, breath rushed and a grunt on the tip of his tongue.

Renjun bares his neck. His heart hammers in his chest, and when Donghyuck’s teeth bore into his skin, a new whole world is born before him. There’s no pain, but there are tears and over all, there’s the warm of Donghyuck’s body lulling him.

The clock by his door hits midnight, and today, Donghyuck is his mate.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You told me you’d make me happy,” Renjun whispers, so low that he fears Donghyuck can’t understand him. But he does, his lips stretching into a smile, encouraging Renjun to continue. He looks so pretty now, warm brown eyes and his beautiful lips expanded for him, because of him. “But you already make me the happiest.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let's go ^^  
> [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6D9yVASjr1TNf8joXQVBKv?si=nkkihv8uQ1eYdp7FcCubag)

Reality doesn't sink in until Donghyuck's rut ends.

There's a cloud of pheromones over them that doesn’t allow Renjun to be conscious of the step they've taken, of everything that has happened. They've drowned in each other’s kisses, simply in each other, bodies tightly connected in all the possible ways, and though every touch feels different now – feels strangely right – Renjun needs to adapt first.

It has been a long time since he last mated with anyone, and even longer since the mating was reciprocal. He had plenty of months, years, to forget what it was like. And once the high of Donghyuck's rut is gone, that natural drug that blinds any other urge but sex and affection, Renjun is free to soak in the changes of his own nature.

He wakes up next to Donghyuck, who is soundly asleep and entangled in the sheets, a mess of limbs. During the night he has tugged the covers away from Renjun and accidentally bared him, and Renjun is lucky that Donghyuck's body is enough to keep him warm as well. His temperature is decreasing by the second, however, and Renjun makes sure to tuck Donghyuck in again before leaving the bed.

Renjun is swamped in Donghyuck's scent from head to toe, and since he has barely left the room in the last three days, it feels like he’s stepping into another world. The air isn't as clogged with pheromones, but that just makes everything else stand out. Renjun is a focal point that screams _mated_ , and his mark burns on his neck – but it's a good kind of burning, a comforting wave of heat that reminds him that he's not alone.

Renjun doesn't try to shake off that feeling. Instead he bathes in it, inevitably aware of his mate's presence in another room. He'd love to wake him up, but after his rut Donghyuck is exhausted, and Renjun prefers him to get up when he's strong enough to do so.

He spends a lot of time in the living room, switching channels until he finds a cartoon show that manages to distract him from his own excitement. It's going to be hard for him to rest if he's swimming in his own mating hysteria all the time, but he trusts that Donghyuck's scent will help him to calm down instead of boosting the effect.

Out of boredom, Renjun almost drifts off to sleep on the couch, but a series of noises coming from the bedroom tug him awake. That’s his cue to move. Even though Donghyuck is awake, he'll take a shower and clear his mind first, maybe even will clean Renjun's bedroom. That gives Renjun time to prepare breakfast, his stomach is grumbling after the awful amount of hours he has ignored his needs – he's sure he and Donghyuck skipped at least the last three meals, so Donghyuck must be starving too.

Donghyuck appears without prior notice, making so little noise that it's evident that he doesn't want Renjun to detect him. It would be hard not to. No matter how quiet Donghyuck tries to be, his scent is a scream in the middle of a deserted forest, but Renjun just represses a smile and pays him no attention. Donghyuck's intention is probably to ogle him from afar for a while, and Renjun can't bring himself to be bothered.

It's a matter of patience. As soon as he finishes making breakfast, Donghyuck approaches him from behind with a contented huff.

Renjun has had time to brace himself, but he still squirms at Donghyuck's strength, at how firmly his arms surround him, Donghyuck’s chin tucked on his shoulder. Donghyuck’s scent swallows him whole, and he doesn't waste a single second, peppering kisses all over his neck and cheek. Renjun grunts at first, a protest that just encourages Donghyuck to tease him harder, and they end up embroiled in a war of kisses while Renjun tries to bat him away.

“Stop,” Renjun says with a laugh. “You didn't even greet me first.”

“Not my fault you smell so good,” Donghyuck retorts, like that’s enough of a justification.

Torn between scolding him for being clingy or just indulging him, Renjun points at the breakfast, hoping that will redirect Donghyuck’s focus. Like a dog, Donghyuck remembers that right now food is more important to his body than flirting with his mate, and he lets go.

Donghyuck plops down on a chair, a grin on his face as a signal for Renjun to serve him breakfast. Renjun rolls his eyes at his attitude, but it would be useless to deny that he wanted to treat Donghyuck after his rut, so he dismisses that tiny spark of mischief and sets the plate in front of Donghyuck.

For a couple of minutes, it’s just them eating, too hungry to hit up a conversation or even an intelligible sentence. Donghyuck eats faster than him, and that becomes a problem very soon, since he doesn’t have anything else to do apart from glancing at Renjun like he’s displaying the most interesting show in the world.

Renjun raises his eyebrows at him, offers him a portion of his food in case this is just a way of coercing him into sharing his food, but Donghyuck just shakes his head and grins. He taps at his own neck, right below his mating mark, and Renjun almost chokes on his food. It’s different to see the mark in a normal context, under the morning light, not asphyxiated by pheromones and the heat of the moment.

“Have you seen what a pretty thing I have here?” Donghyuck sing-songs, so sweetly that Renjun can’t take him seriously.

“God,” Renjun sighs. Donghyuck’s grin stretches wider, and he seems enamored with his reaction. “You’re ridiculous.”

Ridiculous in an endearing sense, of course, but Renjun keeps that to himself. It’s natural for people to boast after getting a mark, but they’re more discreet about it – they don’t pull their shirt down and demand others to look at it. Donghyuck is different, though.

“And you love that.” Donghyuck leans sideways to touch him, softening as Renjun throws an arm around his waist. Since Renjun is still eating, he doesn’t kiss him, but his voice is full of sincerity, “Thank you.”

It’s hard for Renjun not to laugh, but given that Donghyuck’s gratitude is genuine, he opts for questioning him, “You’re thanking your mate for sleeping with you during your rut?”

Donghyuck stares at him for a second, as if he can’t understand why Renjun would find it odd, and then scoffs.

“Yes,” he answers, amused at Renjun’s insinuation. He lifts his hand to caress Renjun’s cheek and whispers, “I’m grateful for it, even if you think it’s a given.”

His honesty makes Renjun’s heart flutter, but he doesn’t let his emotions transpire. Donghyuck doesn’t need him to, anyway. For Renjun, it _is_ a given. It’s a given that they’re going to look out for each other, that it’s not a duty but a voluntary choice – gestures that they don’t even have to ponder about, that just happen. If his alpha thinks that he needs to thank him, it’s just because he’s too sweet, because he’s been hurt too deeply.

Renjun presses their lips together, a slanted smile in response, and accepts Donghyuck’s unnecessary gratitude. He looks happier this way, when Renjun takes him in without pressuring him to change, and that’s what matters to Renjun.

“You’re fucked,” Jaemin concludes, a hand on his hip and a spark of arrogance in his eyes.

That’s not a very nice conclusion, Renjun reckons, but Daniel just turns on his heels and glances at Jaemin like he’s dealt with this attitude a thousand times by now. He probably has, but given that Renjun hasn’t been around in most of their gatherings, he’s not very familiar with the sort of relationship his friends have developed with Daniel. Mark is always busy with his producing gigs, and Renjun rarely has the chance to meet up with him – and when he does, it’s hard for Mark to fix his boyfriend’s schedule too and bring him along.

It has never bothered him, but as he watches the whole group set absurd – some indecent – birthday decorations all over Mark and Daniel’s apartment, he ponders over how many occasions he must have missed during the last five years. This has become their natural habitat. Everyone talks to Daniel and Yangyang like they’ve been friends for years, because they _must have been_. That turns Renjun into the biggest stranger here, even if he’s surrounded by friends.

“I’m not fucked, okay?” Daniel retorts, admirably indifferent at Jaemin’s sentence.

Jaemin doesn’t relent and gestures at the air to point out the mess they’re preparing for Mark.

“I thought this was Mark’s idea, not yours!” he exclaims with an agitation that Renjun can't relate to. He knows exactly what Jaemin is going to add, but he wants to see how Daniel and Jaemin sort this out, so he doesn't interrupt. Jaemin mumbles, “He doesn’t like surprises.”

Daniel looks at Renjun for a second, as to confirm whether Jaemin is joking or not. Renjun pulls a face, raises his hands to signal that he doesn't want to meddle with a ticking bomb, and pretends to fix the confetti on the table.

“He claims so. It doesn’t mean it’s true,” Daniel responds at last.

Renjun spins around to snicker, but he still hears Jaemin grumble, “Man, what the hell.”

“He just gets shy when he’s the center of attention, but he likes the gesture. That’s the point of this, the gesture,” Daniel protests, a bit of frustration finally making its appearance.

Renjun agrees with Daniel, but he would never dare to contradict Jaemin on such a trivial topic. It isn't worth the effort. It's true that Mark isn't entirely comfortable with surprises, but this is far from an awkward situation: all his close friends are here, and they would have met up for his birthday sooner or later regardless of the surprise. After the year Mark has had, full of work and void of free time to spend with them, he'll silently appreciate that Daniel forced them all into this party.

“You could have asked first, you know?” Jaemin sighs, deflating. Sweet words never fail to soften him. “Rather than gather us here without any explanations.”

Renjun doesn't have time to check Daniel's reaction, since Donghyuck has crept up on the other side of the table in what he seems to think is a discreet way of stealing food. He flashes a playful grin at Renjun, misinterpreting his stare, and dips his fingers into a plate full of tiny sausages.

“If it depends on me, Mark can whine all he wants to,” he whispers, unimpressed at the fight going on behind Renjun.

Renjun can't help but laugh, but he still warns him, “Donghyuck.”

It's evident Donghyuck is about to brush him off, so Renjun walks around the table, scent perfectly shaped to tickle Donghyuck's weakest points. The effort Donghyuck makes to ignore that call is visible, his lower lip trapped under his teeth until Renjun places a hand on his back.

“These sausages are amazing, try them,” Donghyuck gurgles out, sounding so affected all of a sudden that Renjun pities him.

Renjun slaps his hands away before Donghyuck can devour half of the meal. Donghyuck is a food terror when he's bored, and there's nothing more boring than decorating an apartment with ribbons.

“We’re going to get kicked out of our friend’s birthday party, can you not?” Renjun whines, at which Donghyuck just happily grunts. The next thing he processes is that Donghyuck is shoving one of the tiny sausages into his mouth, and Renjun bites his fingers by accident. He's too shocked to be offended at Donghyuck's mocking semblance, so he just mutters, “You're not wrong, but stop eating.”

“I’ve never ever, in my entire life, gotten kicked out of a party,” Donghyuck answers, patting Renjun's butt. “ _I am_ the party.”

Renjun doesn't doubt so, but he might be a little bit biased. He isn't sure Donghyuck's effect on people is a figment of his imagination or an extension of his own feelings. He’d swear that just by having Donghyuck around, everyone is in a better mood, and that no one cares if he eats half of the food and spoils Mark's cake before he arrives.

“Go help Jeno with the banner,” Renjun orders him, trying to distract Donghyuck from his own bad decisions.

Resignation splashes across Donghyuck's face until he spots Jeno struggling to hang the banner from one of the lamps – exactly what Daniel told him not to do minutes ago. He walks away while muttering under his breath, something along the lines of Jeno having a death wish, and Renjun takes that freedom to go to the kitchen for more drinks.

It's what saves them from ruining the whole surprise. While he gathers the drinks, Renjun has a hunch and looks out of the window, though he doesn't expect Mark's car to be perfectly parked in front of the building, no trace of his friend in the zone. He crushes his face against the window in an attempt to see entrance of the building, but the angle doesn't allow him to.

He bolts out, running into the living room and adrenaline rushing through his veins, and screams, “Mark is here!” Every one of his friends glances at him in confusion, which is the confirmation that Renjun can't explain this fast enough, so he just bites out, “Hide!”

To his relief, they seem to get the message. The next few seconds are just pure chaos while they search for the closest spot to hide; most of them pile up behind the couch, Jeno and Donghyuck abandon the birthday banner and leave it hanging in vertical, half of it on the floor; and Renjun stays behind the door, feeling exposed as his friends peek at him from his hiding spots.

Just a few seconds later, Renjun can hear the noise of keys on the other side of the door, which means their surprise would have gone to waste if they had waited a bit longer. They didn’t have time to rehearse though, so when Mark opens the door, their _happy birthday_ scream is beyond uncoordinated, everyone messily jumping into sight.

Renjun is the first one to burst into laughter, because Mark’s expression is frozen in a grimace, like he can’t understand why this is happening to him. But once he laughs, so do the rest, and Mark covers his face with his hands, both embarrassed and amused, a tiny smile flashing between his fingers.

“That was awful,” Mark groans, at which someone responds _you love awful!_

Renjun jumps to hug Mark, though it’s hard to give him a long hug since he startles, as if Renjun isn’t prone to give him affection. His scent reveals that he’s giddy, if not a little bit mortified, but Renjun pulls away as soon as he realizes he’s registering his emotions through his pheromones.

For the first time, it’s odd to do this with someone that isn’t Donghyuck. It’s uncomfortable for Renjun even, as if his personal space is being invaded; it doesn’t matter that Mark isn’t doing anything, that it was Renjun who connected with him first, because his omega yanks him away from Mark.

Renjun swallows his shock, dizzy as he steps back. Donghyuck is there to catch him, encircles him from behind as their friends take turns to give Mark nasty, exaggerated kisses. That doesn’t help to brush the fact that inhaling Mark’s pheromones has felt weird to the point of having to set distance between them, and Renjun makes an effort to drown in Donghyuck’s scent instead.

“It’s fine, I don’t mind that,” Donghyuck murmurs, low enough for it to be private.

It’s shameful that he has made Donghyuck assume that he was worried about making him jealous. His reaction has been intense enough for Donghyuck to perceive his doubts, and Renjun can’t properly tune into his thoughts to explain it; but if Donghyuck has noticed, their friends might have caught it too.

“I know. I just-” Renjun sighs, rapidly blinking to clear his sight. His attention sways, like he’s on the edge of his emotional stability, and he clutches Donghyuck’s hands over his stomach for balance. “Needed to go back to you, I don’t know why.”

Donghyuck doesn’t question him, though it’s obvious he’s perplexed at the lack of explanation. Renjun reckons that his omega doesn’t want to get intimate with friends, not at a pheromone level – it’s a change that doesn’t apply to everyone, but some people don’t need pheromone communication once they mate.

Renjun only knows about it because he has a precedent: Jisung. Jisung never wished to lose that sort of contact, even if exchanging pheromones brings negativity sometimes, so he worked on it. Renjun is too confused to decide if he’s ready to keep or lose that connection, or if that’s even the issue right now. It could be just because Renjun is a bit sensitive tonight, since this never happened to him when he was mated to Jeno.

“You even bought a cake,” Mark points out as Daniel tugs him to the table, marveled by the reception.

They sit around the table, screams everywhere while they struggle to choose a seat. There are two chairs missing, since they miscalculated, but Donghyuck manages to sit next to Renjun, a pinch of overprotection that Renjun appreciates in this situation.

It’s easier to let go of that strange moment if Donghyuck is right there, because he prompts Renjun into the conversation and Renjun has a chance to distract himself. Reuniting so many boys that know each other like the back of their palms isn’t a good idea per se; even while they eat, there’s always someone bickering, raising his voice or defending an insignificant cause from five years ago. But this is their natural habitat, a small family that hasn’t been put together in a long time, a family that is going to grow bit by bit whether they realize or not.

After the dinner, Jisung dips his index finger in the cake before Mark can blow the candles, but only Jaemin scolds him, more half-heartedly that he would usually do. Renjun is impressed that they manage to cut the cake, because he imagined the cake would end up splashed all over Mark's face, but he reckons that everyone is afraid Daniel will cut their throats if they dare to destroy Mark's cake. It's funny to witness how Donghyuck winds down as soon as Daniel glares at him for leaning over the cake a little bit too much. Donghyuck isn't the type to be intimidated by other alphas, but he knows that disrespecting someone's mate after a warning is crossing the line.

Once Renjun's stomach is full and his friends have handed him a couple of hard drinks, he doesn't think anymore. He relaxes enough to lose track of what he's doing, of what he's saying, and he finds himself on the couch cuddling with an equally tipsy Jisung. He registers that most of the guys are trying to play a board game, which doesn't seem to be going very well, but Renjun just molds into Jisung's lap and laughs at the general confusion going on in the living room.

Renjun is sure that he takes a couple of short naps during the evening, because when he blinks his eyes open the second time, Yangyang's head is resting on Jisung's thigh as well, and Renjun has entangled his fingers in his hair by instinct, perhaps because he's an alpha, or perhaps just because Yangyang emits a sort of vulnerability that calls for care.

Yangyang isn't paying him attention, however, and Renjun's eyes are inevitably drawn to him. Even if he met Yangyang when they were in university, Renjun never stopped to analyze him and see beyond a funny guy on Donghyuck's volleyball team.

Renjun doesn't know why, but his first thought is that there are no similarities between him and Yangyang; a part of him expected Yangyang to resemble at least those traits that Jeno loved about him, but Yangyang is quite a peculiar alpha. There are no rough edges in his voice or in his demeanor, but he still smells and acts like an alpha. Renjun has those rough edges that build a first barrier against strangers, even if they're shaped by his own nature. Yangyang has never had them, and that must be the reason he fits in this scenario without effort, like he's always belonged to them. He's not just _Jeno's boyfriend,_ and that awakens Renjun's curiosity.

Renjun is too intoxicated to control his own impulses, and the next thing that bubbles out of his mouth is, “How did you and Jeno-?”

He bites his own tongue, but it's too late. He has involuntarily raised his voice, an accusation with a slight tone of mistrust; it isn't an accurate description of how Renjun feels about Yangyang, but his drunk self is uncontrollable.

Yangyang sends him a lazy glance, swirling over Jisung's thigh to look up at him. There's a smile dancing on his lips, as though he's deciding whether making fun of Renjun is safe or not. But Yangyang isn’t the only one who has caught his words. Jeno is on the other side of the living room, his big eyes fixed on them – maybe because his senses were already set on his mate rather than on the board game, or maybe he could have never missed the shift between Yangyang and Renjun.

Renjun doesn’t have time to feel embarrassed under the weight of Jeno’s attention, nor judged under the effect of Yangyang’s smile. Jisung rubs his tummy, almost as to console him for his outburst, to tell him that it’s fine.

“I had an eye on him for a long time, but as you know, he was taken,” Yangyang replies at last, a naturalness that shows that he doesn’t find the question offensive. Funny, that’s another story, because it’s sort of hilarious that Renjun is so interested in his ex-mate’s affairs. “I never stopped being friends with Donghyuck so it was pretty easy to hit Jeno up.”

Renjun narrows his eyes at Yangyang, detecting a tone that can’t be ignored. The way he phrases it hints that it wasn’t Donghyuck who introduced them to each other, but that Yangyang used that connection to get to Jeno behind Donghyuck’s back. Renjun wouldn’t be surprised if that was the case, however, because Donghyuck is paternal towards his friends and he would have frowned at the possibility of Yangyang hooking up with Jeno.

But Renjun doesn’t have the chance to shoot any of his questions or to confirm his suppositions.

“Did you just call me easy?” Jeno snaps, much to Renjun’s shock, crawling over the floor to reach them.

Yangyang smugly grins at Renjun, like this is their little game against Jeno, and then pretends to think.

“Not really,” he answers, ignoring the pout on Jeno’s face. “But now that you mention it-”

Jeno perches on the couch, throwing an arm over Yangyang to blatantly hit him for the insinuation.

“How dare you,” he protests, indignant. Yangyang explodes into laughter despite Jeno’s offense, and that’s when Jeno redirects his efforts to Renjun, brimming with resignation. “The real story is that he _begged_ for a date.”

Renjun can imagine that. Jeno is far from being an easy guy, just the type that dates only who he’s thinking of mating with. An acquaintance inviting him to a date is out of the range: Yangyang would have had to become his friend first, so that explains why he had to beg.

“He claimed he didn’t date alphas,” Yangyang retorts. Renjun can buy that: Jeno would spill such bullshit just not to get courted, but it’s fortunate that Yangyang didn’t think it was a big deal to plead a bit for it. In a huff, he asks, “Who doesn’t date alphas?”

“Me,” Jisung timidly mutters behind Renjun.

“Well.” Yangyang points at him with his index finger, eyebrows raised. “You’re missing out.”

An ear stuck on their conversation, but not even glancing at their direction, Jaemin shouts at them, “He’s not missing out!”

Renjun turns his head to stare at a flabbergasted Jisung and confirms, “You’re not missing out.”

It’s pure bait for Donghyuck, whose glare falls on Renjun like thunder. Renjun manages to repress the smirk that threatens to bloom on his face, just gazes back at Donghyuck without guilt.

“Now I should be offended,” Donghyuck complains.

“Weren’t you all playing?” Yangyang cuts in, waving his head to dismiss both Jeno and Donghyuck. He’s lucky Jaemin has already given up, because he wouldn’t allow anyone to order him around. “Respect our privacy.”

He proves his point by latching onto Renjun’s thigh as well, and Renjun is startled at his nonchalance for a few seconds. He soothes afterwards, reminding himself that Yangyang isn’t a threat, and that if Donghyuck doesn’t mind either, it’s because there’s no reason to worry.

“Respect _my_ privacy,” Renjun bites out with a laugh, removing Yangyang’s hand from his leg. Jisung cackles too, enjoying Yangyang’s offended expression, but he lets out a low whine when Renjun also slips off his lap. Renjun pats his head and informs, “Bathroom.”

Renjun can feel a couple of gazes following him until he disappears into the hall. He’s drunk enough to stumble all the way to the bathroom, so he washes his face to clear up his mind. The bathroom’s floor still slants under his feet, which means that his attempts aren’t working, but Renjun just leans his forehead on the faucet and breathes deep.

Even though he hears the door opening behind him, he’s too groggy to check who is interrupting. A pair of arms hug him, Donghyuck’s scent clogging his nose, and Renjun realizes that only his boyfriend would step into the bathroom without knocking on the door first.

Renjun groans, throwing his head back over Donghyuck’s shoulder, and Donghyuck leaves a peck on his cheek, his lips contorted into a smile.

“Do you want to puke?” Donghyuck asks him. He runs his fingers through Renjun’s hair, subtly forcing him to expose his neck further, and then points out, “You look sick.”

Maybe Donghyuck trailed after him because he was concerned Renjun had drunk too much, but Renjun is too smart to assume those were his only intentions. Donghyuck is expecting his answer though, and that’s why Renjun chooses his words carefully.

“No, I’m just dizzy,” he assures, smiling as Donghyuck kisses his cheek again. In reality he’s feeling a bit nauseous, but it’s due to a mixture of exhaustion and the alcohol, not because he overstepped his drinking limits.

He flickers his eyes down just to face the reflection of them together, Donghyuck grinning at him with a mischievousness that Renjun would never misinterpret. His behavior makes sense all of a sudden. His hands fastened on Renjun’s abdomen, travelling down at a tricky, undetectable pace; following him into the bathroom with an excuse; the lack of reactions he showed during the whole evening, as if he isn’t the most obnoxious alpha in the group when it comes to possessiveness.

“That’s great,” Donghyuck whispers, low, sinking his nose in Renjun’s neck.

There isn’t any doubt about what Donghyuck is looking for. A shiver spreads down Renjun’s spine, goosebumps surging under Donghyuck’s breath, intertwined with the urge of laughing. Renjun knows that Donghyuck can wait to get home first, the problem is that he doesn’t _want_ to, and a bigger problem is that he doesn’t intend to do so.

“Donghyuck, _don’t_ ,” Renjun moans, but he shows no resistance, snickering as Donghyuck just presses harder against him. He has no idea what riled Donghyuck up, but he’s half hard through his pants, looking for friction, and Renjun can just grunt a desperate, “Mark will kill us.”

Donghyuck doesn’t seem to fear Mark or mind that they could give their friends a show, because he claims, “All of them are too drunk to notice.”

Renjun isn’t so sure, but it’s hard to protest when Donghyuck’s lips dance over his mating mark, pulling at the strings of his deepest nature. He swears that his legs weaken at the request, no matter that they’ve been together for months, or that he should be used to have physical contact with Donghyuck. The force of their connection is a new slap on his face every time, fire that fuses them together until they become one, and Renjun can’t resist that.

“You’re going to be the death of me,” Renjun sighs in the end.

That’s all the permission Donghyuck needs. “I’ll be quick,” he muses, enchanted with how Renjun squirms in his embrace. He slips a hand onto Renjun’s zipper, fulfilling his promise, and adds, “And good.”

A few months into their relationship, Renjun discovers Donghyuck’s first real flaw.

For the fifth time that week Donghyuck climbs back into bed in the morning, once he has already had breakfast and has cleaned up the place; in short, once he’s too bored not to bother Renjun. Renjun is still asleep, though a part of his conscience is attentive of the noises in his apartment, and Donghyuck’s body weight yanks him out of his dreams without any tenderness.

The atmosphere is impregnated with excitement, and that emotion crushes Renjun right as Donghyuck does.

“Guess who’s coming over!” Donghyuck exclaims, too loudly for someone that has just opened his eyes.

For a second, Renjun just ponders about how he’ll have to draw a line here, maybe punish Donghyuck every time he disrespects his sleep time. People like Donghyuck who run on little sleep without trouble are plainly demonic, and Renjun is sure he’ll die prematurely if he lets Donghyuck get away with his morning whims.

The only reason Renjun would allow his dreams to be interrupted is if Donghyuck _wanted_ him, but waking him up because he has invited someone over, without permission, isn’t on Renjun’s guide.

“Why is someone coming over?” Renjun grunts, not comprehending a single part of this exchange. Donghyuck turns him around to check his face, but Renjun can’t even open his eyes yet, and Donghyuck just opts for lying on top of him. Renjun cries out, “Babe, I’m sleeping.”

That makes Donghyuck cackle, like annoying his mate is his favorite pastime, and Renjun automatically mirrors his laugh. It’s not on purpose, and he hates to admit that Donghyuck is still funny despite being despicable.

Rubbing his eyes, Renjun manages to take a peek at Donghyuck, whose smile is offensively wide at his demise. He looks cute, however; he might have had time to fix the apartment, but his hair is still messy and he’s wearing Renjun’s pajamas, which are a bit too tight on him.

“It’s almost midday!” Donghyuck protests, bending down for a kiss. Renjun shoves his face away before Donghyuck can steal a kiss, even though it’s evident by now that Donghyuck doesn’t mind his morning breath – he should, Renjun thinks, but he has given up on convincing him. This time Donghyuck respects his rejection, laughs at Renjun’s frown, and plants a kiss on the back of Renjun’s hand instead, clutching it between his. “Come on, it’s Yuhui.”

Renjun has to make a great effort not to burst into laughter. This is the reason Donghyuck is so happy: because their friends are lending them a baby. Renjun doesn’t know if he should cry instead of being amused, though, because that means they’re about to spend the day babysitting and not fucking. That might have not crossed Donghyuck’s mind before making such a decision.

“Yuhui,” Renjun repeats, passing his hand all over his face. He stares at an expectant Donghyuck, who is clearly waiting for his approval regardless of whether they can correct their plans or not. “God, Dejun is _so_ going to take advantage of you.”

Donghyuck tilts his head, confusion striking in his gaze.

“That’s not a bad thing,” he retorts, as if acquiring a baby for a day is a blessing. It’s a blessing for Dejun, that’s for sure, because he and Kun don’t have time for themselves anymore. Donghyuck is doing them an involuntary favor, but that’s his problem. Renjun smirks up at Donghyuck, a gesture that seems to make him realize how silly he sounds, and then in his defense Donghyuck sputters, “That way when we have kids, they can take care of them from time to time.”

The world freezes around Renjun, muscles made of ice and his heart stuck in a last, endless beat. It’s all white for a moment, and he can’t see Donghyuck or remember where he is, but then his heart starts beating again – starts beating without control, blood pulsing against Renjun’s eardrums and his whole body vibrating at the same pace.

When Donghyuck appears in his vision again, the only emotion Renjun perceives in him is perplexity. And that’s Renjun’s fault, only his: his tension has transpired to the point of alarming Donghyuck, who is gazing down at him in dreadful anticipation. Like he suspects that he has hurt Renjun’s feelings.

It’s about his feelings, but not in the sense Donghyuck fears.

“Aren’t you thinking too ahead?” Renjun mutters, his lungs expanding with oxygen at last. It feels like he hasn’t breathed in years, but Donghyuck caresses his cheek and, in that fleeting second, every piece inside his mind returns to the right place. “You’re skipping a few steps, like-”

Renjun doesn’t have the courage to say it out loud. There are so many steps that _should_ come before having kids, but all of them are equally scary. Meeting Donghyuck’s family, moving in together, maybe getting married. Speaking about mating was a big leap as well, so Renjun is certain that it’s not a problem; the difference is that they mated before anything else, and Donghyuck doesn’t look worried about the sequence of their relationship.

Donghyuck is driven by impulses rather than logic, and Renjun doesn’t want him to regret some words spilled in the heat of the moment.

Donghyuck breathes in, impatient, and prompts him, “Like?”

It slips past Renjun’s lips.

“Living together.”

If Renjun wasn’t so nervous, he would laugh at how fast Donghyuck’s pheromones shift. His eyes widen, and he scrambles off Renjun’s body to sit next to him instead, as though this is a _serious issue_ that can’t be discussed while fooling around.

All trace of playfulness vanishes as Donghyuck stares at him again, his chest inflating with bravery.

“Do you want us to live together?” he asks, voice coming out strangled. Renjun is surprised that Donghyuck is getting so nervous, so he sits up, supporting himself on his palms. Donghyuck studies him in complete confusion, tapping his own thighs, and continues, “We’re practically living together now, just switching houses, so I don’t think it would be hard to make it... official.”

Donghyuck gulps down, but he doesn’t continue. He’s throwing the ball into Renjun’s field, for him to decide, but this is a common decision, one that shouldn’t be based only on Renjun’s whims or on his fears.

Renjun lifts a hand to caress Donghyuck’s hair, smiling at the obvious path his words have taken. Donghyuck has gone from not understanding the conversation to actively proposing that they should move forward, and his only concern is that Renjun might reject him, that Renjun might be uncomfortable.

“Have you been waiting to ask me?” Renjun coos at him, watching a veining of pink expand over Donghyuck’s cheeks.

It’s a tie. While Renjun was dying to mate, Donghyuck was more focused on other things: on dragging Renjun to live with him, on spending more time together, on building a home together. Mating can be temporary, a mark that can be undone by itself without any effort, but dismantling a home requires work and pain.

“Don’t tease me,” Donghyuck complains, bending his head to the side, either to feel Renjun’s hand closer or to hide his embarrassment. Renjun gives him a few seconds to get over his own shame, but he hopes that neither of them will ever lose that spark that is making Donghyuck feel this way. “I wanted to, but I thought it was selfish to make you move out and leave your home because- well, I can’t live on your side of the town. It’s so far away from the office.”

Renjun is aware of that. If they start living together, they won’t stay at his home. It’s smaller, awfully located for the both of them, and a worse neighborhood than Donghyuck’s. But it’s still his home, and though Renjun doesn’t like living alone anymore, he appreciates that Donghyuck is considerate enough to ask first. To wonder if Renjun is attached to this place.

Maybe he takes too long to answer, because Donghyuck anxiously squirms in place and continues, “We also could look for another place. A new place.” He covers Renjun’s hand with his, interlaces their fingers, and whispers, “Do you like that better?”

Renjun feels a smile tug at his lips, an uncontrollable urge of giving Donghyuck everything whether it makes sense or not. Donghyuck would never take anything that doesn’t belong to him, anyhow, that much is clear by now.

He’s not the boy that wanted to have Renjun regardless of the consequences, regardless of their happiness.

“I’m fine with moving into your house,” Renjun says, squeezing Donghyuck’s hand. “As long as it becomes mine too.”

All the tension in Donghyuck’s body fades away, shoulders slumping, a timid grin blossoming on his face.

“It’s already yours,” he assures, scooting closer to rub their noses together. Renjun closes his eyes, lets Donghyuck press a sweet peck on his mouth and revels in the cascade of excited pheromones that Donghyuck emits. Donghyuck sighs against his mouth, and then detaches only to look into his eyes, to make sure that Renjun listens to his words, “You just have to show up at my place with your stuff when you’re ready.”

Renjun knows that it’s true. He just needs to take a couple of suitcases, and then Donghyuck will help him to move the rest. Renjun is more than ready, and since Donghyuck needs to take his own medicine, Renjun is going to make sure to show up when he’s asleep.

“She’s an angel,” Renjun reminds him, patting Yuhui’s head as she crouches down to fist the park’s sand. That’s all she’s been doing for the past fifteen minutes, pointedly ignoring most kids that approach her in favor of playing with Donghyuck, who has wound up sitting on the sand with her, “Not all kids are this good, you know?”

Donghyuck glances up at him, a trace of disapproval on his face because Renjun is bursting his bubble, and moans, “I know.”

He turns to Yuhui in time to catch her as she tries to get up, though the girl already moves like she’s ready to become an athlete.

With a dumb, whipped smile, Donghyuck continues, “But don’t shatter my dreams.”

Renjun represses the joke about Donghyuck dreaming about kids, since he looks too happy for Renjun to ruin his afternoon. He’s afraid Donghyuck will just look at him with wide eyes and will ask, _Renjun,_ _does that mean you want kids?_

“I can’t believe you convinced me to spend our weekend like this,” Renjun shoots at him, extending his leg to give Donghyuck a little push. Yuhui is climbing onto his lap, as though she has decided she prefers to play while having a seat, and Donghyuck hums in contentment. “This park is full of adults.”

Amused, Donghyuck points out, “You’re an adult, babe.”

“Not the kind of adult that has a kid.”

The right description would be that the park is full of parents, not adults, and subsequently plagued by kids as well. Renjun isn’t used to all this noise, but he admits that it’s almost heart fluttering to be surrounded by so much enthusiasm, always entangled with a couple of scolds here and there.

As he stares at Donghyuck and Yuhui, he realizes that this comfort doesn’t surge from the fact that he’s used to spend time with Yuhui. They’ve been dating for so long that Donghyuck has spent as much time with Yuhui as Renjun had, even if Renjun was there for Dejun and Kun since she was born. It would be odd if Donghyuck hadn’t developed any bond with her, especially since she’s so prone to use her charms towards alphas, but it’s strange to become aware of how things have changed. Of how Donghyuck belongs to this life in all aspects, too.

“I’m going to get you some snacks,” Renjun announces, resigned at the lack of attention.

Yuhui has moved onto blabbering words while she cranes up her neck to look at Donghyuck, and Donghyuck is just dumbly nodding at her and pretending that he understands her. Renjun represses a scoff as he walks away, suspecting that it might be easier to feed Yuhui her afternoon snack if Donghyuck does it for him. Dejun purposely brought them enough baby food for the whole day, which Renjun appreciates, but he reckons that it was the minimum effort considering Renjun and Donghyuck were allowing Kun and Dejun to have a day-long date.

To Renjun’s surprise, when he steps back into the park, Donghyuck and Yuhui aren’t alone. There’s another young man – an omega, Renjun immediately notices, an ugly sensation gurgling in his stomach – sitting on the sand with them, and a baby that is trying to talk to Yuhui.

Renjun stops in his tracks for a moment, torn between interrupting or just watching how Donghyuck reacts, how he manages to get out of the situation. Even from his position Renjun can perceive the omega’s pheromones, and though he knows that his effort will go to waste, there’s still a voice inside him that snarls at the sight.

It takes Renjun a whole minute to notice Donghyuck’s attitude, to have a better grasp of reality: Donghyuck is calmly talking with the stranger, his focus mostly on Yuhui by instinct, his hands hovering over her in case she needs him. He doesn’t seem to register the amount of signals that the omega is throwing at him, the way he smiles, the enchanted spark in his eyes when he stares at Donghyuck – and Renjun has to admit it, it’s the first time in his entire life he has seen Donghyuck completely ignore a pretty omega that wanted to flirt with him. Then again, Renjun missed a lot of years with him, and this might not be as unusual as it is to Renjun.

Fed up with the omega’s attempts, Renjun takes a couple of strides towards them and says, “Yuhui’s food, baby.”

Donghyuck grins up at him, extending his arm to catch the bag, but the guy, as Renjun expected, twirls to look at him with a tinge of panic on his semblance. He’s a pretty good actor however, because his face only falls for a fleeting second, enough time for him to process that Donghyuck isn’t alone, and is clearly not single.

“Oh, is it eating time?” the guy says, nervously glancing between Donghyuck and him. He rushes to pick up his son, both babies protesting at the sudden disturbance, and then excuses himself with a, “We don’t want to intrude.”

Renjun almost pities him, but Donghyuck is about to invite him to stay, and he doesn’t want to be that lenient. Even though Donghyuck doesn’t understand the silencing glare Renjun dedicates him, it placates that evident urge to assure they don’t mind his presence. He presses his lips into a line, confused, and bids the other parent goodbye with that same impeccable politeness he was using earlier.

“What’s the problem?” Donghyuck asks Renjun once the omega is far away, observing how Renjun sits on the sand this time, like he’s trying to erase a trace.

Now that the omega is gone, Renjun doesn’t feel that confident anymore. His instinct isn’t screaming at him, but his pulse still runs fast, a trail of adrenaline that isn’t easy to vanish – the only memory that confirms that he isn’t crazy.

“He was flirting with you,” Renjun grumpily explains, avoiding Donghyuck’s stare.

The silence that follows up is deafening, and even Yuhui keeps her mouth closed, blinking at Donghyuck.

“He was- what?” Donghyuck croaks out in the end, flabbergasted. Leaning forward to make Renjun glance at him, he emphasizes, “ _Renjun_.”

He should have known that Donghyuck wouldn’t take this seriously. It’s such an alpha reaction – always worried about other alphas and betas fluttering around their mate, but never acknowledging that the opposite can happen as well.

“Don’t say my name like I’m crazy,” Renjun complains, flustered. He summons enough pride to look into Donghyuck’s eyes, but his boyfriend isn’t disposed to validate his worry, and Renjun finds himself grumbling, “It’s not my fault you’ve lost your sixth sense and you can’t tell when an omega is trying to get into your pants.”

It’s a delight to leave Donghyuck speechless, though Renjun doesn’t know what does the trick. Perhaps it’s because his words are direct and slightly bitter, or because he’s embarrassing himself so much that Donghyuck can’t respond without humiliating him. The third option is that Donghyuck is incapable of accepting that someone was trying to seduce him, especially with two babies in the way.

“You wound me,” Donghyuck retorts, planting his hand on his chest to be dramatic. Renjun shoves him without any tenderness, aware that Donghyuck is making fun of him, but that just prompts him to laugh. “First of all, I haven’t lost my sixth sense.”

“Don’t say it’s because you know when I want you, it doesn’t count.”

“And second,” Donghyuck continues, lifting his index finger to silence Renjun’s attack. Renjun can’t help but snicker at that, but Donghyuck sounds a bit more serious when he says, “I have a baby on my lap. Why would he assume I’m single?”

That’s a valid question, but Renjun imagines that everyone here knows each other by sight. If someone shows up alone with a baby at this time of the afternoon, when almost no one is still working, it would be natural to suspect that there’s no mate to accompany them at all.

“Hot single alpha dad,” Renjun concludes, as though it’s a valid, logic explanation.

“Oh, now you’re into that?” Donghyuck teases. Renjun rolls his eyes, but that just makes a wolfish smile spread on Donghyuck’s face. Smug, he reiterates, “You’re jealous.”

Of course he’s jealous, but he won’t let Donghyuck win this small argument. Not if it hurts his omega pride in the process; Donghyuck is attentive of every one of his gestures, of his choice of words, any signal that betrays Renjun’s real feelings, but Renjun does his best to repress his outburst of complaints.

“I’m not jealous. I’m just saying you don’t have to be that accommodating all the time,” he bites out, harsher than he intends. Accommodating is the right word, because Donghyuck would never push anyone’s limits in the first encounter, but for some reason the sourness in that description drives him into a fit of laughter. Renjun doesn’t miss a beat to hiss, “Don’t laugh at me!”

Donghyuck ignores his plea, and to Renjun’s torment, Yuhui stares at him with sparkling eyes and laughs too. It’s just a reflex for her, to laugh because Donghyuck is laughing, and it would melt Renjun’s defenses in any other circumstances, but now it just proves how much of a fool he is.

“Then don’t make me laugh,” Donghyuck smartly replies. He coos at Yuhui, who stumbles into his lap again with a happy noise, but his attention drifts to Renjun not long after. His expression is unreadable, so Renjun doesn’t tempt his luck, but Donghyuck just licks his lips and mutters, “How could I get this lucky in life?”

A flush of heat spirals down Renjun’s limbs, a heat that doesn’t have anything to do with the sun that lightens Donghyuck’s irises. It’s just a simple comment, not supposed to flatter Renjun, but it’s impossible to dismiss the adoration in Donghyuck’s voice.

“I wonder that too,” Renjun retorts as a joke, though Donghyuck isn’t impressed at his tactic. “How can you be this lucky?”

Donghyuck sends him a lukewarm smile, and then shakes the bag with Yuhui’s food. “Hungry?” he asks her, dipping his fingers into the bag.

Renjun doesn’t care that they’re in public. He snuggles up to Donghyuck and presses against his side, bathing in the hum of comfort that escapes Donghyuck’s lips, as Donghyuck gets ready to feed Yuhui.

It’s all about perspective. Donghyuck thinks he’s lucky to have Renjun, but in reality he’s Renjun’s only piece of luck.

The day Renjun moves out, the world's gears run against his plans.

Even though he wanted to show up at Donghyuck's door with his suitcase without telling him first, that proves to be an unrealistic fantasy. Donghyuck keeps asking about his intentions, and Renjun could work up to be a great liar, but lying to Donghyuck feels like an universal sin that will never be forgiven. When he stares at Renjun with those hopeful, warm eyes of his, no ulterior intentions in his questions, Renjun can just spill the truth.

Renjun accepts the idea of Donghyuck helping him move in, to the point that he can't understand why he thought the alternative was better. It's much more entertaining to pack his belongings if Donghyuck is around, to decide what he wants to throw out, and to get distracted by a few kisses from time to time.

However, the evening they're supposed to switch places for real, Donghyuck gets caught up in the office, and Renjun finds himself resorting to Jeno and Jaemin. Jisung naturally tags along, claiming that _it's no fun to stay at home if Jaemin is away_ , and Renjun doesn't protest at the prospect of having another pair of arms to help. He also realizes, as soon as they start moving the boxes, that he and Donghyuck overestimated their ability to do this by themselves. He's glad he called two of the strongest boys in their group of friends.

“I don't know why you two decided to move at night,” Jeno complains when they shove the last box into the van. He has already started to pant, but luckily for him Donghyuck's building has an elevator that isn’t broken. “This usually takes the whole day.”

“I know, but Donghyuck wanted me to wait for him,” Renjun explains. Not that it matters anymore, since Donghyuck couldn't arrive in time, but Renjun is aware that he'd sell his soul to be here right now. Watching Jeno close the van's porter, he mumbles, “I shouldn't listen to him so often.”

Jeno chuckles at that and nods to agree with him, but he tries not to be too discouraging. Renjun doesn't have to express his disappointment for Jeno to understand that he needed Donghyuck here, and yet he doesn't want to put that emotional weight on any of his friends.

“Do you need to say goodbye?” Jisung chirps up from the front of the van, helping Jaemin climb onto the driver's seat.

Perhaps in an attempt not to suffocate in his thoughts, Renjun shakes his head right away. “Don't be dramatic,” he answers, brushing it off.

It's true that he has spent a few years in this apartment, and he has both good and bad memories, but it's undeniable that his best memories belong to the last few months. With Donghyuck.

“I do!” Jaemin screams from the seat, a massive, mocking grin plastered on his face. He throws the building a flying kiss with his hand, and he looks so ridiculous that Renjun can hear Jeno sigh in resignation next to him, but he can't help but laugh at him. “Goodbye to all the amazing parties we had here.”

“That's an understatement,” Jisung agrees, and to Renjun's horror, he imitates Jaemin's kiss.

With a whine, Renjun tugs at Jeno's hand and leads him to the front of the van before Jaemin and Jisung can come up with another overly sentimental idea. The four of them squeeze in, praying that they won't get caught by the police since there are only three seats, and Renjun makes an effort not to look back at his apartment when Jaemin starts the engine.

Since Donghyuck's house is on the other side of the town, they have enough time to rest, sing the old songs Jisung tunes in the radio, and have a couple of fights. They have trouble to park the damn van at that time of the night, for most people are already in their homes, but Jaemin insists in parking right next to Donghyuck's building.

“Okay, you go first!” Jisung exclaims as they evaluate how to start moving the boxes. He shoves a tiny box into Renjun's arms, and pats Renjun's pockets to make sure that he has Donghyuck's keys. “I promise we won't destroy the elevator.”

That's Renjun's cue to use the stairs, though he doesn't believe Jisung at all. He has walked up these stairs a hundred times, but tonight it's a strange experience; it's a point of no return. Renjun is about to step into Donghyuck's apartment to _stay_.

He's breathless when he reaches the fifth floor, but as his gaze falls on the package sitting by Donghyuck's door, he doubts it's a physical matter. He feels an overwhelming pressure in his chest, prodding from inside, at the mere sight of what Donghyuck has left for him.

When Renjun squats down to check the package, the aroma of warm food hits him. There's a note on top, a small _Welcome home, babe_ , that doesn't look like Donghyuck's handwriting at all, and the time of the order next to it. That's the only reason Renjun knows his mate isn't at home after all. It's just that Donghyuck ordered food for him, making sure it would arrive right as Renjun did so that he had a welcoming gift at least.

Renjun is happy to be alone, because the smile that pulls at his lips is beyond intimate, beyond exposing. A gesture that belongs to Donghyuck, even if he isn't here to see him; he left this gift because he knew it would comfort Renjun.

The tension boiling his chest dissipates as he opens the apartment's door, but it swamps him again at the changes inside the apartment.

There are big changes, like the shimmering, handmade banner, hanged on one of the living room's walls, that sweetly claims _Renjun and Donghyuck's home_. Renjun can imagine that Donghyuck laughed during the whole process of making that banner, but he has put an evident effort on the display, and Renjun is going to pay him back somehow.

But there are also small changes. Details that no one but Renjun would notice, since he's the only one who visits every week – any of their friends could assume that those changes happened over time, but they didn't. Donghyuck has printed pictures of them together, and they're perfectly framed, perfectly placed all over the apartment. It's not overwhelming, just the right amount of pictures that a family would have sitting around, and Renjun swears that he almost passes out at the realization.

He swallows the knot in his throat, blinks his eyes a few times not to cry out of happiness – but it's hard not to, not when he ponders about what they've gone through to reach this point. Renjun never dared to dream about this, because it felt like a filthy, hurtful lie that could pulverize him. Now that old undreamed dream has materialized in front of him, under his feet, over his head, and Renjun feels like he will never deserve Donghyuck.

“Oh god,” Jaemin’s voice pops up behind him. Renjun’s cheeks burst into flames, aware of the reaction this is going to pull out of his friends. Donghyuck didn’t count on their presence here, but Renjun supposes he will have to bear the mocking. “That's so cute, I'm going to vomit.”

Despite his words, Renjun catches him observing the banner in awe. The same happens to Jisung and Jeno when they walk into the apartment, though they’re carrying a box between the two of them and they barely have time to breathe. Jeno snickers at the scene in the apartment while Jisung exchanges a significant glance with Jaemin before smiling.

Renjun decides to ignore them, but for once they don’t go further with the teasing. All of them turns on their heels to keep up with the moving; Renjun supposes it would be useless for them to pry into his life with Donghyuck, and whatever they do in their intimacy is none of their business unless Donghyuck or Renjun themselves share it. They understand that.

Just ten minutes after carrying dozens of boxes and a few pieces of furniture that Renjun had bought for his former apartment – a credenza, a beanbag, and all his painting utensils – Renjun regrets not hiring a company to do this for them. But it's worth the effort in the end, when Jisung sneaks out of the elevator, the last box between his arms, and jumps into the apartment with a triumphant noise.

Renjun ushers them to sit down on the couch, feeling guilty for how tired they look, and runs to the kitchen to look for a decent dinner. There isn’t much food in the fridge, which also explains why Donghyuck took the time to order food for him, but there are a couple of frozen pizzas and that’s better than nothing.

Even though Renjun also takes the food package and sets it on the table with a smile, his three slaves turned guests dedicate him an odd glance.

“Donghyuck left food,” Renjun informs, assuming that they just don’t know where the food came from.

“There's no way we’re eating your _courting_ food,” Jaemin rejects right away, waving his hands in panic as though Renjun will just shove the food into his mouth otherwise. “I value my life.”

Jeno hums in agreement, eyebrows raised in amusement at the mere fact that Renjun is offering this to them. It’s like putting their heads on a silver platter for Donghyuck.

However, his first knee-jerk reaction is to start, “It isn’t court-”

But he closes his mouth in time, saves himself from the hint of laughter that peeks on his friends’ faces. Of course it’s courting food. Donghyuck probably planned to cook for him to welcome him, but this is the alternative. It’s not an apology for his absence.

“Just sit down and eat it,” Jisung tells him, pulling at his sleeve. “We’ll leave in a bit.”

Flushed from head to toe, Renjun accepts that tiny order, his excuse not to fight back. No one mentions Donghyuck again, but Renjun’s mind is wrapped around him. The apartment smells like him, the food feels heavy and warm on his tongue, and he can’t focus on the conversation. Not while thoughts of Donghyuck invade his mind.

He perceives the strange stares Jaemin sends him from time to time. He perceives the sensation of being in a bubble of peace, a place where no one can reach him. He notices how his friends avoid touching him, how Jeno even draws his hands back on purpose just not to brush against him, and when they leave, only Jaemin dares to hug him.

It’s just tonight. A signal of respect because Renjun is in his new home, and no one but his mate should leave a trace on him, so that when Donghyuck arrives, it feels like coming home for him too.

Contrary to what Renjun has imagined, he doesn’t feel lonely once he’s alone. All the exhaustion accumulated during the day crashes on him, and he just takes a quick shower and slips into bed, into the side of the bed that he always invades. It’s a surprise to find out that besides Donghyuck’s scent, his own scent is already in the bed, either because Donghyuck didn’t clean the sheets in the last few days or because he carried Renjun’s scent all the way to his bed.

It doesn’t matter. Renjun submerges in the silence of the apartment, only the sound of his heart beating, the brush of his cheek against the pillow, and slowly gives into his tiredness.

Maybe it’s fifteen minutes or two hours, but when Renjun wakes up, he has the sensation that he started sleeping two minutes ago. The only proof of contradiction is that he can hear the water from the shower running, and as he twists on the bed, eyes half-closed, he sees the clothes and the bag Donghyuck left around.

It’s impossible to go back to sleep knowing that Donghyuck has arrived, so Renjun just waits for him, kicking the blankets down to have a better view of the bathroom. Donghyuck takes his sweet time, but the wait is worth it just to watch him pad back into their bedroom with wide eyes, almost tiptoeing not to make any noise.

Renjun scoffs out loud, drawing Donghyuck’s attention to him, and lazily grins at him when his shoulders slump down in disappointment. Under that disappointment, however, there’s a ray of relief – maybe because Donghyuck wanted to talk to him, even if it was just to say goodnight.

“Sorry,” Donghyuck mutters, truly apologetic. Instead of walking around the bed like he intended to do not to bother Renjun, he decides that there’s no point anymore and crawls up on the bed, rolling over Renjun to reach his side of the bed. “Did I wake you up?”

Renjun twirls around to face him, even though Donghyuck was already trying to spoon him; he seems more content with the kiss Renjun plants on his lips, short but sweet, just a greeting. He sinks his hand in Renjun’s messy hair from behind, brings him closer for a second kiss, and Renjun feels his breath flutter as Donghyuck deepens into his mouth.

It ends earlier than Renjun would like to, but it’s obvious that Donghyuck feels guilty for waking him up, that he doesn’t want to entangle him into sex in the middle of the night.

“Absolutely didn’t,” Renjun lies at last, scooting closer for another peck.

Donghyuck rejects him by rubbing their noses together, a knowing smile on his face.

“Sleep,” he advises Renjun. But he allows Renjun to press against him, to throw his leg over hips and hide his face in the crook of his neck, rumbling words that not even Renjun understands. Donghyuck pets down his nape and whispers, “We have tomorrow.”

And for the first time, Renjun isn’t afraid of tomorrow.

“I’ll flip a coin.”

Renjun should have seen this coming, but that doesn’t lessen how absurd this is. Donghyuck is already looking through his wallet for a coin, convinced that it’s the only way to fix their predicament. They’ve spent the last hour _arguing_ over when and how they would meet each other’s families in the middle of this cafe that, luckily for them, is noisy enough to muffle their bickering. Donghyuck’s tactics to persuade Renjun aren’t so discreet, since he tries to kiss him when the conversation gets too heated, but Renjun is used to this cheeky manipulation by now.

If anything, Renjun turning Donghyuck down bruises his defenses every time.

“Donghyuck,” Renjun sighs, in a dilemma because he wants to laugh at the fact that Donghyuck is really going to decide with a coin, but also propelled to stop him. One day it’s a trivial matter like having dinner with their parents, but in the future it could be adopting a dog. Renjun can’t let the option of getting a dog be in the hands of luck and probability. “You can’t make important decisions by flipping a coin.”

“Why not?” Donghyuck retorts with sincere confusion. He has pulled a tiny coin from the bottom of his wallet, undoubtedly the only one since Donghyuck rarely uses cash, and now spins it on the table for show. “You want to meet my family first, I want to meet yours first. You’re a stubborn fucker and I won’t give in, so head or tails?”

Renjun makes a mental note to remember that insult, since the mere mention might get him a favor from Donghyuck later. Maybe it’s the path to force Donghyuck to give him a massage tonight, or to cook for him, and Renjun isn’t going to renounce to that possibility.

“Tails,” Renjun says, conscious that there’s no escape, that Donghyuck will just make this happen. Donghyuck lets out a satisfied noise, so Renjun lifts his index finger to silence him and adds, “And you’re the stubborn fucker.”

Too excited with the acceptance, Donghyuck ignores the attack. He flips the coin with a smile, sandwiches it between his hands, and then looks at Renjun, a smug smirk dancing at the prospect of winning over his own mate.

“Ready?” Donghyuck teases him, shaking his hands.

Renjun grumbles, “This is so stupid.”

However, his heart races right before Donghyuck detaches his hands. They talked about planning the dinner for next week, so Renjun will either be meeting Donghyuck’s parents in a few days or will be watching Donghyuck pretend to be a good boy in front of his parents. Renjun is sure that if their parents don’t approve of each other, that won’t break them apart, but he _wants_ that approval. It will allow them to enjoy a much happier life.

Renjun stares down at Donghyuck’s extended palm, and then bursts into laughter.

Tails.

“Shit,” Donghyuck cries out, closing his fist as though that will change his defeat. He drops his head on the table, unbothered by the attention the hit brings to them. “I can’t fucking believe this.”

Renjun doesn’t pity him, for he brought this upon himself, but he reaches out to pat his head. At this point he doesn’t mind Donghyuck’s manners in public either, so he just sends a quick glare to everyone that is glancing at them like they’ve gone crazy.

“You deserved that,” Renjun assures him anyway.

“This isn’t fair,” Donghyuck complains, turning his head to peek at Renjun. He laps his bottom lip over his upper lip, a tender gesture that would weaken Renjun’s will in any other occasion, but not after he has made a fool out of himself. “Please, don’t tell your family we’re living together until I meet them.”

Renjun should have seen that coming too. That’s the reason Donghyuck was so insistent over not meeting Renjun’s parents yet: he fears that he won’t be accepted because he didn’t seek approval before tying Renjun to him. He’s a complete stranger to them after all, not a normal boyfriend that was in Renjun’s life for a while and progressively tightened their relationship into something more serious.

“Donghyuck,” Renjun calls him in an attempt to drag him out of his spinning thoughts. Donghyuck grumpily straightens his back, lets Renjun intertwine their hands together for consolation, and lowers his gaze out of pride. “My parents don’t care about such stuff. They’re not going to think you’re a dishonorable alpha just because you didn’t ask for permission to _live with me_. I’m twenty-seven, dude.”

“Did you just call me dude? What the fuck, Jun,” Donghyuck says, horrified. The scowl on his face deepens until Renjun squeezes his hand, laughing at the momentary trauma Donghyuck is going through for being called dude. Renjun should do it more often, no matter how weird it is for him as well. “The thing is that my parents will care. They will nag because they didn’t raise me that way, and all that bullshit.”

That doesn’t take Renjun by surprise. Donghyuck avoids speaking about his parents, but given the issues with Doyoung and his overprotection, Renjun can imagine that it comes from a circle of protecting Donghyuck from their parents and their parents from Donghyuck, just to keep their family peace intact.

Renjun could consent to this lifelong game, but Donghyuck can’t keep on lying just because he doesn’t want to bother his parents or to be a bad son. He’s the way he is, and that can’t be changed; it can just be concealed behind lies and appearances.

Donghyuck might be embarrassed of who he is, of not being able to adapt to his parents’ standards, but Renjun loves that he’s not a hard-headed alpha obsessed with putting Renjun into an omega box too.

“I hope you’re not asking me to lie to your parents,” Renjun warns him, not buying Donghyuck’s miserable façade. This is how he gets away with everything, but Renjun promised himself – and Jaemin – that he would be stricter, that he wouldn’t let Donghyuck use his alpha influence all the time. “That would be such a bad introduction.”

It’s evident that Donghyuck is unarmed against those arguments. He can’t rope Renjun into his deceiving games because it might have a repercussion on the way his parents view Renjun too. Donghyuck has accepted that he’s not the ideal son for them, but he would never put Renjun in the same position.

“I’m not ashamed of how we’re doing this,” Renjun insists at Donghyuck’s defeated silence. Donghyuck looks into his eyes, doubtful, willing to believe him but not sure if Renjun is being honest. “In the end you live with me and you’re mated to me, not to your parents.”

Donghyuck shoots him a grateful glance, rosy cheeks and the beginning of a smile on his face.

“Our world is upside down, isn’t it?” he whispers, a rhetorical question which answer Renjun knows. His world has always been upside down, since the very first moment Donghyuck appeared in it. “No one else would argue to meet their mate’s parents first.”

Pensive, Renjun distractedly caresses Donghyuck’s hand. Maybe it’s true, maybe it’s not normal to feel so brave during such an important meeting – but Renjun suspects it’s because they’ve survived bigger challenges that have given them a feeling of invincibility.

“They will love you,” Renjun responds, though that’s not Donghyuck’s concern. It’s just a little treat to his ears, and that’s the reason Renjun reminds him now: because he needs to know that he’s a good alpha, that any other family will welcome him without trouble. “But the thing is, it doesn’t matter if they do or not, okay?”

The spark in Donghyuck’s eyes simmers with nervousness, but his scent is affectionate, harmless.

“Yeah,” he responds, wrapping Renjun’s little finger with his fist. “As long as you love me.”

For Renjun, that’s the easiest thing to do.

Renjun’s confidence is destined to crumble down, but in his defense, he resists longer than he expects.

While meeting Donghyuck’s parents is not a complicated, nerve-wrecking situation, confronting Doyoung after so many years is. Doyoung swept up the pieces of Donghyuck once Renjun left, and even though their parents have no idea how disastrous his romantic life was, supporting Donghyuck alone was just another added weight on Doyoung’s shoulders.

Renjun will survive if Doyoung is still determined to hate him, but he doesn’t want that for Donghyuck. He doesn’t want Donghyuck to be his brother’s enemy, to lose a pillar in his life just to shield Renjun from that pain. It isn’t fair for Doyoung either that he had to pull Donghyuck up just to be abandoned once the person who hurt him came back.

It’s in his alpha’s nature to put his mate before anyone else, family included, because now Renjun _is_ his family. Renjun feels compelled to pretend that he’s not anxious. That he doesn’t have nightmares about meeting Doyoung, nightmares that are borderline ridiculous and violent, scenarios that would never happen in real life. Even when he wakes up in Donghyuck’s arms, sweating and gasping for air, he doesn’t have courage to share what’s on his mind. Donghyuck always asks once, but never twice, respecting his choice.

Only in the morning, when Renjun has already forgotten about his nightmares, does Donghyuck’s stare shift into concern. Donghyuck is keen on not upsetting him, so most mornings he just acts like nothing happened while keeping an eye on him, but the day of the dinner he decides to break his silence.

They’ve developed the awful habit of having breakfast on the couch, but since neither of them are that picky about having to clean, they just snuggle and eat without remorse.

“You can tell me anything, you know that, right?” Donghyuck asks him after a few minutes, sliding over the couch to press against him. He lifts his spoon to feed Renjun, an offer that just serves as a gimmick to calm him down, as though he’s a pet that will obey after a treat. Renjun scrunches his nose at him, and Donghyuck assures, “Whatever it is, I’ll listen.”

“How considerate,” Renjun manages to joke, though his stomach churns at the mere idea of telling Donghyuck every fear that crosses his mind. There’s no use in hiding that he’s afraid, since Donghyuck can detect it in his pheromones, but Renjun insists, “They’re just nightmares, Donghyuck. There have been so many changes lately, it must be my body adapting.”

That excuse isn’t very believable, because Donghyuck taps under his chin until Renjun looks at him. Resigned, Renjun caves in and opens his mouth to accept the spoon of cereal that Donghyuck is offering him, even if it’s just to appease him. The warmth that extends on Donghyuck’s expression is enough to comfort him.

“I’m just saying,” Donghyuck tells him, completely serious. “I’m here.”

It’s Renjun who isn’t there. He closes the distance to rub his cheek on Donghyuck’s face, and Donghyuck laughs at the gesture, taken by surprise. There’s no room for Renjun to be embarrassed, not while Donghyuck manages to make him feel so safe around him. Donghyuck is brutally honest with him for better and for worse. He’s here for Renjun, whether Renjun needs him or not.

“I’ll pick you up at seven, okay?” Donghyuck gurgles out, unexplainably breathless. Renjun can sense Donghyuck’s raw pain as he draws away from him, since he can’t let himself be lured into a make out session right before work. It will either pull him into something more, or will make him late for work, and Renjun knows it wouldn’t be the first time. “Hit me up if you’re not at Jaemin’s by then.”

Renjun’s response is a mere nod, but Donghyuck interprets it as his cue to leave. He stuffs his mouth with cereal one last time and then lurches up, ruffling Renjun’s hair as a goodbye. Renjun relaxes against the couch and distractedly observes Donghyuck as he rushes through their house to get dressed and decent. Renjun doesn’t understand yet how his peers can see him as the manager he is, but he assumes that Donghyuck’s alpha status helps him to receive immediate respect. And Donghyuck must not be as lenient and generous as he is with him or with his friends, that’s for sure.

Donghyuck bids him goodbye with a peck on his lips before speeding out, but the moment Renjun is alone, he imitates his mate. He didn’t plan to work today, and knowing that he was going to spend an agonizing day, overthinking about the dinner, he roped Jaemin into hanging out with him. Donghyuck just supposed that Jaemin had a free day, but the reality is that he cleared his schedule for Renjun.

It’s a plea that Renjun doesn’t regret, and less so when finally sinks onto Jaemin’s couch with a groan, his nervousness soothed by Jaemin’s omega pheromones. Though Jaemin has a smile on his face, he strokes Renjun’s hair as though he comprehends his dilemma – it would be hard not to, after Renjun spent the whole week draining his energy.

“His parents are very conservative, but compared to Donghyuck, you’re a gem,” Jaemin assures him, bringing his feet onto the couch for a more comfortable position. “They always wanted him to mate with an omega, so that alone will make them happy. You look quite put together too.” Jaemin wiggles his eyebrows at him. “Can be intimidating if you want to.”

Renjun snorts at that, though he’s been told that before.

“On the outside only,” he contradicts Jaemin. He learned to behave that way, to force people to believe that there were no cracks on his façade, but Jaemin never bought it. It was an omega thing, a barrier. “His parents might realize.”

Jaemin effusively shakes his head.

“They won’t see inside, Renjun.” And that shouldn’t be a problem: they will have plenty of time to get to know each other in the future, but right now the aim is to have a smooth, peaceful dinner and leave a good impression. “Is Doyoung going?”

The question has thorns and prickles, but Jaemin softens his tone, conscious that Doyoung’s very existence terrifies Renjun. Renjun thought that he would never ask, out of politeness, but maybe he was just waiting for the right moment. Now that Renjun is on edge, it’s a relief for him to share it.

“Yes,” Renjun admits, kneading his own face to ease his tension. “And Johnny too.”

“I’ve met Johnny, he’s a great guy,” Jaemin says with a dreamy sigh, which gains him an incredulous glare from Renjun. Johnny is an alpha, Renjun remembers that important fact, but he has never dealt with him in person; nor with that power that he seems to have on Jaemin. Jaemin clears his throat, cheeks flaming, and adds, “Doyoung is great too, okay? But Donghyuck is his brother, so don’t expect him to be forgiving just because you’re mates now.”

Renjun doesn’t let go of that comment about Johnny so soon, sending Jaemin a judging once-over that drags a moan out of him. He’s lucky Renjun isn’t a snitch, because Jisung would probably complain a lot more than Jaemin could ever do.

“That’s the opposite of what I imagined Doyoung to be like, anyway,” Renjun concludes a few seconds later, giving Jaemin time to breathe. “He has heavy reasons to hate me. In his book I was just an omega that used his brother for sex and then left him with a broken heart.”

And that could have been their story, word by word, if Renjun hadn’t fallen in love with Donghyuck. It’s just that vital, tiny detail in Renjun’s feelings that changed the direction of their lives; that confusing spark of a feeling when Donghyuck pressed a kiss on his mouth, when they breathed together, the addicting flavor of his alpha pheromones on Renjun’s tongue.

“It will take a while,” Jaemin insists, blinking down at the place where their thighs touch. Renjun understands why right away, since Jaemin squeezes his thigh, perhaps the only place in his body that Donghyuck didn’t scent this morning. “He’s not going to be against you forever, not when he realizes how happy Donghyuck is.”

Foolish hope is worthless in a practical world. Renjun bites his own tongue not to burst into a rant, because Doyoung doesn’t have any obligation to accept him; and worst of all, he’s a beta, so Renjun’s nature is wired to obey him. Donghyuck’s support in this matter is beyond essential.

“I wish-”

“You could go back in time?” Jaemin finishes his sentence for him. Renjun stares at him, astonished, but Jaemin doesn’t explain where that accuracy comes from. “It wouldn’t have worked, Renjun. If you had stayed with Donghyuck after that mess, it would have destroyed your relationship.”

Renjun believed that for years, but beneath that certainty, there was a hint of suspicion that it was his own consolation. A lie to reaffirm that he hadn’t made the wrong decision. It’s different to have a friend tell him he was right, that it wasn’t his mind playing tricks to save him some pain.

Voice wavering, Renjun mutters, “Do you think so?”

“You wouldn’t have known Donghyuck was the one, either.” A grin splashes on Jaemin’s features, but Renjun can’t deny that’s a perfect way to describe him. The one. “You could have intuited it, but a part of you would have always wondered if you two could part ways and still be happy without each other.”

Renjun can’t stand Jaemin’s wording, so he hides his face in the couch while laughing. Whether he’s right or wrong, it’s still funny that Jaemin thinks about Donghyuck that way; even more so when he wasn’t the most supportive when Donghyuck started to develop feelings for him.

Jaemin doesn’t appreciate his reaction, and as heartless as Renjun, he dips his fingers into Renjun’s sides to tickle him. Renjun rolls onto his back with a scream, betrayed, but that just makes Jaemin cackle louder at him.

“You’re so ungrateful,” Jaemin accuses him. Renjun is still recovering his breath, so he merely mimics his expression for fun. “I take it back, you’re not a gem. You’re insufferable.”

When Renjun leaves the apartment complex, Donghyuck’s car is already parked there, waiting for him. Despite the implications of Donghyuck’s presence, reuniting with his mate is a relief. Renjun prefers suffering while being together than being apart. He just has to swallow this bitter pill and soon he’ll be at home with Donghyuck, cuddling to sleep like any other day.

“Hey,” Donghyuck greets him, waving at him through the window as though Renjun hasn’t spotted the car. The smile that Donghyuck sends him is capable of blinding any negative thoughts, of overpowering Renjun’s worries, but tonight Renjun is going to need more than a smile. Donghyuck studies him with a certain level of wariness as Renjun slips into the car, and then asks, “Good?”

Renjun can’t conceal his torrent of pheromones in time, but it would be useless anyway, since Donghyuck perceives his mood just with a glance.

Hence Renjun doesn’t lie.

“I’m nervous,” he confesses, shrinking in the seat like that will protect him from Donghyuck’s scrutiny.

There are no further questions, at least not at first. Donghyuck plants a sonorous kiss on his cheek and afterwards starts the engine, his breathing unequivocally rushed despite his apparent calmness.

“Seatbelt, babe,” Donghyuck reminds him, touching his thigh. Renjun never forgets to put on his seatbelt, so he obeys with a deep unsettling sensation. And then, out of nowhere, Donghyuck remarks, “You’ve been nervous all week.”

Renjun gawks at Donghyuck, too flabbergasted to deny it. Donghyuck sends him an amused look, and spits, “ _What_ , do you think I’m stupid?”

Of course Donghyuck is aware that Renjun has spent the whole week fretting, on the edge of an attack, and Renjun is a fool for believing that he was doing a good job at pretending otherwise. Donghyuck is part of him, of his body and his mind, and when they fuse together, skin against skin, or simply when their eyes connect, Donghyuck can see thoughts that not even Renjun is able to pull out of his head.

“I didn’t want to worry you,” Renjun whispers, mortified, redirecting his gaze to his lap.

“You didn’t,” Donghyuck retorts without an ounce of hesitation. “I have a lot reasons to worry, but introducing you to my parents isn’t one of them.”

 _A gem_ , Jaemin had called him. Donghyuck’s ego isn’t fragile anymore, so he’s not afraid to admit that Renjun is his everything, that he’s perfect in his eyes, but Donghyuck’s self-esteem is the factor that inflates all that fear towards his parents.

He’s not worried for Renjun, he’s worried for himself.

However, Renjun adds, “It’s just not about your parents.”

His parents ignore that Renjun is an omega that slept with his mate’s best friend for sexual relief. That’s in the past for Donghyuck too, especially because alphas tend to focus on the now, and the now is that Renjun is wrapped around his finger.

But Donghyuck understands who Renjun is talking about, and in a firm tone, he replies, “I’m yours, Renjun, before I’m anyone’s else.” This dinner isn’t a trap for his family to accept Renjun; Donghyuck doesn’t need Renjun to get their approval. It’s the other way around. Tapping his fingers on the wheel, Donghyuck asks him, “Do you remember what you told me that night?”

Given the endless amount of nights they have spent together, Renjun can’t follow Donghyuck’s reasoning.

“Which night, you fool?”

It must be painfully obvious to Donghyuck, because there’s a long silence after that. He turns his head to dedicate Renjun a confused look, as though he can’t fathom that question.

“The night of your first heat,” he answers, voice becoming raspy. The memory of their first heat together is also engraved in Renjun’s memories, but he’s shocked that Donghyuck can remember his exact words on a night from years ago. It’s proof that Donghyuck wasn’t into the deal just for sex, not even in the beginning. “You told me you didn’t care about Doyoung’s opinion on what we were doing.”

That’s true, but Doyoung’s judgment didn’t have any weight when it came to Jeno and him. The board game has completely transformed.

Renjun mutters, “This is different.”

“It is,” Donghyuck agrees, against all odds. He’s not gazing at Renjun, but it feels like he is, for his voice carries a power that could pierce Renjun even if they weren’t together. “Because we’re doing nothing wrong now.”

Getting back together isn’t wrong, no matter what they did in the past, no matter if they hurt each other, if Renjun pushed Donghyuck to his breaking point. It’s a concept hard to grasp while Renjun is submerged in his fear, but he’s certain of it as well, and he has Donghyuck here to remind him.

With a sigh, Renjun rests his head against the window. The coldness of the crystal helps him to regain some common sense, and only then is he capable of inhaling Donghyuck’s scent. His alpha is so present right now that Renjun wonders how he didn’t notice it before; his instinct should have made him cling onto that influx of pheromones for support. If Donghyuck maintains this attitude during the rest of the night, then Renjun won’t have any trouble to stand on his two feet.

Even though it feels like an eternity has gone by, Renjun muses, “Were we, back then?”

And Donghyuck doesn’t have to ask.

He just threads their words, intuits what Renjun wants to know, and reassures him, “Yes, because I was falling in love with you.”

Renjun blinks at the lights of the city as they run past them, feeling like he’ll wake up from this dream at any moment, and then he won’t be in a car with Donghyuck, trembling from head to toe. Then there won’t be Donghyuck in his life at all, and he will kill just for the chance of suffering a reencounter with Doyoung.

“I just didn’t know it yet.”

Unlike his brother, Doyoung hasn’t changed in the last five years.

Renjun never knew much about Doyoung, and obviously didn’t see much of him either. All his knowledge was limited to Donghyuck’s words, to an argument and to a few ephemeral visits when Donghyuck and he were just friends, but it’s evident that Doyoung grew up in his own skin long ago. He’s steady and firm, an aura around his beta status that could make him pass as an alpha, and Renjun holds Donghyuck’s arm not to recoil by instinct.

Donghyuck might not get the exact message, but he takes his hand and curls his other arm around his waist, keeping him close.

They’re not in Donghyuck’s parents’ home yet, but as soon as they left the car, Donghyuck spotted Johnny and Doyoung walking down the street, probably because they didn’t find a good spot to leave their car. It would have been impolite to ignore them and walk into the house without waiting, so Renjun insisted. Donghyuck can afford some impoliteness towards his brother, but Renjun can’t.

Instead of letting panic invade his mind, Renjun attentively watches Johnny as a distraction. He’s taller and broader than Doyoung, but his features are round and nice, a balancing contrast with his body, and he’s holding Doyoung’s hand too, smiling down at him as they chat. Renjun doesn’t find most alphas intimidating, but he expected Johnny to resemble Doyoung, and thus it’s a surprise to discover that Johnny is far from threatening.

Renjun presses harder against Donghyuck’s embrace, though he isn’t so nervous anymore, and Donghyuck shamelessly plants a kiss on his forehead once Johnny and Doyoung are steps away from them. Renjun purposely avoids Doyoung’s gaze when they greet each other, and Donghyuck’s pheromones keep him afloat, receptive, until Johnny steps forwards with a grin plastered on his face.

“Renjun, right?” he asks him, with so much enthusiasm that it throws Renjun off. Before Renjun can process what’s happening, Johnny is asphyxiating him in a hug. Renjun makes a choked noise by accident, which drives Johnny to pull away and happily observe, “Damn, you’re small.”

“Don’t say that to him!” Donghyuck scolds him, hitting Johnny’s arm without any care in the world. “He knows he’s small, butthead.”

Renjun wants to remind them that he’s still here, listening to their exchange, but to his luck Johnny doesn’t respond to Donghyuck: he faces Renjun again, apologetic, and sweetly smoothens the wrinkles he made on his coat during the hug.

Like a kid that is embarrassed after tripping over himself, Johnny tells him, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you.”

“I know,” Renjun croaks out, still too taken aback to understand Johnny’s affection. It’s almost ironic that all of them are unfazed at the hug, but not at such a harmless comment. Renjun supposes that they’re a family, that they’re used to physical affection, and this is just too new for Renjun. He doesn’t think he has the right to belong to this family, so he doesn’t expect to be treated the same way. “It’s fine.”

Doyoung ushers them to walk into the garden, and it’s then that Renjun becomes conscious that he’s stepping into the house Donghyuck grew up in. It’s a big duplex that looks cozy even from outside, and if Donghyuck holds his hand a bit harder at the sight, then that’s their little secret. He has both good and bad memories, like almost everyone else, but it’s important for Renjun to remember that this dinner isn’t a challenge for him, it’s a challenge for Donghyuck.

Renjun doesn’t have too much time to drench in those thoughts, since the next thing he registers is that Doyoung is sending him an unreadable look.

“Do you know our parents’ names?” he asks Renjun, a little frown between his eyebrows, as though he fears Renjun will offend their parents right away.

The mere act of speaking to Doyoung installs a knot in Renjun’s throat, but he manages to answer, “Yes, Donghyuck told me.”

“He has horrible memory, though,” Donghyuck unhelpfully adds, even if Renjun elbows him for that useless information. Both Doyoung and Donghyuck laugh at his reaction, while Johnny grants him an understanding smile. “What? I’m just making sure you remember.”

Renjun might remember their names now, but he’s sure that his brain will go haywire in the most vital moment. There’s a beginning of a moan on his tongue as they ring the bell, and he has to take a couple of deep breaths for his own sake.

For better or for worse, all his preparation crumbles down as soon as the door opens for them. Renjun feels like he’s moving in slow motion while the rest of the world moves at the speed of light, and he can barely take in Donghyuck’s parents, the way they greet him, the way they pull both Donghyuck and him into a hug. The only difference is that Donghyuck receives a million kisses, to the point that he has to whine for his parents to get off him. They’re quite docile with Johnny and Doyoung in comparison, perhaps because the boys visit them pretty often, but Donghyuck just lets the months pass without a single visit.

 _You’re so pretty_ , is what his father tells Renjun first, amicably patting his arm. Donghyuck’s mother doesn’t comment on his aspect, though Renjun catches her scanning him from head to toe, even stopping on his shoes to analyze if there’s a flaw they could nitpick on.

Her expression is friendly, however, and she sounds sincere as she points out, “You’re the first boy Donghyuck has introduced to us, we’re so happy.”

That’s not new information, but it makes Donghyuck mumble something in embarrassment, like he fears his mother will start exposing him in no time. Renjun draws a pliant smile for her despite the interruption, though she chides Donghyuck anyway for being so controlling. It’s interesting to see how Donghyuck, instead of obeying and recoiling, stands his ground and dismisses the scolding.

Renjun can see why Donghyuck was a difficult son, but he loves all sides of Donghyuck, the stubborn one included. The scene just leaves a trace of amusement in Renjun, and Donghyuck seems to find that reaction pleasing, perhaps because he supposed Renjun would frown upon his behavior.

The dinner breaks all the barriers Renjun has built to protect themselves. He imagined that the experience would be close to terrible: that he would get bombarded with questions, that Donghyuck’s parents would scrutinize every one of his gestures and words, and that Doyoung would contribute to make him look bad, or _worse_.

The reality turns out to be quite different. Of course Donghyuck’s parents ask him many questions, but none of them put Renjun in an uncomfortable position. It’s basic information about himself, about his family, and about his relationship with Donghyuck. The only lie comes from Donghyuck, who rushes to explain that they met in university but they were only friends until they reunited at the wedding. Renjun catches Doyoung rolling his eyes at that, but Johnny whispers something into his ear and he nods, as though a couple of alpha sweet words are the key to forgive Renjun.

With Donghyuck next to him, and given that Johnny entertains them every time they touch a sensitive topic, Renjun makes the mistake of relaxing. It also has to do with the enthusiasm of Donghyuck’s mom pouring them wine, and at some point Donghyuck confiscates his glass so that he doesn’t drink anymore. It’s too late, because Renjun is already harboring intoxicated thoughts, and he’s feeling braver than he should ever be in this situation.

He doesn’t know for how long they stay at Donghyuck’s home, but long enough to get an invitation to spend the night. Unlike Renjun, Donghyuck is pretty much sober and ready to drive by then, so they decline the offer – Renjun thinks they’d have to be crazy to accept it, since he can physically feel Donghyuck’s impatience to leave in his scent.

However, Renjun steps outside first, aware that Donghyuck’s parents want a private moment with him. He’s sure that they don’t have anything negative to say about him, but it’s normal for them to want to shoot certain questions, questions that can’t be asked in front of Renjun. If he’s happy, if he’s serious about Renjun.

It’s an inevitable mistake: when he shuffles to the garden, Doyoung is already there, leaning his arm on the small wall that surrounds the place. Even though he doesn’t seem to notice Renjun’s presence, Renjun can’t just stay by the door and ignore that it’s just the two of them. There is no trace of Johnny, since he must have left to fetch their care and indulged Doyoung so that he doesn’t have to walk all the way back to the car.

It must be the power of wine, because Renjun decides to approach Doyoung at last. He makes as much noise as possible not to catch him off guard, feeling a bit dumb for it. The sensation of danger hasn’t dissipated the whole evening, but Renjun’s imagination presented a scenario that was much worse than this Doyoung, and he can give it a try.

When Doyoung’s gaze pours on him, the breach is palpable. He doesn’t have to pretend in front of his family anymore, and thus he tears his eyes away from Renjun within a second, a clear declaration of intent. Renjun isn’t used to being ignored, since all ranks pay him attention for one reason or another, but there’s always a first for everything.

Affronted, Renjun asks him, “Aren’t you going to say anything?”

Renjun doesn’t want Doyoung to fake a friendship between them, but small, polite talk should be a given. On the contrary, Doyoung lets out a noise that sounds eerily similar to a scoff, his gaze fixed on the road in front of them.

“Do you need me to?” he replies, all his emotions reflected in his voice. “Isn’t obvious what I think of all this?”

Renjun would love to blame him for their feud, but he can’t. Sometimes he wonders, too, if Donghyuck wouldn’t be happier with another person. But Donghyuck is there to prove to him, time after time, that those thoughts are unfounded. Yet Doyoung is free to have the same doubts, to keep and feed them, because it’s a relationship that he can’t experience first-hand nor can he understand.

“I know what you think,” Renjun answers. He tries to keep his head cold, though part of him wants to protest and scream and tell Doyoung to mind his own business. “But I’m surprised you’re choosing silence.”

That grants him Doyoung’s interest. Doyoung twirls to face him, leans his back on the wall, and then silently observes Renjun. It’s quite intimidating, but Renjun can deal with this kind of scrutiny better than indifference, and thus he puts up with Doyoung’s heavy judgment.

“If I wanted to hurt you, I’d tell my parents the truth,” Doyoung states, slowly, in an attempt to pick the right words. Renjun’s heart thumps loud at that, not sure if it’s a threat, if Doyoung would be capable of such thing. “The problem is that it would push my brother away and he’d have only you, and if your relationship goes wrong-”

Renjun cuts him off with a harsh, “It won’t.”

Silence vibrates between for a moment. Doyoung is struck by surprise, either because of Renjun’s determination or because he isn’t used to being treated that way by omegas. At least not omegas that he’s not on good terms with.

With a level look, Doyoung crosses his arms over chest.

“Do I trust you? I don’t, Renjun. You weren’t there to see how he was like after you left. He can explain it to you a hundred times and it won’t be enough,” Doyoung reproaches.

But that’s where Doyoung is wrong. If there’s someone who can understand the pain of being away from your fated mate, that’s Renjun. It’s not Doyoung, their friends or their families. They can draw their own conclusions out of the situation, but that doesn’t mean they’re right, it doesn’t mean that Renjun suffered less than Donghyuck just because his approach was different.

“But I tried to get him out of there, I introduced him to a lot of people,” Doyoung continues, as cold as before. A lot of omegas, he means, Renjun knows that much. For Donghyuck, there was only one outcome that would have pleased his family, and ironically he needed the only omega his brother was going to repudiate. “And I swear Donghyuck tried to, for me. It just didn’t work.”

Renjun looks deep into his eyes and concludes, “You’re telling me you’ll tolerate me because you don’t have any other option?”

Because Donghyuck isn’t going to leave him whether Doyoung likes it or not.

But Doyoung shakes his head, almost amused at Renjun’s supposition, and corrects him, “I’m telling you that if you hurt Donghyuck again, I’ll cut your balls off.” Concise, direct. Renjun stares at him in shock, since he never thought he would receive such a threat in his life. “God, I don’t care if it’s a stupid argument. If my brother comes to me one day crying, you’re dead meat.”

Renjun can’t help but laugh, even if that is out of place, even if Doyoung’s mouth hangs open, a trace of indignation in his face. He doesn’t intend to take this as a joke, but there’s something hilarious in how that’s a threat that would apply better to alphas, not to an omega without a knot, mated to a male alpha.

When Renjun recovers his words, he can just spit a sarcastic, “It’s really rude to threaten an omega that way.”

Doyoung seems too disorientated to comprehend that he has lost this battle. If Renjun doesn’t fear him, then he has no power over their relationship at all.

“I know _omegas_.” Doyoung squints at him, but Renjun raises his eyebrows, not following his logic. “That silent power you have is terrifying, you can’t make me believe you’re harmless.”

Wordless, Renjun stares at Doyoung, certain that he can’t be serious. Assuming that he’s innocent and good-hearted because he’s an omega, or having such expectations, is ridiculous. Maybe Doyoung thought that years ago, it was Donghyuck who was taking advantage of him. That Renjun was only a poor omega that had to spread his legs because his nature forced him to, and Donghyuck just took the chance. That would explain why Doyoung still harbors rancor towards him: because he never thought an omega would dare to break Donghyuck’s heart, going both against the wishes of an alpha and a beta.

Renjun is an omega, not an angel.

“I’m not harmless,” Renjun whispers. He feels his own cheeks warm because of the wine, and his mind must be playing tricks on him, because he swears that Doyoung’s expressions softens too. “Neither is Donghyuck. But we don’t hurt each other.”

Doyoung evaluates him, mistrustful, trying to find a crack in his words. A hidden lie. But there isn’t any, because Renjun doesn’t have any reason to deceive Doyoung, and his nexus with Donghyuck is transparent and honest.

Doyoung never gets the chance to answer him. A fountain of relief pours over Renjun when he hears Donghyuck’s voice by the door, bidding goodbye, and Doyoung’s expression shifts into a neutral semblance again.

The tension must not be as evident as Renjun thought, because Donghyuck just walks up to them with a satisfied smile. He holds Renjun’s hand and presses a kiss on his temple, like they haven’t spent the dinner attached to the hip, and then gestures to his brother with his chin.

“We’re leaving,” Donghyuck announces, securing his grip on Renjun. If he detects the strange emotions in his pheromones, he shows no sign of it. “You’re okay with waiting alone?”

“Of course.” Doyoung opens the door for them, mockingly inviting them to go. Donghyuck pulls a silly face at him, but he leads Renjun by the waist, a subtle way to make sure that he’s not tipsy enough to lose his balance. Before they can disappear from Doyoung’s sight, he raises his voice and says, “By the way, Johnny asked about your suppressants. You don’t need them anymore?”

It’s an innocent question. Perhaps not the sort of question that should be shouted in the middle of street, but nonetheless inoffensive. But Renjun’s heart freezes, and as Donghyuck turns his head to look at Doyoung, every second becomes an eternity. The calm before the storm, as they call it, except this time the storm grows within Rejun, ready to destroy him as soon as the chance arises.

“I don’t,” Donghyuck merrily answers, unaware of Renjun’s turmoil. The sound of the car opening screeches in Renjun’s ears, deafens him to protect him from Donghyuck’s words. “Thank you, hyung.”

It’s too late to stop the chaos. Donghyuck’s affirmation is a sentence for them, and Renjun is about to break into tiny pieces.

It’s impossible for Donghyuck to ignore that something’s wrong, but the ride back home is silent and tense, both of them afraid to break the last cord of peace.

Their silence is soul-crushing, and though Renjun knows that it’s his fault, that it’s the fear and rage in his pheromones that prevent Donghyuck from speaking, he seals his lips close. Renjun doesn’t _understand_ him, doesn’t understand how Donghyuck is so oblivious to what has just happened. He perceives Donghyuck’s confusion, catches the disconcerted glances Donghyuck sends him every time they stop at a traffic light, but he just turns his head away and pretends not to see the desperation in Donghyuck’s eyes.

Renjun refuses to cave into his own fury, aware that this isn’t an argument they should have while driving. If Donghyuck stopped the car, Renjun wouldn’t be comfortable speaking about it outside home either. He doesn’t even have the capacity to pity Donghyuck right now; he was almost euphoric at how well the dinner went, and so was Renjun, but now they’re teetering into a dark territory together because Renjun is yanking him along.

Renjun is barely conscious of his own movements, but his legs are trembling when he steps into their home, Donghyuck in tow. He sees white, their living room blurred in his vision, and that’s all he needs to realize that he’s past his breaking point. There’s not enough air in his lungs, but Renjun tries to breathe to no avail, and the response of his body is brutal.

“Renjun?” Donghyuck calls him, both alarmed and cautious.

The door is closed. Renjun blinks, trying to make out Donghyuck’s face in front of him, shoulders tense and a defensive posture that forces Donghyuck to stay away. It feels so wrong to do this to Donghyuck, but his omega, drowned in a deep sense of betrayal, doesn’t want him close.

When Renjun recovers his voice, all he can utter is an accusatory, “You dropped your suppressants.”

Donghyuck breathes out, like that revelation is a relief, like it’s not a big deal. He’s still befuddled, however, and Renjun wants to shake him and make him realize how stupid he’s being.

“Yeah, I feel fine,” Donghyuck confirms, taking a step forward. Renjun unconsciously grumbles at him, a noise that he hasn’t directed at Donghyuck before, and Donghyuck looks at him like a kicked puppy. “Your pheromones stabilize me and that’s enough, I don’t need to repress-”

Renjun explodes. It builds up inside him until he can’t stand the pressure in his head, in his chest, in his _guts_ , and the rage that has accumulated during the ride unravels without control.

“You should have told me!” Renjun screams, slamming his hand down on the credenza by the door. Donghyuck startles, jumping back, nervously glances at the decoration that is about to drop off the credenza. That’s not what troubles him: when Donghyuck stares at Renjun again, there’s pure terror in his eyes. “My pills are adapted to- well, to sleeping with an alpha that is on suppressants, they aren’t as effective otherwise!”

Under the soft light of the hall, Donghyuck pales right away. Even though his gaze is fixed on Renjun, his mind seems to be far away from him as realization dwells on him, as Renjun’s attitude and reactions make sense in the whole picture.

Donghyuck opens and closes his mouth several times, wordless, until he manages to utter a broken, “We’ve been fucking without protection.”

That’s a raw way to put it, and Renjun can’t help but flinch at Donghyuck’s words. It feels too real all of a sudden, because it’s just not a thought inside Renjun’s head anymore, but a revelation that sits between them, pulling them apart.

After a heartbeat, Donghyuck whispers, “Renjun, I’m sorry, I had no idea-”

“Are you sure?” Renjun cuts him off, unable to listen to him. He expected an apology, but that doesn’t mean he appreciates it. An apology is useless now. Every word, every stream of pain in Donghyuck’s gaze closes around him, asphyxiates him, and Renjun can only defend himself, “It didn’t even cross your mind for a single second?”

The question baffles Donghyuck, that’s evident, but it’s even worse when he tries to approach Renjun and Renjun, by instinct, steps back. He observes how Donghyuck collapses at every minimal gesture, so lost and hurt that he can’t find a way to tackle this problem.

“I promise,” Donghyuck insists, terror in his tone. Despite the blockage in Renjun’s senses, Donghyuck’s despair is intense enough to stick to his skin, but it’s muffled by Renjun’s own desolation. Donghyuck’s shoulders slump when he doesn’t manage to find whatever he needs in Renjun’s eyes, and then he croaks out, “You don’t believe me.”

That’s what hurts Donghyuck: losing his trust.

Renjun wants to believe him. This is Donghyuck, who takes care of him, who loves and respects him, but his omega is so altered that he doesn’t care whether Donghyuck’s mistake was intentional or not. His instinct is yelling at him to protect himself from the alpha, no matter how ridiculous and useless it is, since Donghyuck isn’t going to hurt him on purpose.

Instead of answering, Renjun spins on his heels and runs away. The last image of Donghyuck he registers is his eyes, full of tears and regret, and then he’s stumbling into their bedroom completely alone. He doesn’t know what he’s doing until he falls on the bed, face hitting the mattress and his knees failing him.

The vague feeling of loneliness doesn’t last, but Renjun didn’t expect Donghyuck to keep the distances for long. It’s normal that Donghyuck trails after him, his dread saturating the ambient, because he’s unable to leave his mate alone if he’s having a breakdown. Donghyuck doesn’t talk to him, but he takes Renjun’s shoes off for him and then softly maneuvers him over the bed so that his legs aren’t painfully hanging off.

Renjun turns into a ball without thinking twice, eyes closed and the first rumble of peace inside him. It takes him a few seconds to find the reason: Donghyuck has climbed onto the bed with him, and when Renjun isn’t made of spines and thorns, he hugs him from behind, discreetly sniffing into his back.

Even if Renjun’s omega is reticent to have Donghyuck around, that doesn’t mean it’s a bad idea. Donghyuck wraps him with his warmth, an effect beyond their bodies, and then Renjun isn’t burning with rage, but with Donghyuck’s pain. And he knows that Donghyuck can feel every one of his emotions like they belong to him too, that they fuse into this odd, but comforting entity that belongs to them only.

“Are you panicking?” Donghyuck muses against his nape. “Do you want to go get checked right now?”

It’s past midnight. Going to a doctor or to the pharmacy at this time of the night wouldn’t change anything, other than succumbing to anxiety, other than feeding the apprehension between them. Renjun’s thoughts are an entangled web of panic and tears, but deep inside he knows that Donghyuck would never do this to him, that it has been an accident – that they’re so ignorant, the both of them, when it comes to the nuances of an alpha-omega relationship.

“I’m okay,” Renjun lies, not sure if his words have enough strength to be discernible. But Donghyuck’s arm squeezes over his chest, an attempt to turn him over the bed, and Renjun whines, “Give me a moment.”

He can’t look into Donghyuck’s eyes, not right now. Donghyuck’s body is shaking too, but he doesn’t seem to be conscious, all his efforts and attention are folded over Renjun only. Renjun doesn’t want to plant the last seed that will push Donghyuck’s past his limit. A limit that will lead him to think that, if Renjun is so scared of the remote possibility of forming a family, it’s because he doesn’t intend to stay with him. Because it would tie them together forever. Because it’s much more important than living together, or adopting a dog, or mating.

“You’re not okay,” Donghyuck retorts, pained at the obvious lie. “Please, talk to me.”

Renjun wishes he could. As he molds to Donghyuck’s presence, white noise vibrates in his head, as though that’s all Donghyuck’s alpha nature can help with: instead of pain, there’s unintelligible noise. It shields him from knowing whether Donghyuck is still crying, it shields him from his own head too, but Donghyuck is sacrificing his own composure for that.

It’s either after one minute or thirty that Renjun recovers his voice, a trace of numbness extending all over his spine. Donghyuck is the only anchor to reality, and Renjun doesn’t know what he would do without him in this moment. If he had decided to trust his instinct and had pushed him away, the result of this fight could have been huge.

“For how long?” Renjun asks him, though he isn’t sure it’s a good question.

This decision has to be relatively recent, or otherwise Renjun would have been hit in the face with the consequences. Perhaps they wouldn’t have fought about it, because they would have supposed that they were that little percentage of the statistics with bad luck, no personal mishaps, no individual mistakes.

Perhaps it would have made them happy, even.

“Around one month ago,” Donghyuck answers, stuttering. He shifts in nervousness, and it’s then when Renjun notices they haven’t even taken their jackets off, that they just fell in bed together over the covers. “It’s probably- I don’t think it’s enough time to have cleaned up my system.”

One month is indeed not a long time to get rid of all the effects of suppressants. Still, it’s dangerous to lose the protection that strong suppressants provide, and Renjun suspects that Donghyuck didn’t share the news with him for two reasons. First, because he thought it would be innocuous; and second, because he might have not trusted himself not to fall into his suppressants again, and he didn’t want to let Renjun know that he wasn’t strong enough to bear its absence.

Donghyuck’s alpha nature is tricky towards him, and he had developed a dependant link to his meds. It’s a miracle that he’s been functioning normally for one month without them.

“I don’t know,” Renjun says, because that’s the truth.

He must have given a signal of receptiveness, since Donghyuck presses a kiss on his nape, careful but firm. It’s a contradiction that as Renjun calms down, Donghyuck becomes more nervous; it’s like he’s absorbing his feelings to pulverize them himself, and maybe he is, maybe this is what their mating is useful for.

Renjun doesn’t oppose resistance this time, but he allows Donghyuck to manhandle him onto his side. He still doesn’t make eye contact with Donghyuck, since he fears sharing the turmoil of embarrassment and vulnerability inside him. Donghyuck knows it’s there, however. He doesn’t pressure, doesn’t overwhelm him, and opts for brushing their foreheads together, bringing Renjun against his body for consolation.

It reminds Renjun that Donghyuck is his home, his safe space, that even when it’s Donghyuck’s fault, he should resort to him instead of running away.

“My baby,” Donghyuck whispers. He brings his hand to Renjun’s cheek, unashamed of how heavily he’s trembling, and Renjun covers his hand to soothe him. Donghyuck takes his time to breathe in as Renjun caresses over his fingers, eyes closed. “Whatever happens, it’ll be fine. I’m happy just like this, but if our lives change I’m going to do anything to make you happy too.”

Renjun trusts him. Donghyuck has proven that he’s disposed to put up with biggest loads of the relationship if that helps Renjun to be comfortable. Both of them have made sacrifices and Renjun would never ask Donghyuck to suffer for him, but it’s nice to know that Donghyuck would go this far.

After gaining perspective and experience, Renjun understands why Donghyuck has that mindset. It’s something they have in common.

“I’m sorry I screamed at you,” Renjun apologizes, sinking into the weight of Donghyuck’s promise. “You didn’t deserve it.”

Donghyuck bites his lips, uncertain. “It was instinctive,” he excuses Renjun, as though the screaming didn’t hurt him as much as the situation itself did. Renjun could see the shock in his face, like a puppy with good intentions getting scolded for the first time. “You should be screaming that way at whoever breaks boundaries.”

It’s odd that Renjun feels like laughing at that. Donghyuck is stabbing himself, no matter that he didn’t intend to create this mess, and Renjun isn’t used to alphas that are so willing to forget their ego for him. Only Donghyuck does, because he cares more about Renjun than about himself.

Renjun hugs him and drowns his face in the crook of his neck, a whine escaping his lips. Donghyuck isn’t ready for that response, but he adapts pretty fast and coddles Renjun’s head. His heavy breathing slows down, follows Renjun’s pace, and then normality returns to the atmosphere.

“Renjun,” Donghyuck whispers. Though Renjun doesn’t want to let go, Donghyuck detaches from him to have a better view of his face, and then says, “I’ll make hot chocolate, yeah? Change into your pajamas meanwhile.”

Renjun doesn’t remember his clothes until Donghyuck mentions it, but he nods, since Donghyuck is just trying to take care of him. Chocolate will give him energy, the right kind after a night full of tension, and Renjun can’t reject that offer even if it prevents him from falling asleep afterwards.

He pulls himself up, wears clean pajamas and changes the covers, and then slips into bed to wait for Donghyuck. His heart is still racing when he lies on his back, but it's just the remainders of adrenaline in his body.

Donghyuck comes back after a few minutes, warily padding into their bedroom as though Renjun might have fallen asleep. Besides the fact that Renjun wouldn't renounce hot chocolate in favor of sleep, he also needs to look into Donghyuck's eyes to make sure he's emotionally stable after the fight.

Donghyuck has made hot chocolate for the both of them, not only for Renjun, and he hands Renjun his mug before jumping into bed with him. Perhaps Donghyuck assumes that Renjun needs his space, or so it seems when Renjun cuddles up to him and Donghyuck can't hide his surprise. That surprise soon dies down and transforms into satisfaction, but Donghyuck doesn’t question him. He responds accordingly, surrounding his frame with one arm and supporting him so that Renjun can sit down.

“Are you calm now?” Donghyuck asks him, watching how Renjun takes the first sip of his chocolate.

“I am,” Renjun assures. It feels like a half-truth, but that isn't important anymore. Dedicating Donghyuck a pitiful look, Renjun laments, “God, today must have been torture for you and I just-”

It's been challenge after challenge, and Renjun isn't supposed to be a barrier in Donghyuck's life, but a trampoline. It wasn’t the easiest transition for Renjun either, but he’s not the one with a conservative, judging family that ignore his true self.

“No, don't say that,” Donghyuck contradicts him, frowning at his own mug. His gaze is tender as he stares at Renjun, and Renjun reaches out to pet his hair. “You're allowed to have feelings, Renjun, whether I had a good day or not.”

Renjun decides not to disagree with him, even though he has the urge of reminding Donghyuck that he shouldn't accept such treatment, regardless of the circumstances. Outburst or not, Renjun has no right to scream at him. Just like Jaemin told him to control Donghyuck's alpha before he dipped his toes into entitlement, Donghyuck should do the same with Renjun.

A soothing, involuntary silence settles between them. Donghyuck glances at him, waiting for him to answer or hoping to catch any hint that Renjun heard him. When Renjun returns the gesture, he's not ready for the impact of Donghyuck's eyes on him – he can't pinpoint the exact difference, but Donghyuck doesn't look miserable anymore. Maybe it's Renjun who has shredded off his own fear, who is observing his mate without the veil of emotions that was tarnishing their connection, and that reflects on Donghyuck like they’re mirrors of each other.

The person next to him is Donghyuck again. The boy that just one hour ago was extremely happy because his parents had accepted his mate, because he could afford being himself and loving whoever he wanted to for once. Without deception, without lies. A boy who just wanted to be loved, who unconsciously waited for Renjun during his university years and then consciously waited for four years, not knowing if he would ever have the chance to cross paths with Renjun again.

Renjun sets down his mug on the bedside table so harshly that, apart from startling Donghyuck, he startles himself too. He doesn't even laugh at his own stupidity, but when he twirls to face Donghyuck, Donghyuck's wide, innocent eyes are pretty funny. Donghyuck might be oblivious at what is running through Renjun's mind, but he's about to find it out.

“What is it?” Donghyuck mutters, putting his mug aside too. But then Renjun is cupping his face with both hands, and his attention flickers to his lips without a second thought. “Renjun-”

Whatever his defense is, Renjun’s lips pulverize it.

Renjun knows that kisses are supposed to become a routine at some point of their relationship, but tonight, as he licks into Donghyuck's mouth and feels his whole body shiver at the taste of Donghyuck's tongue, he doubts that will ever be true for them. Every night, Donghyuck’s kisses activate nerves that were asleep within Renjun’s body, waiting for someone to breathe life into him; there’s no chance for Renjun to fall into a routine, to get used to what Donghyuck makes him feel.

Donghyuck secures his hands behind Renjun's back, and that's all the pushing Renjun needs to climb onto his lap. It's gratifying to feel the little moan that escapes Donghyuck, from mouth to mouth, and Renjun straddles him and pushes their hips together. It feels like he hasn't touched Donghyuck in an eternity, but he's not alone in this, judging the immediate tension that takes over Donghyuck's thighs at such minimal contact.

Renjun doesn't have any intention to let Donghyuck breathe, to let him think, but Donghyuck lowers his hands and sinks his fingers in Renjun's hips to stop him. He sneaks out of the next kiss with a commendable smoothness, and Renjun groans in protest, chases after his mouth like Donghyuck is forbidding him his favorite sweet in the world.

“Babe, what-?” he begins, lust and confusion sweetly interlaced in his tone.

Donghyuck knows him well enough to predict where Renjun is leading him. After what has just happened, it's normal that Donghyuck's first reaction is to hesitate, to not trust Renjun's ability to take decisions.

But Renjun doesn't need Donghyuck to understand this. His scent should give him away, and if Donghyuck refuses to feel the truth through his pheromones, it's because he doesn't want it.

Breathless, Renjun pleads, “Don’t ask, please.”

It's a lost cause. Even though Donghyuck indulges into the next kiss, breath warm and tongue impatient, his hand lingers over the back of Renjun's head, ready to tug Renjun away in any moment. Renjun tries, really tries to entangle Donghyuck into this without explanations, but not even grinding down on him works. It's frustrating, because when Renjun rubs on his crotch, not only does Donghyuck grunt, he's also notably hard. He shouldn’t be able to resist Renjun, and less if his instinct is shouting at him to do the opposite.

Donghyuck must be beyond worried about him to stop this, but Renjun reckons he deserves this punishment. It was him who threw a tantrum minutes ago, and it's him who's leaping into the contrary direction now, like Donghyuck can adapt to his mood changes without questions.

“This makes no sense,” Donghyuck whispers, utterly confused. He turns his head to the side, as though he needs to breathe oxygen that isn't charged with _Renjun_. Renjun doesn't insist, but he rests his head on Donghyuck's chest, exhaling an indignant noise. Donghyuck adds, “We've just fought over it.”

He's right. And Renjun has no idea how to explain that his breakdown wasn't based on what could be ahead for them, but on the conviction that Donghyuck could have betrayed him. Because he knew that Donghyuck is prepared and excited for any huge step they can take, and Renjun's omega dragged him into the paranoia that his mate would have been capable of imposing that on him.

Reality is different. He fuses between Donghyuck's arms now and doesn't have any doubts, not even a pinch of hesitation or the threatening omen that he might regret this tomorrow. With Donghyuck, there are no regrets. There weren’t regrets even there should have been.

“We fought because I didn’t know about it,” Renjun explains in the end. Donghyuck's chest inflates with air, with tension, and Renjun hurries up to press a kiss on his collarbones. Donghyuck's nervousness rises so fast that Renjun fears he will crash down in the next few seconds, so he stares at him, surfing in the last traces of logic in Donghyuck's pupils. “I need you tonight. And you need me too.”

Donghyuck needs to bury all the tension he’s suffered, and there’s no better way of doing that than between Renjun’s legs.

“I always need you,” Donghyuck retorts. Renjun’s tricks don’t seem to calm him down, but Renjun knows that the idea of breeding him, of breeding Renjun for real and on purpose, is too overwhelming for Donghyuck to regain his composure. “What you’re asking for is really important.”

Despite his hesitation, Donghyuck’s thrill is material in the atmosphere. He doesn’t want this just for pleasure, because his instinct purrs at the possibility of Renjun letting him breed him. His excitement comes from a honest place. And god, Renjun is as excited as him, but he can’t ignore that part of it comes from that overpowering tug of his instinct.

Getting bred is a delight, but seeing that satisfaction on Donghyuck’s face will be stronger than any of his omega tendencies. Pleasing his alpha is more intense than breeding itself.

“There's no turning back, Donghyuck,” Renjun reminds him. He caresses over his shoulders, eyes closed for a second to give Donghyuck some privacy. They’ve had sex so many times only this month that it doesn’t matter anymore, that Renjun just wants to feel the whole experience while being conscious of what they’re doing. “It might be too late even, so one last time won't change anything.”

When Renjun opens his eyes, the spark in Donghyuck’s gaze blinds him. Donghyuck lets out a shaky breath, tightening his hold on Renjun’s hips, like he’s making an effort not to jump on him without remorse.

“You want this to be luck?”

“ _We_ are luck,” Renjun corrects him. “If luck wasn’t on our side, we wouldn’t be here together right now.”

Donghyuck swallows, hard and slow, devouring Renjun with his eyes. His surrender is palpable, but he needs one last push to let go, to forget about all the things that have happened tonight and focus on the present.

Renjun is careful. He pecks the corner of Donghyuck’s mouth once, twice, lips closed. He kisses there, around Donghyuck’s mouth, until his jaw unclenches and he willingly parts his lips. Until Donghyuck breathes at his same rhythm, pupils frenetically following every one of his movements as though Renjun will vanish into thin air if he loses sight of him.

Renjun slants his hips forward, and though it’s the same movement than before, Donghyuck releases a soft, embarrassing gasp. The mere brush of Renjun’s hips against his dick is enough to make him kneel to his instinct, and Renjun feels him twitch in his underwear, so ready that it’s a joke Donghyuck considered rejecting him.

During these months, his alpha has developed an admirable self-control. And Renjun doesn’t like that. Renjun has the chance to break him again, to pull at all the layers until Donghyuck is moaning his name, forgetting that Renjun is his mate and he doesn’t have to _work_ to get him.

The moment Renjun laps his tongue over Donghyuck’s upper lip, he opens for him like an obedient puppy. The only sign of dominance rests on Renjun’s lower back, where Donghyuck claws at without tenderness. Just a little push, Renjun remembers, and Donghyuck won’t let him play any games.

“Don’t you want to fuck me?” Renjun muses against his mouth. He can’t recognize the noise that reverberates in Donghyuck’s throat, but he rejoices at it. Donghyuck raises his hips – judging his state, unconsciously – and Renjun takes that chance to tease, “You’re so hard, Hyuck, you need release.”

Donghyuck’s hips flutter, his gaze obscuring as he moves forward to trap Renjun’s lips with his. Renjun melts into that kiss, but that’s all he gets for now, because Renjun wants him to speak, to communicate, not to run over him without accepting his proposal first.

To Renjun’s surprise, as soon as he pulls away, Donghyuck whines a desperate, “Yes.”

Donghyuck might be hard, but he’s not stupid. He’s aware of the game Renjun is playing, though he’s making a silly attempt at ignoring it.

It’s impossible for Renjun not to scoff, but as he grabs Donghyuck’s jaw with firm, threatening fingers, and forces him to look into his eyes, neither of them feel like laughing anymore.

“Yes _what_?” Renjun demands, not disposed to falter now.

It’s easy to forget that Donghyuck is an alpha, that he has a lot more power than him, even if he chooses not to use it on him. But when Donghyuck pierces him with a look, a wild spark in the depth of his eyes, Renjun swears that his omega submits right away, not waiting for Renjun to process what’s happening.

It’s a deathly shoot of adrenaline, of serotonin, that shatters Renjun’s will to the most primal and basic logic: fuck, please, and fuck again. Donghyuck grabs him properly, a hand on his butt and another behind his head, pulling him in to breathe the same air, the same torment of pheromones that burn between them.

“I want to breed you,” Donghyuck grunts, so close to his lips that Renjun feels the vibration inside his own mouth. His body responds with his five senses, goosebumps on his skin, a rattling sound in his ears, red in his sight, and a moan in his mouth. And at last, all he smells is Donghyuck’s scent when he continues, “Want to fuck you.”

The shiver that crawls down Renjun’s spine is familiar, and at the same time, rare – he felt it when he first slept with Donghyuck, the first time he kissed Donghyuck being aware that he was _in love_ with him, and when he saw Donghyuck at the wedding. That sensation comes back now, swallowing him during a milestone that Renjun never imagined he would have with anyone, and less with Donghyuck.

“How?” Renjun stutters, dazed. He’s just slightly conscious of how Donghyuck’s power is affecting him, but this has never felt so right before. Making Donghyuck control him is a big victory. “How do you want me?”

Against all expectations, Donghyuck doesn’t simply plan to pull his pants down and fuck him fast and without patience: he caresses Renjun’s hair out of his forehead, reading his expression to make sure that Renjun isn’t too anxious for this, and then makes a decision.

“Lie on your stomach,” Donghyuck orders him, tugging him by the waist to help him.

Renjun doesn’t care that he’s completely clothed, that both of them are. If Donghyuck is telling him to lie down, he will, so he scrambles off his lap and turns around. Donghyuck shamelessly gropes his ass when Renjun isn’t facing him, but that just pushes him to fall on the bed with a revealing gasp, as though Donghyuck hasn’t touched him a thousand times before.

Renjun lands on the mattress with a thump, his heartbeat deafening. Donghyuck doesn’t touch him at first, but Renjun just closes his eyes and waits. Donghyuck’s alpha is in full force, and it’s not a good idea to ask questions and rush him, unless Renjun is up to dealing with a small punishment for misbehaving.

Opting for silence, Renjun listens to Donghyuck undress himself, the soft noises of the fabric and the whip of his pajamas quickly landing next to Renjun. He doesn’t understand why Donghyuck isn’t ordering him to do the same, but if he wants Renjun to stay in his pajamas, he can comply.

“Babe,” Donghyuck calls him. He lingers over Renjun like a shadow about to crush him, but Renjun keeps his head against the mattress, not tempting his luck. Donghyuck presses against his back, naked and hard, and hums in satisfaction when Renjun tenses at the feeling of his dick on his ass. Donghyuck kisses his nape between small pants and compliments him, “You’re so obedient.”

That’s what Renjun is dying to hear. That he’s a good omega despite his breakdown, despite how bad he has treated his alpha.

“I am,” Renjun sing-songs, pleased.

Donghyuck’s laugh is muffled against his nape, but Renjun doesn’t care if Donghyuck is laughing at him or with him. Donghyuck’s weight on him is too distracting, and he can feel his skin burning even through the fabric; Renjun is about to squirm, uncomfortable at how covered he is, at how unfair it is that Donghyuck can just grind on him while he has to stay still, but Donghyuck gives him a tender nibble on his earlobe and shuts him up.

“How much do you like these pajamas?” Donghyuck asks him, a mean draw in his voice.

Renjun can’t catch on with Donghyuck’s intentions, but he needs all his clothes off or he will start losing his mind in the next few seconds, so he lies, “I hate it.”

Donghyuck bought these pajamas for him when he moved into his apartment. He bought all kinds of home related items to welcome Renjun, and like the rest, this little gift has a special meaning. But that’s not the reason Donghyuck clicks his tongue, or the reason he dips his fingers a little too hard in Renjun’s shoulders.

“Say the truth,” Donghyuck warns him. _Or else_ , his pheromones add. Renjun’s instinct kicks in, embroiled with the urgency of rebelling against Donghyuck’s alpha for a little fun. That’s dangerous, yet fun. Donghyuck prods him, “Come on.”

It’s difficult to rebel when Donghyuck’s voice travels right to his dick, and even more difficult if he cackles, completely conscious of what he’s putting Renjun through.

Feeling his own eyelashes flutter, temperature rising, Renjun admits, “I really like it.”

The defeat is almost sweet, since Donghyuck consoles him with a kiss on his shoulder blade and a hundred of small pecks on his cheeks. That gives Renjun a false sensation of security, because Donghyuck is an expert at making him look in the wrong direction, and he doesn’t allow Renjun to foresee what he’s planning to do.

When Donghyuck grabs him by the back of his top, Renjun is beyond perplexed. It’s not the gesture, but Donghyuck’s speed, his harshness. The fabric tightens around his chest until he can’t breathe, and the next thing Renjun hears is the fabric ripping with a terrible noise, Donghyuck’s heavy breathing beneath. The pressure disappears and Renjun falls back on the bed, the cold air hitting his back.

It takes him a few seconds to realize that Donghyuck has ripped his top in half, and before he can come to terms with it, Donghyuck is gripping his pants as well. Renjun is torn between protesting and surrendering to Donghyuck’s humiliation, but his dick takes that decision for him, painfully strained when Donghyuck cruelly yanks his pants hard and forces him to lift his ass. Not even following Donghyuck’s wishes lessens the constraint around his dick, and Renjun can feel the blood pulsing all over his length.

He’s ridiculously swollen, ridiculously hard just because his alpha is being a bit rough with him. The fact that this is making him crave Donghyuck so desperately is much more embarrassing than begging for him.

“That’s for screaming at me,” Donghyuck grunts at him. He sits back on his heels, but he forces Renjun to stay on four, ass up in an attempt to ease the tension. It doesn’t work, since Donghyuck just pulls further upwards and tightens the fabric until the elastic is leaving a mark around Renjun’s hips. “If you like them so much, I can just let you wear this and come in your mouth, you know?”

The rational part of Renjun knows that Donghyuck is pushing his buttons on purpose, but his omega recoils at the scolding. He shouldn’t have supposed that Donghyuck would forget that he had screamed at an alpha so easily. Donghyuck might love him too much to judge him for it, but that doesn’t mean he’s not going to use it for his own benefit in bed.

“No,” Renjun cries out, wriggling to turn around. Donghyuck’s palm encircles his thigh, a silent order so that he doesn’t dare to face him. The idea of wasting Donghyuck on his tongue is a torture, and Renjun doesn’t care that it makes him look desperate. “ _Please_ , I want to come around your knot.”

Donghyuck doesn’t have to react for Renjun to know how much he likes that. He responds by tearing Renjun’s pants apart as well, a grumble of effort resonating in the room. Renjun is too deep to care about how his pride is vanishing, so he collapses with a sigh of relief and immediately rubs against the mattress, tightly trapping his dick to give himself some pleasure. Pleasure that Donghyuck is denying him.

Donghyuck doesn’t stop him, just helps him to get rid of the last piece of cloth, slipping Renjun’s underwear down his thighs. Renjun supposes that it must be a gratifying view: his omega, naked and impatient, trying to come by grinding on the bed. Renjun would love to see Donghyuck like that too.

Even though Renjun can’t hear his own noises, he’s pretty self-conscious of the moan he releases when Donghyuck strokes his ass. All of a sudden he’s capable of feeling all the slick that is trickling between his thighs, so warm that he’s surprised Donghyuck’s touch can still be even hotter. That explains Donghyuck’s calmness: he’s realized that Renjun is just as riled up as him, and that gives him a huge advantage.

“What a disrespectful omega I have,” Donghyuck whispers. In the silence of the room, where only Renjun’s soft noises break the peace, Donghyuck’s words are more potent than ever. “You raised your voice at an alpha, at _your_ alpha.”

That’s a reason to be proud. Renjun never screams at anyone, and he has never been that close to an alpha to lose his nerves without fearing the consequences. Donghyuck didn’t scream back at him, nor is he going to do it; he seems to find other options more interesting to get back at him. Renjun has to slant his mouth against the bed to hide his smile, for that’s just another pinch of disrespect towards Donghyuck.

Slightly amused, Donghyuck notices, “Are you laughing?”

“I’m sorry,” Renjun rushes to apologize, shaking his head. Donghyuck doesn’t believe him, but he just caresses over his back and ass, distracted, waiting for Renjun’s breaking point. Not even Renjun knows that he’s on the edge of breaking, so his tongue betrays him and crosses the last limit without his permission, “Did you get hard because I screamed at you?”

Renjun’s antics work like a charm. Donghyuck forgets about tenderness and pushes his head down on the mattress, not taking pity on Renjun despite the groan that he lets out. Wasting Donghyuck’s patience is Renjun’s aim, though, so he’s beyond happy as Donghyuck slants downward to pin him down.

“Close that pretty mouth of yours,” Donghyuck bites out. And Renjun has no alternative, because Donghyuck’s pheromones filter through every pore of his skin, and he doesn’t remember anything except how much he wishes to obey, to be fucked, to be bred. “You’re not going to speak anymore.”

And Renjun doesn’t.

Donghyuck’s attitude is rough, but his kisses are full of affection as he spreads them over Renjun’s back. He follows the curve of Renjun’s spine, licking, biting to make Renjun writhe, but never hard enough to hurt him. He takes his time to taste all of him, but it’s impossible for Renjun to get used to it. The level of pain is delicious, ephemeral flashes of tension subdued by Donghyuck’s saliva, a seesaw game that Renjun knows very well.

He makes the mistake of assuming that it’s just Donghyuck’s peculiar way of preparing him. A hint that he’s not disposed to be this careful afterwards, but that’s very naïve of him. Donghyuck is rough sometimes without the need to balance it out first, and there’s no reason for him to follow that path tonight. And Renjun trusts him too much, but as soon as Donghyuck starts kissing his butt, realization hits him.

It’s been a long time since they did _this_ together. It’s not because Donghyuck refused to, not exactly. It’s Renjun’s fault too. Most of the time he’s too shy to ask for what he wants, and Donghyuck is too horny to think about anything else apart from bending him over. Perhaps because this isn’t just another day, it isn’t just another moment, Donghyuck stops and thinks.

Renjun sinks his teeth on the mattress in an attempt to brace himself for what comes next. Donghyuck lifts his hips with a determination that leaves no room for Renjun to hesitate, and Renjun makes an effort to control the shaking of his knees; he can’t afford to be useless for Donghyuck, unable to balance on his hands and knees, or Donghyuck will move onto the next new, shiny step.

Behind him, Donghyuck’s breath hitches, either because he thinks Renjun looks pretty like this or because the change of positions reveals how wet he is. Renjun clenches, unexplainably coy at the attention, cheeks hot as he rubs his thighs together, but that just prompts Donghyuck to laugh at him.

Before Renjun can forget the previous order and complain, Donghyuck slides a hand between his legs and caresses up his ass. He doesn’t vacillate, pressing and stretching Renjun’s skin to feel all of him at once; his dick, his balls, his ass. It’s embarrassing for Renjun to be conscious of how quick he parts his legs, how he slides back like it’s Donghyuck’s dick and not his hand. He’s beyond self-conscious of how he soaks Donghyuck’s hands with slick, but Donghyuck doesn’t tease him about it. It’s not every day that Renjun gets this wet, and it’s one of Donghyuck’s favorite things when they fuck.

“My parents loved you,” Donghyuck comments in a whisper, a thought that must have been roaming in his head for a while. “So pretty, so nice, so educated.”

 _Such a good omega_ , is what he doesn’t say. Renjun is nice and educated to others, but in the privacy of their relationship he can transform into the opposite: rude, dirty-mouthed and desperate.

Renjun whispers, “Are those the reasons you like me?”

Donghyuck doesn’t remind him he should be silent. He pecks the back of his thighs, dangerously moving inwards to shut him up, and Renjun whines in defeat.

“Yes, definitely because of your education,” Donghyuck retorts. His mouth stays on his thighs, travelling upwards like a threat, but his hands grab Renjun’s ass. Renjun needs all his willpower not to rolls his hips, to look for Donghyuck’s mouth before he can do it himself. “Not because of this ass.”

Renjun should ask for this more often. It doesn’t matter that he knows that Donghyuck is going to lick right into the cleft of his ass: as soon as he does, Renjun sees stars. The only thing warmer than a tongue is a knot, but the experience is vastly different. Donghyuck’s tongue laps over his ass with a confidence that makes Renjun melt on the mattress, and he has to swing his head to muffle the shameful gasp that escapes between his lips.

Donghyuck isn’t thinking about him, about whether Renjun is embarrassed or oversensitive. Renjun’s reaction is enough of an approval to keep Donghyuck there, licking into him just to see how Renjun shivers and comes undone before him. There are many things that shove Renjun past logic, but Donghyuck’s tongue in his ass is the strongest one; Donghyuck doesn’t give it to him unless he asks, and if Renjun doesn’t gather courage to do so, Donghyuck waits and waits until he knows Renjun will be docile and desperate for that pleasure.

And he’s right. The amount of pleasure that shoots through him the moment Donghyuck’s tongue lands on him is more powerful than Renjun’s pride, than his decency. Renjun snaps his hips backwards again and again, trying to fuck himself with Donghyuck’s tongue, faster than what Donghyuck intends to. Seeing him lose control is what his alpha likes too, and that’s the reason Donghyuck teases him like this, until he submits and chases for his own release.

But Renjun goes too far, too harsh, and Donghyuck pulls away with a gasp. There’s no time for apologies. Donghyuck softly smacks the side of his butt cheek to warn him, and Renjun mutters a complaint, like a spoiled boy that can’t stand the thought of not getting away with his egoistic means. Donghyuck is nice enough to ignore that.

“Be good,” Donghyuck reminds him.

It’s impossible to be good. Donghyuck lowers to his ass again, and this time, he also slings an arm around his thigh to fist his cock. It takes Renjun a moment to realize what Donghyuck is doing: as soon as he slides back onto his tongue, he loses Donghyuck’s hand around his dick, and when he thrusts forward to feel that sweet pressure around his dick, Donghyuck’s tongue slips out of his ass.

Donghyuck is _cruel_. But Renjun tries, mind too fuzzy to figure out that his attempts will always fail, and frustration swells in his chest and in his cock. The most humiliating part is that if he lets go, if he decides to surrender to the pulse in his guts, he’ll come right away, too riled up by the mere fact that Donghyuck is playing with him.

“I can’t,” Renjun gasps. He means that, but Donghyuck doesn’t pity him, just pushes his tongue deeper inside him, and Renjun’s world stumbles around him, so much pleasure condensed in one spot that it seems inconceivable. “Going to come.”

Renjun is expecting Donghyuck to stop, to withdraw and calm him down. Donghyuck hasn’t even started to pleasure himself, and he wanted to breed him, so Renjun shouldn’t be allowed to come now. But Donghyuck always surprises him, and tonight is no exception.

“Yeah?” Donghyuck asks him, wickedly entertained. The hand around Renjun’s dick fastens, and he speeds up the rhythm, putting special attention to the head of his cock. “Then come, baby.”

Tender, wonderful permission destroys Renjun’s self-control. Donghyuck licks inside him one last time, and then it’s too much for Renjun, an explosion that he can’t control, and he’s coming with one single wave of overwhelming pleasure.

He blacks out for a few seconds, and when he returns to reality, he realizes that he’s only on all fours because Donghyuck is holding him up, otherwise he would have crashed on the bed. He stays there until Renjun rides his orgasm out, all of his muscles trembling in his embrace. Renjun’s chest fills with an emotion he can’t recognize, but that emotion hinders his breathing, just heavy breaths that fight through Renjun’s mouth.

“Jun,” Donghyuck softly calls him. He aids him to sit up, his back pressed against Donghyuck’s chest, and Renjun throws his head back on his shoulder. Donghyuck just wants to check his state, so Renjun stays still, gasping for air, as Donghyuck brushes his hair out of his face and kisses his temple. “On your back or on me?”

Renjun is speechless as he processes the question. Of course Donghyuck isn’t going to let him go after getting permission to breed him; he would have to be crazy, and Donghyuck might be, but he’s just crazy about _him_.

“On my back, I-” Renjun begins.

He doesn’t have time to finish his excuse, perhaps because Donghyuck doesn’t care if he wants to be under or on top of him. He needs Renjun, and that’s his only urgency. Renjun loves to be manhandled like this, so he becomes a dead weight while Donghyuck lifts him up and sets him on the bed.

Donghyuck makes sure that his head is on the pillow, and stroking his cheek, he leans for a kiss that lasts until both of them start smiling against each other’s lips. The weakness after an orgasm is already creeping up on Renjun, but Donghyuck is there to perceive it. He reaches out to grab another cushion, and Renjun merrily raises his hips so that Donghyuck can slip it under his lower back.

Renjun can’t take his eyes off Donghyuck, however. Even if he tries to close his eyes, ignoring the way Donghyuck’s gaze is fixed on him would be criminal. Renjun is sure that Donghyuck himself isn’t aware, but the spark is there: something deeply territorial and possessive, swayed by the familiarity and security they have with each other.

Renjun doesn’t notice he has spread his legs until Donghyuck sends him a satisfied look, caressing his inner thighs to point out that he couldn’t be more open for him. At this point Renjun can’t feel anything but a potent need of making Donghyuck feel as good as Renjun himself feels, so he doesn’t bother to hide his intentions.

“I could come just looking at you,” Donghyuck whispers, biting his lower lip. He bends down to press a kiss on his mouth, his lips charged with such fond pheromones that Renjun moans into the kiss. Donghyuck always makes him feel so loved, and Renjun just hopes that Donghyuck receives the same, that when they part from the kiss Donghyuck can recognize the affection in his eyes. “You’re so damn perfect, I can’t get used to it.”

 _Don’t get used to it_ , is all Renjun can wish for, but his tongue doesn’t obey him. Instead he wraps his arms around Donghyuck, hands pulling at his ass to usher Donghyuck to fuck him, and lets Donghyuck have fun by leaving pecks all over his face.

Donghyuck is so hard, so swollen, that he’s bigger than usual. He has to straighten up to lead his dick inside Renjun, but even like that, Renjun hisses at the first attempt. Donghyuck’s eyes crinkle up in amusement, but Renjun can smell his impatience under all that façade, how he tiptoes on the verge of his own sexual frustration.

Still, he massages Renjun’s stomach with small circles, takes another couple of cushions and sets them on both sides of his legs, so that Renjun’s thighs aren’t holding all the tension. But god, the mere presence of Donghyuck’s pheromones, damp on Renjun’s skin, are sending vibrations to his cock, and he doesn’t want Donghyuck to go slow and sweet on him.

“You’re babying me,” Renjun protests, stroking down Donghyuck’s wrists. “Are you going to fuck me that hard?”

For a fleeting second, Donghyuck smirks at him. Caught red-handed. He’s never so sweet unless he intends to be rough later, but he usually tells Renjun beforehand. Renjun thinks it’s cute that Donghyuck is so anxious about breeding him that he has forgotten, but if it depends on Renjun, they can skip the lovely part.

“I’m just that nice,” Donghyuck retorts, but his attention isn’t on Renjun’s face anymore.

Donghyuck presses his lips together, rubbing his dick between Renjun’s legs. He prods at his entrance once, twice, and Renjun takes a deep breath and relaxes, though it’s hard to repress his excitement. He’s half-hard again, and he’s not sure if he can take another orgasm, but Donghyuck is his priority. Donghyuck and his knot, to be exact, deep inside him and locked in.

The guttural grunt that Donhyuck releases almost makes Renjun laugh, but it’s hard to laugh as Donghyuck fills him up with one slow, firm stroke. Donghyuck burns his insides, every inch of him, and Renjun needs a second to regain his sanity, not to moan like a desperate virgin that is trying an alpha’s dick for the first time.

Donghyuck closes his eyes, too overwhelmed to look at him. At this point Renjun already knows every detail of his gestures, what they mean, so he lets Donghyuck recover his control. Renjun pulls him down to kiss the tip of his nose, and Donghyuck follows his wish, gasping as their hips clash. He looks incredibly pretty like this, drowning in pleasure and relief, but Renjun can’t even utter a single word to tell him so.

Donghyuck isn’t better than him, because all he groans is a raw, “ _Good_.”

And Renjun doesn’t know if Donghyuck is praising him for being good, if he’s telling him to be good, or it’s just that Donghyuck feels so good that speaking is a chimera for him. Renjun tries to wrap his legs around him, tenderly caressing him with his calves, and hopes that’s enough of a sign.

Donghyuck doesn’t need that encouragement, however. As soon as Renjun adjusts around him he moves, erratic and impatient, and Renjun isn’t ready to endure the pleasure of being stretched like this. It feels like Donghyuck is whipping him, pressing him down on the cushions as his strokes stabilize, and it’s true that Donghyuck is a bit more reckless tonight, hastier, as though he can’t wait to knot and come inside Renjun.

Renjun can’t focus on anything that isn’t Donghyuck. He feels on cloud nine, carefully placed on the cushions while Donghyuck fucks into him, dropping kisses on his lips, on his jaw, on his neck. All smells of Donghyuck, all burns in shades of him, and Renjun shakes without fear, taken over by a different feeling.

He doesn’t know when he starts mumbling pleas under his breath, but Donghyuck shushes all of them, responding with soothing words and giving him everything what he wants. If Renjun needs it harder, Donghyuck slams into him; if Renjun needs to feel Donghyuck’s tongue on his mouth, Donghyuck meets him in an open-mouthed kiss. If Renjun asks, Donghyuck complies, deeper and better for his omega.

Donghyuck’s breath is warm on him, but his caresses are even warmer. Renjun squirms, tries to meet Donghyuck’s movements, and the pleasure starts flaming in his guts, in his dick, his slick dripping down everywhere.

Renjun can’t tell why it hurts a bit tonight, but he _likes_ how it hurts. Donghyuck’s knot presses against his entrance every time Donghyuck snaps his hips forward, and if Renjun is already feeling sore, he can’t imagine what a knot is going to do to him. He’s willing to try for Donghyuck, to reward him for how much he’s lasting just to knot him, and because letting Donghyuck knot him and fill him up is a little reward for Renjun too.

Once Donghyuck has silenced his last plea, Renjun doesn’t have any more words to beg, so he just sputters a sincere, “Love you.”

Donghyuck runs his tongue over his lips, and Renjun clasps the back of his head to keep him down, to make sure that Donghyuck can’t draw back and slow down the rhythm once more. Donghyuck complies, their tongues meeting again and again until he decides to speed up. It’s only then when Renjun can’t properly kiss him, because he has to fasten his arms around Donghyuck’s back not to be shoved beyond the cushions, and it’s when he lets go of every thought and worry about what they’re doing.

“Love you so much, _please_ ,” Renjun insists, bordering on insanity instead of desperation.

Donghyuck moans at that, hips stuttering, but in the end he manages a breathy, “You want me?”

That’s not the right question, but Renjun understands him. Donghyuck can’t form a long sentence right now, and neither can Renjun, so he buckles his hips up to feel Donghyuck closer, to ease the ache pulsing inside him.

“I want you so bad,” Renjun mutters, so low that he doesn’t think Donghyuck can hear him.

But Donghyuck is tuned into him, and when Renjun moans his name again, Donghyuck just thrusts into him with a clear intention. Then he’s pressing and pressing, and Renjun feels himself stretch out for Donghyuck’s knot, which has grown so big by now that Renjun can’t help but cry out loud.

They rock together, they vibrate together, and Renjun feels only Donghyuck. It’s all about him, his pheromones, his sweat, his body attached to him and the broken noises that he drowns in Renjun’s neck. This time Renjun doesn’t feel his own orgasm, because his whole body is pulsing in ecstasy when Donghyuck comes inside him, and all the tension in his veins rises just to collapse one second later. It explodes like that, a sensation so overpowering that Renjun’s whole being pulses at the rhythm of his blood.

And then it’s silent, just his own heartbeat and Donghyuck’s heartbeat throbbing against his skin. Renjun slips into a different plane where he’s not himself, but a part of Donghyuck. Their breathe at the same time, kiss each other like it’s a carefully measured dance, so perfect and synchronized that it comes without a second thought.

“I’m here,” Donghyuck assures him. Images flashes before Renjun’s eyes, but he can just register that Donghyuck has moved him onto his side not to crush him under his weight. Renjun feels so good, so comfortable, that not even Donghyuck’s knot, swollen and hard inside him, bothers him. “I’m here, babe.”

Renjun nods, a weak noise ripping through his throat. He noses at Donghyuck’s neck, clings onto him like they’re not already pressed against each other, and Donghyuck hugs him back with a raspy laugh.

“I know,” Renjun says at last. Donghyuck’s fingers run through his hair, sweet touches to pamper him, and Renjun smiles against Donghyuck’s collarbones. “I wish you could mark me again.”

He isn’t sure where that thought comes from, but Donghyuck’s hand immediately travels down to his neck to look for the mating mark. Renjun giggles before Donghyuck can even expose his intentions, softly pulling at Renjun’s hair so that he bares his neck for him. And Renjun does, of course, because he’s curious of how Donghyuck will give him another mating mark, because he loves being loved, and because he belongs to Donghyuck from head to toe.

Donghyuck peppers kisses all over his neck, ignoring the accelerated pulse in Renjun’s carotid, while he chooses his new favorite spot. Renjun doesn’t know if this will erase his old mating mark, but they can discover it together. If this works, Donghyuck will be giving him new mating marks every chance he gets, and Renjun won’t ever complain.

“It’s going to look so pretty,” is the last thing Donghyuck tells him, right before sinking his teeth right under his jaw, and Renjun swears he hasn’t ever felt so happy.

It’s hard not to pity Donghyuck.

The next day Renjun spends an alarming amount of time in the bathroom, both to check himself and to calm down and assimilate the results. Donghyuck agrees to wait outside for him, because even if this involves them as a couple, he feels too guilty to pressure Renjun to do it together. Though Donghyuck was the one who went to the pharmacy and though Renjun shouldn’t take so long to leave the bathroom, Donghyuck doesn’t bother him at all.

That doesn’t mean he’s patient.

Renjun finds him in the kitchen, sitting by the counter and nervously bouncing his right leg. He’s so trapped in his own anxiety, in his head, that he doesn’t notice Renjun’s presence at first. Only when Renjun approaches him and slings his arms around his back does Donghyuck startle, eyes wide and shoulders incredibly tense.

They don’t speak, but Donghyuck stares into his eyes for an answer and grips his waist as though he’s the one who needs balance and not Renjun. And Renjun might have no idea how Donghyuck understands the message, how he has the ability to see through a simple look or an expression on Renjun’s face, but that’s also part of their magic.

“Negative?” Donghyuck breathes out, voice strained by an unusual tension in his jaw.

“Negative,” Renjun confirms. Donghyuck deflates, but he’s so caught up in his own emotions that he doesn’t notice how his body language gives him away. Renjun can’t blame him for it, so he threads his fingers in his hair, chuckling, and points out, “You look disappointed.”

The flash of surprise on Donghyuck’s semblance has to be a joke, and it takes all of Renjun’s self-control not to laugh at him. He’d be lying if he told Donghyuck that there isn’t a swift tinge of discontent in him too, but he wants to think that it’s because Donghyuck’s enthusiasm is contagious. Because he was already making up scenarios in his head just by seeing the spark in Donghyuck’s eyes.

It’s Donghyuck who insufflates life and excitement into everything.

“I’m not,” Donghyuck lies, shakes his head for an emphasis that falls flat. Renjun clashes into his embrace, laughing at how ridiculous his boyfriend can be. Donghyuck huffs at that reaction, but he’s pretty satisfied when Renjun rubs his face all over his shoulder; that cheers him up, a tiny reminder they have each other and they’re happy this way. “At least we had fun.”

That’s an understatement. Renjun feels Donghyuck’s body vibrate with laughter, and he can’t help but imitate him, glad that Donghyuck isn’t going to mope around for days.

“We had _so much_ fun,” Renjun corrects him. He straightens his back, caressing Donghyuck’s chest, and studies Donghyuck’s gaze in case he intends to put on an act just for Renjun’s sake. Donghyuck isn’t pretending, however: his resignation is evident, and he’s in need of touch, because he leans into Renjun’s palm when he caresses his cheek. “Don’t be sad, we have all the time in the world.”

Donghyuck licks his lips and closes his eyes, but his hands are firm on Renjun’s back.

“I promise I won’t be sad.”

Renjun taps under his chin so that he lifts his head, and before Donghyuck can pull him in, Renjun is already uniting their lips. It’s just a sweet peck, mouth against mouth, much more alleviating than a kiss full of nerves, tongue and impatience.

Renjun only breaks apart Donghyuck when he sighs into the kiss, relaxed, and they stay hooked on each other for a while, just looking at each other.

“What are you going to do today?” Donghyuck chirps in the end, asking the same question he throws at Renjun every day if they're not going to spend the day together. It's not possessiveness, but true interest in Renjun's well-being. Besides frowning upon his choices if Renjun plans to work too much, Donghyuck never complains about his plans. “If you're bored just call me, yeah?”

A smile blooms on Renjun's face. It isn't a good look for Donghyuck, as a manager, to pay more attention to his mate through the phone than to his office work, but it wouldn't be the first time. Renjun only indulges him if he's feeling lonely, or if it's obvious that Donghyuck is having a hard time, but today it will do him good to distract himself with other matters.

“Yangyang asked me to go shopping with him later,” Renjun excuses himself, ignoring Donghyuck's puppy eyes. “I don't have much work today, so I'll leave soon.”

Donghyuck almost whines as Renjun scurries away from his embrace, but Renjun decides not to tease him for it. He senses Donghyuck's eyes fixed on him, however, and they follow him across the kitchen as Renjun walks to the fridge.

“Yangyang, is it?” Donghyuck repeats, voice strangely breathy. “That's a bit scary.”

Renjun has to bite the inside of his cheek to not overwhelm Donghyuck with a cascade of mocking comebacks, but he admits that it's pretty adorable that Donghyuck, at this point of their relationship – when they've been dating for a whole year – worries about Yangyang speaking ill of him.

Putting his best acting to work, Renjun spins on his heels and raises his eyebrows at Donghyuck. His boyfriend returns an alarmed look, a reaction that betrays him without Renjun having to ask.

“How so?” Renjun compels him. “Does he have locker room rated stories that I haven't heard yet?”

Even though Renjun is playing with him, Donghyuck is so nervous that he doesn't bother to smell it in his scent. His silence is longer than it should ever be if he wants to be credible, and Renjun almost breaks into laughter.

“No, babe,” Donghyuck croaks out, swallowing down with so much difficulty that it makes _noise_. Renjun has never put him in a situation that would make Donghyuck regret his past actions, so he's beyond surprised when Donghyuck is shameless enough to add, “How can you think so lowly of me?”

Amusement tingles in every inch of Renjun's body, but part of him can't believe that Donghyuck has the guts to pretend that he was pure once upon a time. Renjun had to go through a lot of his affairs and hook-ups, always from his position of best friend's boyfriend, and though Donghyuck wishes he could delete some of those experiences, Renjun thinks they're hilarious. An interesting contrast to the man Donghyuck is today, at least.

Bending over the counter, Renjun tells him, “Hyuck, come on, you were totally the type to fuck people in the locker room.” Donghyuck grunts at that, refusing to make eye contact or to confirm if he's right. Lowering his tone, Renjun remarks, “Those volleyball uniforms had some people drooling over you too.”

Donghyuck is aware of that. He must have used that to his advantage to lure omegas and betas into his bed, so Renjun just cackles at the incredulity that expands on Donghyuck's semblance. He understands that Renjun is being mean to him on purpose, so he rolls his eyes and the ice of his gestures melts into a sweet, resigned smile.

“Really?” Donghyuck asks. “Are you speaking from experience?”

Renjun has the decency to blush, but he turns around to keep his pride intact. Back then he didn't outright have obscene thoughts about Donghyuck unless he was in his heat and alone, or nearing his heat – the guilt was a monster that wouldn't allow him to desire an alpha that was so close to Jeno. But he looked at Donghyuck for too long sometimes. And he looked at his thighs when they went to his volleyball matches, especially during the first year, because they were so toned and round that his instinct purred at the view.

Renjun wants to think that he did a good job at hiding it, though.

“Don't get cheeky,” he warns Donghyuck, more heated up than he would like. “Maybe I drooled over Yangyang, not over you.”

Donghyuck snorts. “No one is going to believe that.”

Renjun doesn’t answer, just focuses on taking the milk out of the fridge and serving himself a glass, but when he glances up, Donghyuck is gawking at him.

On top of that, Donghyuck barely has any strength to utter, “Wait, you’re joking, right?”

Incredulous, Renjun bends over with laughter, knocking the glass down and spilling the milk over the counter. Donghyuck gasps, still confused but too concerned over the mess to realize that Renjun was indeed joking, that he never admired Yangyang that way, and that Renjun is laughing at _him_.

It’s just funny, Renjun reckons, that up to this day Donghyuck can imagine that he could have eyes for any other man that isn’t Donghyuck.

“Jeno actually speaks a lot about you.”

Yangyang doesn’t _shut up_.

Renjun isn’t sure why he expected Yangyang to be more demure; after all, if his friendship with Donghyuck survived the hit of adulthood after university, he couldn’t be that kind of person. Even though Yangyang has been this outgoing and friendly with him before – sometimes going too far – Renjun blamed the alcohol. Now that there’s no alcohol around and they’re alone, not surrounded by enablers, the only explanation is that Yangyang is inherently this way.

But Renjun isn’t ready for such confessions, apparently insignificant facts that catch him off guard and remind him that they’ve reached a strange stability with Jeno. He observes Yangyang try a pair of sneakers that took him fifteen minutes to choose, and thanks the universe because Yangyang is too distracted to notice how Renjun is fumbling over his words.

“What?” Renjun asks in the end, letting out a weird laugh. Yangyang doesn’t point it out, but he glances at him for a second. “How so?”

“I mean, he didn’t use to, but since you started dating Donghyuck-” Yangyang stops to frown at his sneakers, stands up to check if they’re the right fight. “I guess that Donghyuck speaks too much about you too, and that rubs off on him.”

Renjun relaxes, since that means Jeno must not be speaking ill of him. It wouldn’t fit Jeno either. It would be idiotic for Yangyang to tell him if it was the case, but Renjun’s insecurity is often stronger than logic – besides, in the intimacy of a relationship there are conversations that no one else can access to, about their families, about their friends, about their exes. Renjun isn’t foreign to that.

“That’s sweet.” Because it is, really, that Donghyuck and Jeno are so close and so comfortable with each other that they can share anything about their partners. Renjun wouldn’t have ever aspired to this situation, but right when he’s about to show his excitement, another worry interrupts him. “Do I speak too much about Donghyuck?”

Yangyang dedicates him an entertained look.

“Kind of,” he confirms, as though he can’t believe Renjun needs an answer for that. “Sorry to break it to you.”

It’s a bit flustering, but Renjun supposes that it’s a natural development. They live together, do almost every activity together, and their lives involuntarily and voluntarily rotate around each other. He isn’t conscious of how much he brings Donghyuck up in conversations, but if Yangyang doesn’t even have to think about the answer, then it’s because Renjun is pretty monothematic.

“Like them?” Yangyang shoots then, completely switching the topic.

Renjun nods, unable to get rid of the slight heat on his face, and approves the sneakers. “They’re pretty cool.”

He might as well detest them, because Yangyang looks satisfied with his choice regardless. He sits down to take off the shoes, and then lends Renjun a hand to help him get up, tilting his head to point at the counter.

While Yangyang pays, he casually passes an arm around his shoulders and tells him, “We want to throw a party next weekend.” Renjun raises his eyebrows at him, so Yangyang clarifies, “An _appropriate_ party, a barbecue in the garden. You haven’t been at our house yet, right?”

For starters, Renjun didn’t know Jeno and Yangyang had a garden. But it suits them, living in the suburbs and having a house with a garden instead of choosing an apartment in the city. It’s such an unexpected invitation, however, that Renjun feels a little bad for it, maybe because it comes from Yangyang, and Renjun is concerned over Jeno disliking that offer.

“We don’t want to be a bother,” Renjun mutters, dropping his gaze so that Yangyang doesn’t read his mood.

“ _We_ ,” Yangyang remarks without missing a beat. He flashes an adorable smile at Renjun, and then huffs, “Please, Donghyuck drops by all the time, he’s a pain in the ass. He should bring his better half to compensate.”

Renjun clears his throat, a funny glare blinding his eyes. “Don’t speak about my mate that way unless you want to eat my fist.”

Even though it’s a joke, Yangyang gapes at him, torn between awe and fear and Renjun can’t help but laugh at his expression. Jeno might speak about him, but he hasn’t given Yangyang enough information about him to explain that he shouldn’t mess with Renjun too much, that he’s not shy to scold anyone just because he’s an omega.

The cashier saves Yangyang, however, and he momentarily forgets about their conversation. It’s only when they’re walking out that Yangyang nudges his arm again for attention, and Renjun gives him a little smile to show that he’s not actually angry.

“You can bring your friends too, Jeno and Donghyuck told me about them,” he continues, much to Renjun’s surprise. He can’t believe that Yangyang is disposed to welcome strangers just so that Renjun isn’t the only one who has never been at their home. “Dejun and Kun, were they?”

Renjun nods. “Yeah, but they have a kid.”

“It’s a family friendly party, don’t worry.” He shrugs, and though Renjun was certain that they were going to get shit-faced, that makes him reconsider his assumptions. “I’m inviting a couple of friends you don’t know either.”

It’s difficult to mistrust Yangyang, Renjun can admit that much. Whether he’s being overly nice or just being sincere, Renjun doesn’t want to reject a barbecue with his friends.

“Sure, then,” Renjun whispers, and Yangyang squeezes his arm, a grin taking over his features. That gives Renjun some confidence. “I’ll hit them up.”

Pretty content with the result, Yangyang just hums. They walk through the mall for a couple of minutes, commenting what they see on the shop windows, and Renjun has to prevent him from entering every single shop. Yangyang is good company, but Renjun swears he’s not going to spend half an hour in every shop of the mall.

He gives into Yangyang’s insistence to sit at a coffee shop for a while, however, but only because he promises to buy sweets for him – and Renjun has no idea how Yangyang figured out that was one of his weaknesses, but he’s not prideful enough to turn down chocolate cake.

The chocolate cake is the reason he doesn’t notice Yangyang’s stare once they’ve settled around the table, how he’s following every one of his movements with wide, attentive eyes, as though he’s under hypnosis.

And then, without previous warning, Yangyang says, “God, you’re pretty. If I was an omega with that face, I would live my best life.”

Renjun will never share this story, because he doesn’t remember a time in his life when he choked on his food after a compliment. But there Renjun finds himself, almost murdered by cake and his ex-boyfriend’s boyfriend, all for the most unforeseen reasons.

Yangyang is shameless, cackles at him like he expected Renjun to react this way, but he ends up showing some compassion and reaching to pat his back.

“Yangyang,” Renjun croaks out, swallowing the traces of cake with a growing pain in his throat. He glances at Yangyang, hoping he doesn’t look to him as ridiculous as he feels right now, and accusingly asks, “What is that supposed to mean?”

The smirk that stretches on Yangyang’s face is a sign that Renjun won’t receive a gratifying answer.

“I bet Donghyuck does whatever you tell him to do,” he presumes, like that’s what living the best life is based on. Renjun can’t tell if the heat that expands through his body is a consequence of that comment – of how accurate it is – but he knows that as an alpha, Yangyang understands how Renjun can get away with anything if he tries to. Especially when it comes to his mate, who is ridiculously in love with him. “I won’t lie, Jeno is very persuasive too but if he had omega pheromones I’d have to throw myself out the window to save my own autonomy.”

“I never manipulate Donghyuck,” Renjun retorts, more amused by the second. Yangyang must think that Renjun has Donghyuck under some omega spell, but the reality is that Renjun is just as lenient with Donghyuck as Donghyuck is with him; it might be a dangerous combination, but so far it’s working pretty well. “Otherwise he wouldn’t moan every morning because I want to make the bed.”

Yangyang wriggles his eyebrows at him, the spark of evil in his face, “I’d make the bed for you every morning.”

This time, Renjun doesn’t choke on the cake. He cackles indecently loud and tries to shove a piece of cake into Yangyang’s mouth with the only aim of silencing him. He knows that if Donghyuck ever hears a joke similar to this in his presence, he’s going to pester Yangyang for hours. Renjun would love to see that though, just to get back at Yangyang.

“You must have a death wish, alpha,” Renjun warns him, glowering at him when Yangyang just keeps smiling at his antics.

But deep inside, Renjun knows that this is going to work – that Yangyang likes him because Jeno does, their past just a tiny blurred spot in a painting as big as the universe.

There were many reasons Renjun didn’t have hope in this. He even feared that, even if Jeno told Donghyuck that he didn’t mind they were together after so many years, their relationship would awake old feelings of rancor and betrayal. It was a losing game for the three of them, and no one was ever supposed to win.

It feels like a dream, a fantasy, that they don’t have to say goodbye to Jeno, that they don’t have to renounce anything to be together. Renjun would never be ready to part ways with his friends, but the biggest worry in his mind was Donghyuck. Donghyuck needs to rely on Jeno and Jaemin when Renjun can’t hold him up, because no matter how much he loves Donghyuck, he’s not free from making mistakes.

Donghyuck can live without the fear of losing Jaemin and Jeno. And Renjun will always have the three of them, too.

The barbecue gets postponed twice, but against all odds, it’s Donghyuck who is beyond enthusiastic about showing Renjun their friends’ house.

He doesn’t seem to mind that Yangyang shamelessly flirts with him either, even when Donghyuck isn’t around, and he prompts Renjun to _make him buy shoes for you next time_. It can be a gold mine, he defends himself, so if Yangyang wants to be a bit of a fool for an omega then he must be responsible for the consequences.

The trust between Donghyuck and him is more solid than Renjun imagined, and he isn’t sure if it’s because Donghyuck knows that Renjun would never look away from him, or because he’s used to Yangyang’s personality and is certain that he would never make Renjun uncomfortable. Whatever it is, it’s endearing to see how Donghyuck laughs at such stories, how he jokes that maybe he has to leave a few other marks on Renjun to protect him from alphas.

And he does, but not when they’re fooling around, just when Renjun can’t resist the temptation to beg for it under Donghyuck. The marks accumulate on his skin, three on his neck, two on his inner right thigh, and one on his butt – probably the one that hurt the most. Renjun doesn’t understand why they don’t disappear, while Donghyuck’s, except his main mating mark, do.

Donghyuck researches about it, but he only concludes that it’s normal that the ones on the neck can cohabit, since it’s the natural place to mate with a bite. He doesn’t have any explanation for the rest of the marks, but they make both of them happy, so Renjun isn’t concerned. He’s envious, however, because he wishes he could mark Donghyuck the same way.

Donghyuck plays with those spots when they shower together, plays with them when they’re bundled up on the couch watching a movie, comments that Renjun smells incredibly good – more than usual – at random times, going as far as sinking his face in his neck in public places, or in the middle of a conversation with their friends. Renjun has to bat him away a few times, since Donghyuck’s behavior can be quite shameful in certain situations, but Donghyuck is just as shocked as him.

They don’t speak about it, but Renjun relentlessly asks him if he’s feeling fine. Donghyuck’s rut isn’t due yet, and Renjun isn’t emitting heat pheromones that could affect him this much. They suspect that it’s because he went back to his suppressants all of a sudden, but it doesn’t make complete sense.

Perhaps it’s the mating marks that drive Donghyuck to be clingier than usual. Not that Renjun can complain. A mere gesture from Donghyuck can unleash a torrent of need in him, so he doesn’t have any objection with spending most of their time in bed, or in the shower, or face down on the couch. Donghyuck doesn’t look too sad about it either.

The issue is that their suppositions run in circles. They try to explain Donghyuck’s behavior with the mating marks, but they can’t explain the marks.

“They have a huge garden,” is what Donghyuck tells him once Renjun slips into the car, gesturing at Donghyuck to give him the keys. Donghyuck worked overnight, so Renjun forbade him to drive, and Donghyuck is happily snuggling in the passenger’s seat. “I just want you to _see_ it and consider if you’d like living in a place like that in the future.”

It clicks in Renjun’s mind that this is the reason Donghyuck was excited to go to the barbecue. Even though they’ve been living together for a few months now, they’ve discussed that they wouldn’t stay at this apartment forever. It’s cozy and pretty, but it was originally meant for one person, and it may also be enough for two people, but it will become quite small the moment they get a pet or decide to expand their family.

“We can always invade theirs and kick them out,” Renjun agrees, which just puts a smile on Donghyuck’s face. “We’ll save ourselves some house hunting.”

Enchanted, Donghyuck mutters, “Isn’t that right?”

Most of the ride is filled with jokes about stealing Jeno and Yangyang’s house from them, and Renjun has to chide Donghyuck more than once for distracting him while he drives. Donghyuck might be running on lack of sleep, but that doesn’t destroy his energy; on the contrary, it frees him from second-thinking his actions, and that’s how Renjun ends up with a hand gripping his thigh.

In consequence Renjun has to slow down, and it’s not a surprise that they’re last ones to arrive. It sucks because Renjun promised Dejun that he would be there by then to accompany him, but he still has Jaemin as moral support, so Renjun doesn’t feel too bad.

It’s Jeno who ushers them inside, pecking Renjun’s cheek and moving away when Donghyuck tries to imitate the greeting.

“Go, go,” Jeno tells him, furrowing his eyebrows. Renjun snickers at the disappointment in Donghyuck’s expression, but Jeno just squeezes his shoulder and explains, “We’re already eating. Yangyang said it’s probably your fault you were late, so I couldn’t stop them. Food before friends.”

“He doesn’t deserve me,” Donghyuck huffs, though he obeys and tugs Renjun with him, already familiar with the path to the garden. Jeno trails behind them with a smile, makes a gesture at Renjun to ask if he should get Donghyuck off his back, but Donghyuck catches him and nearly growls at him. He merrily announces, “He’s not on your side, Jeno, he’s on mine.”

Renjun doesn’t have the chance to contradict him, because one second later they’re stepping into the garden and the mere smell of food kills all of Renjun’s thoughts. He doesn’t remember barbecues having such an intense smell, and he has to rub the palm of his hands against his nose in an attempt to drown the smell.

Jeno throws him a strange look, but Renjun can’t ask, because Jisung runs to him and asphyxiates him with a hug, relentlessly complaining that it’s been too long since they last saw each other – only two weeks, Renjun wants to correct him, but it’s hard to do while Jisung is on him.

Rejun seizes the situation with a quick glance. Yangyang and Sunwoo are taking care of the barbecue, Yukhei and a guy that Renjun doesn’t know are playing with Yuhei in a ball pit for toddlers. Renjun knows that Dejun and Kun didn’t have one, so it must be Jeno and Yangyang’s. The rest are carelessly drinking and eating around the table. Yangyang wasn’t joking when he said that he wanted an appropriate party, because everyone is here. Mark, Chenle, Jaemin, Jisung, Daniel, Yukhei, Sunwoo and his boyfriend Haknyeon, and Dejun and Kun, both of them acting like they’ve been best friends with every guy here for years.

“Hey!” Jaemin greets them, not bothering to stand up. He yanks the chair next to him, and possessively claims Renjun’s company, “I saved this spot for you.”

It’s difficult not to cave in, so Renjun pads to him and once Jaemin kisses his temple, Renjun scoots closer to rest his face on his arm. Jaemin discreetly sniffs him, eyes wide, but when Renjun raises his eyebrow at him, he limits himself to a mysterious smile. Meanwhile Donghyuck runs straight to Yuhui, who is making noises to catch his attention, and Yangyang abandons the barbecue to introduce Renjun to the new boy.

It’s quite chaotic at first, but Renjun manages to catch that the boy is named Guanheng. Then it’s all noise and chatter and Renjun just presses harder against Jaemin’s arm, strangely annoyed by the ruckus. It’s not normal, because he’s used to his friends, because they always behave like this when they reunite, but Renjun’s instinct just persuades him to keep his gaze on Donghyuck instead for some balance.

So he does that. He watches Donghyuck play with Yuhui, so enamored that Yukhei keeps laughing at them and withdraws like he’s interrupting their special moment. Renjun meets eyes with Donghyuck a few times, probably because Donghyuck can sense that his mate has his eyes set on him, but all they do is exchange sweet smiles. Hogging Donghyuck would be very selfish, and there’s no need to since they spend most of the time together, so Renjun tries to repress that strange urge of summoning Donghyuck back.

“Either he’s a fool or that baby is dangerous,” Jaemin remarks after a while, noticing that Renjun isn’t joining the general conversation. He threads his fingers in Renjun’s hair, doting on him, and though Renjun has never been weak to Jaemin’s pheromones, he finds himself melting into the touch. “You okay, baby?”

Renjun has to repress a purr, but to his luck not even Jaemin seems to catch on. He has perceived that Renjun is more sensitive, clingier than usual, and Renjun doesn’t have any explanation for that, so he just hums.

“He needs some happiness!” Jisung exclaims from Jaemin’s other side, pouring a drink for him. Renjun would have sworn that Yangyang promised him no one would try to get him drunk, but he knew that it was a lost cause since the beginning. With a pleased grin, Jisung pushes the glass towards him and sentences, “Here.”

Everything happens too fast, so fast that Renjun can’t tell the difference between reality and his imagination.

Jaemin is smiling, until he isn’t. The moment Jisung hands Renjun the drink, his face falls, his expression sweeping into indignation and pure terror. That’s when Renjun doubts his own perceptions, wonders if he’s dreaming and in a few milliseconds he’ll be sitting up on his bed with Donghyuck soundly asleep next to him. Renjun blinks, befuddled by the turmoil of pheromones drizzling from Jaemin, and wraps his fingers around the glass.

That’s the breaking point: Jaemin hits him. It’s not a soft touch, but a firm, drastic smack on Renjun’s wrist that forces him to retreat in shock.

“Renjun,” Jaemin says, voice hoarse and affected. Renjun feels his own mouth hang open, but Jaemin is equally shocked, yet certain about his own attitude. There’s hostility in his tone when he orders, “Don’t drink.”

The silence that spreads throughout the garden pulses like it has its own beating heart. Everyone is silent, watching them. Renjun scans his friends’ faces, but all of them are tense, perplexed and unable to conceal their pheromones – some are mad at Jaemin for hurting Renjun, but others are just too shocked to process what has just happened.

And at last, there is Donghyuck, who has jumped onto his feet and is analyzing them with hawk eyes, ready to intercede if Renjun just gives him permission. Renjun’s bad hunch confirms as soon as he detects Donghyuck’s scent: Jaemin has crossed a line.

In a choked voice, Renjun asks Jaemin, “What are you doing?”

Jaemin responds with a devastating, confused glance.

“No, what are _you_ doing?” he accuses him, observing Renjun’s features like he can’t recognize him, or like he’s gone crazy. Jaemin turns on his seat to look for support, but no one seems to understand what is troubling him so badly, and Jaemin lets out an exasperated sigh. “Don’t you have anything to tell us?”

“Calm down, Jaemin,” Jisung advises him. He stands up just to stay behind Jaemin, massaging his shoulders, but his concern isn’t a good sign. It means that not even Jaemin’s mate is on the same wavelength with him, than he’s alone in this. Softly, Jisung asks, “What’s wrong?”

Renjun swallows the knot scratching down his throat. When Jaemin’s gaze thunders on him again, there’s no aggressiveness anymore, but a clear air of suspicion and tenderness.

And that’s all Renjun needs. The one piece that was stuck in the clock is pushed by Jaemin, and now it’s where it belongs; the clock starts working, the hands move at a dizzying pace, and realization dwells on Renjun.

“Are you telling me none of you can smell it?” Jaemin reproaches, with a tinge of self-doubt. He studies everyone around the table and then, shaking Jisung’s hands off him, he points across the table and exclaims, “I need an omega, you all are useless. Dejun!”

Dejun is familiar with Jaemin’s whims, but maybe that’s the reason he knows that he can’t deny Jaemin the help right now. Renjun doesn’t have the strength to contradict Jaemin and tell Dejun to stay in place, he doesn’t even know if that’s what he wants.

Under everyone’s scrutiny, Dejun obeys without a single complaint and approaches Jaemin, his eyes scanning Renjun’s face as if he suspects that this isn’t a meaningless matter. As soon as Dejun is close enough, Jaemin grabs him by his shirt and tugs him towards Renjun, who moves back without thinking twice.

“Smell him,” Jaemin grunts.

Renjun has all the clues to piece everything together, so when Dejun leans down and buries his nose in his neck, Renjun is trembling from head to toe. One second is all it takes for Dejun’s knees to buckle, realization hitting him through his nose and his _experience_ , and his reaction is the last straw for Renjun. The vital piece of certainty he needs.

When Dejun draws back, his eyes are filled with tears. So are Renjun’s. There are tears of a new emotion in his eyes, an emotion that blooms in his chest and in his fingertips, so overwhelming that Renjun doesn’t know whether he can’t breathe or, on the contrary, his lungs have never been saner than now.

Renjun snaps his head to glance at Donghyuck across the garden. There shouldn’t be fear, but Renjun can’t control it: part of him illogically believes that Donghyuck could repudiate him for this, that he’ll take one step back and look at him with disgust.

But Donghyuck is frozen on his feet, staring at Renjun as though he’s a dream in his head, someone that isn’t tangible. Donghyuck is searching for his confirmation, however. He already built up fantasies that winded up crashing on him later, and if Renjun is afraid of many things, Donghyuck is just afraid of disappointment. He’s so fragile on his own way, but Renjun feels protected by it, because Donghyuck is fragile for _him_. It’s a delicate topic for the both of them, and this might not be the ideal situation to let Donghyuck know, but Renjun needs Donghyuck to be his backbone.

At Renjun’s silence, Donghyuck forces himself to glance Jaemin. When he speaks, his voice is full of desperation, one push away from breaking down in front of everyone.

“Jaemin, if this is a joke-”

“You bastard, this isn’t a joke,” Jaemin grunts, scandalized at the accusation. “Come to your mate right now.”

The world moves in slow motion for Renjun, but the consolation is that it moves as slowly for Donghyuck. It’s there in his pheromones, a strong perfume of fear and excitement, but it’s his eyes that tell Renjun everything that he harbors inside. Renjun doesn’t know when Donghyuck started crying, but as he kneels in front of him, hands digging on his thighs like he’s going to faint in any moment, thick tears rolls down his face.

“Oh my god,” he whispers, cupping Renjun’s face lovingly, as though he’s afraid to hurt him. Donghyuck brushes his tears away with his thumbs, and though Renjun feels guilty because Donghyuck shouldn’t have to console him, he also feels so lucky, so lucky to have Donghyuck, so lucky that the universe is on his side. “Jun.”

That’s enough for them.

It has always been that easy between them; one look to know that they were in love with each other, one look to know that they never stopped thinking about each other in four years, one look to discover that they’re always going to be there for each other. One look to know that the two of them are going to be together, but not alone.

All Renjun sees is Donghyuck, all he hears is his breathing, and their emotions interlace, their scents becoming exactly the same. Renjun is barely aware that their friends have stood up, that they’re screaming and laughing and hugging, because for Renjun only Donghyuck exists right now, the adoration that shines in his pupils, the certainty of love, commitment and loyalty.

“You told me you’d make me happy,” Renjun whispers, so low that he fears Donghyuck can’t understand him. But he does, his lips stretching into a smile, encouraging Renjun to continue. He looks so pretty now, warm brown eyes and his beautiful lips expanded for him, because of him. “But you already make me the happiest.”

Donghyuck’s pupils shake, but he holds Renjun’s hand and brings it to his mouth. His eyes close when he kisses Renjun’s knuckles, and Renjun thinks that yes, he could get used to this new sort of peace. A peace that is just like Donghyuck, with chaos and bumps on the road, but deeply rooted in honesty.

“I will,” Donghyuck assures him, looking into Renjun’s eyes again. It’s impossible not to believe him, and Renjun feels so safe, so loved and complete that he just wants to give Donghyuck all that and more. “I’ll always love for the both of us.”

Renjun remembers the alpha he met when they were nineteen years old, a boy full of life and mischief that looked at him like he was an angel fallen from the sky. A boy that still looks at him the same way, his chin propped up on Renjun’s knees, forever waiting for him, as though Renjun is his untouchable, sacred treasure.

And Renjun realizes that maybe Donghyuck won’t have to love for the both of them this time, but he has always had enough heart for a thousand, and all of it belongs to Renjun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooo here we are  
> i feel like i should say goodbye properly after 200k of this au but i don't have much to say, other than i'm really happy you all supported this small abo world. it was supposed to be a 30k fic but now it is this: renhyuck through the years and with their friends. i enjoyed writing this a lot, and it was a plot i had wanted to tackle for a while, but i knew it could be hard to read, at least emotionally, but i'm glad i wrote it because i had a lot of fun with you, reading your theories (even though no one guessed tce's ending lmao, and some guessed/wished for the ending lilac chaser has gotten!) and knowing that some people were as invested as i was.  
> i also want to say that vivi was a really important part of this au!! she betaed these monster fics and that takes a lot of work, so thank you thank you thank you!!  
> i hope you guys enjoyed the ride, and hope i can see you all of you on other fics! thank you so much for everything ♡♡♡

**Author's Note:**

> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/renjucas)   
>  [Curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/berryboys)   
> 


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